A/N: I cannot give enough thanks to miztrezboo, who has been my sherbet sprinkling cheerleader on every step of this journey since April. Thanks also to my fabulous beta, annanabanana, who definitely got the short end of the stick when she told me that a MCF was fine for my $10. I love you, ladies.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm a canon girl. This is a Bella and Edward fic. The start of this chapter is a little rough going, but if you can make it to the end of this one, you'll do just fine.
Chapter Music: Everything you Wanted by Lucie Silvas and Jamie Floyd
Chapter 1: Home
Chapter 1: Home
:: Bella ::
"Jake? What are you doing?" My voice shook as his hands moved roughly down my bare arms and he pressed his body into my back.
"Shhh." His strong fingers moved from my hands and pressed into the exposed flesh on my thighs. I gasped as Jacob slipped his fingers up under my negligee, quickly pulling it from my body. "Bella, please, I just need to try and—" Jacob's voice broke off as he dipped his head and scrapped his teeth along my shoulder.
I felt him naked behind me, my lace thong the only thing separating us. His erection sat against my cheeks and he ground into me, palming both of my breasts hard, his breath falling heavily in my hair.
"I don't think I can be gentle, Bella," he warned, and he slid one hand down my stomach and into my panties, stroking my clit quickly and exciting my flesh. He had never been so demanding before, had never been so aggressive, and he was starting to frighten me.
"Jake, you're scaring me," I murmured, but even as I spoke, my back arched into his touch and my feet shuffled, opening my legs for him. "This morning you were so…sweet to me." My voice was a breathy whisper in the dim light of our bedroom.
"I'm not going to force you, Bella." Jacob's fingers pulled at my nipple while his others continued to manipulate the wet flesh hidden by my panties. He slid a finger inside me, slowly, and I felt his moist breath on my neck as I ground my hips against him. "God, you're always so wet for me, so ready." Jacob's thumb pressed against my swollen clit and I arched back further, winding my arms up around his neck. The way he was touching me was new, but despite that, I trusted him.
"Take me," I whispered against his jaw as I turned my head and licked his skin timidly. I didn't know what he wanted me to do, but I would try and be what he needed. I always had.
"Are you sure?"
"However you want me, Jacob. I'm always yours."
"Fuck," he hissed and pinched my nipple hard, causing me to cry out. His finger moved in me momentarily faster before he hastily withdrew it and dragged it over my lips. "Open your mouth, Bella." I did as he asked and he pushed his finger between my lips. "Suck it." His voice was demanding, and as I closed my lips around his finger, he bit down hard on the back of my neck.
"I can't wait, I need you now." Jacob pulled his finger from my mouth and walked us awkwardly to the edge of the bed, keeping his chest flush with my back before pushing against my shoulder blades and dropping my upper body onto the bed. His thigh came up between my legs and forced them wider. "Put your arms above your head, Bella." I complied with his request and stretched my torso over the bed, leaving my legs hanging over the edge and my ass sticking up in the air.
Jacob yanked my panties swiftly down my legs, telling me to step out of them and resume my position. I did as I was asked while he palmed and pinched the flesh on my ass, spreading my cheeks and massaging my skin. He thrust two fingers back inside me, and I gasped and moaned at the surprise intrusion.
"It's going to be hard and fast, Bella." Jacob almost growled, and I whimpered quietly, wondering what had happened to the man who had made love to me only this morning. Jacob withdrew his fingers, and before I could catch a breath, he bucked his hips forward, seating himself inside me, hard and fast just like he said. I winced a little in discomfort as I struggled to relax my body. He set a grueling pace, and on each forward stroke, my nipples brushed against the bedspread and my insides fluttered deliciously, my body betraying my mind.
Fingers pressed into my hips, thighs slapped against thighs, and all the while, Jacob pulled my body back onto his as he pressed forward relentlessly.
"It's not…I can't…fuck!" Jacob gasped behind me, his pace quickening as my own orgasm built. "You need to come, Bella. I'm close."
I reached one hand down between my legs and started to rub my clit in frantic circles, trying to keep up with Jacob's rhythm. My breath hitched as the spark ignited in the pit of my stomach and Jacob's movements became more erratic. I was torn between wanting the sweet and tender touches from this morning and craving more of the animalistic man behind me, holding nothing back as he took me with abandon.
"Fuck, Bella. Now." His voice was strained with his release, and as the memory of his orgasm tearing through him this morning coursed through my mind, my own euphoria took over and my muscles tightened around him.
Jacob didn't linger, he pulled out almost immediately, avoiding looking at me as I turned and sat up to look at him. "I'm going to take a shower." His voice was detached as he moved past me, closing the door to our en suite.
Left alone in our room, I climbed into bed. Tears began to flow, and concern for the change in his attitude from the last time we had been together rocked my core. Jacob had never touched me like that, and now that he had, he couldn't bear to look at me or talk to me. I turned off the light, deciding that it was a conversation I couldn't have until morning. Forty minutes later Jacob re-emerged from the bathroom and sat on the edge of the bed.
"Bella?" he whispered into the darkness. "Are you awake?"
