I. Have. No. Idea. What. I. Was. Thinking.

Now, I actually wanted to do something involving male lactation - *IS SHOT* But…I didn't actually want it to end up like…this.

I guess I wanted it to be slightly more sexier, and slightly less…crackier. Anyways, hope you enjoy this so-bad-it's-good-but-probably-horrible-fanfic.

Just a few words o' warning: The pairing – well, threesome – is England/America and Japan/America, there's Male lactation - if that wasn't obvious enough, and this whole fic just consists of random retarded stupidity.

And be wary – you might not really care for milkshakes after reading this.


It was a bright, beautiful, sunny day full of happiness!

In fact, it was probably a good day for MILKSHAKE.


(I think the DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUN opening sequence goes here)


Japan and England were walking together, because they had some sort of bromance going on, but neither of them actually realized it, despite that warm feeling was buried deep inside their hearts. They were talking about this and that, and that and this.

And then America ran up to them.

"HEY GUYS! DID YOU KNOW I CAN DO SOMETHING REALLY SPECIAL?"

Kiku's eyes widened in amazement. "Really, Alfred-san? What is it?"

The Briton rolled his eyes. "He's good at being obnoxious, that's what…" he grumbly-grumbled. Alfred ignored him because he's cool like that, and then he crept closer to the two.

"I…can…no wait, let's go to somewhere more…private…and I'll show you, mmkay?" he suggested, in a purple voice.

So they all took a plane to a McDonalds near you and used the restroom. England was feeling somewhat uneasy. Because they went to McDonalds and America was kinda acting like he wanted to DO IT with them?

"Okay, so now that we're here, lemme show you what I can do!" Alfred squealed. Arthur crept away and Kiku just looked curious.

The American took off the sky-blue "F**K YEAH" shirt he got from Hot Topic, revealing his plump man boobs. England blushed because America's chest GIVES EVERYONE ERECTIONS, EVEN IF YOU'RE A GIRL.

"S-so I found out I could do this…like, last week. And uh, does anyone have a cup or something?" he asked. Japan nodded and handed America a Hatsune Miku mug he pulled from Hammerspace.

Alfred grinned. "Gee thanks. Now, uh, don't get too aroused or something."

Taking his thumb and index finger, America massaged his right breast, moving closer and closer around his hardening nipple (a/n: AREN'T GUYZ WITH BIG BOOBZ HAWT LOL)

"Oh my." gasped England. Japan hid behind him because he was getting a stiffy. Alfred let out a moan and squeezed his breast harder. "Haaah…! C-come out already…ngh!"

And then…HE SQUIRTLED A LIQUID INTO THE MIKU MUG.

IT WAS VANILLA MILKSHAKE.

Arthur nosebleed all over the bathroom, so much that it looked like ten emos had killed themselves in there, but that's OK cuz they wanted to die.

The Briton took the mug of MILKSHAKE and gulped it down. It tasted kinda warm and clumpy but really good and it sorta made him feel horny. Then England grabbed onto the lactating young man and started to SUCK MORE MILKSHAKE FROM AMERICA'S NEW YORK.

"MMMMMMMMMMM" CREAMED ARTHUR.

Kiku started to cry because he really wanted to taste Alfred's beautiful organic MILKSHAKE, and also because Arthur threw his Hatsune Miku mug on the floor. (but it was an accident)

"You c-can have some MILKSHAKE t-too!" America said, in-between groans of pleasure. Japan turned chibi and then unchibi! "ARIGATOU GOZIMASU DESU!" he squealed.

The Asian nation snuggled next to America, squeezed his left moob and started to LICK NEW JERSY. "YOUR MAN-MADE MILKSHAKE ARE WONDERFUL!" screamed Japan and England, as America breastfed them like they were CHIBI NATIONS AGAIN OMGZ SO KAWAII! ^_^

But then…ARTHUR WAS CURIOUS.

"Alfred…-mmn- is vanilla milkshake the only flavor you -slrp- have?" asked England.

America laid down on the bathroom floor, where billions of people probably walked, but it didn't matter, because this was SUCH A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT! "W-well, when I'm really – ah! H-horny, s-sometimes I can squeeze out some strawberry MILKSHAKE…!"

"Ooh! I can taste a little bit of ICHIGO!" fanboyed Japan, trying to suckle as much newly-flavored MILKSHAKE as he could from America's tit. "Onegai, mommy~!"

Alfred blushed at being called 'mommy'. "H-hey, if ya want more strawberry, ya gotta s-suck a little more! C-c'mon, make mommy more…ahh…c-comfortable!"

England smirked while his hand merrily wandered down to America's FLORIDA, WHICH WAS CURRENTLY GROWING MOUTAINS FROM NOWHERE!

"Ooooooooooh!" moaned America. "K-KEEP PLEASING MOMMY! Y-YOU'LL GET YOUR STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKE S-SOOOOON!"

Arthur continued to fondle Alfred's FLORIDA, which was growing harder with each touch. "Heh…you're so cute when you're horny…" giggled Arthur. He sucked on Alfred's teat, relishing in the creamy strawberrylicious FA-LAY-VOUR~

"Ahh…! I-I want you both to taaaake meeee…!" mewled America, pleasure running faster than a ALAKAZAM ON CRACK through every single vein in his heavenly body.

So then Japan removed America's pants and England put his NICE BIG BEN in THE GRAND CANYON. AND THEN JAPAN DID THE SAME WITH HIS MT. FUJI.

"OOOOOH." moaned Alfred. "MMMM." groaned Arthur. "URAGH." grunted Kiku. The all had a big naked gay international orgy AND IT WAS VERY SEXY.

And then America cupped his moobs and sprayed CHOCOLATE STRAWBERRY CHEESCAKE MILKSHAKE everywhere like in CALIFORNIA GURLS.

Japan and England lapped it all up. "This is yum." they said.

But then…

"HEY, I REALIZED SOMETHING!" chirped America. "WUT!" the two older nations said, kinda dizzy from the humongous MILKSHAKE explosion that just happened.

"LET'S GO AROUND THE WORLD AND FEED STARVING CHILDREN MY MAGICAL MILKSHAKE!" suggested America. "OK." said England and Japan.

SO THEY WENT TO CALIFORNIA, AND SCARED EVERYONE, BECAUSE MEN SHOULDN'T LACTATE, AND THEY ESPECIALLY SHOULDN'T SQUEEZE OUT MILKSHAKE. AND THEY SHOULDN'T DO IT LIKE HOW KATY PERRY DOES.

To be continued…


Yes, there's gonna be one more chapter. Hooooraaaay.

Uh…review, please. Lemme know if you think I should get psychological help.