A/N: This is my entry for the SweetestIrony GhVi Week 4.0 Dual! My theme is old and I am competing against ShadonMajin who is writing for new so don't forget to read his too!

Disclaimer: Sadly I do not own DB/Z/GT. Even more sadly I do not make any money off of the eight hours of my life this took…

Age Before Beauty

The target was approximately ten feet away, there was a slight breeze from the air conditioner coming in from the left and in order to not hit the pair of girls in between them the shot was going to take a large amount of arc. Sharpener, of course, had already taken this all into account as he carefully aimed the tube that had once been a pen just over Videl and Erasa's heads at the only person in the entire class who hadn't zoned out thirty minutes ago.

"Mr. Pencil!" the teacher suddenly called. In his shock Sharpener sucked in sharply, causing the exact opposite effect of what he'd been planning.

The blonde's violent coughing fit caused by the inhaled spit-wad broke Gohan out of his deep concentration. He gently nudged Erasa in the ribs.

"What's up Cutie?" the bubbly girl inquired.

"What's wrong with Sharpener?" he asked.

Erasa shrugged. "I'm not sure. Mr. Brown asked him a question and all of the sudden he was coughing."

Gohan scratched his head. "Well that's unus-"

"Mr. Son! Since you think your intelligence is beyond the need to pay attention perhaps you would like to better serve your time in detention! No? Then stop talking and pay attention!"

"Yes sir!" squeaked Gohan as he hid his face behind his book.

Videl just snorted as she went back to her pondering. Videl had discovered Mr. Brown's immensely boring Physics class was the perfect place to ponder, primarily on things that were in no way related to Physics. The identity of Saiyaman, life, Saiyaman, what Gohan was hiding, Saiyaman, how many licks does it really take to get to the center of a tootsie pop and Saiyaman were some of the most common topics.

Today however she was pondering the many peculiarities of her father. This morning for example he had told her on her way out the door that she'd be seeing him sooner than expected and that her friends were going to get "the treat of a lifetime". She had no idea what that could mean but she felt certain it didn't bode well for her or her friends.

Her pondering was brought to an end shortly though by the ever-welcome ringing of the bell. Well, ever-welcome to Videl at least. It was however, the very bane of Erasa's existence, and she let everyone know this daily with a large groan. It was the bell that told all the seniors to begin the arduous trek to gym class.

As the four friends walked down the hallway towards the gym, Sharpener shared with them the latest gossip from the boxing team.

"Word is that something big is happening in the senior gym class today." said the blond, flipping his long hair out of his face for the benefit of a couple of girls passing in the other direction causing the two to giggle and shoot eyes at the boy as they walked away.

"Did you happen to catch what that something big is? Cus otherwise it doesn't do us any good now does it?" said Videl bitingly.

Sharpener however, was used to violent tones of voice from the daughter of Satan, and just shrugged it off. "Hey I can only tell you what I heard. Like I said whatever it is it's only happening in the senior class."

"Hmmm…" said Gohan placing his thumb and index finger to his chin.

"What?" the other three asked simultaneously.

"Huh?" said Gohan snapping out of his pensiveness. "Oh, nothing I was just thinking, aren't we supposed to be starting a new sport today?"

"Yeah, so what?" said Videl.

"Well, it's just we've already covered baseball, basketball, and football. We did hockey last week, soccer the week before and Coach says wrestling is for people who can't make it as real fighters.. ."

"Your point Nerd Boy?" said Sharpener trying to figure out where exactly the resident genius was going with this.

Said genius scratched the back of his nervously. "Well, Friday Coach said that the next sport we would be starting was going to be full body contact."

"That's right! I remember that now!" said Videl as the light bulb went off in her head.

"So what does that mean?" said Erasa still in the dark as always.

"It means that we've already covered the majority of the full contact sports they are going to teach us and that Coach isn't going to make us wrestle…" explained Gohan.

