Disclaimer: Harry Potter does not belong to me; all I do is play with the characters.
- For Ellie (s i l v e r a u r o r a) .
KICKED OUT OF HEAVEN
Sixteen going on Seventeen
- My life fell apart;
It was raining, and my short white dress – which I wore instead of the suit my mother chose for me – was soaked and drenched in mud. I looked like shit, I felt like shit, and my life was shit! Yet I managed to draw a smile – or actually more of a sneer – at the millions of flashes and cameras thrown in my face. I'd give them all something to talk about.
It was their fault. Of course he cracked after years of pressure by the so called press; anyone would. I half wanted to hex them all and throw them in pits of hell; but that wouldn't be the right thing to do. He'd say that. Yet, I was a Slytherin and an evil witch; so it didn't seem that wrong to me.
As I reached closer to where he would be staying – forever – I felt Rose's hand holding mine. For some deranged reason she cared for me. Perhaps it was the soft spot she held for snakes or maybe she was really my friend. But, then, I didn't have friends.
More flashes snapped our way.
They started burying him the day he saved them all and then a bit more with each mistake he made. I was a mistake – or better, me wanting to rise above the Potter name, and be my own self, was my mistake.
They gave him hell when I was eleven. Apparently, my mother and he hadn't done a good job with me. Prejudiced bints! In the end what felt like crap is that he spent his entire life fighting for a better world and he never got it.
I would never forget that day. It was my sixteenth birthday.
. . .
But, alas, my life moved on.
. . .
Seventeen going on Eighteen
- I built my life back again;
- I realized I'd never kissed a boy before;
- I snogged my cousin;
- I started dating Sandro;
- I graduated from Hogwarts;
It was cold, and I had the nagging feeling that I should be doing my Potions essay, but the arguing between Draco and my mother was making it impossible. Or maybe I just didn't give a rat's arse about Everlasting Elixirs.
When I walked down the stairs to grab some chocolate and read whatever new boyfriend Witch Weekly claimed I had (my grandma always bought the magazines), I discovered Teddy and Vicky were also adding noise by bickering about his hair colour while managing to kiss each other's eyelids at the same time.
How they managed that kind of multi-tasking – I don't know.
Of course I didn't find peace in the kitchen. As if karma was throwing rocks at me (for not being a helpful head girl – a badge I'd received for pity), Rose and Scorpius were snogging shamelessly next to the kitchen counter.
"See what they put me through?" Al said in a whiny voice, pointing at them, while eating my chocolate.
I nodded in agreement then stole the last bit of the chocolate from his hand, while pondering out loud, "Some people obviously don't understand the meaning of class."
Neither Rose nor Scorpius caught my hint.
Perhaps I was the one who didn't understand the power of kissing. I was seventeen and had never even pecked a boy.
Of course nobody knew of this. According to the tabloids I'd had five different boyfriends in only the last month. One of them was supposed to be the son of the vocalist of the Weird Sisters.
As if! I wasn't getting any action at all. Maybe because I preferred to be sarcastic and witty, rather than a bubblehead. But the truth was that the only boys I ever had any physical contact with were my cousins.
It was rather sad. Still, I didn't give a fuck. I wasn't desperate to get my hands on boys who didn't know how to shave properly and had horrible acne sprouts. I'd just wait.
I wasn't desperate.
"You want me to kiss you?" Hugo screeched out-loud, making me happy I'd followed Rose's advice (who didn't know exactly what I wanted with her brother), and put a silencing charm inside the broom cupboard before inviting him in.
"Yes," I calmly responded. I was actually surprised my nerdy-cousin (who obviously never got any . . . like, well, me ) was that surprised about my request. "It would be our secret, nobody would know."
He didn't look convinced. Actually, the way his eyebrow was lifting itself towards the ceiling made me think it was a bad idea to ask him for help at all. Obviously someone from the noble house of Gryffindor would be against incest.
Not that this was incest. Because it wasn't – all I wanted was to learn some tongue tricks before I went out to corner Sandro Zabini. I was in Slytherin; I should know how to snog someone at seventeen.
I didn't even see what Hugo's problem was. According to the Daily Prophet, I was amongst the hundred most beautiful witches. Of course people like Rose (who didn't dye her hair) and Victoire were ranked higher; but I was still more attractive than him, so I was the one losing out.
