Flynn by DD Agent

She remembers the first time she ever saw him, in a tour given by Gabriel and Pope where they had been introduced briefly. She hadn't really remembered him, just remembered the jutting toothpick in his mouth, the snarl his face was permanently set in. Their first confrontation had been vicious, a measuring contest over territory and he had lost. He reminded her a little of her ex husband, believing himself to be better because he was a man. She hadn't really given him much thought, other than trying to avoid him at all costs because he was trying so desperately to ruin her life.

It was Kroelick that made her see something beneath the mask of Lieutenant Flynn. She had been screwed over by her superior officers several times, left to rot, and Robbery/Homicide's golden boy had been left out to dry by Taylor. She believed him, she trusted that he had done the right thing and in the end she had stood up for him when no one else would. And, contrary to what she had expected, he had come through and repaid that by standing by her, joining her squad and even handing in his resignation to keep her at the LAPD. She had been touched.

While she didn't have the added pressure of Taylor trying to so outwardly to destroy her, she now had Provenza and Flynn who were determined to make her life nuts. Leaving girls in garages to go to baseball games…she couldn't believe it when she had heard. But even though they screwed up, they were still good officers. Wasn't that why, when everyone else told her the jury woman's death was an accident, she believed Flynn's version of Homicide? Wasn't that why, when she needed someone to trust while working on the case with the CIA, she had asked Flynn to go get files, knowing that he would?

While work continued to get harder, with young girls being murdered and serial killers leaving victims on the beach, her personal life was becoming consuming. Whether it was early onset menopause, or getting engaged to Fritz while searching for a house, she seemed split in two directions. At least her team didn't change, or at least most of them different. Gabriel was getting into politics, and him and Daniels were becoming serious. Flynn and Provenza still got into trouble, but she could always count on Flynn to stand up for the victim when no one else would, when everyone else would try to be distanced and forget that a little girl had been stabbed through the heart. He was the one who kept her grounded.

Her relationship with Fritz grew stronger but her relationship with her father grew weaker as he did. As the months rolled by, Brenda was glad she had people to rely on. Maybe she relied on them too much, but she liked the way she worked with everyone, the way they were a family. She liked the way they defended her, like when Kroelick turned up and Flynn bounced him off a wall. But then it had all changed, just as she was about to walk down the aisle.

Stroh had changed everything, ruined everything. A criminal she couldn't catch, a criminal she couldn't convict. She couldn't even manipulate the circumstances like she had done before and still get justice for her victims. Stroh had walked, leaving unanswered questions, a dead girl waiting for justice, and countless rape victims. She felt like a failure. Sure, she had tried to paint on a good face, act like she wasn't bothered and it wasn't going to affect her. But every time she looked in the mirror, she could see shadows under her eyes, the haunted look in her irises. It was a look she saw a lot at work.

It was a look she saw if she looked out of her office and caught the gaze of Andy Flynn.

Things didn't improve after she came back from her honeymoon. She was married, but there was no change for her. She continued drifting through in her life, working cases, working with her team, working against officers in the LAPD. Same old, same old. The dreams of Stroh were a regular thing; she was used to waking up shaking. She never told Fritz, knew she would get the same old lecture about working too hard, being haunted by crime scenes. For once, she would just like someone to understand how hard her job was, but how much she loved it.

It was Joey O that made her confront her real feelings. He was a man with not a lot of time left, who had tortured and killed an old adversary. Would she be the same, would she find Stroh and hurt him until he gave her the answers she wanted, needed? She had told Joey she wouldn't be able to do what he did, but she knew a part of her would be able to. The part of her that was able to detach so easily from what she did. How she kept a level head until something came that upset her perfect world. Looking at Flynn, taking the tape, she knew he felt exactly how she was feeling - wondering if he was capable of such a thing. But as he wished her goodnight, Brenda knew Andy Flynn wouldn't be able to do that. He felt the death of everyone in a crime scene so strongly, that although he had a lot of old scores to settle he could never pull the trigger. That would break him; becoming the thing he despised the most.

As the weeks turned into months, Brenda began thinking more about Andy Flynn. She could talk to him about cases, she could be honest about how tired she was, because she knew he had the same bags under his eyes from working late. She couldn't deny to herself that he was attractive, and when he smiled, she felt like smiling to. But that was as far as it went - Fritz was a good man and he deserved better than her having an affair with a co worker. But there was something in her that ached for more than what Fritz could offer - working together had never really gone well, she was too competitive. They weren't a team, they weren't a partnership. They were just two people in a marriage.

The whole business about becoming Chief was all consuming, adding another distraction away from her marriage, away from dealing with her feelings for Andy Flynn. She had tried to bury it as deep as she could, but the flight attendants had been the last straw. She had noticed that Flynn's choice was the slight, blonde, southern girl - a type close to her own that it gave her butterflies in her stomach. But there was nothing she could do, nothing that would make the situation easier on all the parties involved.

It was then that she just decided to give up, roll with how things were. If she was made Chief, she would roll with it. If her and Fritz divorced because they couldn't work together in and out of work, she would roll with it. If she happened to, late at night before the world collapsed, press her lips to Flynn's and feel him respond, she would roll with it.

She wished for easier and past times, when the world was black and white and there was no grey. Flynn was an arsehole, Taylor hated her guts, Will was married and unavailable and she always caught the bad guys. She couldn't stand anymore complications in her world, so she let Flynn go from being by her side, to just another one of her lieutenants. Leave the fantasy of someone understanding her job and loving her as just that. Leaving the idea of Andy Flynn as just that.

She was back to walking through the motions, with a chocolate bar in hand and a heavy heart.