"Which means that this week's sport of choice will most likely be-" began Videl but she cut off as they entered the gymnasium. Standing in thee middle of the court was a giant scale model of the World Martial Arts Tournament ring.

"Martial Arts." she finished with a sinking feeling in her stomach.

The other three looked at her curiously. "What's wrong Videl?" asked Gohan with a look of concern on his face. "I thought you'd be excited about getting to fight for credit."

Videl just shook her head as she departed for the girls locker room on the far left side of the gym. Ordinarily she would have been thrilled by the chance to beat up on her classmates but she had the sinking suspicion that she knew what "the something big" that Sharpener mentioned was and she was afraid it was the same "treat of a lifetime" of which her father had spoken.

Erasa exchanged a shrug with the two boys before darting off after the dark haired girl.

"Let's go get changed Nerd Boy, I don't wanna miss whatever is going to happen." And reluctantly Gohan followed Sharpener to the boys locker room on the far right side of the gym.

By the time Erasa and Videl exited the girls locker room a little while later, most of the class was already in the bleachers and the coach was already halfway done with roll call. Luckily since they were both fairly far down the list they managed to slip into place beside the boys before Coach called out their names.

After roll call the Coach sat his clipboard aside and turned to address the class. "Now as many of you have gathered, we will be learning about perhaps the most famous, revered and widely practiced sport of all. Martial Arts. Now, there are a couple of things I wanna say before I introduce our guest teachers." Everyone began to whisper excitedly at this, except Videl who just groaned.

It took the Coach several clearings of the throat to get them quite again. "Now first off, many of you may have had some training before but I advise you not to argue with either of your teachers as they are both world renowned masters. Secondly, do your best to prevent any serious injury. And lastly, just don't be stupid, ok?" Everyone nodded.

"Good. Now to introduce our guest teachers." Everyone sat forward on there seat anxiously. "First, we have a man who needs no introduction. Considered by many the strongest man to have ever walked this Earth, the savior of the world, The World Champion himself, Hercule SATAN!"

Everyone began to chant "Satan, Satan, Satan!" As the man himself leaped up from under the arena with his arms thrown wide in his trademarked 'victory' pose. "Oh yeah! Who's ready to learn from the greatest martial artist to ever live! Yeah!' he roared.

Everyone was cheering except Videl, who was busy banging her head against the seat in front of her, and Gohan, who was to busy worrying that the old fraud was going to destroy anyone's chance at becoming a decent fighter.

It took the coach a good five minutes to calm everyone down enough to announce the other teacher. In retrospect he realized it probably would have been smarted to announce the Champ last anyway. Oh well.

"And now for our other guest. A man who has won his own share of World Martial Arts Tournaments, a man often believed to be a myth,"

Gohan's head popped up suddenly. He can't mean who I think he means, can he? The young demi-saiyan began to reach out with his senses, searching for a certain ki. And there it was, right outside the door. He groaned. Whoever had this idea really didn't think it through.

The coach continued, "The man responsible for training such fighting legend as The Ox King of Fire Mountain, Yamcha the Bandit, Krillin the monk, and of course Son Gohan and his grandson Son Goku." Gohan could feel all the eyes turn to him as one. Videl's were burning with a fire that screamed 'I have you now!'. Gohan gulped.

"Boys and girls, the Turtle Hermit, Master Roshi!"

And out of the door on the far left of the gym leaped the old lecher himself. "Hee Hee! Which one of you lovely young ladies wants a private lesson with the Turtle Hermit, huh?" Everyone collectively sweat dropped.

"No volunteers? Oh, well, maybe later huh?" Gohan just groaned again and began to rub his temples. He could feel a migraine coming on.

"Alright! The class is your's sirs!" said the Coach.

"Alrighty then. Well the first thing we-" began Master Roshi only to be cut off by Hercule stepping in front of him.