"O-okay," he mumbled, before bumping his face into mine and waggling his tongue over my closed mouth.
"Ew!" I complained, "Not like that you twat, we have to go slowly."
He blushed, making me even more exasperated. I hated when people blushed for everything.
"Let's start with pecking."
"I don't like his tone."
I furrowed my eyebrows, annoyed.
As is the tradition in our family, we were all gathered around in the Burrow's garden. We'd do that after every school year, and every Weasley-affiliated was allowed to join, even if they didn't attend Hogwarts anymore.
I always thought the idea was interesting. Until today, that is. If I had to endure my much younger cousins complaining about how horrible my boyfriend was much longer, I'd seriously consider performing an unforgivable.
Rose nudged me playfully as if to remind me Scorpius also went through this last year. Yeah, right.
Last year, everyone was gloomy because of, well, what happened. I shook my head, trying to rid myself of those thoughts. Today was a happy day - nobody needed to see me have a meltdown.
Basically, Rose and Scorpius got off easily.
"What do you think of Sandro?" Dominique asked Teddy, smiling my way (she smiled too much), trying to stop her younger brother from going on about how he hated the shoes my boyfriend wore, and how dragons suffered for him to wear their skin.
"Well, hmm, I suppose he's okay?" he answered uncomfortably – probably not to hurt Louis's feelings, or because all this teenage drama was making him uncomfortable. (He was, after all, twenty-seven).
"Come on, that's bullshit, man," Hugo, who seriously came out of his shell after he started dating Mariana Smith, said to him. The comment earned him a proud shoulder squeeze from James, who loved to see his little 'minions' (as he lamely dubbed us) living up to his name.
Teddy shrugged, obviously trying to find a new topic.
"Yeah, Lupin, what did you think of him?" I teased. I loved to tease my Hufflepuff relatives. They squirmed under pressure. Not that Teddy was technically a relative; but still, he was practically Dad's first son.
He remained silent.
James, of course (after drinking more than all of us together) decided to give his opinion. "Well, I think he talks as if he's got a needle up his ar-"
Rose interrupted him, casting a Silencing charm.
We all laughed as he panicked, too drunk to remember the counter spell.
Later that night, everyone was already asleep, except for me. I had trouble sleeping since last year – every time I closed my eyes, I saw my Dad's face. He never smiled in my dreams; he always looked disappointed or sad. I hated sleeping because of that, so I tried to avoid it.
I noticed Teddy was also awake, looking gloomily at the moon. I moved towards him, his hair blue. I liked when he wore it like that – he rarely did that anymore, because of Vicky. Though, I did understand her, in a way. When you're amongst the top five most gorgeous women in existence, perhaps you don't want your boyfriend to look different.
I got up and walked towards him.
"Hey," he said, and I sat down next to him.
"Hey," I whispered back awkwardly. "So, what do you really think of Sandro?" I asked, curious of what the person who knew my dad best (with, perhaps, the exception of my Mum) would say.
He looked at me intently, and I shivered. I still don't know if it was because of the cool breeze, or because of him.
After a couple of moments, he mumbled, "I think you could've done better," before going inside the Burrow, and probably Flooing over to Victoire's. (She had left as soon as we started to talk about our love lives. Smart witch.)
I stared at the moon, swallowing his words. I knew Sandro wasn't perfect, but I wasn't going to marry him, so did it really matter? He wasn't that bad, was he?
I didn't know why Rose complained so much about how Uncle Ron is so 'obstinate' with his conclusions about Scorpius.
I would have loved to know what Daddy would've thought of Sandro.
But, alas, I couldn't.
I never would.
. . .
Life's a Bitch!
. . .
Eighteen going on Nineteen
- I became a trainee Auror;
- I called my mother a bitch;
- I cried in Teddy's arms;
- I moved out;
- Teddy and Vicky got engaged;
I swiped the sweat off my forehead as I mentally chastised myself for being naïve earlier in the year and thinking Teddy would let me go off easily. Instead, he was making me work twice as hard as any other trainee. I felt bones I didn't know I even had aching every day.
"Come on, Lily! One more lap," he ordered from his chair, as he scribbled down notes about me. I flipped him off, which was probably the only benefit of being trained by family. "Make that two."
