Disclaimer: I can't whistle, I have no arches in my feet, I don't like cake and I don't own Glee. Though my knees can bend backwards.
A/N: This is supposed to be humorous, just so you know. I hope it comes out that way. My housemate enjoyed it. And yeah, that's the end of it. Even if it seems kinda sudden. I like sudden endings. And I feel as if I'm saying things I really don't need to but I have a headache.
Puck wasn't afraid of Burt I own a shotgun Hummel. He was afraid of Burt I own a shotgun and hold records at the local gun range Hummel. Which was why he was glad when the Hudsons moved in with the Hummels.
Now, don't get him wrong, he loved Kurt. He'd be happy to go up to Burt I own a shotgun and hold records at the local gun range, plus I know this secluded area of trees not too far away Hummel and tell him that he was dating Kurt. But they were keeping their relationship a secret. Not a we can't tell anyone for fear of what they would say and also I'm a bit embarrassed to be seen with you type of secret but more of a huh, why hasn't anyone noticed that we're together; wonder how long we can keep it up - lets suddenly have a secret romance type of secret.
And their not-too secret yet still secret relationship was a rather bit of fun. And it was going swimmingly well. Better than that one messed up swim. The Butterfly. Srsly? What kind of swim is that? You look like an idiot. No, their not-too secret yet still secret romance was a bit better of a swim. Let's say it's more like the Breaststroke because that swim is a bit less stupid . Anyway, their not-too secret yet secret relationship was going well but it was difficult to have time together.
This is where Puck was glad the Hudson clan merged with the Hummel clan. He and Finn were starting their friendship anew and so far that was going well. Not as swimmingly as the so called secret tryst he was having, not the Breaststroke but maybe just that floaty swim where you move your arms and legs and are propelled forward. But the point is that there was enough movement that Puck was able to go over to the Hudmel household and if he stayed late either Finn or Carole would force him to stay the night. Not that it ever took too much of an argument for him to come around to their way of thinking. He'd agree with them if they were that person who said the world was round and he was one of those people who still believed it was flat.
"Kurt has a pull-away bed that's stored under his." Burt I own a shotgun and hold records at the local gun range, plus I know this secluded area of trees not too far away so much like the Hulk - you don't want to make me angry Hummel said. And at this time, Finn and Kurt were once again sharing a room.
So, that was how it went.
Finn would fall asleep on his bed nearly right away and Kurt would sleep on his bed and Puck would lay down on the pull-away bed but after Finn was sawing logs as well as anyone else whilst asleep, Puck would saunter over to Kurt and join him. Not that they usually ended up doing much in the sexy and kinky way because no matter how much you might like the idea of sexing someone in front of others, it is pretty clear that by using the word 'others' that Finn is not one of them. Even if he is asleep.
They just had to make sure that their so called secret romantic relationship stayed that way by Kurt putting his ice cold feet on Puck's back early in the morning before Finn was awake - thus forcing Puck to go to his pull-away bed and grumble at Kurt's lack of body heat.
Which was a not well known fact. Kurt had a lack of body heat and that was part of the reason why he always wore so many layers. Though if you asked Kurt it was because layers were in fashion and it wasn't an attempt to not have the body heat of a reptile.
Puck and the Hudmels went about this for a while. He'd fall asleep with his badass arms around his princess and then be forced out of bed before Finn awoke. And he woke happy. Finn would sit up in bed with a grin on his face, proclaiming it was morning. Like they hadn't come to that conclusion themselves.
The problem here is that neither he nor Kurt were as chipper as a kid in a toy store that had a candy aisle on their birthday with an undisclosed amount of money to buy anything they'd want with the tooth fairy there to help them decided that yes, they want both the red and the blue versions of that toy. Kurt would snarl to Finn, wanting him to 'shut the fuck up please' and then he promptly rolled over and fell on the floor with his duvet cocooning him as if a mummy. Puck would agree with Kurt's statement about Finn being quiet but he'd stay on the bed. Because really, he should stay more than five minutes in the bed because Kurt always washed the sheets after he stayed the night and even though Puck would point out that they hadn't been soiled as he'd barley spent any time in that bed and all the time in Kurt's bed. If any sheets had been soiled it would've been his. Except for that one horrifying night when Finn had a wet dream and it was Finn's sheets that'd been soiled.
But that night was not going to spoken of.
