This was written in conjunction with my beta, Emily. It was inspired by the list of "21 Reasons why Star Wars is Better than Titanic," which we strongly suggest you Google, since it's pretty hilarious. The main difference here is that Titanic is actually good (but not as good as Star Wars.) We *know* that Twilight isn't *supposed* to have sci-fi elements like green skin, but we liked the joke too much to not include it. No offense is intended to the Twilight lovers. Despite the category, this isn't really specific to the '09 film. It's got jokes about TOS and TNG, too, but '09 is the one I'm most familiar with.
Disclaimer: We claim dis. We don't claim Twilight or Star Trek or "21 Reasons why Star Wars is Better than Titanic."
1. Edward Cullen makes sparkles look manly. James Kirk makes capri pants and go-go boots look manly.
2. Scotty inspired people to become engineers and make life better for everybody. Bella Swan inspired people to drop their whole lives for their boyfriends.
3. Kirk and Spock manage to have conversations that don't revolve around their deep and abiding affection for one another.
4. Leonard McCoy doesn't have to resort to biting his patients in order to save their lives.
5. You think Uhura would put up with her boyfriend trying to keep her away from the action?
6. Wesley was eventually put on a shuttlecraft. Last time we checked, Renesmee's still hangin' out with the grown-ups.
7. A partial list: Mary-Sue. Dropped A Bridge On Him. Redshirt. The Worf Effect. You Will Be Assimilated. Slash. Beam Me Up, Scotty. Captain's Log. Now try to think of some tropes named by Twilight.
8. Rosalie and Jacob snarking at each other? Dull. Bones and Spock snarking at each other? Epic.
9. Nobody in Twilight ever rocks a minidress.
10. Or a kilt.
11. It is so, so much more fun to cosplay as a TNG Klingon than to just wear regular clothes and too much glitter lotion.
12. Nurse Chapel would get fired so fast if she ever went into a waking coma on account of pining for some guy.
13. Which has more pure entertainment value— Robert Pattinson and Kristin Stewart brooding at each other, or William Shatner hamming it up?
14. Okay, fine, the soundtrack for the Twilight movie is pretty awesome. Still not as awesome as "Banned from Argo" or "The U.S.S. Make Shit Up".
15. Starship Volvo.
16. There is no evidence to suggest that Edward Cullen can raise his eyebrows independently.
17. There is a conspicuous lack of pointy ears in Twilight.
18. Twilight also seems to have a deficiency of green blood, green hair, and green skin, all of which are inherently cool. Edward doesn't even get to keep his green eyes.
19. Pavel Chekov was intended to appeal to teenage girls. He still manages to serve a plot-related function. Nobody in Twilight was intended to appeal to anyone but teenage girls. We can't comment on the plot due to being unable to find it.
20. As of the 2009 movie, Sulu's totally a ninja. You just can't get cooler than ninja.
21. No matter how cool some of the actors who appear in the Twilight films may be, they aren't Patrick Stewart.
22. Star Trek's pseudoscience at least sounds halfway credible.
23. Twilight contains no made-up languages that it's actually possible to learn how to speak.
24. Spock is a real vegetarian.