That day he was being particularly tough with me. I knew it was because he found me dancing with Lucy the night before, in a club in Knockturn Alley. As he put it, I had been 'shamelessly shaking my butt', instead of researching for my term paper.
"There, your highness," I said, panting as I snatched the bottle of water he was holding. "Satisfied?"
"No," he said curtly. Before I had time to yell about how he was out of his bloody mind, he put a hand in front of my mouth "I would have been more satisfied if I knew you were following my orders all the time, instead of sneaking out behind my back."
"Merlin, Teddy!" I said when he finally let me speak "I was just having fun. It was Valentine's Day and I'm single."
"So, you wanted to hook up with some random bloke?" he asked, before adding "How classy!" in a very bad imitation of how I normally spoke.
I frowned at him for making fun of me, but he just laughed.
"Well, weren't you supposed to be frolicking with Victoire, or something?" I snapped, annoyed at how happy he seemed to be, getting on my nerves.
He stopped laughing. "That's none of your business."
"Problems in paradise?" I asked in an overly-sweet voice.
He ignored my question and turned his back at me. Classic Hufflepuff, I thought, before following him outside the training room.
"Hey, weren't you supposed to test my dodging skills too?"
He didn't answer that either. Crap, now my trainer was throwing a tantrum (as visible by his moody hair colour change – it was now grey). "Okay, okay, I'm sorry!"
He stopped and looked at me, changing his hair back to his standard dirty-blond. "Look I'm sorry, I'm just tired. Have the rest of the day off."
My day didn't improve when I arrived home.
Draco, who spent way too much of his time at our house nowadays (it scared me, but I didn't dare ask) and his pretentious looks weren't there. Instead I was greeted by a very distinguished female sobbing. Perfect.
In the kitchen, I found my mother hunched over Victoire, soothingly calming her with some form of 'motherly' words as she cried. I felt jealous – Mother hadn't comforted me in ages. I felt as if recently, she was scared of me. Of course I'd also been avoiding her, and whatever was going on between her and him, like the plague.
"What's going on?" I asked – if Teddy wasn't going to tell me, I'd have to find out elsewhere.
Victoire looked up, her eyes blotchy from crying too much.
"He doesn't want to marry me," she said, sulking.
Honestly, it didn't surprise me. She was a control freak: he could only look like her male version (talk about narcissistic), and he couldn't even have dinner with his friends (or so John Creevey'd told me).
"Did he say that?" I asked in a not-so understanding voice. My mother glared at me.
So she was being a typical hot-headed Gryffindor. Big surprise. I rolled my eyes, and received another glare from my mother.
"Well, then I guess you'll have to talk to him," I said. She started biting her lip in a way that annoyed me. Everything about her annoyed me nowadays.
"Did he say anything about me?"
I could've said he had looked like shit, and had been on my case the whole day because of her crappy mood and overreacting ways, but instead I was feeling moody (perhaps because my mother hadn't hugged me in years), so I just smiled before saying, "No, I'm sorry. I didn't notice anything amiss."
She re-started her crying.
I went to my bedroom.
"You're such a bitch!"
I replayed the actions again and again in my head while I rushed to James's apartment. My cheek still burned, and I couldn't help feeling guilty for what I had said to my mother. My Dad would never have forgiven me.
But what did everyone expect me to say, after I found her and Draco half-naked in her bedroom?
Sure, I didn't knock; but I just wanted to talk to her. I missed talking to her. But apparently, she had better things to do with her free time.
I knocked at my brother's door, hoping I'd gotten the right apartment. For moments when he opened the door, I was confused. But then, I realized it did make sense that Teddy'd come crash at James's after the fight with his lovey-dovey girlfriend. Everyone crashed at James's. He was the cool brother or cousin, who always had an extra smelly couch or a mattress and plenty of beer.
I entered and moved towards one of the blue saggy armchairs, where I sat down before Teddy could even invite me in. After seconds, or maybe it was minutes, he finally registered I was there.
"What are you doing here?" he asked groggily, scrubbing his eyes.
"Where's James?" I countered. Looking around as if to see where he and the latest desperate bimbo he'd adopted were.
"He's at Uncle Ron's," he answered, before noticing I had avoided his question, looking at me sceptically.
"What?" I innocently asked – going for the 'dumb' course of action. He didn't say anything, preferring to stare intently at me. I hated when he did that.
