A/N: I don't own the characters to this, as they belong to Cassandra Clare. Minor language just so I could qualify this for T. I might make another thing to this, I dunno yet…
"I may as well be dead, Magnus," Alec solemnly stated to his warlock. He couldn't see the twinge of pain and remorse from the older male.. The Shadowhunter lifted his head carefully, as if doing such would worsen his situation. "I can't fight. I'll be deadweight from here on out, and you know it." Shadowhunters were no good as deadweight. Even in death they served, but Alec wasn't dead. How unfair was it that he couldn't continue to serve and protect in life now?
Without any makeup, or gel applied to his features, the warlock of eight hundred years looked calm, rather than his usual flaunted flamboyancy. Magnus swore from time to time that he could set small bushes in the park on fire just by looking at them with his dazzling smile, and from the buckets of glitter he rolled in. His unspeakably bright colors that he wore may have helped too, what with the lighting of bushes in flames.
"Don't say that, baby. You're so lucky you aren't dead," Magnus said, sighing heavily. Shadowhunters were the worst when they were stuck in a depressing state. Some of them, like his dear Alexander Lightwood, were hard to retrieve them from said stupor. He looked over the dark haired male, everything about him hinting exhaustion. "It could have been worse. You could have lost appendages. Really important ones." Not that he wouldn't still be beautiful if he happened to be missing a leg or two, but it could get a tad awkward, in Magnus' opinion, if his boyfriend of eighteen years were missing a leg, or a hand, or more. It was a good thing demons didn't usually aim for genitals when removing limbs, Magnus thought offhandedly. Alec wouldn't appreciate the humor right now, he had concluded.
Alec was silent as he considered what could possibly be worse than this.
Sure, there were plenty of things that could be worse. Sure, death was one of them. Right about now, as he looked at all of the things he could no longer do, he'd rather be dead. "I'm only human," he said. "I'll die eventually. Working in the line of Shadowhunting, death could be around any corner. Even if the demon's don't kill me, time and age will." And Magnus would live forever, and in time he'd forget about him and find another lover. Alec was only another face for the warlock, just another person he'd come to meet, and share memories with. Comparing Alec to the rest of the people Magnus had kissed and would kiss in the future was comparable to counting the stars in the sky.
Magnus looked at the worn out Shadowhunter who appeared to have given up before he'd tried or endured anything. The white hospital pajamas of the Institute didn't do much to help Alec looking like he was recovering. "For the most part, you're in one piece. You can still breathe, and you can move. It's not over yet. Not for probably another seventy years."
"What am I supposed to do for seventy years?" Alec snapped, barking at his blanket-covered lap. Rendered useless at the age of nineteen, with his whole life ahead of him, life suddenly felt a lot longer than it had before he and his siblings had taken the mission.
"You could choose to be with me," Magnus said quietly, approaching Alec almost cautiously. "I can take care of you. Your parents and your sister can take care of you. All you have to do is ask." Slender hands held the dark haired boy's face gently, thumbs brushing over the sides of the freshly changed bandages covering his eyes. "There are so many people who would give you a hand if you'd just ask."
Telling him that wouldn't guarantee anything. Every Shadowhunter Magnus had met in his time had been stubborn to the core. So stubborn, they would refuse help if they were dying on the floor at his feet. Magnus used to debate whether that was sheer stubborn stupidity, or determination to maintain pride that he couldn't fathom. In some cases it was both, such as a certain daring blonde that had caused this situation in the first place.
"I can't burden people like that," Alec insisted morosely, leaning into Magnus' warm, soft touch. "I can't bother you for everything."
The same conversation they'd go through every time Alec appeared on at his doorstep injured. With a patient sigh, Magnus told him yet again, "I'm your boyfriend. I want to help." Silly Alec and his thoughts on how he thought he was using Magnus just for healing.
Alec never listened to that, no matter how many times he repeated it. Or maybe he did, and just never took it seriously. Either way, half the time Magnus had to figure out for himself if the younger male was hurt or not, and the conversation would rear its familiar head. Alec said nothing as he sat in the truth of Magnus' words. There was nothing he could say, and almost no way he could refuse when Magnus was so willing to help.
"So?" the warlock asked, "will you let me and everyone help?" He could see practically see how Alec was torn between saying yes and insisting on fighting about it more. He leaned forward, lips brushing the others. He was trying to be tempting, and because he couldn't see Alec's eyes, he couldn't tell if it was working.
"I guess," Alec gave in, a small nod. Chances were he'd still try to do things on his own, but at least Magnus had his consent to help. That was all the consent he needed to use to baby him and be over protective. His Shadowhunter would tire of that, he was sure, but no matter. Magnus Bane was very good at dealing with fussy, short-tempered Shadowhunters with humor, sarcasm, and his blinding wit. Dear God, was he rubbing off of Jace?
