Penelope slumped down at her spongy swivel computer chair and sighed. She span around once, letting her glitter encrusted toes skim the floor, and sighed again. Placing her head in her hands, she commiserated that she was screwed.

She had no idea what to do. For once, the all powerful Penelope Garcia was as confused and speechless as a bunny on meth who'd been abducted by aliens. She was even despairing to the point where looking at fuzzy animals with cute bubble captions next to them wouldn't soothe her worries.

Suddenly, it was as if her brain switched on. If she'd been a cartoon, a lightbulb would have pinged over her head. Typing with a renewed vigour, she flicked on one of her many monitors and opened up a new document, preparing to put her brilliantly hatched plan into action.

You see, Garcia had a problem. And that problem was that there were too many guys in her life, and she had to decide which one she wanted. The recurring voice in her head popped up saying for the millionth time that she knew who she wanted, but she crushed it down successfully before beginning her list.

Men In My Life - And Why They Rock & Suck

Hotch

Pros

- Hot in a sultry brooding way.

- Has a hell of a lot of power

- Thinks I'm an exception

- Has dimples!

- Wears seriously dapper suits (thought they could use a sparkle or two)

- Lets me do whatever I want (most of the time)

- Doesn't complain about my sexual innuendos

Cons

- Has a kid (albeit an adorable one)

- Tragically dead ex-wife

- Works all the time

- Practically drools every time Emily walks past (me thinky something's going on there...)

- Is best buddies (ha!) with Strauss, and has dragon woman breathing down his neck constantly

- Scares me (just a tad)

Rossi

Pros

- Hot in a older guy way

- Has squillions (think of the shoes...)

- Calls me Kitten

- Calls Strauss Erin to her face - aka Has balls

- Is a big teddy bear

Cons

- Again, works all the time

- Is a bit of a loner

- No one really knows where he came from - shady background?

- Isn't so into the wacky and wonderful

- Lets his dog slobber all over me

- Wears mainly brown (big no)

Reid

Pros

- Is a genius (like me)

- Has cute hair

- Wears cute socks

- Has an awesome mom

- Is adorably clueless

Cons

- Is a genius (and I think the main problem would be that our awesomeness and geniusness would collide and reverberate the time space continuum)

- Is odd

- Dating? Two words: Epic. Fail.

- Doesn't know what Twilight it! Not. Cool.

- Would make want to hide in my cave to escape the inane facts and chatter

Kevin

Pros

- Is a computer freak (like me)

- Is smart

- Gets me

- Makes showering more fun

- Stood up for me to Rossi (even though I told him not to)

- Can get out of the wormhole

Cons

- Is a jerk

- Dumped me

- Made me sad

- Makes horrible grilled cheese, and pizza, and pasta... And generally gives me food poisoning every time he even steps near the stove

- Doesn't pick up dirty clothes

- Makes me want to squash his face into the floor

Derek Morgan (oh here we go...)

Pros

- Is a sculpted God of chocolate thunder

- Calls me baby girl

- Calls me princess, and goddess, and all sorts of smushy things

- Makes me get butterflies (all the goddamn time)

- Is so. Freaking. Gorgeous.

- Makes me want to drool

- I want his babies

- We would have genetically perfect offspring

- Protects me

- Doesn't like me being sad

- Looks after me

- Enjoys me sexually harassing him

- Sexually harasses me

- Buys me shiny presents that make me giggle

- Thinks I'm beautiful

- Likes my red hair

- Makes me feel funny

- Stayed with me after I got shot

- Checks up on me

- I want to marry him

- I want to have a whole host of babies and buy trillions of dogs and cats and other domestic thing with him

- He doesn't let Clooney slobber on me

- I'm in love with him

Cons

- ...(okay, computer of all knowledge, I'm going to be honest. I got nothing)

Garcia sat back and displayed her list. Solid, informative, gave her all her options... Didn't seem to be biased (yeah, right) No, her hunk of beauty didn't come out on top at all. No no no no...

Wait?

Her computer buzzed, alerting her that someone else on her team had just saved a document in their personal files. Okay, so maybe she shouldn't keep tabs on them like that - but she really had no choice - what if they got hurt? That's why she did this... Not to find out about JJ's second bun in the oven, or Emily's first official date with Hotch...

No. It was for safety.

So she clicked on the link and raised her eyebrows as she saw the subject matter. "My List" from... Derek Morgan's Personal Folder.

Holding her breath, she clicked the link, not sure what she would find...


A/N: For part two, review me! First Garcia/Morgan fic, woop woop :D