So many K/S fics have Kirk falling so in love he forgets about all his sleeping around and settles down to be with his Vulcan for the rest of his life. I do love these fics, but I'd love a fic that deals with Jim struggling to be faithful and the relationship just isn't a good one.

Like, maybe every now and again Jim kisses someone else and then has to deal with the eventual argument with Spock over it. Maybe Spock isn't so perfect either and is so possessive it borders on abusive which is what leads to Jim acting out and finding comfort in others. This leaves them in a dysfunctional, unhappy circle.

Happy ending or not, I don't mind. I just think it would be different from the usual Kirk/Spock fated to be happy and awesome together forever fics.


Bad Romance

It was a vicious circle

Not long after the Enterprise returned to Terra, Spock and Nyota broke up. The reasons are not important, the reasons don't matter. Except they totally do, and if Jim had even had the slightest clue how Spock would act in a committed relationship, he probably wouldn't have fallen. Maybe he would have, though. Who knew? It certainly didn't matter now.

Spock was a possessive bastard.

Some thought that Spock would be exactly what Kirk needed; someone to love him to the point of obsession, someone who wouldn't be pushed aside by Kirk's promiscuity, wouldn't let that intimidate him. And obviously, a Vulcan would be able to withstand even Kirk's roughest sex. Approximately three times stronger than humans, right. But that was the problem.

Since the Time of the Reformation, as various history texts called it, Vulcans had repressed their emotions to allow logic to rule. Everything had to be so damn logical for Vulcans, it was sickening. Even among the best of Vulcans, that repressed emotion could lead to trouble when mixed with other species. Spock was not among the best of Vulcans, even given his hybrid status. He kept a firm grip on his emotions on the bridge, in Sickbay, on planet. To the crew of the Enterprise, their Vulcan First Officer was the perfect logical being.

Yeah right.

In all fairness, Spock was perfectly harmless in public. There wasn't any reason to assume that behind closed doors might be a very different situation.

Behind closed doors, Spock's possessiveness bordered on abuse. Jim was pretty sure that there were some Terran texts about abusive boyfriends. Heck, look up 'abuse' on Wikipedia. You'd see Spock's picture. (Jim uploaded it after that last incident.) Every goddamn thing he did had to be justified. Why did you partake your lunch meal in Engineering? What prompted you to stand five point two-five-three centimeters closer to Lieutenant Uhura while changing shift? Please do not engage in such open affections, Jim, it gives the wrong impression.

Some boyfriends could get away with possession, because they let their significant other know that they were loved. Spock did not. Fuck it, Jim had no idea if Spock even had interest anymore, or if this was retaliation for not saving Vulcan, for what he said on the bridge, for mutiny which saved the Federation.

It probably had never had a romantic theme at all, at least, not on Spock's part. Jim had been intrigued by the Vulcan who wore blue and could go from uncontrollable rage to cool logic within minutes, and so hadn't rejected his advances.

But Jim Kirk was a very tactile individual who craved both attention and affection. He couldn't touch any member of the crew without being subjected to horrible bruises. Sometimes, Spock even cracked bones, and Jim would have to wait until he went on planet to get healed. He wouldn't be surprised if his ribs were riddled with fractures. They certainly felt like it, sometimes.

He couldn't go to Sickbay without Spock knowing exactly why, how long he would be down there, and who he intended to see. His best friend – no, probably not even that anymore, their friendship had taken a horrible beating since Terra had been saved – Bones hardly saw him anymore unless they had just beamed up from a planet, and he needed medical attention.

Which he always did.

He didn't even necessarily need to start a brawl. It was inevitable that Jim would need medical attention because it was inevitable that someone on planet would show interest in James T. Kirk. And that interest would appeal to Jim's battered subconscious, and he couldn't help but reach for the promise of affection when it was offered. He just needed some confirmation that he wasn't just Spock's fuck toy, but a living, breathing human being with the capacity to be loved.

And that was inevitably his downfall. Spock would see him with...whoever he was with that particular day, and lose it. Oh, in public, sure, it was all 'Pardon me, I believe you have my captain. Please return him to me immediately.' The moment they were alone, though, Jim was in for a world of hurt.

This wasn't even his worst transgression! In fact, it probably shouldn't count as a transgression at all. They were back on Terra for a bit, waiting for the Enterprise to get refitted. While on leave, Jim had taken the opportunity to call his mother, and talk to her. Spock had come into the dorm room they were sharing while Winona was on the screen. He did not hasten the end of this call; he has not had the chance to talk to Winona since before the Enterprise left, and he is not about to let himself be intimidated out of talking to his mother. Their relationship had always been rocky, but it was slowly becoming more stable.

However, now he had a storm-cloud Vulcan to contend with, and if his body tensed, it was only in trained anticipation. He didn't always know what would set Spock off, or how bad it would be. Sometimes, they just argued. Other times, he would wind up in Sickbay.

Obviously, this was one of the Sickbay times, as evidenced by the fact that he was now in the exam room of Starfleet Medical. Spock had dragged him here after breaking his arm badly enough that bone emerged from his skin amid a spattering of blood.

Luck was with Jim Kirk today. The first lucky thing was that his best friend, his 'Bones' was on shift, having requested duty at the hospital to avoid boredom. That was awesome in many ways, not the least of which being that he hasn't seen his friend in a while. The second, and probably Fate stepping in to lend Jim a hand, was that Spock was called away to attend a meeting with one of the admirals. Something about Spock's research during his time on the Enterprise.

This combination of Fate-choreographed luck lead to this scene - an incredibly angry Bones seeking out the half-Vulcan who dared mistreat his best friend.

"What the fuck d'you think you're doin'?"

His tone could not precisely be called a 'bellow', but rage seethed in the doctor's voice. Spock ceased walking, and turned to face his angry shipmate.

"I am quite sure I know nothing of what you speak, doctor."

And yep, there was that damned eyebrow, combined with the smirk that McCoy was eighty-three percent sure was reserved for him, and him alone.

"I'm talking about Jim."

Could that eyebrow go any higher? It threatened to disappear into his hairline. Not a good look for the hobgoblin.

"My boyfriend is of no concern to you," Spock spat, cutting his words short

"'Boyfriend?' That's a strange title for someone who feels like your fuckbuddy."

"I assure you, I hold the captain in only the highest esteem."

Fuck, was that growling? Vulcans were descended from feline-like creatures, but...seriously?

"Then explain to me why my best friend is so touch-starved he's willing to act outside a monogamous relationship? Fuck, he feels he has to get his affection elsewhere, because a certain green-blooded bastard won't give it to him?" McCoy folded his arms, hip slightly cocked as he skewered the science officer with a glare that could kill.

"I am unaware of what you speak."

The eyebrow lowered until it met its opposite, and then continued to lower as the other man's brow furrowed.

"Jim Kirk doesn't cheat. On tests, maybe, when the fuckin' test is a cheat, but never with someone else. He needs affection, you bastard. Maybe an emotionless prick like yourself wouldn't notice, but trust me; Jim's been ignored, abused, and beaten for most of his life. He soaks up affection like sunshine, and you aren't giving it to him."

Spock looked like someone had punched him in the gut. McCoy raised an eyebrow – just a little bit, nothing like the patented Vulcan-Eyebrow-Smirk – and drove the final nail home.

"Sooner or later, you're going t'lose him. And you'll have his blood on your hands."


Oh, bah! I know, cliffhanger. Sorry. Wanted to get some proof that I'm working on this up. Next chapter – internal Spockologue!

Fair Skies,

Eclipse Bloodmoon