Hey! Guess what? I don't own any of the characters! Wow! Isn't that amazing?
Hemolele walked into her new school with a small amount of nervousness. It was small because she was almost never nervous, being strong of heart. Hemolele walked through the new hallways and found her classroom 3-A.
As she walked into the room her bright blue shimmering orbs gazed about the room. With a single glance she took in every detail. The teacher was a smiling Japanese man and all of the students were amazingly beautiful. Hemolele knew she would fit right in.
All of the students jaws dropped upon seeing such a vision of loveliness, despite the horrible yellow dress, come through their ordinary classroom door. Before Hemolele could take a step everyone was calling out to have her sit next to them.
Hemolele put her hand gracefully up to her mouth in indecision. A moment later she was saved from her indecision from a charming prince.
"My beautiful princess, will you do me the honor of sitting next to me in class today?" The blonde Prince Charming enquired gracefully.
Hemolele gave the most perfect of graceful nods as she allowed her Prince Charming to lead her to a seat. As class started and the assignments were given Hemolele realized she must be in the wrong class.
She raised her hand and upon being called on declared "Sir, I believe I am in the wrong class."
The teacher blinked his eyes at her over his glasses before asking "Why do you believe this?"
Hemolele smiled a beautifully shining smile "Because, I learned all of this coursework when I was but a small child. It is much too easy for my advanced mind."
Hemolele stopped a groan, because a groan shows imperfection, as the teacher's jaw dropped open and he stated rather dumbly "Advanced Mind?"
"Yes, my advanced mind. I was being tutored at home in Hawaii. My family is full Hawaiian, except my father, who gave me my beautiful baby blue eyes. When I heard of this school I did some research and then applied for it. I applied because I learned that it is the best private school in the entire world. Yet it appears my research was incorrect, which is impossible, because I already know everything you are teaching." Hemolele sat back and smiled kindly at the poor confused teacher, after all, one must always be kind to those below you.
The teacher seemed completely lost at her words until some black-haired boy with glasses suggested that the headmaster's son show her to the headmaster's office so everything could be cleared up. The teacher hastily agreed and Hemolele soon found herself alone with her Prince Charming as they wandered the hallways. Honestly, Hemolele didn't need her Prince Charming to show her where the headmaster's office was. She had memorized the floor plan of the school when she was still researching the school.
Hemolele cast a shy glance towards her Prince Charming. He was so gorgeous, and obviously not pure Japanese, part of her wondered what the other part was, but the rest didn't care. Hemolele decided to declare her instant, unbelievable, and perfect love for her Prince Charming.
Hemolele stopped walking and reached out to grab her Prince Charming's arm, allowing her eyes to fall to the ground gracefully. They stood frozen in this spot for a moment before Hemolele finally spoke. "I love you! I've loved you since the moment I first saw you. You are my prince charming." Hemolele declared quite dramatically.
Her Prince Charming slowly turned around. Hemolele allowed her shimmering stunning sapphire eyes to stare into his and she let a question rise to the top of her shimmering orbs. Did he love her back?
She knew, down to the bottom of her perfect soul, that he was the one for her. He was made for her. So he had to be the one for her right? He had to have been made for her, otherwise she would just die.
"You love me? Awww! That's so sweet!" Her Prince Charming declared beautifully as he gave her a quick hug before starting to walk off again.
Hemolele grabbed his arm again, looked down, and let her hair fall over her face dramatically. "But, but, don't you love me too?"
Before she could look up she heard words come out of her Prince Charming's ruby lips. "I'm sorry princess, but I can't love you. My heart belongs to another." Her Prince Charming somehow mistook the look on her face. "Yes, I know it's hard to believe. But I love Haruhi with all my heart!"
Just as Hemolele was about to burst into tears and run off her Prince Charming began to murmur to himself. "Yes, I love Haruhi with all my heart. Probably because Hatori Bisco likes me more than anyone else in the Host Club, so I got the girl. I wonder if I was made for Haruhi or if she was made for me? Though I guess, naturally, she would be better off with Hikaru or Kyoya in terms of personality; since her faults line up better with theirs."
Most of what he said was gibberish, but the last line was clear to her. Hemolele could not help her perfect self, she had to interject there. "What do you mean her faults? You are a perfect prince charming, how can you love someone with faults? You should love someone like me!"
Her Prince Charming looked at her and blinked several times. "Love someone with faults? I love her BECAUSE of her faults."
Hemolele felt panic rising in her chest. "Because of her faults? That cannot be! Faults are a weakness! They will destroy you!"
Her Prince Charming began looking at her like she was insane. "Faults are not a weakness; they only make us stronger and better. This is why no one could ever love you, though it pains me to say it."
Panic was no longer rising in Hemolele's chest, it was bubbling over. "What do you mean no one could ever love me? I'm perfect! Perfect people get loved the most! Haven't you read the fairy tales?"
Her Prince Charming smiled softly at her with sad eyes. "Perfect people in fairy tales get the prize, that's true. But life is not a fairy tale and you are not truly perfect."
Panic began gushing all through Hemolele's chest. "What do you mean I'm not truly perfect? Everything I try I do perfectly. Everyone likes me, admires me, and loves me. I even look perfect, how can I not be perfect?"
Now her Prince Charming smiled miserably as he reached out and ran a soft finger down her jawline. "Because in your own perfection, you have a glaring flaw, you are a Mary Sue. Because you are perfect you have the worst fault of all."
Panic ran throughout Hemolele's entire body as she began to hyperventilate. The words that her Prince Charming said began sinking through her, mixing with the panic. As soon as the words touched her heart Hemolele knew it was over. She exploded on the spot.
Tamaki stood there and watched the poor Mary Sue disintegrate. He hated having to do that, he wished people would stop giving birth to Mary Sues. Since all they truly caused was pain. Tamaki shook his head softly and went back to class.
Everyone seemed to have forgotten about the poor Mary Sue, except Kyoya. "So, did you deal with her like the others?"
Tamaki nodded sadly "Yes, and it hurt just as much this time as it did the first time."
Kyoya smiled softly at his best friend and patted him on the shoulder. "I know, but remember; if you don't do that then they will take over and destroy our world. Which would destroy Haruhi, since Hatori Bisco doesn't allow villains you would eventually end up with the Mary Sue and Haruhi would disappear from the story."
Tamaki nodded as he gave Kyoya a heartrending look. "I just wish people wouldn't try and force unwanted people on us. We're happy with the status quo. Haruhi and I are deliriously happy and I have my entire family back. I just wish people would leave it at that."
Kyoya nodded sagely before saying, to no one in particular. "Do you hear that? Stop sending us Mary Sues, you're destroying Tamaki. He wants Haruhi, hell, I want Haruhi, we all want her. We don't want your Mary Sues." Kyoya then adjusts his glasses before going back to his assignment.
Author's Note: So I came up with this as I was reading an article on trolls. Which got me thinking (dunno why) about how annoying all the stories are that are just chock full of Mary Sues. So here's my parody of a Mary Sue story. Hemolele actually means perfect in Hawaiian... In case you're wondering, the reason Mary Sue never calls anyone by name is because she can't. She's so wrapped up in being perfect that she can't see the world around her.
Please review and let me know what you think! This is my first time writing a parody of any sort and I'd love to know your thoughts on it.