A/N: I got this idea from watching JudgeClaudeFrollo6's videos on . So many of them were very comic and entertaining that I just had to do something! As usual, 1982 version, only I rewrote it in the form of a musical. Here we are, just for laughs! (If you want to know which one specifically that made me come up with this, watch "I'm Mad" on JudgeClaudeFrollo6's account.)
(The scene opens with bells being rung and a chorus of monks singing Latin. Noises ensue from backstage. A dark-haired girl walks onto the stage wearing a red and gold medieval dress and carrying a giant storybook. From the programs passed out to the audience, we can infer that this is none other than Sybl Angelkat herself, the author of the musical.)
Sybl: (whispers) Guys, hush! They can hear you!
Claude: Well, tell Phoebus to stop polishing his mirror with my robes!
Phoebus: I have to see to make sure I'm stage-worthy!
Sybl: You're not even in this scene, you goof! Give Claude his robes back!
Claude: Do I really have to wait until later to kill him?
Sybl: Yes! Now get out here!
Claude: (sighs) I'd better be well-paid for this…
(Everyone gets into position and Sybl lowers her headset microphone down to where it's closer to her mouth. The music has a similarity to "The Bells of Notre Dame")
Built as a homage
To God and to Mary
Behind me stands Notre Dame…
Man's great triumph
And bitter failures alike
Were seen by Notre Dame…
Whoever it was that etched out this word
That stands for anarchy
Probably never once dreamed
At just how right they could be…
(The spotlights come on and reveal the nuns standing around the foundling's bed and laughing. A group of monks stand on the other side of the room examining a Bible.)
Two lives were destined to mingle
Neither one ever could guess
That one of these would grow up a monster
And the other a picture of gentleness…
It began with an act of mercy…
(Sybl backs out of the spotlight and allows the other characters to take over.)
Nun One: If that's how they're making babies these days,
I have no choice but to give up now!
Nun Two: If this is the product of sex and of birth
I'm certainly glad to have taken my vows!
Nun Three: It's so hideous that I can't stop looking,
My imagination has run amok!
In fact, I should go see a doctor
Because I think my eyelids are stuck!
(They burst into giggles. The priest turns to Claude and Claude goes to see what's going on.)
Claude: What's going on down here?
What's the purpose of all of this noise?
Nun One: Someone has left a foundling sir,
Though we're not sure if it's a demon or boy…
Claude: (makes a face) Good God…they never covered this in Bible Study!
Claude: I will take this child
And raise him as my own
I pity this poor misshapen thing…
Without me, he would never have a home.
Nun Two: What will you call him, Father?
Claude: (spoken) I will call him what I see…the approximation of a human. Quasimodo!
(The stage fades to black and Sybl reappears.)
So here we have witnessed
The making of history
Which one is the monster
And which one is the man?
Well, you'll see…