Memoirs of the 7 Deadly Sins
Lust and Gluttony were both strolling around outside, acting like normal Amestrian citizens. It was a weekend; so many innocent civilians were out for a nice walk. Suddenly, Gluttony asked, "Lust?"
"Yeah?" She replied.
"There are so many people…"
"Yeah, I know," Lust answered curiously, "What about them?"
Gluttony grinned widely. "Can I eat them?"
Lust automatically said no. Seeing Gluttony eat Envy's underwear was disgusting enough.
"I just realized that we don't have birthdays."
Envy glared at Greed. "And so?"
"I want to have a birthday and I want to throw a party on that day," Greed answered, rolling his eyes as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Why the hell would you need a birthday?" Envy retorted scathingly.
Greed smirked. "Well, it's what humans call 'your special day' and I want my very own special day. Besides, I'm Greed, so I can want whatever I want."
"Whatever, you greedy bastard. I don't care."
"You're just envious of the humans. You want a birthday too, don't you?"
Envy walked off. "Shut up."
One day, while Father was busy reading a deeply informative advanced alchemy book, Greed suddenly came in. The homunculus boss wasn't exactly pleased about being interrupted.
"What is it that you need, my son?" he asked impatiently.
Greed smiled softly. "Father, I just wanted to ask a question. I've been wondering…"
"What would happen if alchemy never existed?"
"That's a silly question, Greed, get back to work," Father snapped, highly affronted. He went back to his book. This time, there would be no interruptions.
It was a boring weekend for Selim Bradley, and Pride had enough of being with bodyguards all the time. He escaped and quickly went down to the homunculus underground headquarters.
The only one down there was Gluttony, and Pride decided that maybe it would do no harm to act like a child around him. He swiftly brought out a pack of chocolate from his pocket and ate it messily.
Gluttony noticed this and instantly grabbed the heavenly delight. Pride was taken by surprise and watched as Gluttony devoured the last pieces of the rich Amestrian chocolate. He frowned.
Next time, it would be safer to eat his precious sweets without the gluttonous homunculus around.
Envy, Greed, and Lust were hanging around the underground headquarters. Envy was shape-shifting back and forth from Greed to Lust, imitating their actions and purposely trying to annoy the two. His irritating laughter filled the basement.
A few minutes later, Greed finally had enough and stood up, his Ultimate Shield now shielding his two arms. Lust smirked as she stood up as well, her hand now transformed into Ultimate Spear.
The two laughed loudly as they revengefully beat up Envy until he ended up sprawled on the floor, aching all over. This time, it was their laughter that filled the basement.
Sloth happened to come in at that time and stared at them. "Stupid laughter… What a bother."
"Why do we all have black hair?" Greed asked one day.
Lust rolled her eyes. "Why do you care?"
"Because I want to be unique, of course!"
Envy laughed. "Unique? Nothing makes you unique. You're just a-"
"Shut up, you jealous bitch. You just want to be like me."
"Why the hell would I want that?"
"Because you're nothing special."
Gluttony suddenly interrupted. "I don't have black hair. Does that make me unique?"
Lust smirked as Greed and Envy stared at Gluttony.
Nobody noticed Selim Bradley quickly wipe away his fake tears after crying for his lost pet puppy.
It was all Envy's fault.
"Envy, what is this?" Selim asked, shocked at the mess of blood on the floor, "What are you doing killing stuff down here?"
"It's just a dog, Pride," Envy answered nonchalantly, "The annoying little mutt somehow found its way down here, and peed on my foot. I hated it, and I killed it."
The voice of the Fuhrer joined them. "That dog you just killed was my birthday gift to Selim."
Envy's eyes widened as realization hit him. "Oh. Sorry, Pride. Well, Wrath, I guess that means you have to buy a new dog and-"
The Fuhrer sliced the homunculus' head off. As it grew back, he walked off with Selim tagging along, while saying, "Next time, be careful of what you kill. That thing was expensive." Selim Bradley stuck his tongue out as the eerie shadows around them disappeared. Wrath and Pride then left.
