Author's Notice: This was written for a bit of fun, I know it wouldn't happen in real life. I hope you have as much fun reading it as I did writing it.
"It's a baby."
"Yes I know that, come on let's get a taxi."
"It's a baby."
Watson huffed and walked with a slight limp away from the stairwell. Another case, another murder. But with an added take home bonus.
"John we can't do this, it isn't our responsibility." Sherlock paused, hands in pockets and glared at the tiny bundle Watson was carrying delicately.
"We have to."
Watson stormed away leaving Sherlock stood stock still in the middle of the hallway trying to assimilate what had just happened. On cue Mrs Hudson bustled past with a tray of tea and a plate of biscuits.
"Here we are, I saw the weather outside and thought you might like some tea to warm you up. What with all these murder scenes you've been attending." She lent forwards after placing the tray down and began to pour a cup.
"Actually Mrs Hudson we're fine, please excuse us." Sherlock said as the baby in Watson's arms began fuss and Mrs Hudsons attention was drawn to him.
"And who is this little addition? Are you two adopting?"
Sherlock's hearing went dull for a moment, frustrated he looked at the bundle, back at Mrs H and back to Watson. "No Mrs Hudson in fact I really don't want to talk about what happened, let's just say it was purely out of our control. Thank you for the tea." She didn't respond to his hint and approached Watson chattering in an odd baby tone. Watson noticed Sherlock looked like he might implode and took the initiative.
"Come on, I think we need to find this little one a place to sleep for the night. I don't think forcing Sherlock into the paternal role is a good idea."
"Right. Well I'll find you a spare drawer you can put it in… Does it have a name?"
"No. Mrs Hudson please excuse us I need to have a word with my assistant."
Watson paused and glanced sympathetically at Mrs Hudson who seemed un phased. "Look after it, if you need anything you know where I am."
"Thank you goodnight Mrs Hudson." Watson said kindly, Sherlock said nothing and sighed with relief when she was gone. "There was no need to be so rude, we could probably use some female help."
"Gender has nothing to do with child rearing both sexes are equally capable." Sherlock raised one of the cups to his lips and paused. "Why did you let them burden us like this you know they're only trying to prevent us from going to crimescenes."
"Never mind." Sherlock interjected turning his back on Watson.
"Right well I need to take a shower, here."
Sherlock looked up from beneath the bundle as though someone had shoved something foul beneath his nose. "And what am I supposed to do with that?"
"Just look after it. Don't drop it, don't leave it alone and don't put it on any high surfaces- I'll be right back."
"And what if it cries?"
"Then see if it's hungry? I don't know you're supposed to be the clever one remember."
Sherlock sighed and gestured for him to deposit the bundle on the couch next to him, which he did carefully making sure it was tightly wrapped, fast asleep and unable to roll anywhere.
"Right it's fast asleep, I'll be right back don't do anything silly."
"Would I?" Sherlock called after him.
Truth be told Watson wouldn't have left the tiny bundle in Sherlock's charge under normal circumstances, but these weren't normal. He'd been covered in any number of foul substances and needed to get rid of the stench, especially from out of his hair. Hastily he gathered his shower essentials and stepped into the cubical washing faster than he ever had, images of Sherlock and the bundle pouring through his mind, what if something went wrong?
Finally he finished and smelt human again, but upon opening the living room door he saw no sight nor sound of Sherlock, and the bundle was gone as well. It wasn't on the couch, nor had it fallen, it certainly wasn't with Mrs H as she was laughing loudly at a programme on TV. Suddenly overwhelmed with a protective surge Watson pounded upstairs and threw the doors open to Sherlocks room.
"Have you ever heard of knocking?"
"Where is it?"
"Where is what?"
"Don't play with me, not now where is it?"
Sherlock didn't reply and turned his attention back to his book, Watson didn't bother with him anymore and scouted around the room.
"Oh you mean the baby? I put it in a drawer like Mrs Hudson suggested."
"You put it in a drawer?" There were over fifty drawers in the flat any of them could contain the baby. How could Sherlock be so blasé about this? "Sherlock this is very important." He said as though speaking to a child. "Which drawer did you put the baby?"
"My. Sock. Drawer." Sherlock retorted becoming agitated.
"Your sock drawer?"
Watson rounded the bed and was about to rip open the top drawer when something caught his eye. Wrapped up exactly how he'd been left earlier, only now it was surrounded by a very soft blanket, in the bottom drawer, his socks strewn carelessly around the floor. Watson smiled and watched him sleep on, it was only now he realised the title of the book was 'baby care for dummies' not exactly Sherlock's usual read.
"I didn't have anywhere else to put him" Sherlock began noting Watson's bemused expression. "It didn't seem fitting him to sleep on the sofa."