Yet, I wasn't going to back down; I locked my eyes with him (ignoring how uncomfortable that made me feel) and gazed back.
Pathetically, I was the first to crack.
"My Mum's dating Draco."
His guilty silence told me he already knew, which wasn't that surprising. He'd been spending too much time at our house, and Al (for some weird reason) loved him. Ridiculous. I think I knew what was going on myself, but I was hoping I was just imagining things.
How could she jump to another man so soon?
I knew Scorpius wasn't too keen on the idea either; he was on his mother's side and still couldn't believe his Dad had chosen to divorce Astoria.
Neither could I. It made me sick to think that maybe their "affair" was already going on last year, and all the fighting over Rose and Scorpius dating was nothing but a farce.
Finally, Teddy broke the silence, "He's not that bad."
"Are you joking?" I looked at him disbelievingly (obviously everyone was blind). "He was my Dad's fucking arch-nemesis!"
"It wasn't that bad," he countered. "I think it was just school-rivalry."
"It's the same."
I expected him to tell me 'it wasn't' and that I was being childish. Instead, he took my hand in his – making me feel, for some blasted reason, a little awkward – "You know your Mum loves you, right?"
"Of course she does," I snapped. "I'm her daughter, she must – she must love me!" Even if she spends more time with Malfoy than with her own children, I mentally added.
Teddy, seeing trough my insecurities, looked at me disbelievingly. "Lily, she does love you."
"Yeah, right," I said more to myself than to him. "You know she hasn't hugged me once since Daddy died. I think she blames me."
"Don't be ridiculous Lils," he scolded. His voice was stern, and it made me feel like a child – suddenly our eleven-year-difference was more obvious than ever.
"I am not being ridiculous," my voice croaked. "I just wish she'd been there for me after it happened, instead of hiding underneath her work." I paused, before bitterly adding, "And Draco."
I felt one of his arms wrap around me. I hated when people pitied me, but right then it didn't really matter. "I think nobody loves me," I confessed, at last, biting my lip pathetically to stop myself from crying. I felt stupid.
The way he pulled me closer and his hands drew circles on my back wasn't helping either. What made me lose it, though, were his next words, "Shh, I love you Lils. You can always count on me."
I hugged on to him and sobbed in his arms, because right then I was feeling dumb, helpless, and as if I was sixteen again. His arms were strong, and for the first time since, I truly felt safe.
You are cordially invited to the wedding of,
Teddy Remus Lupin & Victoire Weasley
Taking Place at the OrchidéeHall on the 16th of July
I entered Shell Cottage (ostentatiously decorated), holding the piece of paper that had caught me by surprise in my left hand.
I hadn't really expected to come back from my vacation with the twins, to find a perfectly closed envelope on my bed. Kreacher– whom I borrowed from my mother to do my laundry – didn't know who it was from.
I had half expected it to be an invitation to another sassy Ministry ball, so I had been shocked when I had discovered it was actually an invitation to Teddy's wedding. I know I had stood unmoving – glancing at the letter – for at least a couple of minutes, until Kreacher had asked if something was wrong with me.
No, nothing was wrong, not at all, if I forgot the fact that over the last year I'd developed an unrequited crush on my trainer.
"There you are!" Dominique's shrilly voice brought me back to present, her lips curving into her characteristic smile as she hugged me. "And, wow, you look stunning," she said, eying my short emerald dress before adding, "You'll make even Victoire jealous."
Yes, that was the plan.
She winked, before moving on to great the other guests attending the engagement party. I
moved around, grabbing some champagne, as I eyed the crowd, looking for the lucky man.
"Lily!" Rose whispered from behind, making me jump. "What are you doing here? I thought you were going to skip."
"Oh, please, it's just a crush," I tossed her way, carefully measuring my words so that the people around me didn't understand what I was talking about.
She'd gone insane since I confessed to her the other night, after a couple of glasses of white wine, that I thought he should dump Victoire and marry me.
She eyed me doubtfully, before mouthing an okay and rushing back to her beloved boyfriend. I restarted my search for him.
I had a plan. I would tell him he was being stupid in marrying her, and he'd agree with me. For the past five months, everything they had done, was fight about commitment. Teddy even moved out of their shared apartment last December, and Victoire had apparently tied it together with Marty Jordan.
