Thanks to my dear " silence – of –the –night without her help I couldn't post this
I am simply in awe of the love this little story is getting! And wanted to Thanks these readers for "give me a courage to write: vampiregirl, , rpattzgranny ,pnkats, pauleen, kitkatr
Love these reviews about the last chapter :
From pauleen _ :) Bella is my favorite character ane not because its "Bella." She is trying to learn a new way of life and also willing to hand over a part of herself to people she hardly knows. Though they are lovely people. Also she has a child like quality but knows more about the extreme less modesty part of life. On her naievety she doesn't see the potential for pain and heartache. Tanya has already considered the repercussions in this situation but her love for her husband is overriding her head. Edward wants his wife happy and by his side and Bella to her comfortable in her sacrifice for them. I don't think it's sunken in for him yet how much his psyche is going to be affected. Love your story. Comeback soon please
Kitkatr :) … Now I understand how Tanya allows this to happen; she has seen Edward so brokenhearted! Can't wait for more of this story!
:) … will tanya truely be happy raising another womans child? she seems all fine and dandy now but really how fine can you be when another women will be sleeping with your husband, concieving a cild and bringing your husband happiness there's gotta be some resentment tanya is just to perfect I can't wait to see her flaws.
Chapter 13: planning
"Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all , is a form of planning."
Somewhere around three in the morning Tanya woke to warm-lipped kisses on her bare shoulder, his erection pressing hard against her back. She reached and grabbed his hand that had been cupping her breast, pulling it to her mouth and began kissing each knuckle.
"I need you," Edward whispered in the darkness.
The feeling was everything Tanya had expected of Edward. He really did miss her when he went to New York.
In the morning, he made her breakfast, like the loving husband he was.
A little while later they were making small talk with Edwards family. They used this time to let his family know that they had decided to move to Canada. They also mentioned they might be trying for a baby.
When it was time for Edward to leave for work, he kissed her and smiled at her. It made her feel loved.
He whispered to her right before he walked out the door "We will be okay no matter what happens because no matter what… we have each other."
The incident that had taken her dreams had happened 3 years ago, but for Tanya it felt like only yesterday.
No one has the ability to change the past, but that doesn't stop the wishful thinking.
No matter how many times she reminds herself that the past is the past it never stops the what if's from going through her head.
Edward knows this about his wife and he feels the need to reassure her that they will be okay.
He wouldn't be able to take it, if she were to slip back into depression. It had nearly done him in the first time. He loves her far too much to watch her go through that again.
Tanya nods her head in conformation of his sweet words.
Tanya lets her thoughts drift back in time to the unfortunate accident.
Tanya had collapsed, and the baby had died before they'd even realized something was wrong. When Tanya was in the hospital they had her on a morphine drip, but even through the haze in her mind. She could still hear Edwards's words.
"Please God I promise...to stop asking for children, just please make her better. Let her stay with me...please."
And Tanya did get better physically anyway. She may have seemed fine to everyone else around her, but the wounds inside were still fresh. The women who use to laugh at his jokes and playfully wrestle with him on Saturday mornings seemed hidden behind a medicated silence long after the antidepressant prescriptions had run out. She barely spoke, but the sound of a child laughing or crying would instantly turn her head as though she expected it to be her own children calling. How many times had Tanya dreamt of being wheeled out of the hospital with her newborn in her arms?
She'd envisioned Edward pulling up to the curb, car seat in place in the back.
He would be beaming with pride as he gingerly transferred their baby from her arms and placed him into the car with more care than his precious golf clubs.
In her dreams Edward would straighten and turn to her, fold her into his arms and tell her how proud he was of her for giving him the gift of their child.
She had spent the night unconscious in their private hospital room and Edward had kept a constant eye over her as she slept through most of the days.
Reality couldn't have been farther from her fantasy when she was leaving the hospital.
Edward pulled up to the curb with a solemn face and carefully maneuvered her into the front seat.
There were no balloons, no flowers to bring home, no baby. But they weren't alone.
The sadness, deep and fractious as a fault line, hopped in for the short ride home.