"Move aside old man and let the real Martial Artist talk. First things first! If you wanna be a Champion you gotta dress like a Champion! Most of you aren't dressed appropriately for doing serious martial arts! " the afro-ed man gestured towards a large box sitting off to the left. "This box contains official fighting gis of the Hercule Satan Dojo! And don't worry, there are enough for everyone! Oh yeah!"

There was a sudden stampede towards the front as the vast majority of people ran forward eagerly to snatch an "official" maroon and white gi just like the one Hercule himself wore. Videl naturally remained seated, she opted to remain in her regular clothes, as did Gohan who refused to wear the colors of Mr. Satan, and Erasa who claimed that no one should ever wear maroon under any circumstance.

Master Roshi cleared his throat. "I also have some gis over here. Now these are the official gis of the Turtle School of Martial Arts, usually only granted to someone after they have graduated but since the principal deemed my usual training gis "inappropriate" these will have to do." said the old hermit as he opened up a box full of red-orange gis and blue undershirts.

Gohan tried to sink back and stay in his instead of going upfront and risking Master Roshi noticing him but Erasa grabbed him by the arm and pulled him to his feet.

"Come on Cutie! There is no way you can fight in that long sleeved shirt!" she said as she dragged him to the front to get a gi.

And of course since they were the only ones getting one of Master Roshi's gis the old hermit looked right at them.

"Ahh!" he said. "At least the two of you know what's stylish!" Gohan sighed. The old master didn't seem to recognize him! Granted it had been about five years since they'd seen each other. Gohan quickly grabbed a gi and ran to locker room to change before Roshi recognized him anyway.

Once everyone was changed into their gis they all circled around the ring in which Mr. Satan and Master Roshi were standing.

Roshi cleared his throat. "As it is when anything the key to martial arts is knowing your basi-"

"Style!" roared Hercule. "When you fight you got to have style! Otherwise nobody will want to watch you! Take my Dynamite Kick for example! Everything about it screams STYLE! Even the name! Now I could have named it something stupid and weak like 'Turtle Death Kick' but that wouldn't be very stylish now would it? So-"

"As I was saying the key to being a good martial artist is not in how stylish a finishing move you have but in you r grasp of the basics. A 'TNT Roundhouse' will do you no good if you loose your balance when you execute it now will? Now we will start by-"

"By watching our moves in a mirror so we can see how we look! Everyone split off-" said the Champ.

"Hold it right there!" It seemed Master Roshi had had enough. "If you wish to use some terrible new age training with only the barest resemblance to real martial arts feel free to do so."

"I will-" started the afro-ed man but the Turtle Hermit cut him off. "When you are training yourself. But I will not allow you to corrupt these young fighters with your idiotic arts!"

There was an audible intake of breath as the student body waited to see just what their hero was going to say.

Hercules eyes grew to the size of dinner plates and he bared his teeth. "Idiotic? Idiotic? I'll have you know these are the exact methods that have made me the greatest martial artist in the world! Oh yeah!" he cheered.

Roshi snorted. "So you claim! If you are as great a master as you say you are then prove it! Fight me! Winner teaches his way loser shuts his mouth."

Hercule opened his mouth to agree but then he thought better of it. What if this old geezer beat him? He'd watched the videos of some of his fights and Hercule was pretty sure the old hermit could take him. The large man looked out across the sea of students looking for a solution. And then he saw his daughters face out amongst the crowd and a beautiful plan began to form.

"Ha ha! Me fight an old geezer like you? Ha ha! I'd kill you with one blow! Ha ha"

The light glinted off of Roshi's glasses dangerously. "The old, traditional ways shall always triumph over the new follies."

"Ha ha! If you wanna test our styles then that's fine! I'll tell you what," said The Chump of the World, "we'll let the students decide! One of them who is a master of The Satan Style of Martial Arts will fight one of you teenage ninja turtle boys and the winner is the better style!"

Master Roshi smiled. "I believe we have a deal."