No. No, he was pretty sure he was here first. Jace must have copied off of him with the whole comic relief role personality. Secretly. Magnus was convinced, or rather, in the process of convincing himself his way was more likely. He was brought from his pointless musings when Alec shifted in his hands and made a small noise in the back of his throat, akin to the sound a small animal would make when it was injured, much like Alec was, Magnus couldn't help but think.
"You'll still…love me, even if I get to be a pain?" Alec was still thinking of how much he'd burden everyone. On the bright side, he was accepting that he'd need help.
"Of course I'd still love you," Magnus said, his tone suggesting that Alec was being silly. "Nothing changes with just this." Except Alec would be heavily dependent on everyone.
"Even though I'm…b-blind?" he asked, tripping over the word, hesitant to say it. Saying it felt like accepting it. Magnus brushed a few stray hairs from his face, Alec's fingers noticeably twitching from how close the contact to his unseeing eyes had been. He was nervous about that area, perhaps because he'd experienced some of the worst pain in his life there, recently. Magnus didn't think it hurt there too much now, since he'd healed the open wounds, but there was no doubt Alec had been traumatized to an extent, not to mention Alec couldn't see what was going to happen when people were around him.
"Being blind now would have no effect on our relationship," Magnus informed him, taking a tone that would tell Alec he should know this, or expect better of the warlock. Maybe someone else, someone less important, he would have left, but he certainly had no future plans to leave this one. A disability would make things interesting, Magnus secretly thought. "I'm pretty sure there's nothing that could tear us apart. Well, you wanting to might, but, y'know, I'm kind of hoping you don't want to."
Alec let the corners of his mouth twitch up slightly, just for a fraction of a second. "I wouldn't want to, especially now. I need you, but I don't want to bother you, or trouble you, or-" Alec was cut off as Magnus stopped his sentence with a kiss, effectively silencing his doubts.
"I want to help you, okay? End of story, case closed, el fin," Magnus stated firmly when they pulled their mouths apart.
"Okay," the younger male consented. The warlock rewarded their truce with another kiss. Alec was noticeably tentative with this, his effort was similar to when they first started seeing each other. Maybe Alec was reverting to shy and hesitant again because he couldn't see. Maybe? No, most definitely. Alec pulled them apart with a soft popping sound when they heard a throat clearing on the other side of the infirmary.
"Alec goes blind and you're already trying to take advantage of him? Is this a new low for you, Magnus?" Jace asked sarcastically. A quick glance at Alec told Magnus that the boy had either found this funny in an embarrassing way, or was overall still embarrassed about people walking in on them and their moments.
"You're an ass. I am definitely not taking advantage of my dear Alexander."
"Flattery will you get no where, especially in trying to delude me from what I really saw." Jace smirked, though what Magnus really saw in his eyes was regret. Jace, always putting up a sarcastic, asshole-ish like front. "If you're done molesting him while he can't fight back, I'd like a…moment alone to talk to him."
"Why? Are you going to take advantage of him while I'm not there to protect him?" Magnus snorted, rolling his eyes.
"Are you sure it's not you that wants to take advantage of me while he's not there to protect you?" the blonde turned around, scoffing. The older of the two bickering stopped and gave him a look. Answering that look, Jace declared, "I'm so damn sexy and you know you want me." The addressed couldn't help but laugh at the comic relief Jace was providing, trying to hold the tension of the room at bay. Magnus gave the boy some credit for that.
"I'm so sure of that what you just said is not that case, that I'm going to walk out of here without a second glance at you." Magnus turned to his boyfriend first. "I'll come back later, okay?"
"All right. I'll be here, of course."
"I know. Love you, doll," Magnus said, kissing Alec's forehead. He strode out of the room, true to his word about not looking once at Jace. He heard a chair being moved, presumably Jace wanting to sit by Alec's bedside and talk. Magnus may have lingered by the doorway a little longer than he had to. Amazingly, the first thing he heard, instead of a smart remark, was Jace apologizing softly. Jace was an insensitive jerk sometimes, but as Magnus learned gradually, when Jace did something to injure his parabatai in battle, he'd soften up and actually apologize. The only two people the energetic blonde seemed to bow down for was his little red head, who had him whipped without even trying, and on the occasion, Alec, his brother at heart.
Maybe even Jace would help out with this. Maybe he was guilty enough to want to assist the problem he'd created. If only he wasn't so reckless, Magnus couldn't help but thinking this wouldn't have happened. Was he blaming the selfish, arrogant, fearless prick? Maybe. Maybe he was, or maybe he was blaming Alec for being so selfless and sacrificing himself to avoid the target being his friend. His young Shadowhunter tended to be a martyr sometimes. Check that, he was always trying to be a martyr. Magnus always had to worry when they went out on missions, knowing Alec would be more than happy to throw himself in front of an attack to protect someone, and he'd done just that today.
Magnus hoped Jace felt bad. No, he wanted him to feel horrible.
He wanted him to feel as bad as Alec did.
Someday, he hoped Jace would willingly return the favor for Alec.