I took the two envelopes from the mailbox, and went into the penthouse I had been living in. Recently, it seems like we got no mail. If we did get mail, it was either bills, or some ad of some sort. Usagi-san never came out of his room like he used to. I never wanted to bug him, because then if he was mad or something, his downfall would be on me. We haven't even done it in two weeks. We would get mail like crazy before. Fan letter after fan letter and so on and so forth. But, it just seems that Usagi-san hasn't put out anything new. Not a BL novel, or a regular one.
"Wasn't one due just last week?" I asked myself. I looked up to Usagi-san's door and gulped. I didn't want to go in there, but… But, it was time I got a big serving of courage! I walked up the steps after putting my bag down and stopped at his door. I knocked on it, and it slightly creaked open.
"Uh… Usagi-san? Are you okay?" I asked, peering into the darkness.
"Go away." I heard a grumble.
"It's me Misaki. Uh, wasn't a book due just last week? Aikawa hasn't called or anything so…"
"I have no inspiration to write anything. Now go away." I heard some shifts and some more grumbles.
"Are you hurt or something? You haven't really come out for two weeks…"
"Go away already!" A Suzaki-san was thrown at me, and I quickly closed the door and ran downstairs.
Usagi-san really wasn't himself. Not only was he telling me to leave him alone, he wasn't even trying to touch me. He never has done that… Well, except for that time before I confessed to him… But besides that, this is the first time. Why? Did he lose interest in writing? Wait… If he's lost interest in writing, doesn't that mean he's lost interest in me?
"Usagi-san!" I rushed up to his room, and slammed the door open. I stomped through the toys and stood on the side of his bed. He looked up at me, and glared.
I gulped. "Uh… Usagi-san-"
"I'm trying to sleep. Please leave." He said, seriously. His tone was cold.
"No! Why haven't you touched me in so long? Why haven't you eaten dinner or breakfast with me? Heck, you haven't even come out of your room! What's wrong?" I yelled, tears forming at the tips of my eyes.
"Don't Misaki me! If I'm your lover, and you love me, then you should tell me these things!"
"It's nothing. I just-"
"It is something!" I yelled. 'Please don't make me say it…' I thought.
"Have you lost interest in me?" I said, tears slipping down my face. Usagi-san's face got a little softer.
"I think you should just leave." I nodded, and left his room. I walked downstairs, wiping my eyes, and sitting on the couch.
So, he didn't love me anymore. Not a problem. I could just play it off. I never really wanted this relationship in the first place anyways. Nope, it's not a problem…
'You're a burden.' I shook my head, and covered my ears. I wasn't a burden to him. He wouldn't ever let me become a burden to him.
'He doesn't like you anymore, so he could let you become a burden whether you liked it or not.' More tears slipped down my face. Every thought that came to mind, made me loathe myself all the more. If I was a burden to him from the start, why did he play this game with me? For the money? The fame? All those countless times he said he loved me, they were all a lie?
'Yes.' I curled up in a ball, and started to cry even more. I was a burden to a person I never wanted to be a burden to, and he didn't care. I was tricked by him. I was tossed around and thrown into a pile of dirt by him. The one person, I ever loved, with all my heart.
That night, as I lay in my bed, I wanted Usagi-san to hug me. Even if it was just for a moment, I wanted him to hold me. Tell me it was all a lie. I wanted him to say he loves me over and over again. I wanted him to make love to me, till I couldn't walk for days. Then he would hold me again, till however long. I wanted him to.
'Want's not important. You don't need him.' I had cried all day long. I didn't bother to bug Usagi-san, for if I did, I might just break down. Not like he would care though. No, he wouldn't even care. He's probably just throw another Suzaki-san at me. Soon, I drifted off into sleep, dreaming that Usagi-san still loved me, and that we lived together happily.
The next morning, I started to pack my stuff. Usagi-san didn't come out of his room of course. I was planning to leave after I went to my classes today. It would work just fine. Usagi-san would never have to have me as a burden anymore. He could go on his merry way, write his BL novels, and his regular novels. I was the cause of his drop of inspiration. I knew this of course, but I had a small glimmer of hope.
When I was done packing, I took a shower, and got ready to go to school.
"Misaki. What are you doing?" I looked to the door, where the tall, silver haired writer stood. I faked a smile.