The larger man nodded. "Alright, we'll have the fight on Friday-"

"Why wait?" asked the Turtle Hermit. "I assume you mean to have your daughter fight for you and since she is already here, as is my fighter, we can have the match now."

Hercule let loose a booming laugh. "Alright you scrawny geezer! I tried to give you some time to train your boy up some so it would be a better show for the students but since you wanna go ahead and go lets go ahead! The quicker the fight starts the quicker my Videl can win and prove that my way is stronger than that old relic you call a martial art!"

"I feel it is fair to warn you, you're daughter will not win this match."

"Ha ha! Yeah right! It's your fighter who should be worried! My daughter is a master of three form of martial arts! The Satan Style, Judo and Jujitsu! Haha!"

Roshi smirked. "That's good because my fighters happens to have been trained in three different styles as well! The Kame-Sen'nin style, the Daimao style and the art of Kaio-ken."

"Uh-oh." whispered Gohan from the back.

"I've never even heard of those ridiculous styles besides that Turtle thingy of yours! But it doesn't matter! Whatever they know it won't help them against my Videl! Videl sweetie get up here!"

Videl sighed. "Yes papa." she said as she climbed up onto the stone arena.

"Alright Oldilocks! Where's your fighter?" said Mr. Satan with a smug look.

The old hermit turned towards the audience. "Gohan! Get up here now!"

Everyone began to whisper excitedly. Gohan? The class nerd Gohan? Scrawny little Gohan?

Gohan sighed. "Do I have to Master Roshi?"

"Unless you'd rather they find out about a certain secret…"

Gohan's eyes widened in terror. "You wouldn't!"

His father's old master nodded. Gohan hung his head in defeat as he scrambled onto the arena. Roshi placed a hand on his shoulder. "And don't you even think about losing on purpose! Use just enough of your power to win. Keep it human." he whispered.

Gohan nodded glumly and crossed to the center of the ring where Videl was waiting on him impatiently.

"So," she sneered. "You can fight after all, huh? Liar!"

Gohan scratched his head sheepishly. "Actually I never said I couldn't fight, you did."

Videl thought back to the incident when Gohan got punched in the face. Come to think of it he was right! He had never said that he coudln't fight, she did and he just let her believe it! And that pissed her off even more.

"Alright! Keep it clean! Tournament rules." announced Hercule.

Videl dropped down into a very aggressive stance with all her body weight forward. Gohan dropped down into a traditional defensive stance, weight distributed evenly between both feet allowing perfect balance, just as he'd been taught all those years ago.

"GO!" announced Mr. Satan.

Videl immediately launched herself at Gohan with a vicious right hook which he easily blocked with his left forearm. She growled as she pulled back and left legged kick towards his gut. Gohan quickly caught the leg with right hand and quickly rolled over backwards throwing Videl high into the air in an attempt to fling her from the ring and end the match quickly.

Unfortunately, Videl righted herself in the air and landed lightly on her feet before rushing in and attacking again.

She started with a right jab which Gohan dodged by shifting his head to the right, followed by a left uppercut which he leaned back just out of range. She let fly a right hook which he ducked under quickly and lightly with an open palm he pushed her in the stomach sending the dark haired girl sliding across the arena to the very edge.

Gohan stood still for a moment and when she didn't move to get up he rushed over to her unmoving form.

"Videl! Videl, are you all right?" he gently rolled her off her side to check on her when all of the sudden she tangled her legs into his and heaved with all her might throwing him off balance and over the edge.

For a moment she thought it was over until she realized that his legs where still standing straight up in the air. She cautiously peeked over the side.

There was Gohan still a foot of the ground. He had his fist stuck into the side of the arena and was using it to hold himself off the ground.

With a quick push the demi-saiyan did a back flip and landed back in the ring.

Videl roared as she charged at him and swung a massive right legged kick at his head. The dark haired boy simply dropped into a squat underneath the kick and calmly spun around and kicked Videl other leg out from under her, causing her to land quite painfully on her butt.