I really didn't understand what had happened in the previous three weeks that made them jump into this. Especially since – beside the good looks – I couldn't see what they had in common.
I was pondering the better way to break it out to him – that they were being stupid – when I saw him entering the lounge. His arms were linked with hers, and he was smiling her way. He didn't even once look at any other woman.
So, as typical Slytherin, I lost my balls, and clapped with the rest of the excited crowd.
When I arrived home, I cried like a little baby. Partly because I felt stupid for reacting so seriously to an inconsequential crush, and partly because a tiny, stupid part of me truly believed I had lost the man I loved.
. . .
Even drunk, I can spell properly.
And, oh, my life still sucks.
. . .
Nineteen going on Twenty
- I hated French;
- I hated my mother;
- Rose made me feel like a baby;
- I thought I was madly in love with Teddy Remus Lupin;
"Teddy," I looked at him. My hands were sweating, and for once I didn't have myself composed and together. You never do when you're telling someone who is tying the knot the next day, that (hey!) you love them.
"Yes?" he, completely unaware of my mad eyes and quivering lip, was smiling in what my mother said was pre-wedding bliss (she ought to know). "What's wrong, Lily?"
I had planed the speech in my mind. It made a lot of sense. I was going to step over to him (dressed to kill, in high-hells that made my legs go on for miles) and tell him 'I love you, and you shouldn't be marrying that crack-headed, delusional part-Veela'. But hearing him say my name in a way that made me melt like a pathetic Hufflepuff, made me unsure of what to do.
I was the worst Slytherin in existence – or maybe I wasn't. After all, I just wanted to save my skin and, maybe, maybe be happy.
He was still staring at me. Today his eyes were hazel. Victoire hated it when he changed his eye colour. I loved it – it was freeing in a way, to be whoever you wanted to be.
I was pondering if I should just leave him hanging and go back inside. Letting the "what if's" in my mind unanswered – and ignoring all the flirting, smiling, whispers and secrets we had shared as he prepared me in Auror training – when he did it. Again.
He said my name.
Automatically – in a messed up kind of spurt – I launched myself at him. I didn't care if I did it right – I just wanted to do it. I wanted him. I captured his mouth with my own. It was crazy, lunatic, spontaneous, and I didn't regret it one bit.
My mind let my body take control. Surprisingly (or not at all) he responded. His hips moved with mine, and he pulled me closer as my hands tangled in his (now long and silky) hair. It was pure bliss, and I felt – for a second – that he could be mine.
Poor delusional me. In only seconds (if not sooner) he pulled me back, his hair a mess and his lips puffy, but his eyes wild with fear and shock.
"What was that?" he asked. But instead of giving me time to show him what it was, or simply accuse him of responding, he cut me off.
"I'm getting married tomorrow." His voice was uncharacteristically bitter, reminding me of his Black heritage. "This was – hell, it was stupid. Just go home, Lily."
This time, I didn't like the sound of my name on his lips.
I am insane.
Realizing you're insane isn't something a lot of people like to do. Admitting something is wrong with you isn't something people like to do either. It's wrong. Especially if you're a Slytherin. As a snake, you put yourself in front of others; you work, live, and love for yourself. Declaring insanity would be, well, insane.
Yet that is what I am. Insane. Purely and simply insane. Wondering what brings these works upon my lips? Well, I am nineteen – young, fresh, idiotic – yet I can't pretend I like to giggle about twenty year old boys abs's with my friends. Not when I am lusting for a man and not a boy.
Still not worried mother? Wait – the better part is yet to come! The man I am in love with is the man who is going to marry your whore of a god-daughter. Insanity, right? That is why I refuse to stay here any longer. I shall be retreating for at least two months. I suppose I'll return eventually, so no need to cancel their wedding. Wait, who am I kidding – break the damn thing off! I wish they both realized how stupid they are together, and he came to me, so I could make all his dreams come true.
Do send them my love.
I was signing off my name – sloppy and with a lot of curls – when I saw a small, manicured hand pull it away from me.
"Hey? Give it back!" I exclaimed, turning to see 'the robber'. It was Rose.
If I was sober, I wouldn't be surprised; but after the two bottles of Fire Whiskey I had drunk with James, I couldn't help but wonder why the redhead didn't want me to be happy. I was her cousin, for Merlin's sake. Family helps family. Except if you're a half-French twenty-seven-year-old bitch.
