Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Characters: Damon Salvatore / Elena Gilbert
Word Count: 3313
Disclaimer: I don't own The Vampire Diaries and this story was simply written for fun. I don't make any money with this.
Warning: Spoilers for season 2!
Summary: He knew that he shouldn't give in again, but it was too late. Elena had finally managed to break down every single one of his walls and right now, with her body pressed against his, he couldn't rebuild them.
A/N: I'm incredibly sorry for taking so long with Sinful Seduction. I'm currently working on the third chapter after enjoying my free time (I finished school this year and will start university in October) and I hope that I will be finished with it soon. Until then I hope that you will enjoy this one-shot as well. Please tell me what you think!
August 27th, 2010
His grip tightened on the glass while he tried to regain control over himself again. Deep breaths of air streamed into his lungs as his feeble attempt at believing that oxygen would help him failed. A loud crunching noise broke the silence around him as the glass in his hand shattered into tiny pieces of vitreous crystals which cut the flesh of his hand. He cursed the very last remnants of vervain that still flowed through his veins and obviously weakened his body more than it would have been good for him. How much vervain did John Gilbert actually inject him? Too much apparently.
With a frustrated scream, Damon threw the shards into the fire which lightened up at the bourbon soaked fragments. For a moment he was captivated by the dangerous beauty of the flames and kept his gaze locked on it. Memories of being caught in the murderous fire John Gilbert had created flashed before his eyes and made him regret it that he threw away the last drops of alcohol he still had.
He had nearly died last night. For good.
It could have been over for him. After nearly one hundred and seventy years of living he had been confronted with the end more effectively than ever. But there had been people who thought that he deserved living… people who had tried to save him and had succeeded in their attempts. Damon had stopped believing in a god during his first days as a vampire, but now he had found himself thanking him. He thanked him for sending people into his life, who apparently cared about him even though he had done everything to destroy every ounce of trustworthiness during his life.
He clearly remembered the worried expression in her eyes which dissolved into relief once she had seen that Stefan had been able to get him out of the fire. The fact that Bonnie had extenuated the flames to help them had shocked him, considering the circumstance that she had been unable to help them by removing the spell from the device in the first place. He had not expected her to help him of all people – her grandmother's indirect murderer.
She did it for you…
With those memories he also thought back to his conversation with Elena… no, not Elena. The woman he had believed to be her. Why had it taken so long for him to figure out that it had been his long lost love in front of him? Hadn't he been supposed to realize the truth the second she parted her lips to talk to him? Or at least when they kissed? It had taken him too long to realize that he had opened himself up to the wrong person. He had thanked and kissed the woman who had come back for his brother, even though Damon was the one who had loved her for a hundred and fifty years. She had been supposed to return to him, not to Saint Stefan who would never be able to appreciate her.
But somehow he couldn't stop himself from wondering whether he would have appreciated it, if she had come back for him. Would he have been able to forget her betrayal after making him believe that she had spent more than a century in a tomb beneath the ground? Would he ever be able to forgive her for leaving him in an uncertain life of murder and self-loathing?
The side of him which prided itself on being independent and uncaring wanted to shout out an explicit and unambiguous "No, I would never forgive her." This part of his mind wanted to believe that a life without Katherine was possible and that he did not need the seductive vampiress to be happy. Actually he didn't even need a happy ending. Those were reserved for fairytales and sappy movies, not for Damon Salvatore.
But the other side of him craved a happy ending and would have taken back Katherine in the blink of an eye without thinking about any repercussions. This part of his mind made his body ache in yearning for the woman he had fallen in love with so long ago. It would have accepted her kisses, her touches and whispers of adoration without doubting them for a second.
However, there was no need to imagine his possible answers and reactions to a Katherine who wanted to return to him. She had come back for Stefan, not him, and her words still echoed in his head and ripped at his undead heart even more uncomfortably than opening the empty tomb a couple of months ago.
The truth is… I've never loved you.
He had asked for it. After all those years he had finally asked her to be honest with him and this had been her answer. Damon had waited for her to laugh and throw herself back at him, kissing away the joke she had just made. He had waited for her to shake her head and joke about his gullibility before telling him that she had always thought about him and had waited for the right moment to return. But of course none of this had happened. Katherine had simply raised an eyebrow at his non-existent reaction to her words and had turned around, leaving him behind.
With these memories the fire in front of him soon lost its appeal and he closed his eyes in a desperate attempt at forgetting all those things. His legs carried him to the couch and his body fell down on it as though the weight on his shoulders was too much to bear anymore. Lying there with his eyes shut didn't help these memories to fade away, but somehow the world seemed a lot more quiet this way. But suddenly someone broke this silence and Damon could hear soft footsteps on the carpet close to him.
