A funny oneshot I decided to write when I was really, really bored. iBreak a Promise will be updated tomorrow night, I promise! (oh, that seriously conflicts)…but I came up with this idea after reading another awkward fic. I usually dislike Criffin but I don't know, I thought Griffin/ Spencer/ Freddie having an awkward talk would be funnier than Gibby/ Spencer/ Freddie. Here ya go, review!
They're perfectly positioned.
Griffin's slumped on the wall, hands in pockets as usual. Freddie's sitting on the couch, up straight just as his mother taught him. Spencer's standing across from them, attempting to look tough.
Spencer cleared his throat. "I think you both know why you're here."
"Do we have to do this?" Freddie groaned, burying his red face in his hands.
Spencer looked surprised. "Isn't this what normal male relatives are supposed to do?"
"And you're normal?" Griffin mumbled. Spencer shot him a quick glare, and Griffin slumped down again.
"Spencer, I-" Freddie began.
Spencer cut him off. "You're dating Sam, Freddie, and Griffin's dating Carly."
Looking offended at being interrupted, Freddie nodded. Griffin just rolled his eyes. "Obviously."
"So, you guys can't hurt them, because Carly is my little sister, and Sam's like my little sister," Spencer continued.
"Spencer…" Freddie sighed. "We weren't planning on it."'
Spencer shot him a hard look. "Am I not threatening enough?"
"Not really," Griffin muttered, running his hand through his hair.
Freddie tried to smile. "Spencer, you couldn't be threatening if you're life depended on it."
Spencer shot up, flexing his non-existent muscles. "Oh, yeah?"
"Still not threatening," Griffin commented, walking over to the counter and grabbing a protein bar that Spencer had obviously been using to try to toughen up.
"ANYWAY," Spencer continued, trying to put the attention back on the subject at hand. "Guys… Griffin, you kind of have a reputation for breaking hearts, and Freddie… Sam's been hurt enough, don't do it again."
"As I said before, I wasn't planning on it," Freddie nonchalantly waltzed over to where Griffin was eating his protein bar and grabbed an apple.
Spencer moaned. "I invite you guys over to have a serious talk and you just eat my food?"
Freddie and Griffin glanced at each other. "Pretty much."
"Guys!" Spencer whined.
"That's what happens when you're almost thirty and still play with toys," Freddie told him.
"They're not toys!" Spencer defended, hiding a yo-yo behind his back.
Griffin rolled his eyes. "What about the teddy bear?"
"That's not a teddy bear!" Spencer exclaimed. "That's, uh, a furry protection unit."
"That provides what sort of protection?" Freddie wondered.
Spencer grimaced. "Um…furry protection?"
Griffin and Freddie burst into laughter. Spencer scowled. "Okay, okay, really funny, Spencer has a teddy bear. Now back on topic!"
"Why?" Freddie whined, eyes wide with fear of what was to come
"I want to know something," Spencer told them, glancing to see if they were ready.
Griffin took another, huge manly bite of his protein bar. "What?"
Hesitating, Spencer finally asked, "How far have you guys gone?"
Exchanging wide-eyed glances, Griffin spit out a piece of his protein bar and Freddie began to choke on his apple. Griffin pounded him (hard) on the back and Freddie finally spit it out.
An awkward silence fell over the room.
Freddie spoke up. "You know, my back hurts now, Griffin!"
"Well, would you rather choke and die?" Griffin hissed sadistically, rolling his eyes.
"Guys!" Spencer tried once again to get the two boys back on topic. "I want to know, so just answer my question!"
The awkwardness fell over the room once again.
"….Why?" Freddie finally asked.
"Because I wanna know if I have to give you two the…well, you know, the talk," Spencer mumbled, looking at the ground as not to meet their eyes.
Freddie's eyes widened to about ten times their size. "WHAT?"
Griffin actually laughed. "What talk?"
"Do you really want me to say it? It'll just make things even more awkward," Spencer reminded them.
Freddie turned red. "Spence- you don't have to worry about that! We're nowhere near that, we've hardly even kissed, oh my gosh! I can't believe you would even think that we were thinking about that!"
"Good," Spencer sighed. "Griffin?"
"Well, you had good reason to think about that," Griffin smirked.
Spencer and Freddie both shot him confused glances. "Um…Griffin? Is there something you need to tell us?"
"No," Griffin sighed, stretching out and laying out on the couch. "As if precious angel Carly would ever do anything that bad."
"True," Spencer seemed to relax.
"Anything else awkward that you wanted to ask us?" Freddie wondered, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, yeah," Spencer admitted.
Griffin groaned from the couch. "Haven't we suffered enough torture for one day?"
"It's not too awkward," Spencer assured them, sitting down in a chair. "Do you guys really love Sam and Carly?"
Freddie spoke immediately. "Yes. I really do love Sam, and I'll try my best not to hurt her."
Spencer nodded, obviously satisfied. "Griffin?"
Griffin stretched out a little, purposely avoiding the question. Spencer prodded again. "Griffin? Do you love Carly or not?"
Sighing, Griffin finally admitted, "Yeah, I love Carly. Just don't let it get around, ya hear me? Bad boys like me don't fall in love, that's way too sappy."
"Too late for that," Spencer coughed, causing Griffin to send him dagger eyes. "All right, all right. I'm satisfied now."
"Why did you have to ask us that awkward stuff, anyway?" Freddie inquired, looking Spencer in the eye. "I thought you probably already knew all of that."
"Just making sure," Spencer reassured him. "Besides, Sam's father died, and Carly's in the military, so somebody's gotta act as their father figure, right? Every boyfriend deserves to get the 'Dad Talk.'"
"That's kinda nice, actually," Freddie smiled slightly.
Griffin rolled his eyes again. "That's kinda sappy and cliché, actually," he mimicked.
Spencer and Freddie frowned at Griffin, but let it go. Just then, they heard a knock on the door. Spencer pulled it open to see Carly and Sam.
"Hey, Spence," Sam greeted, walking straight in without an invitation. "Hey, Griffin. Hey, Freddork."
Freddie gave her a loving smile. "Hey, Sam."
"Wait…" Carly was the first to figure out something was up. "What's going on? Why are Freddie, Griffin and Spencer here together…alone?"
Griffin coughed. "You make it sound so perverted, Carly."
"Just having a friendly conversation," Freddie told her, trying not to crack up.
"Is that what you call friendly?" Griffin muttered, and Freddie elbowed him.
Spencer laughed. "Just some man-to-man bonding stuff. Nothing to worry about."
Exchanging weird looks, Sam and Carly just accepted the explanation, knowing they probably wouldn't get a better one…
Because what's said in the Dad Talk, stays in the Dad Talk.
How was that? Not one of my best, but I meant it to be funny…and awkward! Speaking of awkward, I think that one of the most awkward things in the world is having to act as your ex-crush's GF in a skit then everyone teasing the two of you….wth? Anyway, hope you liked it, review!