When you live as long as I do you have that certain cynicism, that only years of watching the growing darkness can instill in you. Not only a cynicism about life, but about people, places, motives, emotions... Love. Which is why when I met her, I could not believe the exchange of information which had clearly taken place between us. An exchange that I had not yet taken part in. Even now as I watch her sculpted figure moving gracefully around my Tardis I still cannot recall the very first time I laid eyes on her curly blonde locks, her full and inviting lips, her wonderfully toned body begging for expert exploration that only a Time Lord could provide. And that's because my first encounter with Professor River Song had not yet taken place. When would she rage into my life like the oncoming storm that 'I' was? When would she leap from a spaceship not knowing that I would be there to catch her? Or would she merely be one of those faces? Someone you casually bump into in a crowded street, exchange a look of disgust at the rudeness and then continue on? Recalling their expression repeatedly afterwards with pure indignation... Knowing that the next time you saw them you would quite happily express that disgust. Only to find out much later, that they would turn out to be the most, the most important thing in your universe, important to you if noone else. I look at her now and I can't help but smile, I smile like no one else has ever made me smile before. Not even...
She had been special. And I had honoured that part of my life by giving a part of me to her. Old face, old feelings, old me.
Rose was my past, but River... River was my undeniable future. All the future I could possibly want or need. My future as far ahead as my Tardis could travel. Past the stars and beyond... To the end of the universe... And trust me... We've been.
Stretching my legs out in front of me I considered my worn out boots, the scuffs and scrapes. I can recall the cause of each of them, every heart stopping moment. Moments dangerous enough that they were able to pause both of my hearts, at least for a second anyway. I stand to remove the heavy tweed jacket from my person and rest it, neatly folded beside me.
"Anything wrong my love?"
Her soft smooth voice eased the silence that had grown between us. I closed my eyes in a slow blink, the tone soothed me, it took away my worries, my thoughts, my demons.
Ah, there it was. Her favourite nickname for me, when I heard that word. That simple word. All fear left me and I knew she was with me once more. All feelings of being completely lost vanished. She would be there once more to tackle whatever mission she had embarked upon. A mission she was guaranteed to drag me into, every, single, time. I shook my head slowly, smiling at her with all the warmth I contained,
"Nothing," I uttered quietly, "Nothing's wrong"
With a casual shrug of her shoulders she turned with a flick of those curls back to the controls. I watched her a few minutes more, unable to blink, unable to think, unable to move, hardly able to breathe.
When you live for as long as I do. And travel as far as I do. And live alone for as long as I did... Eventually... Eventually... You realise... That you need someone.
Someone to laugh with,
Someone to talk with,
Someone to stay up all night with,
Someone to watch stars sail by and burn out with,
Someone to watch a comet fly by or to hang over a supernova with.
Someone to just...
Someone to love.
I've never loved anyone before.
After 900 years I didn't think i was meant to love anyone. But here I am, with River, in the Tardis. At last. Someone with knowledge to rival my own. Someone demanding and in control. The someone that I desperately needed in my life. To save me from myself if nothing else.
Professor River Song.
My River Song.