"You okay?" Edward asked as he took Tanya's limp hand from her lap and kissed her palm before he started the engine of his car.
"What did he expect me to say?" Tanya thought to herself.
"Yes, wouldn't have been true, and no would have seemed like a smack in the face for his effort. And he was trying so hard. "So Tanya shrugged and looked out the window.
But now everything has changed, this amazing woman in her guest room has come into their lives.
She is going to be the one to give them the gift of a child.
Tanya snaps back to reality and closes the door as Edward backs out of the garage. She turns around and heads for the kitchen to make breakfast for Bella. She wants to make sure she has energy because they have some shopping to do, before they move. They would all be ,needing warmer clothes.
Meanwhile, Bella sat on the bay window seat in her bedroom, her leg folded up and her face resting on her knee. She watched the rain as it fell in steady streams down the paned glass, her body heat and warm breath causing the window to steam up.
Bella remembered how her mother always told her about her dad. She would tell Bella the fairy tale love story that she and her father had and how happy they were with the little things.
Her father had passed away while her mother was pregnant with Bella.
Her mother had always told her "People may tell you that glass has no feeling; but when the glass has steam on it and I miss your father I write…. I Love You. Once I write it…. the glass weeps quietly,honey… It's as if your father answers me. So whenever you have something you need to get out…. just write it in the steam,… get the feeling out and you will feel better." Since that moment Bella had waited for a reason to write on steamed windows.
Since her mother had passed she never felt like she had anything to write. Nothing she was proud of and wanted to share. She was alone and doing whatever she had to do make it in the world and she was too ashamed.
Bella was lost deep in thought.
In her hand she held a letter from her doctor telling her that her body is healthy and in perfect condition for conceiving, and carrying a baby.
The letter contained a series of dates when she would be ovulating and would be at her most fertile.
They knew this from the blood work and extensive tests they did on her. Bella has thought hard about all of this and she knows in the end she will have the worst pain out of everyone. She will have to be the one to walk away.
Tanya has all this information as well, because she wants to know the exact date so she could prepare herself and Edward.
The only person who is not very happy about Tanya's plan is Edward. He always avoids this topic while talking with Tanya.
Yesterday evening; when Bella and Tanya were out grocery shopping; they walked passed the baby section, and all of sudden Tanya said "To tell you the truth, I want a child." Tanya looked at Bella with a hopeful expression on her face.
Bella nodded her head, but asked "Why not artificial insemination?"
Tanya turned around to look at Bella with a hurt expression "I can't "and then she laughed "Well, no matter how funny it looks in the movie, I'm sure it must have been the most miserable and lonely experience on this earth. I mean, she's lying with her legs up and open, and an old doctor injects some unknown donor's semen into her. A child shouldn't be conceived so coldly." Tanya pursed her lips unhappily. "It should be a happy experience, with the man you love on top of you, owning you, shooting his load inside of you, because he can't hold back any longer, and a child is conceived."
Bella stared at her, mouth hanging open.
"What, too graphic for you?" Tanya smirked at her while shaking her head.
Bella recovered. "No"
Tanya laugh at her expression and continued "Edward's denying that he wants a child ,but I know him better than that. We both have so much to give, but no one to share it with. This whole surrogate thing was my idea."
After several seconds of high-voltage silence Bella lifted her gaze toward Tanya and said, "And ... ?..Did I pass?" Bella said nervously.
Tanya laughed "You passed the first time I saw you in the airport."
"Wow" Bella said quietly and smiled at Tanya.
Bella was surprised at how quickly Tanya accepted her and was happy to be the bearer of such good news. She still wasn't sure why they did not choose another alternative of having a baby so without looking at Tanya Bella asked again.
"Why not adopt a child? Surely you guys can adopt "Bella asked as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.