Envy glared at the now closed door, rubbing the back of his head painfully. "Stupid dog…" he muttered.
Greed was walking back to the underground headquarters after a day of running errands. He passed by a dark alley and stopped as a voice came out.
"Hey, mister, what are you doing out here late at night?" a young girl asked sweetly.
"I should be asking you the same thing, kid," Greed answered, "Why don't you come with me?"
The girl giggled. "Where to, mister?"
"To a club or a bar. We'll have fun," Greed said seductively, "You're cute and sexy enough."
Greed grinned. "You see, cutie, I pick up many girls like you and it's fun. I'm pretty popular around these parts, and I'm known for being one of the hottest guys in town."
"Wow. I'm honored to be with such a cool guy."
"Yes, my cute and sexy princess, I'm really handsome, and a devil when it comes to the bed."
The girl suddenly laughed hysterically. "THAT WAS PRICELESS!"
"Damn…" Greed knew that voice. "ENVY?"
Envy then transformed back into his original human form. "POPULAR? HOT? HANDSOME? DEVIL IN THE BED? AW, COME ON! YOU'RE SO PITIFUL THAT ANY PROSTITUTE WOULD COIL AT THE SIGHT OF YOU!"
Greed shuddered. "That's not funny. I actually called you a cute and sexy princess."
Envy shuddered as well. "You're right. That is gross."
Wrath was desperate. He needed Sloth to get up and going to make the underground tunnels make faster progress. Then, he could go back to the usual Fuhrer work. The lazy homunculus was, unfortunately, asleep.
"Sloth. Wake up. It's time to get back to work," he said while poking the other with his sword.
"No," Sloth mumbled, "Don't want."
Wrath stared at the big, lazy lump. "What do you want? You'll get it when you're done."
"I want… sleep."
Sloth then slept for another few hours while Wrath decided to let Lust wake him instead.
It was midnight. Lust, Envy, and Greed were still awake, sitting in the explosives basement. They were telling horror stories.
"Then, the woman cried out, 'Before we die, I want to spend my last moments sharing my love with you.' And the man let out manly tears, hugging the woman tightly. The monsters then broke through the supernatural barrier and attacked the dying lovers mercilessly," Greed said animatedly, making exaggerated hand gestures and movements, some that were quite inappropriate.
Envy laughed maniacally. "That story sucks. Mine's better."
Greed smirked. "Fine. Bring it on, palm tree."
"There was this sad, sad guy named Greg. He was ugly and stupid, and everyone hated him. His brother, Eddy, was this really handsome, cool, and hot guy that everyone loved. Luna, their sister, plotted to trick them because they were so annoying, so she asked the help of Pete, the eldest brother. Pete summoned dark spirits and ghosts to haunt Greg and Eddy, who got really scared. Luna was happy," Envy said exaggeratedly, making animated actions and imitations, some that were quite offensive.
Greed frowned. "That's it? It sucks!"
Envy shot back, "Yours is about gushy romantic stuff that ends ugly!"
"Yours doesn't even have a proper ending!"
Lust tried to stop the two from bickering and arguing, but failed. She grinned as Pride entered the room, confused at the strange scene. "Lust, what's going on?"
The two fighting homunculi didn't even notice him. "Pride, these two bastards…"
"You don't have to explain," Pride cut off, grinning deviously, "Watch and learn from the expert."
Suddenly, a great wind pushed the door open with such a strong force that all of them staggered backwards. Dark shadows poured into the room and rushed menacingly toward the two arguing homunculi.
"AAAAHHHH!" they both screamed like girls.
Lust laughed. Greed and Envy never underestimated Pride's ability to scare ever again.
Author's Note: My friend gave me 30 words and told me to make short drabbles for each. I decided to post the first ten here. The next 20 will come in the following two chapters. Hope you enjoy~!