a/n: I do not own Two and a Half men, nor it's characters. This drabble is an episode tag of "The Live Woman of Proven Fertility" 04x05(?) AU twist with incest which is Charlie/Alan.

Note: I only saw this episode a couple of nights ago and that that it could make a pretty good slash; I hope you like and enjoy what you are about to read. (sorry about any errors that may occur)


"Hey Charlie." Alan greeted his brother.

"Hey," Charlie said back as he poured himself three fingers. "Since Jake's at his mother's, you wanna go grab some dinner?"

"I can't go out to dinner, Charlie." Alan told his brother as he leaned against the empty counter by the stainless steal fridge.

"'Why? Got a date?' He said already knowing the answer, but asked just to be polite." Charlie said with his weird since of humour.

"'No, I don't have a date.' He replied, all the while thinking: Bite me you booze addled buffoon." Alan said, not missing a beat. After 30 years, Alan was what one would call an expert on Charlie's out of wack sense of humour.

"So why can't you go?" Charlie asked as he turned toward his brother, taking a swallow from his glass. For Alan to turn down going out for dinner was one of two things: he was being his cheep self and didn't want to pay, or he was depressed about his miserable excuse of a life.

"Are you kidding?" Alan did his breathless laugh. "I owe alimony to two women, Charlie. I don't have the luxury of eating out or eating in, really. I'm trying to learn to eat my own crude." he said, his tone serious though sad.

So Charlie had been wrong; it was two things - being divorced twice will do that sort of thing. Now, Charlie Harper usually found anything and all things that bit his little brother in the ass very humorous. But maybe today he could be nice, "All right, I'll treat."

"No-no," Alan shook his head, "You've already done so much for me already." and it was true; 2 years so far.

"I'm not keeping tab." Charlie told him, but continued with: "$26,382 - to date."

"Exactly!" Alan agreed; though holy crap, how was he going to pay all that back? "Which is why I should start to carry my own weight - Which is going to actually be easy, since I'm wasting away," He looked to the tile floor, slumping a little more against the counter top.

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself." Charlie told him firmly.

"I'm not feeling sorry for myself." Alan told him matter of fact. "I'll-I'll find something here to eat. Maybe some scrambled eggs and a . . . Popsicle."

"Fine, see you later." Charlie walked past Alan and towards the sitting room. But before he could make it, Alan sighed very loudly and in a very depressing manner. "All right," Charlie turned to Alan, "I'm only going to ask this one last time." he paused a second for effect and sat his glass down, "Would you like to go to dinner with me?"

"That depends," Alan looked at Charlie, "Where are we going?"

"Oh, for God's sake, Alan!" Charlie exclaimed in exasperation.

"What?" Alan demanded, standing up-right from the counter. "I don't get a free vote?"

"No!" Charlie yelled. "You get a free meal."

"If I was one of your dates, you'd ask where I wanted to go." Alan told him sadly.

"Your right," Charlie agreed quietly before he slipped in behind Alan and wrapped his arms around the other man's waist, pulling Alan flush against him as he buried his nose in his neck. "So, where do you want to go, baby?" he said in a husky tone.

"That's very funny." Alan told him in a breathy voice.

"No-no," Charlie whispered in his ear, nibbling his ear lobe. "Let's get something hot in you," he tugged Alan's shirt out from his pant's, before sticking his hands under the material. His hands glided over Alan's stomach; causing a shiver to travel down said man's spine. "Then get something hot in you." Charlie's hot breath ghosted across sensitive skin.

"Knock it off." Alan told him weakly; but not moving away.

Charlie's glided his nose down the side of Alan's neck, inhaling deeply. "Gee, you smell nice."

"You-you know what?" Alan stuttered out; getting nervous. "I'll just stay here and have a popsicle."

"Oh," Charlie said in his bedroom voice as he pushed himself hard into Alan, "You'll getting the popsicle, Alan"

And that was when Alan felt it. Something hard pressing against his butt and he knew what it was almost instantly; Charlie's arousal. Once that information circulated to his brain, it immediately went south. So now he was just as hard as his brother. They had only done this about a dozen times before; Charlie 17 and Alan 12. They were just some curious boys who found some weird material in their mother's closet, not to mention what they walked in on multiple times with various 'dad's'. They hadn't done anything since then and by God Alan missed it with passion.

"You-you can choose where we eat." Alan moaned out as Charlie suckled his pulse point.

Charlie smirked at that and in one swift, quick move, Charlie spun Alan around and pushed him onto the table top. "I think we should eat in tonight"

With expert fingers, Charlie undid Alan's belt, popped the button and pulled down the zipper.

Alan gave a groan as some of the pressure was released and lifted up his hips to help Charlie take of his jeans and boxers in one swift jerk.

Charlie smirked wide at the sight before him, what lay on his very kitchen table.

Alan was somewhat flushed with the pure heat and lust that welled within him, his cock as hard as it had been the first time all those 18 years ago; eager as hell for his related counter part as its head dribbled pre-cum.

Alan gasped out as Charlie slowly licked his slit, taking the pre-cum with it. The taste of Alan exploded on Charlie's taste buds as he quickly slipped from his shorts.

Alan leaned up on his elbows as he watched Charlie drop trout and licked his lips in anticipation; he couldn't wait for Charlie to be inside him, to fill him to the rim with his seed - to mark Alan as his once again.

"Cupboard behind you, right side, bottom shelf." was all Alan said as he laid back down on the table, socked feet dangling over the edge.

Charlie spun around fast enough to stumble, but righted himself quickly as he yanked open the cupboard and snatched the innocent looking olive oil; twisting the lid off at a mad speed, the cap flying across the room at the force. With more force than necessary Charlie tipped the bottle and squeezed what could have been half the bottle in his hand, but he didn't care as he tossed the bottle (thank God it was plastic) as he lathered his dick with the oil - he needed to be like inside Alan a couple of years ago.

Grabbing Alan's hips, Charlie lined himself up with the familiar ring of muscle - there was no need for preparation as Charlie needed to be in Alan now and Alan needed him inside right now. So that's what he did; he moved his hips back and with one of his mightiest humps ever, he plunged into that tight tunnel.

The sudden tightness around him was like heaven on his sensitive penis, and going by Alan's pleasure filled scream, Charlie would say that he hit Alan's prostate. Charlie started to move at such a fast desperate pace that the wooden table beneath them shook and Alan had to wrap his legs around Charlie's hips.

Without even realizing it, Alan had wrapped his hand around his desperate cock and jerked his hand up and down at the same pace that Charlie was fucking him.

As they finally reached their climax, Alan tightened around Charlie as he spurted on everything in range (Charlie's shirt covered chest, along with his own and also his hand) and the tightness that squeezed his over stimulated manhood, which caused Charlie to cum along with Alan.

As Charlie collapsed on top of Alan, spent arms wrapped around him and held him close. He nuzzled the chest beneath him sleepily before closing his brown eyes.

Alan sighed in satisfaction as he carded his fingers through Charlie's damp locks, before he let his lids slip shut. As he lay there under Charlie on the table (Charlie's bare ass hanging in the air as he was still fully inside of Alan) in his sedated state of mind all Alan Harper could think was:

Thank God Berta had the day off.

note: I thank all of thee for reading and if you would please review, it would be much appreciated! Now, down to business: I wasn't sure how far apart Charlie and Alan were in years, the only thing I know for sure is that Charlie's older. And what they did when they were younger has not really happened in the show - or at least the part about them getting it on.