"Get out." He managed to say to the intruding person, identifying them by their scent which enveloped him in an uncomfortably comforting blanket. To prove him in his assumption, her heart started to beat faster and her breathing accelerated. It was her typical reaction to him and even though he was not in a mood to encounter anyone, this routine weakened the effect of Katherine's words somehow.
"I will stay until I know that you are okay." Elena answered stubbornly and he could hear her walking around to stop next to his resting body. He didn't need to open his eyes to picture the obstinate expression in her eyes, while she bit her lips to relieve some of the tension that always flowed between them.
"I'm okay." He replied and let his lips forming his usual smirk to mask his actual feelings. There was no way he would let Elena play her usual game of shrink and patient with him today. She had come to close to eliciting any real emotions from him in the past and he definitely needed to put a hold on that, because this was the reason that it had become so hard for him to lock away his feelings for Katherine.
"I don't believe you." She claimed and he could hear her sitting down on the ground next to him.
"Well, that's your problem, not mine. You won't get a different answer." He said and let his grin disappear. She definitely needed to learn to accept other people's privacy. "I'm. Okay."
For a few moments no sound but her laboured breathing filled the room and he already started to hope that the time for lectures had already passed. But all of sudden he could feel her head leaning against the couch next to his shoulder and a tired sigh escaped her lips.
"If you're okay, then congratulations on not caring about all the things which go wrong at the moment." She whispered bitterly and he could smell the salty scent of her fresh tears.
"What do you want, Elena?" He sighed and tried to ignore the urge to open his eyes and look at her.
"I just can't be alone right now." She admitted and he could hear her body shifting to lift her hands to wipe away the evidence of her sadness.
"And I'm your first choice of company?" He asked incredulously.
"You shouldn't be alone either…"
"Well, until you arrived I had silence to accompany me and actually that was a lot more fun." He knew that his stubbornness would be hurting her, but he couldn't give in to her and her human ways. Letting her win in a situation like this would lead to even more heartbreak for him and he could not bear it anymore.
"I don't know how to handle this, Damon." She started and ignored his objections completely. "Jeremy tried to kill himself and lies in hospital. John was nearly killed and lies in hospital as well. My house is no longer a safe place, because there is a crazy vampire out there who has been invited in. And said vampire just happens to be my doppelganger and makes me feel like a cheap copy of her. She also came back to seduce my boyfriend, who in return doesn't want her back, but also can't look at me anymore without thinking of what she offered. Damon, I really don't know how to handle this and…"
"And what?" He asked angrily. "Did you think that I was the right one to open up your heart to? Did you think that I'd understand you and wrap my arms around you and let you cry until you're asleep?" His voice pierced through the air and a tinge of regret prickled in his stomach. But instead of ending his outburst, he stood up and finally looked at her with an angry expression.
"How many times do I have to explain to you that I am not that kind of man, Elena? Are you really so slow-witted or do you just pretend to be like this?" He tried not to let the tears in her eyes and on her cheek stop him from telling her what she needed to realize. "I. Don't. Care. Do you get it? You really don't need to tell me how hard all of this is, because I don't want to hear it. Bother someone else with your problems. Bother a friend, not me."
Damon turned around and started to make his way out of the room as he heard her sharp intake of breath at his last words.
"I thought you were my friend." She whispered and he bit his bottom lip as her words made his feet stop. No matter how much he wanted to disappear – the weakness in her voice let every commando to his feet vanish into thin air.
"I don't do friends, Elena." He answered and tried to ignore the increasing feeling of guilt in his chest. Damn her and her human approach of emotions. She had weakened him.
"But I thought you had changed." She said and he could hear her coming closer to him until she finally stood in front of him. Now that he was calmed down a little bit, her sight hurt him additionally to her words. Even though she looked so much like Katherine, there were too many differences in their personalities to make him believe that this was the vampiress that he had once fallen in love with.
"I did." He admitted quietly and hoped that she hadn't heard this. But the small smile forming on her lips told him otherwise. "But I have to go back to my old self, Elena. This is not the kind of life I want to lead."
She shook her head. "This is just the kind of life you are not courageous enough to lead." She spat. "It's easier to take the other road, isn't it? It's easier to suppress all your feelings and ignore every single person that cares about you. But Damon, don't you see that this easy life will destroy you in the end?"
He laughed bitterly at her words. "The easy road will destroy me? No, it won't. Your way of life already did this, so there is nothing left to break." He had wanted his words to sound angry or at least mocking, but all he could do was make them sound weak and hopeless.
"What happened?" She asked quietly and stepped closer to him, starting to invade his personal space and making it hard for him to concentrate on anything but her heartbeat.
"That doesn't matter…" He answered. "And it will never matter. I'm over this. I've tried to be different, but it turned out to be a joke. A bad joke."
"Damon…" She whispered and lifted her left hand to rest on his arm. He looked down to his right side and furrowed his brows at the warmth he could feel through his shirt. It was not supposed to feel like this. He was not allowed to accept comfort from her, because this would only lead onto the wrong path. "What happened?"
