Disclaimer: I own nothing at all!
Neji was bored. Bored beyond comprehension. It was Wednesday. And Wednesdays meant paperwork.
He yawned and stretched languidly across his desk. Being a high-ranking Jonin had its perks. You got your own office with a view of the village, you went on top secret missions, and of course the title and stature. But it also had its disadvantages. Paperwork. And lots of it.
He skimmed through the documents that needed to be completed, stamped with his approval, denied, blah blah blah. There was too much and Neji couldn't seem to concentrate. The words began floating off the paper as he stared unfocusedly at yet again, another mission report.
Neji yawned again as he rubbed his eyes. It was too quiet in his office. He tapped a pen absently against the desk as his eyes slowly scanned the room distractedly.
Neji snapped his head up and looked toward the direction of the noise. Tenten was standing outside, pounding on the window. Finally catching his attention, she smiled wide and waved her fingers at him. Neji blinked back at her. He blinked again and again, hoping his mind was playing tricks on him, but the image of his teammate, who was now pressing her face up against the glass and making provocative poses, would not go away. He walked over to the window and opened it up, letting her in like a stray cat.
"Hello," she said cheerily.
Neji eyed her warily. The stray cat could be feral.
"What were you doing outside my window when there are perfectly functional doors downstairs?" he asked, crossing his arms and leaning against the desk. "Why are you here?"
"Why?" She tapped her chin thoughtfully. "To see you of course," she said, stepping closer and batting her lashes. "I got bored of running away from Gai and Lee as they tried to explain their YOUTH! to me. There was nothing better to do so I decided to come harass—" Tenten coughed quickly. "—Visit you."
She smiled at him in a way that made his stomach turn a bit.
Neji realized that she was now standing directly in front of him, and he stared down at her disconcertingly. Slowly, she wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned in towards his ear. Neji drew in a breath and held it, definitely feeling his stomach turning now.
"But to be honest," she whispered softly, "I came because I missed you, Neji."
Everything about this felt wrong. Neji's spine stiffened as his mind went into a panic. He knew it. It was a trap. He should have boarded up that window the moment he had the chance.
Tenten must have found out about The Unspeakable Panties Incident and had come to exact her revenge. That was the only rational reasoning he could come up with at the moment. His mind flashed back to that dreaded night. It was a dare and he couldn't have refused without injuring his manly pride. His manly pride was at stake, no one could have blamed him! What was he supposed to do? What was he going to do? What was he thinking when he let her in?
In this type of situation he could: A) Attack B) Flee C) DENY EVERYTHING! D) Seduce her or, E) All of the above.
Neji closed his eyes and swallowed before speaking in as calm a manner as he could manage.
"Tenten, don't do this—"
He stopped short when he felt her pull away, probably to ready some sharp object that would inflict much pain, but instead was met with the sound of snickering.
The snickering soon became unrestrained laughter and Neji opened his eyes to see Tenten hunched over, laughing so hard she had to hold her stomach, her face turning pink from lack of oxygen.
"This whole time—" gasp "I thought you—" gasp "ASEXUAL!" And then Tenten burst out in more laughter until her lungs nearly gave out, and Neji glowered at her, feeling distressed but at the same time relieved that The Unspeakable Panties Incident was still his secret to keep.
He stepped over the hysteric pile on the floor and sat down at his desk trying to resume paperwork, waiting until it had calmed down.
"Are you done?" he asked.
Tenten wiped her eye and hiccupped as the last bits of laughter left her.
"Look at you getting all hot and bothered with your perverted thoughts, pervert," she snorted. "It's like a girl's never touched you before."
"I am not hot and bothered…" Neji refuted lamely.
She pulled another chair up to the desk, so that the two were sitting across from each other, and peered curiously at the pile of papers Neji was currently inspecting in a way that suggested he was trying very hard to ignore her.
Neji was finally forced to look up when Tenten started striking more provocative poses in her chair. He sighed in a long-suffering way.
"Why are you really here, Tenten?" he asked again.
She sat straight up in her chair, folding her hands together, suddenly taking on an air of serious business.
