"God Eli, you're such a jerk!"
"Well you're being a bitch right now." I said the words without thinking them first and the look of disgust on my girlfriends face was more than obvious. I hated when we got into arguments like this, but my temper was so bad. I had a one track mind in fights. All I cared about was proving my point, especially when the thing we were fighting about was so absolutely ridiculous. But what I was most mad at, was myself. How could I ever have done something to make her so upset? She was the kindest person I knew and I had done something to put tears in her beautiful eyes. I wouldn't believe though that she actually had the nerve to accuse me of cheating. How could she even think this was possible? Didn't she realize how hopelessly I loved her? I couldn't even think about another girl with her in my life. She was the epitome of beautiful. She had every quality I wanted in a person. She was smart, and sweet and when I was with her I didn't know any other feeling but being happy. With her my life was filled with so much joy that fighting with her was harder than someone willingly breaking their own bones. But as long as we'd been together, the fighting seemed to happen more often and was becoming more intense. And my worst problem was that the rage took over my entire body and I just couldn't think clearly. It was a like a cloud of anger that made my brain turn to mush. I couldn't calm myself down enough to realize that this was the girl I loved, and that fighting with her was hurting her, something I promised her I would never do.
"You are truly an asshole." she replied with a glare as she turned to leave, but before she could I reached out and grabbed her arm to stop her. I couldn't let her go, the thought of her leaving now didn't settle well with me. It never did when we ended our night fighting.
"Julia, stop it." I demanded and pulled her back. In a second her hand was stretched back, and she smacked me hard against the cheek. I felt the burning imprint of where she had hit me as I lifted my face back up to look at her. She had tears in her eyes and my heart started to ache. Why were we doing this? Why did we always feel the need to hurt each other? She should know that she's the only thing to me in the world that mattered. What angered me so much was that she actually thought it was possible, "I would never cheat on you. Are you crazy?"
"Yeah that's me, crazy Julia." She glared and stopped pulling. We stood there, looking into each others eyes with a vast range of emotion. Anger, sadness, rage and remorse. I tried to think of any reason that I might have given her to where she'd think that I would ever want a different person than her.
"Why would you even think I wanted someone else?"
"I see the way you look at them Eli, those other girls," Her words came out in a whisper, but I could feel her heart was pounding through the pulse in her wrist, "The way you flirt and do your little smirk. It's the same way you got me to fall for you."
"Yeah but the difference is I wanted you to fall for me! Any other girl might as well be a part of the building we're standing in, because that's about as much as they mean to me next to you."
"But why would you even do it?"
I racked my brain to search for any moment I'd even have seemed to be flirting. Whenever I spoke to other girls, all I thought about was how Julia was so much more than them. I would wonder why God had made other girls so mundane compared to her and how it seemed unfair to every other guy in the world, because she was mine.
"Exactly, you have no answer. You're worthless."
"Oh grow up Julia, you're so stupid some times." Again, the anger started to take over and I said things I didn't mean.
She began pulling against my grasp again and tried to yank her arm back away from mine but I held on tight, unwilling to let her go.
"I hate you Eli!" She screeched as she yanked back one final time and I couldn't find the ability to continue holding on. Those three words struck me harder than a wrecking ball to a building. I might as well have been crashing to the ground just like one. I felt her wrist slip from my fingers and my face fell flat. She rummaged around the room, collecting her things and then stormed for the door.
"Julia… please don't go." I managed to speak, the words came out in a quiet whisper.
"Screw you, I'm going home."
"Let me give you a ride then."
"No!" She shrieked, "I don't need your help. I'm not getting in your stupid car."
Ouch, that one hurt. She'd never spoken bad about my hearse Morty. She loved him almost as much as I did. She must really be mad at me to say something bad about him.
"Please don't leave like this. You're supposed to stay the night…"
"Goodbye," she said as she placed her hand on the doorknob and I was glad that my parents weren't home to experience this argument, because it was the worst we'd ever had.
"Can you at least call me when you get home, so I'm not worried all night?" I pleaded.
"Maybe. Maybe you should worry about me." She gave me one final glare, and then opened the door and I watched her as she got on her bike, and continued to until she disappeared down the road.
I didn't realize how long an hour of my life really was until that night. I had positioned myself on the couch the entire time, staring at my phone. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I had a horrible feeling. It might have been that this was the worst fight that Julia and I had ever had, but it didn't seem like the reason. My heart kept vibrating with a glitch of worry and I couldn't seem to subside it. I don't know when I'd fallen asleep, but I was only half aware when my parents came home. I heard them whispering as they passed me by, probably noticing I was sleeping there on the couch as they did, on the way to their room. They were saying something about an accident they'd passed on the way home. About how there was police cars and an ambulance. I hated hearing about things like that. Life was so short and when your time came, you had no time of knowing. I tried to focus on what they were saying but all I remember before I fell back to sleep was that they hadn't gotten a good look. It wasn't until two hours later that I woke in a panic. Had I missed Julia's call? I rubbed my eyes and yawned as I sat up and grabbed my phone from the table. I didn't have a missed call or a text or anything. She must have been really mad at me, because she never forgot to call and tell me goodnight, even after our fights. I grinded my teeth together to keep down my worry and dialed her number. Busy signal. I waited a few seconds and then called again. This time, someone picked up. But it wasn't Julia.
"Eli?" Julia's mom's panicked voice answered.
"Mrs. Morrison?" I asked, surprised she had answered her daughters phone, "What's going on?"
"Eli…" I could tell now as she said my name the second time, that she was crying and I could feel my world around me collapsing. Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong.
"What happened?" I panicked, yelling into the phone as I jumped up from the couch, amidst grabbing my coat and keys.
"Julia…" she was sobbing. I didn't even know what was going on and I could feel my eyes beginning to sting and water, "She… she was in an accident..."
I didn't hear anything that was said after that. Right then, it clicked. The accident my parents had passed… it was Julia. Everything in the world stopped at that moment. Time, emotion, life. Nothing existed at all. I felt like is was falling and everything around me was being sucked down a drain and I was left being flipped around in all different directions with no sense of reality. I don't know how it happened but the next second I was on the floor and I could only faintly hear the sound of Julia's mom yelling through the phone at me, which when I dropped had rolled away from my hand. My stomached ached in pain as I cried, and my hands balled up into fists. I punched the ground repeatedly, feeling the aching burn as I slammed them harder and hard against the floor. This was all my fault! She was supposed to stay with me that night! If it wasn't for me, she would be here in my arms instead of… I couldn't even think of it. There was no way she could be… gone. It wasn't real! It couldn't be. This had to be some sick joke. Some lie to make me feel bad for fighting with her. How could she be gone when she was just here with me? I cried harder and harder feeling my heart completely cringe in protest. I couldn't believe she was dead. I had done it. The fight was my fault. I should have just held her and told her I loved her and only her. But instead I fought, like always. I had killed my girlfriend. And just like that, the closest person in my life was gone forever.