A/N: First of all, the summary changes constantly and is probably horrifically misleading! :D So, sorry about that! -brick'd-
Regular = narrative/dialogue
"Italics" = thoughts
WORLD: Anime/Manga crossover
GENRE: humor, friendship, and pure crack put together
CHARACTERS: mainly Pride (manga) and Selim (anime). Kimblee likes randomly intervening. Probably going to throw in Envy and others later, too.
OTHER: Yup, I completely screwed up the plotline. Pride's already eaten Kimblee, but somehow he has the time to go to a month-long private school. Where exactly is this school located? Truth abandoned me when I wrote this story, guys :
DISCLAIMER: I do not own FMA.
How to Survive a Month with Pride
Day 0 - Monday
TIP 1 - In order to survive a month with Pride, you must be with him to start off. This by itself is highly unadvisable.
"You seem so quiet today, Selim," remarked Mrs. Bradley.
It was a peaceful Monday morning in the Bradley household. King Bradley, who hadn't been home for two weeks straight, was absent as usual; only his wife and his son were in the dining room. Pride was sitting at the head of the table with a cold plate of breakfast in front of him, busy mulling over the strange dream he had last night; he stirred from his thoughts when he heard his mother's voice.
"It's nothing, mother!" he said cheerily, picking up the cup of tea that was set in front of him. He took a sip; it was tepid and tasted worse than mothballs. (Not that he knew how mothballs tasted like to begin with.) "I'm just excited for private school, that's all!"
"Oh my," she beamed at him. Pride always found himself amused by her smiles; so easy to conjure, but so genuine at the same time. Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around? "I only thought - well, since you were talking in your sleep last night…."
"Really?" he demanded, momentarily forgetting his act. Pride quickly covered the outburst: "Ohh. I had a bad dream, that's all!"
Hell, he was getting bad at using this container. Talking in his sleep now, was he?
"Oh dear! What was your dream about?" asked Mrs. Bradley, looking concerned.
Pride grimaced. It was a freak dream, alright. But he couldn't tell her that. What kind of stupidities did human children dream up of again?
"It was a dream about a scary dog chasing me!" he exclaimed. It looked like Kimblee, too. "Dad saved me in the last second, though. I want to be strong like him one day when I grow up!" He couldn't remember how many times he used that line, but everyone was still lapping it up like Kimb - er, dogs.
"What a horrible dream!" his mother said. He silently agreed. It was almost worse than the dream he had of Envy forcing him to play strip-poker. Almost.
The rest of the morning passed in silence. Pride took a few bites of his cold toast only to maintain his image as a 'good boy' while he thought over his dream - which, of course, was not of him being chased by a dog and being saved by Wrath. Kimblee-the-dog had appeared in his nightmare, remarkably enough, but Pride had found this amusing in his sleep and merely fed mothballs to the creature. No… what had really disturbed him was an image he had.
In his dream, he saw Selim Bradley. No, not himself - it was a different Selim Bradley, and although he looked exactly like Pride, it spoke and acted differently from him. For one, it did not feed Kimblee mothballs. Throughout the dream, Father kept chanting that he and Selim are one, he and Selim are one….
"Why, look at the time!" Mrs. Bradley said suddenly, leaping to her feet and bustling around. "It's time for you to go to school!"
"Yay!" cheered Pride, while he mentally rolled his eyes. One month of private school, which usually consisted of himself, a few spoiled-rotten human children and a truckload of teachers and guards. You'd honestly think it requires that much money to teach ten-year-old students how to divide.
He was ushered into the car, where he sat in the back and waved and waved like a Disney princess to his mother until she was out of site.
For a second, Pride wondered how it would be like without his mother chattering for a month and felt a strange churning in his stomach, but he decided that it was probably just Kimblee tampering with his Philosophers stone. He really shouldn't have eaten that psychopath. He tasted like mothballs, and now everything he ate had the faint tinge of naphthalene. Even Gluttony tasted better, and he tasted like a football.
"How are you supposed to know how mothballs taste like without tasting them before, hm?" came Kimblee's mocking voice in the back of his mind. "By the way, it's soccer. Not football, soccer."
"Be quiet," Pride shot back. "Your limited human capabilities narrow your perception to only learn through experience and trust of others. If I were as limited as you are, I wouldn't be alive right now. That's why Homunculus are superior to you pathetic beings. Also, it's football."
"Hmm… well, I'll hold to see if your theory can hold out," Kimblee smirked. "But I daresay I disagree with your last point. It's soccer."
"Silence," he demanded. There was a short pause where only the sound of revving engines could be heard.
And then: "Soc-car."
Meanwhile, somewhere on the other side of the gate….
"Good bye, good bye, mother!" Selim Bradley called from the car window, waving his hands and watching as his mother disappeared into a speck in the distance. He sighed, drawing back into the car seat.
One whole month away from home.
It was necessary, Selim knew, because the private school he was enrolled into was far away - his parents didn't have the time to keep picking him up every day. Even his own father had been too busy to see him off today.
Selim pressed his cheek against the window. He didn't want to bother anybody, but in truth, he was worried this new school. Selim was usually tutored by personal hired teachers; he had never set a foot in a real school before. His mother thought it would be a welcome change for him, and his father was unusually eager to send him away, although he didn't know why. Selim only knew that he kept reminding him to bring his treasure with him.
Father's sacred treasure was packed along with his textbooks, toothbrush, and stack of underwear. Selim had taken special care into tucking it a good distance away from his ordinary items; partially because he didn't want to lose it, and partially because it started to smell like old hospital people. He didn't tell father this, of course, but Selim was starting to wonder what this allusive treasure could be. He hoped that it wasn't old hospital people.
His driver continued steering him down the unfamiliar road. Selim hoped that he would find some friends in his new school - or one friend, to be precise. They informed him that there would be only one other student than himself, which relieved most of his worries. According to radio shows, it was common practice to dunk other students' heads into toilets, form groups called 'cliques' that terrorized everyone outside of the clique, and shoot chewed-up paper from plastic straws at people.
Having only two students in the entire school ruled out most of these horrors… assuming that he got along with this said student.
"What if he's mean?" Selim thought worriedly. He had an ominous dream last night about a creepy clone of himself, hidden in the shadows… Selim shuddered. The mantra that had played throughout his dream was still stuck in his head, echoing a thousand times over an unfamiliar voice: he and Pride are one, he and Pride are one….
Selim sighed and closed his eyes.
Maybe his fellow student wouldn't be so bad. Maybe he would be… nice, probably. And smart. Maybe he was quiet like him - someone humble and kind and who didn't smell like old hospital people. The soft humming of the car engines slowly lulled Selim to sleep, as pictures and images of this distant student and friend painted across his dreams.
Somewhere in the universe, Truth was shaking his head.
NOTES: Probably continuing! ('Probably?') Ugh, I'll probably have to make Pride OOC to ever allow him and Selim to become friends, but let's see how it goes!
(P.S.: No idea where I'm going with the mothballs. I just hate mothballs. They look so yummy, but they're probably not safe to eat….)