"Well if you must know," she began. "I've come today with a challenge."
Neji frowned. "What kind of challenge?"
"It's a special two-man challenge of physical skill that involves very serious risks, but if successfully completed, the victor would be met with a very hefty reward." Tenten paused solemnly for emphasis and switched her eyes to his. "I know about The Panties, Neji. You think it's funny to go around stealing women's underwear, huh, you pervert?"
She narrowed her eyes and Neji shifted in his chair, knew it was all over.
"What are your terms?" he asked, resigned.
"If I win, I tell everyone that you are The Underwear Bandit. If you win, we will act like it never happened and never speak of it again."
He clenched his hands, weighing his options. Tenten smiled at his unease.
"I knew you wouldn't come out and confess, and that is why I have come to you today…"
Suddenly, and seemingly from nowhere, she whipped out a box of Twister and slammed it on the desktop.
"I challenge you, Neji, to a game of Strip Twister to see who will get to keep their manly/womanly pride!"
If someone had asked Neji what his definition of crazy was, at that moment he would have simply pointed in the direction of his deranged teammate.
It was true Tenten's challenge was ridiculous, not to mention completely ridiculous, but—but what did he have to lose? Nothing when his manly pride was involved. Nothing! Neji had to do this. To prove to that he could beat Tenten at this game. At all her games.
And besides, he really didn't want to get back to work.
Neji looked straight into Tenten's serious, if not still slightly deranged eyes, resolve steely with his decision.
They shook on it and the game began.
"Neji, I have the—Ohmygod."
Tenten and Neji, both without a shirt and various other random articles of clothing, laid on the Twister mat on the desk, in a very compromising position.
Clothing and paperwork were strewn all over the floor, long forgotten. They stopped their wrestling match abruptly, (which had begun when Neji accused Tenten of cheating by rearranging her position while he was distracted, at which point she bit his ankle in retaliation of the offensive accusation) and Neji pushed Tenten unceremoniously off the desk to the floor.
"What did I say about knocking?" Neji said, sitting up casually and smoothing his hair, like it was every day that he was interrupted during a match of Strip Twister. "What is it?"
The startled Chunin quickly slapped a hand over his eyes as he held out a stack of papers.
"S-sorry, it's just I didn't think you'd be… Um well that's cool. You know, in the middle of the day…in your office…on your desk. Yeah so that's the mission report. I'm just going to leave now…" The Chunin dropped the stack of papers blindly onto a table by the door and backed out of the room as quickly as possible.
As soon as the door shut, Tenten broke out in hysterical laughter, trying to pull herself up from the floor between bouts of simultaneous laughing, spluttering and near choking. She finally managed to get a hold onto the desk and flopped onto her back.
"Nice job with that one, I'm sure he must respect you a whole lot now," Tenten snorted.
Neji sat mutely at his desk, where his day had started seemingly normal, normal until he had to open that window and let her in. He pinched the bridge of his nose, slowly feeling the pain of a headache working its way into his temples.
"They're my subordinates. Of course they respect me. Of course they do." He repeated this to himself, although at the moment he wasn't very sure of the latter.
Despite this minor setback of being caught by his own subordinate, Neji was eventually coerced by a very insistent Tenten to finish their game of Strip Twister.
"Alright, left hand yellow," Tenten said.
Just as Neji was maneuvering his hand to the yellow spot, as Tenten was sneakily untwisting her own hand to a more convenient and comfortable position, as Neji had activated his Byakugan for the sole purpose of catching her cheating again, the door slammed open once more.
"Neji, my teammate! Have you seen our spring blossom of youth, Tenten? Our teammate seems to have run off as I was trying to explain the meaning of youthful Springtime to her and—Oh my."
"Lee." The two scantily clad opponents sighed simultaneously, anticipating their teammate's unpredictable reaction.
Lee's eyes widened as his jaw dropped in disbelief.
"IS IT POSSIBLE THAT YOU TWO ARE TRYING A NEW FORM OF TRAINING?"
"Lee," Neji hissed, "lower your voice, if you keep that up someone else will definitely come by and—"
But at this point Lee was irretrievable as he dropped to his knees and pumped his fists energetically, streams of tears flowing from his eyes.