I glared at Rose before jumping (and almost tripping) to regain my messy letter, dedicated to my mother, who was busy frenching (oh, the irony!) with Rose's father-in-law. Rose threw me a bitter smile (when one can't smirk, one can't smirk) as I angrily whispered, "That's mine!"
"Well, that much is obvious," she replied. "As is the fact that you're drunk."
That statement affronted me. I was not drunk – that was ridiculous. Or maybe I was, who cared, Teddy was about to marry a blonde-perfect-boring woman instead of me. I should have the right to drink as many Dragon Breath shots as I wished. Repeatedly.
I rolled my eyes at her, but Rose wasn't having any of it. "I'm taking you home before you do anything stupid," she said in her Ravenclaw voice, before grabbing my arm so that she could Apparate away.
Of course I didn't agree with her decision, so I pulled my arm from her grip, stumbling a couple of feet backwards. I was going to run away from this stupid family who didn't care about my feelings. Whoever said Hufflepuff's gave a rat's arse about other people's feelings must have been drunker than I was at the moment.
Teddy didn't even flinch when I said I loved him; and after I kissed him (because he fucking let me), he said he was still marrying her.
A flash went off on my face, dizzying me (more than I already was). Perfect; not only was I not managing to run away properly, but I would look like a trashed hippogriff on tomorrow's special edition of Witch Weekly. Just perfect!
I tried to grab his camera (destroy the evidence and what not) but Rose, who caught up with me, pulled me back again.
"Are you insane?" she practically screamed in my ear. Seriously, who sent her to baby-sit me? I bet it was my retarded step-daddy. For some reason he loved Rose. Everyone loved Rose. Hell, even I loved her!
"Yes." I smiled, before pushing her towards the dance floor. I honestly didn't know what I was doing anymore. I felt like laughing – giggling even – as I twirled. But then, when I saw them dancing in the middle, smiling at each other, I felt nauseous.
Before Rose understood what I was doing, I launched myself at my perfect cousin – making all the photographers happy as they launched themselves into pictures. I was trying to pull out her hair when Teddy and Draco separated us.
Teddy was holding me. The face he had when he handed me over to my mother made me feel like a complete and utter bitch. I guess the hangover must be kicking in, hem?
. . .
I guess life can be worth it.
. . .
Twenty going on Twenty-one
- Teddy stopped training me;
- I let Mum hug me;
- I felt like I was the worst person in existence;
- Rose got married;
I was the most important person in my life. Yet, I couldn't help but feel like crap for months after the 'Wedding Incident', because everyone glared my way. I liked to believe I didn't care what others thought about me, but that was a lie.
Apparently Victoire had been knocked up, that's why the wedding had been rushed. I don't know how I hadn't thought of it before. Turns out I had completely stressed her out with my attack and almost made her lose the baby. The press – as I had predicted – had had a ball with the information – they had portrayed me as the black sheep and dubbed me as insensitive.
It didn't matter that I had cried for an entire night besides their apartment door, begging for forgiveness. It didn't matter that my Grandmother had one day tried to rip me off the clock. It didn't matter that I had honestly thought they were all right.
The only people who – unjustly – stood beside me, were Rose (who, for some redundant reason, thought she was the one to blame) and my mother. She had convinced me to move back in (after I was attacked with floods of hate mail from every possible place) and looked at me with an understanding look that made me feel guilty.
Our relationship had improved in last months. Partly because she had snapped at Draco one night when he was trying to scold me (rightly) and had let us watch him beg for her affection back; or perhaps because she never judged me.
My thoughts were interrupted as she entered the kitchen – where I had been currently lost in thoughts, glaring at the table.
I looked up at her. "Yes?"
"Teddy broke up with Victoire." The words, coming from her mouth, caught me by surprise. How could he?
"What?" I exclaimed, standing up, before my mother urged me to sit down again.
"Apparently the baby is Marty's," she stated. "Victoire was scared of what the press would think, and the hell they'd give her if they discovered she'd cheated on the Teddy Lupin."
"I bet he was pissed off when he found out," I said, ignoring her reproachful eyes at my word choice. "Otherwise he'd never leave her. He'd do the noble thing and stay with her."
"Even if he loves someone else?" she asked, knowing too well that even though I buried my thoughts about him months before, little buds of hope were flourishing within me.
