His biceps bulging as he carried my rather petite frame, Edward busted open the hotel room door and ran my head smack dab into the doorframe, making me yell out not in ecstasy as I hoped but instead out of agony while also slightly ripping my white wedding dress. "Oh, shit, sorry, Bella," Edward quickly apologized to me as I held my head, slightly dazed. "Are you OK?"

"Yeah, of course," I said while checking my hand for blood that may have dripped from my head. As there was no blood coming from my still-throbbing head wound, I immediately got my mind back on track.

"Get your clothes off," I said to him very bluntly. We hadn't had sex before – I didn't want to ruin the suspense of this very night, our wedding night, and I wanted everything to be perfect. The head wound put a slight tarnish on that, of course, but I was still hopeful for incredible wedding night sex with my Edward.

It didn't take him but five seconds to take off his entire tuxedo. It was as if part of his wedding planning was to practice getting it off as quickly as he could. Which is great, of course, since that means that he too has been looking forward to this very moment just as much as I have been.

I of course was left as the only clothed person in the room. My wedding dress, seemingly miles upon miles of white frills, layers, folds, and waves, was a bitch to get off. I, unlike Edward, hadn't made getting it off as much of a priority as I maybe should have. "Help me," I said to him as I unsuccessfully tried wiggling out of the dress.

His nimble fingers, fresh from breaking the world record for getting undressed, quickly ran down my corset-backed wedding gown. Just as he was practically able to snap his fingers and my bra came off for pre-marital-but-not-all-the-way escapades, he too was able to get my wedding dress off just as easily. Both of us now naked, I switched off the room's lights so the movement in the room was highlighted only by the stars and moonlight, just as I had imagined. We jumped in bed and he pressed his body on top of me and began kissing me. But we had kissed many, many times before, and I was ready for more right now. I ran my fingers through his hair, grasped the back of his head, and directed him down to my breasts as I laid back on the soft covers.

We had done much of this before, too, but there was something special about the way the sharpness of his teeth ran over my nipples. Flashes of pleasure ran from my nipples, through my neck, and filled my head with the moment. His tongue ran smoothly between his bites up, down, and around my breasts, making me forget where I was and allowing me to enjoy everything about this absolutely sexy man taking advantage of me and doing with me whatever he wanted. And I wanted him to do me however he wanted.

Now grasping my hot and wet breasts with his hands, slowly twisting my nipples between those very same fingers which quickly undressed me, he continued his kissing downwards through my stomach, stopping just before he got to my wet pussy. He stopped abruptly, but continued to gently rub my nipples. "I'll be right back," I heard him say through that absolutely gorgeous smile. While he ran off to the bathroom, I continued the action by fingering my clit a little more roughly.

Quickly returning through the darkness, I spread my legs for him. His muscular thighs brushed against the back of my legs, and a rush of coldness came over my torso. A strong scent of citrus hit my nose as the coldness overcame my body. "Oh, yes," I exclaimed. "Did you bring a little food fun for tonight, my love?" I imagined the nearby box filled with strawberries, chocolate, and whip cream to explore our newfound sexuality.

"No, I just sprayed your cunt with Lysol. It stinks like a fucking rotten salmon," he replied.

So the next day I got an annulment and fucked Billy Black instead.