More Than Life
I don't want to tell her that
I love her
Roxas sat, plucking idly on a guitar, his small apartment quiet except for the dull drone of the fridge. He didn't realize he was humming her favourite song until it was too late, and he set the instrument beside him. He stared at the clock, knowing she was probably driving home from work right now.
He could picture it clearly. Her thin hands, clasping the steering wheel. Her gaze unwavering from the road ahead. He could hear her laugh. He could see her smile. He could taste her on his tongue. He could feel her skin grazing against his.
With a shiver, he let his head drop into his hands, feeling a sense of loss. She was gone. The girl who knew him inside and out. The girl he had loved since...forever.
She probably couldn't stand to think about him.
And, sadly, it was for the best.
The two of them had been entwined on the couch long since the movie had ended. Naminé's fingers trailing up and over his shoulder, a content expression on her face. The moment was so perfect, the words just slipped past her lips.
"I love you, Roxas." Naminé whispered. Roxas, who had his cheek resting in her soft hair, stiffened and couldn't reply – he simply straightened up, looking away. She watched him, growing confused as he continued to direct his gaze anywhere but her.
"What's wrong, Roxas?" She edged closer. "Do-Do you not love me?"
Roxas couldn't bring himself to move, and hurt flashed across her face. He could feel it on the tip of his tongue – words he knew she deserved – but there was no way he could speak them. He didn't want to be the one to tell her.
"I see." Naminé said quietly, untangling herself from his arms, standing. Roxas reached out, grabbing ahold of her wrist, but she gently pulled herself away.
"No, it's okay." Naminé said firmly, even though her bottom lip wobbling. "I understand, Roxas. I'm just being silly. I-I'll see you soon." And she grabbed her sweater, quickly leaving his apartment.
The male tilted his head back, looking up at the ceiling. 'But I love you, Naminé. More than anyone.'
Roxas didn't call her. He couldn't give her what she needed – he was, on so many levels, the wrong guy for her. He was too crass, and too out of control.
He had an expiration date that was fast approaching.
She should have someone who truly deserved her; who could hold her tightly for the rest of her life. The person who would be free to grow old with her. To be the husband she dreamed about - someone who could protect and love her, for as long as she needed such.
But, even though he thought all this, there was no way could fight how he felt about her. He loved her – he loved her with everything he had. Maybe it was selfish of him to keep it going for so long – but he wanted to spend that little bit of time he had left with her. With you, Naminé.
He had never lived a normal life, yet he never let her catch on. The secret visits to the hospital...hiding things...it had taken a large enough toll on him.
Even with all that he had been through, he had continued this relationship with her. For some reason, he couldn't bring himself to end it. He wanted to tell her everything - "I only have a short amount of time left to live. There's nothing I can do." and "You're all that I want. You keep me fighting."
That was a weight he didn't want to put on her shoulders. On anyone's shoulders.
So, with a small groan, he lay back on the couch.
And tried not to think.
It would be wrong for me to say
I don't need that girl by my side
I don't need that girl in my life
I don't want to talk it out
Or hold her when she cries
It was a few days later when Sora came to the door, an anxious look on his face. Roxas didn't step back, or invite him inside, so Sora stood outside the doorway.
"Naminé called me." He explained. "She was worried about you."
Roxas nodded. "I'm fine. Just feeling a bit off lately, I suppose." He mumbled, unusually quiet.
His friend frowned, "Are you sure? You don't...look so good." Roxas didn't respond, and Sora sighed. "Roxas...you can talk to me. What happened between you and Naminé? You two were-"
"I don't want her." Roxas said, sounding so desperate that Sora grew even more worried.
"What? What do you mean? She was your...-"
Roxas was quiet, and Sora didn't finish his sentence. "She was never mine, Sora." Roxas told him, before closing the door without another word.
He locked it, stumbling to his living room, just making through the doorway. He slid onto the carpet, trying to ease his breath. His heart pounded unevenly; and as he slept, he cried like a child.
I don't want to say she's my kind
I don't want to say that she's mine
I don't want to tell her that
I love her more than life
Out in the hallway, Sora looked away from the closed door, to his right. In the dim lighting of the hallway, Naminé stood, leaning against the wall, clutching one arm around her middle.
Tears were streaming down her face, and her other hand was pressed against her mouth as she tried to quiet herself. Sora shook his head sadly, before pulling her into a hug, leading her away. She turned back once, stealing a glance at the closed door. I still love you.
From inside, in his sleep, Roxas dreamt of a crying face, with a familiar sob taking him further and further away from reality.
I'm just having conversations
With the thoughts in my head
All I hear are angels crying
Oh, won't they just sing instead
Author's Note: Okay – this oneshot started out to be Roxas having trouble telling Naminé that he loved her (hence the first flashback) – but later on, as I was listening to David Choi's That Girl, I kind of became entranced by the lyrics. I used my own take on the words (in other words, I made it dark o.o), and turned it into...this.
I hope you liked it ^-^ I was in an angsty mood. You know how we fanfic-authors get.
Note - in my head, Naminé's favourite song (which Roxas hummed at the beginning) was Hallelujah. It was stuck in my head.
I'm not sure if I'll continue this (turning it into a twoshot) – do you think the ending is too unsatisfying? Do you want some kind of closure? :O Let me know. I'd love to hear what you think.