Yet, I also know they were useless. Even if the baby wasn't his, I shouldn't have cracked at his wedding. There was no excuse. People had the right to hate me.
"It's not me for sure," I said, moving away before I had a ridiculous meltdown in front of my mother. She stopped me and hugged me.
I froze – she hadn't attempted to hug me in years. Not even after the incident, when I had cried for days. I think she had known I hadn't wanted her to feel sorry for me.
Still, this time as she hugged me, I felt as if I was six again, and her embrace could mend anything.
I hugged her back.
"Breathe?" my incredulous cousin looked my way as if I was speaking some weird Muggle-gibberish. She looked astonishing, the white silky gown evolving her body, and her hair tamed into beautiful curls; yet, her face resembled a dead fish.
"Yes," I answered, fighting not to role my eyes at her nervousness. "Like this," I said, before exemplifying to her. "In . . . and out."
She copied my gestures, and her face became a little less pale.
"Honestly, I never thought you would be this nervous to marry Scorpius. You're doing a worse job than my mother, and she was climbing up the walls," I scolded as I helped her with the veil.
"I want it to be perfect," she said, eyeing her appearance frantically, as if there was any little tiny spot where she looked a little less than beautiful.
"It will be," I sighed. "I promise not to attack you in the middle of the dance floor."
After months, and after Victoire herself suffered from the Weasley scorn, the entire incident became a family joke. She had had a beautiful baby girl, and even though I wasn't close to being her friend, I was happy for her, for Marty (who'd proposed last month) and for baby Isabelle.
Rose rolled her eyes at me, before smiling, grabbing my hands, and screaming, "I'm getting married!"
She started to jump up and down (in some sort of weird ritual), and I soon joined her, because she looked like the happiest person I'd ever known, and for the first time in months, I felt that maybe this world was worth it.
Maybe everything would be okay.
Outside, the sun was shining, and as I took my place next to my cousin (who'd always been there for me) I felt oddly content. James was opposite to me (earning the place as Scorpius's best man, after he took refuge in his flat after the many fights with Rose), winking, or making weird faces every chance that he got. He still felt guilty because of how he had treated me after the Wedding of doom, though I didn't blame him.
I was the one who had acted as if she was mental, not him.
As the wedding took place, I couldn't help but feel really happy for Rose. She was always there for me, and it was nice to see her grab her happy ending.
I wish I could grab mine too.
Teddy and I were on speaking terms. He'd come to apologise a week after my mother had told me about the news, but we had started a row because I still thought my behaviour was inexcusable. The fight had been pretty ridiculous, actually.
We rarely talked now, though we always greeted each other (in a really awkward way). I'd given up on our romance – sure, I still thought he was an amazing guy, but it was far too complicated. Besides, he didn't love me.
I thought he wanted my friendship back, but, he couldn't have that without me wanting more.
"You may kiss the bride."
People started to clap and I noticed the ceremony was over. I tried to hide my blush after noticing I spent the last minutes staring at Teddy, instead of listening to the vows Rose made me go crazy over for weeks.
I joined the clapping.
I was sitting down in the grass, avoiding the ceremony. After the Daily Prophet released the scandalous article about how unjust and miserable my life was, people spent their precious minutes trying to apologise to me for no reason.
It could be exhausting.
I was catching some rays of sun, when a shadow fell on me. I opened my eyes to find a psychedelic blue haired man staring down at me.
"So?" I asked, getting up with his help.
"So . . ." he repeated, shifting his legs awkwardly. I laughed.
"You came to tell me you're madly in love with me?" I said teasingly, "or that you just want to be friends?"
He blushed and I laughed.
Some years ago the red tinged cheeks would've annoyed me, but now I thought they were cute. He didn't say anything for some moments, so we walked together aimlessly trough the green fields, straying further away from the reception.
"I came here to ask if you wanted to have dinner with me?" he finally asked, laughing at how astonished I looked.
"Where?" I cockily asked, after I regained my posture and stopped looking like a stunned Flobberworm.
"Here," he said, smiling.
"Well, I'm not sure I'm hungry after all I ate back there." I smiled pointing at the reception far behind us. "And we should probably be going back."
"No!" he said, "We could just sit and enjoy the sunshine together."
I scrunched my nose. "What do you want?"
"Nothing," he mumbled, "I just miss you."