"I'm going to school." I said, slinging my bag around my torso. He shook his head.
"I mean, why is all your stuff in suitcases? Are you leaving?" He asked, walking towards me. I nodded my head.
"You think of me as a burden. I knew it from the start, but it was a good fantasy while it lasted. You know what I mean?" Tears were forming at the brim of my eyes. I bit my lip, making the pain hold it back.
"I don't at all. What are you talking about? You aren't leaving! I won't let you!"
"I know you wouldn't." I smiled for real, and quickly walked past him. He followed me.
"I'm not letting you go, you know that?"
"It's okay. I'll be back later to get my stuff. I'm moving back to Nii-chan's, so you should be fine by yourself. I mean, you were fine when I wasn't here."
"Bye, Usagi-san." And with that, I left, leaving Usagi-san dumbfounded. I saw the slightest hint of his previous sadness from when I first met him, draw onto his face when I smiled at him. Tears were falling down my cheeks now, and nothing was keeping me from dropping onto the floor and crying. I had the slightest hope, that he would tell me that. I had the slightest hope, that he would hide all my suitcases, and hold me back from leaving him. I truly did. But that hope was falling into the pit of my stomach, ready to be puked out.
At school, Sumi-senpai wasn't there. I was glad, because he would just make things worse. He was like a mind reader, and could read any face like a book. He was often good at reading. I barely paid attention in class, and I had to dismiss myself from the second one. I just couldn't pay attention. Kamijo asked if I was alright, but I just shook my head and left. I sat outside the apartment complex, trying to get some courage to face Usagi-san. I walked in, and took the stairs up, making my trip go that much longer. I didn't want to leave. I really didn't.
"Usagi-san I'm back-
"Get the hell out of here! This is my house, and I don't want you in it!"
"Uh, sorry for-
"Haha. It was worth a try. Good bye Usami-san." I saw Sumi-senpai come out of the living room, into the hall way, and smirk at me.
"Good luck with that." And with that, he left. I walked slowly into the apartment, and Usagi-san was sitting on the couch, smoking a cigarette.
"Why was he here?" I asked, pain dripping in my voice.
"Don't ask me! He suddenly came in, kissed me, and said that he was going to take me away. I told you to stay away from him." I felt more tears dripping down my face.
"Usagi-san. I want you to know. I really love you. And I hope you're better off without me."
"I'm not letting you go. I already unpacked all your stuff. I don't know what's wrong, but you have to tell me. I don't want you leaving me." In three quick strides, he took me into his arms and embraced me tightly.
"Yesterday… You… Acted like you hate me, and today, you're saying you don't want me leaving. But you're the one that has something wrong with him, and won't tell me!" I yelled, trying to push him away. He shook his head.
"Misaki, I'm sorry about that. I was just frustrated that I couldn't really write something. Aikawa gave me some time off, because of this writer's block. I'm sorry, for not being with you. I love you, Misaki." The words rang deep in my ears. His tone wasn't cold like yesterday. His words were sincere. I hugged him back, and we sat there to what seemed like forever.
I wasn't a burden.
Au-chan: That was going to make me cry. I was planning to make this a twoshot, but it didn't happen. Well it is kind of a twoshot, because I have two chapters, that are pretty much the same thing. Anyways. Yeah, the second chapter is the same thing, but with an alternate ending. (No, they don't break up.) When I was writing, I was kind of planning on not to write it. I like break up's in books and all that jumbo, but when it comes to yaoi break up's, it makes me really sad, because then I can't see the adorableness. (I don't mean the sex scenes either. Well, maybe a few.)
Also, I know it's short. It's supposed to be. It's also supposed to make you feel a little sad on the inside. Heck, maybe even a lot of sad. If it seemed a little too OCC, then tell me. I kind of tried to keep them in character, which was hard also.
Oh. I got this idea, when I went outside to get the mail, and I said, "You know, we haven't been getting a lot of mail recently..." And this whole idea sprung up. :D
I liked this a lot, so if you bash it, saying it was shit or something, I might just have to throw a virtual pitchfork at you. YAOI IS NOT WRONG!
Well, thanks for reading, review if you really liked it, tell your friends if they like Junjou Romantica or Yaoi, and criticism is very welcome.