"I did consider it, but that's not for me. I want a child of my own. But my doctor said that I can't ever get pregnant again. So, at the very least, I want a child fathered by Edward. I want a baby to have Edward's blood running through his or her veins….um …..How could I say this ….um … You know how important family is to him. Do you really think he'd be satisfied with an adopted child?...and you don't know how Edwards family is? So, this is the best plan that I could come with, and his family will think that I got pregnant and had this baby. "
Edward Anthony Mason Cullen is half Italian, and because of his Italian heritage, family and especially children mean a great deal to him and his family.
"Tanya, you know that's not fair to Edward. He loves you. If you wanted to adopt, he would go along with it just ,because it would make you happy."
A brilliant smile lit Tanya's face. "Yes, he does love me, doesn't he? That's why I want this so much. I need to give him the child he so desperately desires. I know he is being difficult at this moment and it's hard to convince him otherwise, but the only option I have that goes faster than any other plan is this one. I just hope it will be a son to carry on his family name. "
Bella hadn't considered the time line. Now she knew that Tanya had thought through her plan very thoughtfully.
Tanya turned around to face Bella and looked at her carefully.
"Bella, if you have any doubts and don't want to do this anymore, it's okay…. You can say no and this agreement will end." Tanya said quietly with a hurt expression in her face that she tried to cover with a smile.
Bella thought for a minute. "So you're saying I shouldn't do this?"
"I'm saying it takes a strong woman to give away her own flesh and blood. Maybe your kind heart will carry you through this….i…. I don't know, but think very carefully before committing to do this. Some decisions, once made, can't be undone."
And it was true, Bella would gain a lot of money ,but how would the money stop the thoughts of the child she gave away.
Does she have the courage in herself to do this, to have a better future for herself? No more working at the club ,and no more selling her body for money.
Could she raise a baby by herself with no money?
Tanya words stayed with her a long time.
With the shopping cart completely full Tanya went to find a young cashier, because Tanya believes that older cashiers are not patient enough.
Bella stepped to the other end and started bagging the items for her.
While Bella was bagging the groceries she could see from the corner of her eyes that Tanya was watching her carefully. Searching her face for the answer to her question. Bella kept her face as impassive as possible though she had made her decision already.
Tanya floated past in her floral Chiffon dress that emphasized her femininity.
When they were finally seated in the car Tanya was still tense and Bella didn't say a word.
Bella heaved a big sigh and pushed her bangs out of her eyes.
She prayed she was doing the right thing and asked God to help her with this plan. Tanya could be flighty at times, but she seemed to genuinely have considered all of the ramifications and still wanted to proceed. "I'll do it."
Tanya bounded off her car seat and rushed over to Bella, pulled her out of the seat, and hugged her tight. Then she began dancing around in the small area next to the car, so excited she couldn't contain herself. "I'm gonna have a baby. I'm gonna have a baby," she sang. She was so happy, it was contagious.
Later that night in their bedroom, Edward listened to his wife going on and on about her plans for the baby.
His thoughts went back to Bella. Though she'd agreed to his wife's request, he sensed she had as many reservations as he does about the whole deal. It was nothing that he could put his finger on, just a feeling that nothing good was going to come of this.
He'd resigned himself to being childless.
He loved Tanya and hated seeing how her desire to give him a child ate away at her.
He was going along with this plan, because he wanted to see her happy again. He knew she felt defective somehow, as though she was less of a woman, because she couldn't give him the children they so desired.
Watching her almost bleed to death had killed any wish he had lurking in his heart for a child of his own. His wife was more important to him than any baby that she could ever deliver, but she didn't seem to understand. Hence, this plan of hers.
Do you ever write on the steam window ,…. I do ,..most of the times , especially when I am not driving …
It maybe childish act but its feel good for me to write and for days to see what I write and others in traffic can read what I said…
Which chapter until now do you love the most…? And do you think Edward can be difficult with "Tanya plan" in future?
Thank you to my readers around the world. Especially those who Put Review for me; Thank you , Merci, Gracies , Shukran , Efharisto , Danke sehr, Toda raba, Moteshakeram, Go raibh maith agat, Arigato , Salamat , Bhala Hove, Muito Obrigado, Premnogo blagodaren , Maururu , Katta Rahmat , …..