"Hmm, if you miss me that much, I dare you to change your hair to a curly pink mob."
"Do you have a fetish about pink hair?" he teased me, forgetting all the awkwardness we'd shared just moments before.
"Maybe," I answered, winking his way.
He smiled and I smiled back. It was one of those contagious things. And then unexpectedly, he, as if reading my poor delusional brain, moved forward, and kissed me. This time, neither broke the kiss. This time, we stayed like that, snogging, like two bubble headed teenagers under the bright sunshine.
It was a perfect day.
. . .
"You're in my way."
"You like it."
Living is the hardest thing, but hell - It's worth it.
. . .
Twenty-one, going on forever
- He told me he loved me too;
As I walked down the muddy street, trying to find Teddy's apartment in the middle of the thick raindrops, people looked at me weirdly. Perhaps it was because my head was red again (I finally gave up on the black dye) and they felt confused that there was another 'Weasley' in town, or perhaps they just thought it was ridiculous that a twenty-one-year old didn't know how to control her umbrella.
I was having a bad day. Firstly, they'd told me back at the Academy that senior speech (which, I admit I wrote while I was at a party at James's house) wasn't appropriate. Then I had to endure Lucy talking about how great her new Muggle boyfriend was. Sure, I was happy for her, but if I had to endure any more listening to her theories about "Alviens" or how he was from "outer space" he was so amazing – whatever that meant – I was going to hex her into next Saturday.
To finish, I'd received a Patronus from Teddy, telling me he wanted to 'talk'. That couldn't be good. He had probably realized something was wrong with our casual relationship (such as me not knowing how to separate laundry – Kreacher always did it for me) and wanted to break up with me.
Arriving to the building, I closed my disaster of an umbrella and rushed up the stairs. When I opened the door to the apartment, I found him mumbling to himself as he cooked the dinner. It smelt delicious, and I deeply hoped this wasn't his plan of a subtle break-up.
"Hey, Lily," he said, kissing me quickly when he saw me. "How was work?"
I frowned. Why couldn't he just tell me what was wrong.
"Fine," I replied sitting down beside him as he served me. We talked about nonsensical things during the meal, as usual. Yet the notion he had something 'important' to tell me kept nudging at the back of my mind.
We were lounging on his couch when he suddenly said, "I've been thinking about our relationship."
Famous last words, I thought. He was going to break up with me. We didn't really have a relationship – he never told me loved me, and besides asking me for advice when remodelling his apartment, shagging a couple of times a week after he cooked dinner for me, we weren't anything.
"Okay, don't say anything," I interrupted him. "You decided you're too old for me, right?"
"You think I'm old?" he exclaimed while his hair colour turned a bright violet shade.
"No," I said, "but weren't you going to say that you want to dump me because of our age difference?"
"It's not that bad: when I'm ninety you'll be eighty," he frowned at me. "Unless you think I'm too old for you."
"Don't be stupid," I snapped. "But, if you didn't want to talk about that, what is it? Surely you're not going to propose?
"Well, no," he coughed, obviously uncomfortable. "Hell, Lily, I just . . ."
He paused, ruffling his hair with his left hand as it turned back to dark blue."I just wanted to tell you that we've been together for some time, and I realized I never really told you my feelings. I mean, I wanted to make this special." He gestured around awkwardly.
"Teddy?" I asked, unsure.
"I- I love you," he said.
And though I thought it was pretty much ridiculous that he went to all that effort to tell me those words (even making me think I was going to be dumped) – especially when teenage boys tossed it back and forth every time in hopes of getting some– I felt a little more loved.
And as I kissed him, first gently, and then more passionately, I couldn't help but disagree with Lucy. However perfect her boyfriend was, I bet Teddy was much more 'outer space' than him.
Because in the end, he loved me.
Reviews are welcome (and loved) . :)
. . .
This was written for Ellie's (s i l v e r a u r o r a) Birthday. Besides being someone I like to nag she is also a fantastic writer and inspiration. She wanted a Teddy/Lily and I tried my best to write a story with them for her.
I am not sure if I succeeded (it's not my favourite pairing and I'd never written either of them), but I hope someone out there had fun reading this.
I also want to thank my more-than-amazing Beta, pippi55, who besides enduring my excuse for spelling and grammar also helped with her opinions and title suggestions.