In honor of my dear sister, Bubbles.

Food Mark II

"I need more service when you're done eating."

Tobi burst out laughing.

"I meant more cranberry juice," Kakuzu said from his hospital bed.


"Nutrients," tittered Tobi. "I'll stuff you full of nutrients, Senpai!"


"You know what might taste good on that sauce?" Itachi asked, trying to direct the group cooking lessons seriously.

"Me!" Tobi squealed.


"Hold still," a voice said in his ear. A finger flicked across his nose before it was held up before his face. "You had ice cream on your nose."

A smack.

"Ow, Senpai! I was being seductive!" Tobi licked his finger delicately, trying to make googly eyes at Deidara.

"Would that ever have worked on you?" Pein asked Konan curiously.

She merely stared at him, saying nothing.

"Course not," he mumbled.


"This," Kisame announced proudly as he displayed his fine culinary skills in the form of a grand seven-layer chocolate and vanilla ice cream cake, "is my master piece."

"You can master my piece," Tobi whispered to Deidara.


"Senpai! Senpai! Senpai!"

"Oh kami," Deidara grumbled.

"I have no weenies!"

Deidara blinked.

"In my Beanies and Weenies!" Tobi hastened to explain. "But there are no weenies!"

"Explains a lot," Zetsu replied.


"You've never had cake?!" Tobi demanded of his beloved senpai, incredulous.

Deidara shook his head. "Never."

Tobi's eyes gleamed as an idea occurred to him. "Chef, whip up some of that white stuff," he ordered.

"It's called icing in the normal world," muttered Kisame, complying.


"Tobi. Why do you have icing on your head, un?"

"I am looking cute and seductive so you can't help but want to 'take me town,' I think Zetsu-san called it."

Deidara mentally adjusted his Kill List, adding Zetsu above Itachi.


"Oh, Senpai!" Tobi breathed. "It's so… excited!"

"Excited?"

Tobi nodded. "And… bubbly!"

"It's called fizz, un. Can't you even describe soda like a normal person?" Deidara asked.


"What's for dinner?" Deidara asked as he and Tobi entered the kitchen.

"Pork sausages," Zetsu answered.

Tobi burst out laughing. "Teehee, sausages."


"Smells… delicious," Deidara said in surprise.

"Secret recipe!" Tobi chirped.

"No… aphrodisiacs, right, un?" his partner asked, recalling the curry.

Tobi shook his head. "Pure clamminess, right from the ocean of the fish bed."

"Fish bed of the ocean," Deidara amended, thinking. "So it's clam chowder?"

Tobi nodded.

Deidara rolled that around in his head. "… There's nothing perverted to that," he said cautiously.

Tobi shook his head again. "Nothing, except for the fact that clams look similar to a la—"

"Aaaaaand, we're done here," Pein said, quickly intervening and pulling Deidara from the kitchen.