"Gee Videl, are you ok?"

The raven haired girl growled. "Shut up you punk! And hold still so I can hit you!" she screamed as she leaped to her feet and charged at the young man.

And that is precisely when she made her fatal mistake.

She twisted her body around like a spring before she unwound launching a massive hay-maker at her opponents head as she yelled her father's signature move.

"Megaton Punch!"

As soon as he saw what she was doing from the sidelines Hercule chuckled. "It's all over now old man! Ha ha!"

"Yes, it is." agreed Roshi with a smirk.

As the punch flew towards Gohan's face he was busy watching Videl. He was waiting for a particular moment.


Just as her arm was extending her body weight shifted just a hair too far forward and Gohan acted.

He reached out and met her fist with left hand and grabbed her elbow with his right. Then he simply twisted his body to the left, lowered his shoulder and let her momentum take care of the rest.

The next thing Videl knew she was flying ten feet in the air and out of the arena.


She landed on her already sore butt on the hard wood floor of the gymnasium.

Hercule just stood there opened mouth. He couldn't believe it. His daughter, his pride and joy, his successor, had lost to the ways of an old man!

"He he! She got off balance and he used her own weight against her! It's the oldest trick in the book! Age always comes in before beauty!"

Just then the bell rang and students began to rush out of the gym.

Gohan crossed over to Videl who was still sitting on the ground. He extended a hand. She looked at the hand and then up at him and for a moment he expected her to swat it away but then she took it and he pulled her to her feet.

"That was a good fight Videl. I really thought you had me there a couple of times."

Videl raised an eyebrow. "Really? Cus funny thing is I never even got close to beating you!"

Gohan looked at her confused. "But what about that time you almost knocked me out of the ring?"

Videl smiled. "Please! You and I both know you could have flown if you wanted to Mr. Saiyaman."

Gohan began to wave his hands frantically in front of him. "Videl I don't know what you're talking about honest!"

"Give it up already Gohan! I know you are Saiyaman! I can tell by the way you fight."

Gohan paused. "The way I fight?"

Videl nodded. "Yup. Nobody else on the planet fights in that old style anymore."

"So you mean anyone can just figure out my secret that easy?" he said panicked.

A look triumph crossed Videl's face. "Ha! So it is you! I knew it! You and I are gunna have a long talk later Mr. Saiyaman!" she called as she crossed the now deserted gym but for them and Roshi.

"Good job my boy!" said Roshi placing his hand on the demi-saiyans shoulder.

Gohan's shoulders were slumped. "I can't believe you threatened to tell everyone I was Saiyaman!" he pouted.

Roshi looked at him with raised eyebrows. "Saiya-who?"

Gohan looked back at the old hermit confused. "The Great Saiyaman! My Super Hero identity!"

"Really? I didn't know you were a super hero!"

Gohan face planted. He jumped back to his feet angrily. "Then what were you going tell them?"

"Why that you wear teddy bear underwear of course!"

Gohan looked at him shocked. "B-b-but everyone already knows that thanks to Angela!"

"Hmm, they do? Oh, well! More kudos for the old guy! And who is this Angela girl? Is she a looker?"

"Master Roshi whoever had the idea to let you loose in a high school was seriously out of their mind."


A/N: Honestly I feel like this could have been better and I'm honestly not sure how well it fit the theme but I have been so short on time what with getting ready for school and going to the National Fine Arts Festival in Detroit (which is a miserable drive from where I live in Texas!) about two weeks ago that I just couldn't find the time to do this until the night before it was due.

Also on that Detroit note, my Book Chapter actually placed second in the nation at Fine Arts so that's pretty cool.

Anywho, don't forget to read ShadoMajin's story for the theme New against which I am competing and to vote for which one you like best.

Stay in school, don't do drugs, all that jazz.