After a second, Puck would sit up and poke Kurt with his foot and Kurt would swat at his foot, a string of angry words would be snarled and Finn would chuckle good-naturedly. Following that Kurt would turn his slurs to Finn for being such a morning person. Like clock-work, Finn would volunteer to bring them coffee (Oh God, yes please. Please. Yes. Yes.) and when he was away Puck would crawl over to Kurt and wrap his arms around the other boy again. Only this time the duvet was between them. Puck, would, of course, point out that when Kurt agreed to coffee it sounded like he was going to take up the ass and was trying to get a part in a porn. Maybe a musical porn because that would be awesome.
Finn would come down with two cups of coffee and roll his eyes at the two of them laying on the floor and bickering. Good natured bickering thankyouverymuch. But still bickering all the same. This was also one of the moments (due to the fact that it was fucking morning) when they weren't even trying to hide their not all that secret romanticness. After all, bickering could soon become dirty and hot. But being as it was Finn, he didn't see it that way. Handing over the coffee they'd break apart and Puck would laugh at Kurt trying to get his hands untangled from the duvet before sipping on his drink.
See, this is how it worked.
Until this wasn't how it worked.
"Oh My God. My Eyes!"
Puck jolted awake and Kurt woke from being jarred as Puck sat up suddenly. "What's your problem, Finn Hudson?" Kurt growled, his voice thick with sleep, "Is it not fucking morning? Is that why you're yelling? Too surprised that not every morning is as beautiful and special as the one before?"
"It's too early for this shit." Puck said, laying back down next to Kurt, "Can't go into the pool yet Ma, it's been less than an hour since I ate. I'll get a tummy ache. Can't do the Butterfly yet."
"Breaststroke." Kurt chuckled, laying his head on the crook of Puck's shoulder. "S'fun."
"Guys! Wake up!" Finn yelled.
Of course, Finn was yelling and sounded frightened. Probably because he was. But the yelling the tone of his voice was heard by those upstairs. Which caused them to frown in worry and Burt I own a shotgun and hold records at the local gun range, plus I know this secluded area of trees not too far away so much like the Hulk - you don't want to make me angry so don't even think about touching my one and only son Hummel and Carole came down to see what was the matter.
And because of this, Puck was fully awake in a moment when Burt I own a shotgun and hold records at the local gun range, plus I know this secluded area of trees not too far away so much like the Hulk - you don't want to make me angry so don't even think about touching my one and only son you punk Hummel pulled him off the bed.
Though that didn't wake Kurt until his dad then pulled the duvet away and Kurt groaned at the cold. He blinked owlishly and his brow furrowed, "Dad?"
"Why was he in your bed?" He was in full-on Papa!Bear mode.
"Maybe because I'm his boyfriend?" Puck suggested from his place on the floor.
"Ew!" Finn exclaimed, "Have you two been having sex while I was asleep all this time?"
Kurt was quick to answer, worried about his father's suddenly pale complexion, "No. Believe it or not, Finn but the idea of having sex with you in the room is not one of our kinks."
At that moment Carole's complexion became just as pale.
"Kurt." Puck sang out his name, "I don't think you're supposed to say thing like that."
Groaning Kurt flopped back down on his bed, "Too early for this conversation. Not enough coffee. I've lost my social filter."
"I'll get you coffee." Finn said quickly, "As long as you don't say anything like that. I don't want to know." (Oh God, yes please. Please. Yes. Yes.)
Finn came back with coffee to see that both the parents were sitting on the pull-away bed. His mom had a small smile on her face and his soon-to-be step-dad had a small frown as they stared at Kurt's bed. Apparently whilst Finn was away, Puck had crawled back into Kurt's bed, neither caring too much about even trying to hide aspects of their relationship now that they were found out. Puck was holding Kurt who in turn was sitting rather comfortably in Puck's lap and was whining about how evil mornings are and that mornings shouldn't seek revenge and make his love any less than it by simply being there.
After giving the coffee to the other two teens, Finn sat down on his bed and watched as Puck carefully ran a hand through Kurt's hair and started styling it in silly 'dos and Kurt in turn held the other hand and stared at it in an adoring way. It was clear how they felt about one another.
It was after the coffee that Puck got forcefully taken aside and given the talk. "Listen you little punk. I pay dues to the local gun range and have won some tournaments. I keep a shotgun along with a few other weapons in the house. Now if you even think about hurting my son, you will find out what I'm like when I'm angry which is not something you'd survive. I know this patch of trees that no one goes to - they wouldn't find you until fifty years has gone by when they chop down those trees to put a parking garage there." Burt paused, "Do you understand me?"
Puck nodded, because he's always understood that. Kurt just giggled into his coffee mug from his reclaimed duvet.