Wow, I think I owe anyone still reading this a huge apology. This was originally meant to be a one-shot, but so many people wanted another chapter that I figured hey, why not? So I wrote this, and it sat gathering dust on my computer for half a year. When I came back to it, I realized how terrible the writing was, and filled with righteous (or not) fury, I decided to revamp it. So yes, I will be continuing this for as long as anyone is willing to read it. Again, I apologize for taking so long on this. Chapter One looks like utter crap looking back, so I'll rewrite that as well.
Thanks for waiting!
"Dad...why are you following me?" Naruto turned, around, frowning slightly at the slightly-transparent yondaime who was cheerfully walking along the streets of his old villag marketplace. It was still relatively early, and many vendors were setting up their stands in the morning haze. Minato only shrugged. "Well, your dear mother wanted me to follow you around until you and this girl started getting jiggy with it."
Naruto shook his head, dispelling any thoughts of old man slang before they fried his brain. Behind him, Minato came to a halt. "I can hear your thoughts, you know." Minato stated, looking vaguely annoyed. "And I'll have you know that jiggy is perfectly acceptable slang...anyway, back to the topic on point. I am, as Kushina stated, supposed to follow you around until you that one Hyuuga are able to stay together for at least a month, at which point Kushina will return to the afterlife and I will return to the Shikigami's stomach. We will both remain there until you finally die, wherein the shikigami will allow us to be reunited and everything will be happy and bursting with flowers and unicorns will barf rainbows."
He sure is a lot more gutsy when mom isn't around. Naruto thought. But I have to say...that actually sounds kind of nice. I guess this couldn't be that bad...
"But." Minato once again said, completely deraling Naruto's thoughts. "If you somehow manage to screw this up, Kushina will come back to pay you a visit, as well as most likely dragging me along. And believe me, you really don't want that...and if you had to deal with Kushina on a daily basis, you'd be terrified as well."
"But I already asked Hinata-chan!" Naruto squawked. "How long is mom going to be doing this?"
"Probably until we get grandkids." Minato replied nonchalantly, completely ignoring the look of horror on his son's face as he examined the frying pans that one man had set up in his marketplace stall.
Why frying pans, you ask? The world will ever know.
"G-g-g-g-grand-k-k-" Naruto stuttered, not even getting the word out. "B-b-but it-I-it...grandkids? But I've barely even talked to Hinata-chan! And she always faints whenever she sees me! She doesn't even like me that much!"
"Naruto, I didn't spend the last sixteen years of my life doing nothing in your sub-consciousness!" Minato declared. "...Okay, I spent most of the time doing nothing, but moving on. Think about it! That girl was practically following you around everywhere."
Comprehension dawned on his face.
He realized what he should have realized long, long ago.
"HINATA-CHAN IS A STALKER?" A scream, high enough to pierce solid glass.
Minato flinched, covering his ears from the ungodly noise that was Naruto completely freaking out. The boy shrieked, earning himself a few looks of sympathy for the crazy orange ninja talking to himself. Naruto thought back to all the times Hinata had just happened to meet with him, and how she'd always had food or a gift...no matter...where...he...went...oh my god. "She's...she's like those kidnappers who lure little kids with candy! SHE IS LURING ME WITH CANDY DAD."
Minato slapped his forehead. "No. Well, maybe a bit...kinda...okay, yes, but that's not the point-"
"She was stalking me my entire life! EVERYTHING I KNOW IS A LIIIIEEE!"
"She was doing it because she liked you, Naruto!" Minato practically screamed to his hyperventilating son. If he wasn't intangible, he would've been shaking Naruto's shoulders. After all, if he didn't succeed, Kushina would be the one after him, and he'd take a god of death over her any day...But alas, Naruto was too caught up in his own world.
"Hinata-chan…stalker…whole time…saw me going to the toilet…stalker…stalker...STALKER."
His father slammed his head into the nearest poor wall available. Nevermind the fact that his head went through the wall, but hey, it was the thought that count. The yondaime hokage turned guidance councilor took a deep breath. "Okay, Naruto. Let me make this clear to you. As your father, I am ordering you to go out with this girl before your mother kills me."
"But Daaaaaad," Naruto whined. "You're the one who sealed a giant fox in me. You owe me...and you're already dead!"
Minato sighed, his insides squirming slightly in guilt. It was a good point, but there was no way in hell he would face Kushina's wrath. He'd have to come up with a way to convince Naruto, and soon. "Naruto, has anyone ever told you the story of Jiraiya peeping on Tsunade?"
Naruto frowned. "Yeah, Yamato-taichou told me a while ago. Didn't she almost kill him with her super-strength or something? Anyway, what does that have to do with anything?"
Minato, ever the master of epic fatherly advice, gave a triumphant smile. "Tsunade-sama has super strength. Your mother has enormous amounts of chakra, about 1000 clones she could clobber us with, lots of different jutsus, and one of the most powerful chakra entities in the world sealed in her. Now, what does that tell you about disagreeing with her?"
"...Fine. But where am I even supposed to take her? I didn't even get to ask her that part before she fainted!"
"I don't know, why don't you just get dinner together or something?"
"Yeah! Like...like...Ichiraku's!" Naruto proclaimed happily. Maybe this won't be so bad after all.
"Uh..." His dad stammered, desperately looking for a way to solve the situation. "Naruto...ramen might not be the best idea...I mean, couldn't you take her out somewhere nicer?"
"RAMEN IS ALWAYS THE BEST IDEA!" Naruto screamed with enough force to shake the entire village, and severely freaking out his dad. Once again, people started staring at the strange orange ninja, though this time their faces were filled more with fear than with sympathy.
Jeez, he's just like Kushina...Minato thought to himself, shivering as he recalled the long nights of Kushina's pregnancy in which she had eaten nothing but ramen, immediately going into a temper at the slightest provocations. No! Bad Memories! Bad! Shoving the memories of the Night-That-Must-Not-Be-Mentioned to a tiny corner in his brain, Minato turned back to his son, composing himself.
"Still, don't you think Hinata would appreciate it if you took her out somewhere...er...nicer?"
Naruto blinked up at him, completely unaware. "Ichiraku is nice, Dad!"
"I'm not saying that it isn't, I'm just saying that every once in a while, it might be nice to eat something besides ramen."
Funny, he could remember having the exact conversation with Kushina years ago. Still, he was assured that Naruto, already one of the strongest shinobi in the village, would act more mature and understanding than his wife had, especially when it came to matters of love.
"WHAT THE HELL, DAD? NOTHING IS BETTER THAN RAMEN! NOTHING!"
..or not. Minato sighed, resigning himself to an afterlife filled with crazy ramen obsessed family members. All he wanted was a peaceful afterlife...was that really asking for much?
"Hey, there's Kakashi-sensei! Let's ask him!"
...apparently it was. Sigh.
And there you go. I promise I'll try to get update out quicker this time!