I stayed quiet, not ready to talk about the night's activities yet. Jacob's sigh resounded heavily as he sank deeper onto our bed. Did he regret taking me the way he had? Was that what he wanted to discuss? Or had he enjoyed it so much he wanted to incorporate it into our normal routine?
"God, I can't do this anymore," he sighed again, talking to my back.
I held my breath, unsure of what Jacob was going to say and trying to decide if I should let him know that I was in fact still awake.
"I'm not happy anymore. I'm not sure I… fuck," he mumbled. No, I should definitely stay still and quiet. "Jesus, I… this is so Goddamn complicated." He stopped and I exhaled slowly.
"I can't… I just…" I felt his hand hover over my shoulder and my body tensed. "I want a divorce, Bella." Jacob's warm breath ghosted across my skin and a silent tear slide down my cheek as he withdrew his hand. "God, I wish you were still awake." He said nothing else as he rolled over, and I fought against the sobs that began to heave in my chest.
I sat in the dining room, staring at the empty seat across from mine, wondering for the ninth evening in a row where Jake was. Two envelopes sat beside my plate as I pushed my salad around with my fork: one a large crisp manila, the other a slender office white. The old grandfather clock chimed twice in the foyer—half past eight. Even with his late meeting, Jake should have been home by now. In the three months since his animalistic urge and midnight confession, he had gradually become more and more distant, never mentioning a divorce again but never really touching me either.
Pushing back from the table, I walked surely into the kitchen, leaving both the envelopes for Jake on top of the polished wood and my weddings rings next to them. I had been ready since this morning; as soon as Mr. Newton had sent the papers over, I knew it was time. My note to Jake was simple: Whatever you want.
There was nothing left for me here now. When Jake got home, he would find me gone. Even that was a joke. I had been drifting for weeks, trying to discern if I had done anything wrong, how things had changed between us, but I had concluded nothing. He hadn't tried to ground me once, choosing instead to leave me adrift.
I want a divorce, Bella.
It was the only thing that I'd heard for weeks, cycling through my head on repeat, posing questions I had no answers to and eating away at my self worth. I had changed my life for that man. I was no one without him. I was Bella Black, housewife and homemaker. I had no job—hell, I couldn't even remember what I had enjoyed in college. I really had sacrificed it all to stand by Jacob's dreams and become his trophy wife. I had been a fool.
There was no denying that Jacob Black was successful, and I certainly reaped the benefits of being married to such an accomplished man but I couldn't settle for being married on paper. He had told me himself—he wasn't happy. A thriving business, pretentious cars and designer clothes wouldn't fill the void his emotional neglect was leaving. I had tried talking to him, in part, but he was unresponsive and evasive, and I just didn't have it in me to fight for something he clearly didn't want any longer.
Less than an hour later, I was heading away from Phoenix and driving straight for Masen, Texas. My home was waiting for me there, and I knew, without a doubt, he would be so happy to see me. All I had to do was hold it together for a couple more days.
Two days later, after an overnight stop just outside of El Paso, I pulled off of Ranch Road and headed out toward the lake. The old house was just as I remembered it, all pillars and white paint, accented with blue shutters.
I killed the engine to my Audi and slowly got out of the car, tugging at my tank top and smoothing down my jeans. He didn't know I was coming; I had no idea how to tell him that my marriage of only two years was over. Jacob and I had both grown up in Masen. We had graduated together, had been prom king and queen, had then gone off to college together, and had finally made a life together in Phoenix. We had left behind the tiny town that we thought would only dampen our dreams.
My throat suddenly felt tight and my skin clammy as my brain processed for the billionth time that the only dreams repressed were mine. I doubled over, dropping my hands to my thighs for support, and pushed my head between my knees. My long hair fell in a curtain around my face, and I welcomed the momentary isolation from the world still functioning around me.
"Bella?" The voice of my childhood rang like a soothing balm in my ears, and I was able to finally take a deep breath. As I righted myself, he called to me again and began jogging his way across the grass toward me. "Sweetheart, what are you doin' here? Are you okay?"
It was too much. I'd held it all back for too long, and when he reached me, I threw my arms up around his neck and held on for dear life. Three months worth of tears spilled onto his shirt and he enveloped me in his warm embrace, rubbing my shoulder blade as he squeezed me tightly.
"I've missed you. Everything's such a mess, daddy," I sniffled into his neck as I tried to take comforting gulps of his scent into my lungs.
"Shhh, it's okay. You're here now, sweetheart. Come on inside and talk to me." He kept an arm around my shoulders and pulled me in the direction of the house. Yes, I was home. Charlie Swan loved me and he wasn't going anywhere.
A/N: Next update tomorrow, hope to see you here.
A/N: Next update tomorrow, hope to see you here.
There may be two types of music listed for each chapter as I post this story. Chapter songs support the chapter, providing a little something extra to what the characters have to say. Mojo music is anything that has helped me write the chapter—it offers no additional insight to that specific chapter but it helped me get the job the done.
N.B. Masen, Texas is a fictional town set in the geographical location of Mason, Texas. Where Mason is a fort town, Masen is not.