"Do you really want to know what happened?" He asked and raised an eyebrow as he saw her nodding. "Last night I went to your house to tell Jeremy about Anna. When I was on my way out I saw you coming towards me and I actually thanked you for caring enough about me that Bonnie would help saving me. And as you didn't seem repulsed or shocked after I placed a kiss on your cheek, I kissed you on the lips. Too bad I had to realize that it wasn't you, but Katherine. Katherine who had returned to be with my brother, not me. Katherine who did not feel bad about telling me that she has never loved me."
After having said this out loud, the only thing that held him in his place was Elena's hand which had tightened around his arm during his words. Even though she would not be strong enough to stop him from running away, it somehow seemed impossible for him to move.
"You kissed me?" Of course this would be the thing which was most important to her.
"Didn't you listen? I kissed her." He corrected and sighed at his own stupidity. Why did he even say a single word?
"But you thought that you were kissing me?" Her eyes were wide open in surprise as he nodded in response. But soon her eyebrows furrowed and fresh tears rolled down her cheeks and left new traces of salt on her skin.
"If you are really so sad about Katherine stealing your kiss, Elena, I'll kiss you again. You only need to ask." He teased her and hid his own worries behind his usual mask of indifference.
"Now you're the one who doesn't get it." She said bitterly and turned away, her hand losing contact with his arm. Suddenly he missed her offer of warmth.
"What's wrong?" He asked with an irritated tone to his voice and hoped to sound not too interested.
"I look like her." She answered desperately and turned around to face him again.
"Well, we figured that out a year ago." Damon retorted and grinned at her.
"You don't understand." Elena started and more tears spilled onto her cheeks. "It was scary enough to know that there is someone else who looks like me on this planet. Seeing the photo of her already hurt enough. But having her walk around Mystic Falls – my hometown – and being able to mess with everybody's minds is unbearable, Damon. Even you couldn't see the difference between us! Not even when you kissed her. How am I not supposed to feel like a mere copy of her when she is dangling the fact right in front of me?"
"You. Are. Not. Her." He answered angrily and stepped closer to her, wishing that her tears would finally stop.
"I know." She replied and moved away from him as though she was scared by his reaction. "But I don't feel like I'm a person myself. I… I just feel like a replacement and now that she's back… I start to feel like I'm no longer needed here."
Her last words were enough for his last barriers to break. He wrapped his arms around her body and flung her and himself against a wall behind them, trapping her with his body.
"Stop comparing yourself to this bitch, Elena." His words were urgent and he knew that she could feel his laboured breath on her face which accentuated his point. "She came back to play her games on us and I don't allow you to let her mess with your mind. Do you want to know why I didn't recognize the difference between you and her last night? Because I had forgotten about her. I hoped with everything I had during this moment that you would respond to my kiss and not turn me down because of Stefan. And that's completely your fault. You made me feel like this even though I did everything to suppress those feelings during the last century. And now Katherine is back and even though I thought that I didn't want her, it hurts that she only wants Stefan. But let me tell you something… the fact that I wasted a kiss that was meant for you on her, nearly hurts more. So it's your fault that I am in pain and I don't want that. I want my easy life back."
Their eyes were locked on each other's and their laboured breathing mixed. He was not more than two inches away from her face and he could see every single emotion shining in her teary brown eyes. It dawned on him that she had finally succeeded in making him admit his feelings, but the way she looked at him had been worth it.
"Kiss me." She pleaded between her sobs. He knew that he shouldn't give in again, but it was too late. Elena had finally managed to break down every single one of his walls and right now, with her body pressed against his, he couldn't rebuild them. So instead of denying her wish, he closed his eyes and leaned forward to let his lips meet hers.
And this was what it had supposed to feel like the first time. A fire started to burn inside him and he didn't care about how it consumed every last drop of energy left in him. His hands moved to the sides of her head and his fingers wrapped themselves into her long brown tresses of silk, while his lips moved against hers in an urgent rhythm. Their kiss felt exactly like they were – passionate and forbidden.
He could feel her hands moving to the back of his neck to press him closer against her and in response he opened her lips with the touch of his tongue. His mind registered the way she tasted and he sighed as he realized that his pride and stubbornness had nearly made him miss this.
Damon knew that this moment probably was everything he was going to get from her and when she started to pull back, he tried everything to capture her lips in yet another kiss. Her lips felt too soft against his and he felt like he needed more of them, but Elena's hands suddenly rested against his cheeks to pull his head back a little bit.
"We need to stop." She whispered and he nodded in response. They both sighed and he wrapped his arms around her heated body and pulled her into an embrace he had forgotten he was capable of. Her tears had still not subsided, but after everything he would allow her to be comforted by his presence.
After all, her presence was everything that stopped his own tears from spilling.