Adam was worried.
He'd never seen Fiona like this before. She'd gone to hospital to be checked over, saying only what was necessary to convince Adam that she didn't need to be admitted overnight. She'd given her mission report to Harry, answering his questions with short, to-the-point responses.
And then nothing.
They'd arrived home and Fiona wordlessly took a shower, put on her pyjamas, and climbed into bed.
It wasn't that Adam didn't understand why she was so quiet, because he did. After a mission where something so horrible…so unbearable happened, it was only natural to protect oneself. To burrow away, to hole up until, slowly but surely, what had happened could be dealt with. So it was understandable when she was so quiet with Harry, when she practically ignored Ruth, a vacant look in her eyes, when she asked her if she was all right.
But not with him. Fiona was never this quiet with him, had never felt the need to protect herself from him. Missions went wrong, and they relied on each other. It was one of the, albeit seemingly few, good things about them both doing the job. Both needing to do the job.
So there Adam was, worrying as he sat on the bed next to Fiona, who was lying down with her back to him, the lamp on the nightstand still on. Just as he was about to reach out to touch her arm, to say her name softly, she whispered, "'Look at all the cake and presents.'"
He froze, as if he was afraid that any movement would force her back into her shell. He matched his tone to hers, "…What?"
Fiona didn't move, didn't turn to look at him, "It was the last thing Danny said to me. 'Look at all the cake and presents.' I told him the Winnie the Pooh story about Eeyore's birthday. The one we read to Wes all the time."
Adam nodded, "I remember."
"…I thought it would… I don't know…thought it would make him laugh. Make him forget where we were for just a second." She closed her eyes, reliving the moment, "It was my fault we were back there-caught again. I picked the locks on our handcuffs with my birthday present. My party trick. …We made the guards think that I was sick and…" She paused before continuing on, "I couldn't keep up, I got caught… And Danny wouldn't leave me behind. He could've gotten away. He could've kept going…"
Adam lightly brushed his fingertips up against her arm, "Fi, Danny did what he thought…"
Fiona cut him off, her eyes flashing open, "And now I have to see it-in all of their eyes. The looks on their faces. They lost Tom, and then Zoe. And who am I? I'm a new member of the team. We don't have that bond yet, the bond that comes from years of working together, from depending on each other to stay alive. …I just wanted to work alongside you again, to spend more time at home with Wes... And now they see me as the one at fault. The one who got Danny killed. The one who destroyed the last of a great team. It's like I pulled the trigger myself."
Adam's voice was firm now, "Don't say that. No one's thinking that."
Fiona suddenly turned to face him, her voice not accusing, but full of despair, "Did you see the way Ruth looked at me? Or Harry? Danny was a co-worker and a friend to them; I'm someone they're just starting to know… How can they not be thinking 'if only Fiona had just run faster' or 'if only Fiona had offered her life instead of Danny…'"
Adam cupped Fiona's face in his hands, trying with everything he had to convince her that she was wrong, "Danny knew what he was doing. He made his decision."
Fiona fought back the tears that were creeping up in her eyes, "A decision that lead to him being shot in the head. Sprawled out on the floor while his own blood pooled around him. And what for? Why? Why did he sacrifice himself for me? He was young, he had so much to do still. He was a good person, and a good officer. Had a shot at being one of the best. And he had a chance! He could've let them decide. I was worth more to you, my death would've punished you more." She paused, looking deep into Adam's eyes, "I promised myself after what happened with Farook, after how he nearly killed you because of me… I promised myself I wouldn't let it happen again. No one would die like that, no one would sacrifice themselves like that, not for me."
Adam pulled Fiona into his arms, her quiet tears turning into racking sobs as she continued to question why Danny did what he did. He gave her time to cry, time to mourn the death of her colleague and friend. And then, when her sobs had quieted some, he gently pulled away from her. He silently reached for his mobile on the nightstand, dialing his voicemail. And then, before hitting the speakerphone button, he leaned back against the headboard, embracing Fiona again.
Wes' young voice filled the room, "Hi, Mummy! Happy Birthday! I made you a present at school, but Daddy said I shouldn't tell you what it is because you like surprises so much. And this weekend I'm coming home from school and we're going to Nanna and Grandad's and we're going to have cake and there will be more presents. I hope the cake is chocolate. It's time for lunch now. Bye! I love you, Mummy!"
Adam kissed Fiona's forehead as he ended the call. And then he simply said, "That's why."
Fiona sighed, tears springing up in her eyes again. She silently thanked Danny for the birthday present he had so willingly given to her. And then she whispered to her husband, "Play it again."
Adam played the voicemail over and over until Fiona finally fell asleep.