"MY TEAMMATES, YOUR DETERMINATION FOR YOUTHFULNESS HAS INSPIRED ME TO PURSUE MORE TRAINING!"
As Lee continued to cry tears of joy and inspiration and to loudly declare his hopefulness, the sound of footsteps was steadily making their way toward Neji's office.
"LEE! STOP SCREAMING!" Tenten screamed, suddenly alerted by this new presence. Neji felt it too.
"What's going on in here?"
Lee stopped his wailing as Tsunade entered the room, taking in the odd, odd scene before her.
Tenten jumped up in surprise, quickly shoving Neji off of her as he fell unceremoniously in a heap to the ground.
"What is this? Neji, Tenten and Lee? What are you all doing?" Tsunade demanded.
Neji wrapped his arms across his naked chest uneasily as Tenten rapidly tugged on her clothes at random. Lee continued crying silently.
"It's not what it looks like," Tenten said, retrieving a sock from behind the wastebasket and trying to snatch back her shirt from Neji's hands, which would not relinquish their grip.
Neji dropped his head in defeat, knowing that of course of all things to happen, it had to be this. "We were just discussing…" He paused lamely. "…business."
Tsunade crossed her arms formidably, waiting for further explanation until she spotted the Twister mat and decidedly made a face that said she would rather not know what was going on.
"Whatever the three of you were doing, keep the noise down. I have a raging headache from this hangover," she stopped to take a sip from a dubious looking flask, "and your commotion is not helping in the least."
"That sake's probably not helping either…" Tenten muttered. Neji swiftly kicked her in the shin.
"This is just a warning, but if you cause any more trouble there will be serious consequences. That is all. Back to work, Team Nine." Tsunade glanced one more time around the room, shook her head and took another swig from her flask, turning on her heel to leave.
Apparently finished with crying his tears of happiness, Lee leaped to his feet.
"I am now full of burning passion!" he now exclaimed at a reasonable inside-voice that would not attract anyone's attention, and ran from the room as well.
Quickly returning their attention to the matter at hand, now that they were alone again, Tenten and Neji glared at each other reproachfully.
"YOU CHEATED ON YOUR LAST TURN!" Tenten yelled just as Neji shouted, "YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE!"
Tenten suddenly looked on the verge of tears. She put her face in her hands. Neji realized that his words may have been too harsh. Not knowing what else to do, he attempted to return her shirt and to try to help her put it on, but only managed to put her head through an arm sleeve. She shoved him away.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. You're not ruining my life…" Neji said, trying to comfort her when she suddenly began laughing.
He froze and resisted the instinct to back away slowly. This was not the reaction he was expecting.
"Why are you laughing?" He peered into her face, eyes searching frantically but not entirely sure what they were looking for. "Why are you always laughing like that?"
Tenten finally caught her breath and smiled widely at Neji.
"You're so easy to mess with," she sighed happily.
Neji gave her a dirty look and Tenten reciprocated with an equally disgusted expression, sticking out her tongue for good measure.
At this point they both had given up on getting dressed and sat on the floor, looking about the room that was in disarray.
"Regarding the terms of our settlement…" Neji began vaguely, breaking the silence.
Tenten waved her hand dismissively.
"Terms schmerms. I just wanted to play Strip Twister! Why don't we call it a truce for now?" she said.
Neji gaped at her incredulously but Tenten hardly noticed as she stood and searched around the room for the remainder of her clothes.
"I really should have come visit your office sooner!" Tenten winked as she slipped her shoes on, opening the window and perching on its sill. "Well, see you later tonight!"
"Later tonight?" Neji repeated in disbelief.
She scoffed. "Of course! We're playing Monopoly!" Tenten grinned widely and Neji felt his stomach turn once again.
"The game that never ends."
Author's Note: Oh, it's been so long since I've written any ff and this is the product of a long absence. I…I really can't explain myself. Except that I love all fic wherein Neji is abused in some way or another. 8]
Please do feel free though to leave reviews and comments if your brain can handle it after all of…this. They're all appreciated! c: