I was bored out of my mind. I had looked at fan fiction, I had looked at anime, and I had even re-watched Host Club for God's sake! Nothing. Completely and utterly bored I went back on my usual anime watching site.
"Eeugh. Pop-ups! Die!" I clicked on the little red X, delete, delete, dele- wait, what? I looked at the ad. I reread it, and then I read it out loud. "Win free Hetalia Units! Just fill out the information!" Oh dear God, I sounded like Barney when I said that, curse my strange reading out loud voice, Barney scared me as a child!
Ahem. Moving on (from the purple dinosaur issue). I thought it was a scam, so I moved to exit it out when I saw the words "Earn Lots of Money!" Yes, I am shallow enough that it caught my attention. I mean, I live in a big house and all but… well… who wants a big house when you have nothing to put in it? So… I clicked on it. Yes, I can be an idiot when I'm bored. But I didn't know what Hetalia was at that time. So (stupidly), I clicked on it. Against my better judgment if I might add that (I can't… too bad), and filled it out, hitting next I expected some of that "More Offers!" stuff to pop up.
It just said, "You're first Unit Will Be Arriving in Three (3) Business Days! Congratulations!"
I decided to Google this "Hetalia" thing. Up pop some things, I clicked on the "wiki" one.
It was… an… anime… oh crap. What did I just do? I thought for a moment, then I decided, maybe I should watch this anime, see what is to come. Unless it was all a big scam, and I was about to get stalked by some 40 year old creeper. Which would be the story of my life. I'd rather have no luck then bad luck. Really it's not so much fun when everything goes to shit. Also, I wouldn't have to worry about getting hit by a Twinkie Truck when I get older (Don't. Ask.).
I really need to stop doing stupid things when I'm bored. I pulled up my anime site again and searched "Hetalia – Axis Powers". I braced myself and clicked on episode 1. Time to find out what was to come…
In the meantime, I suppose I should describe myself, My name is Delilah (call me Deli), I'm a 15 year old self proclaimed otaku (or hikikomori, which ever floats your boat), about 5'4-5'5, 170 pounds (I wear my weight well thank you very much), with dark brown hair complete with streaks of purple, my eyes are a color that seems unidentifiable between blue, green, and hazel (it's kind of like… some strange mixture? I dunno, creeps me out), and I despise Mary Sues. I also have little to no upper body strength, and hate exercising. I love going on the computer and reading. And my mom was off somewhere for a long, long time. She was also a bit nutty, and I (sadly) acquired that trait from her. Also, one word: klutzy.
There, now you know about me. Onto the story.
After 73 episodes (which equates to about 465 minutes) I knew three things:
One - That watching this anime was possibly the best thing that has ever happened to me (Thought I would never get those 465 minutes of my life back).
Two – I was screwed. No one on the show was sane. I had no clue what they meant by Unit but… I figured that this wouldn't end well.
Three – My cat was a complete psycho. Not that this has anything to do with anything, but I just wanted to throw it out there.
Well… maybe I'll get Canada! That would be good, considering I was thinking that he was the only slightly sane one out of the bunch. But… I had a bad feeling. So at around… 3 a.m. I finally went to bed. It was probably all a scam anyways. All for a good laugh, right? Right! Shut up, I did not just sound schizophrenic.
Oh… how little I was wrong! (Possibly on both counts)
The next three days passed uneventfully, and I had nearly completely forgotten about the Units I had ordered, I started reading Hetalia fan fiction though. Well I certainly remembered when I heard a knock at my door and (carefully) looking through the peephole I noticed a guy with a huge-ass box next to him was standing at my door. I opened it slowly looking out at him, not blinking for good measure. His shirt was light blue with a picture of a- the fuck! Was that a flying bunny? A mint green one at that? I looked at his shirt more closely, did that say… Flying Mint Bunny Express Shipping.
What. The. Fuck. The truck said that too. I blatantly stared at it, then looked back at the guy, then looked at the box. It was wooden and had FRAGILE and THIS END UP stamped all over it. All I really heard was "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga playing in the background as we both gave each other strange looks, me for his job, and him, well… probably for my overall general appearance. I was still wearing my pajama's and Gaara
slippers. And my hair was a bit of a nightmare. But that's not the point!
After staring at each other for a good… 3 minutes or so. He finally spoke.
"Um… you need to sign here." He told me, handing an electronic signing device over to me. I scrawled Delilah Cipriano across it and handed it back. "And here's your manual." He told me, handing me a manila envelope.
"Thank you." I replied monotonously, still slouched over, staring at him.
"Would you like me to bring it in for you?" He asked, gesturing to the box. I nodded and stepped back to let him into the front room. He rolled the giant box in (you know, on one of those roller thingies?) and dropped it on the floor, "The next one should come within five business days." He told me, my eyes widened. There were more on the way?
He nodded in goodbye to me then stepped back and left the house. I stood there watching him drive off trying not to laugh at the flying mint bunny mascot on the side of the truck… I lasted till he made it up the street before I burst into laughter. I cackled for about 5 minutes before I finally got up off the floor (I had fallen over in my little fit), and wiped the tears from my eyes. I looked at the box, then at the envelope in my hands. I debated opening it for a minute, and then decided that I should probably be prepared for whatever the hell I had ordered.
I opened the envelope and looked at the cover.
"IVAN BRAGINSKI: User Guide and Manual." I searched through my mental files, Ivan, which one was – oh. Russia. Crap.
I cracked open the guide and read through it. Then I read it again. I read it a third time just to be safe then I looked at the box and sighed.
"Time to get cracking, I suppose." I told myself. How the hell does one pronounce "Брат" though? I sighed again. Another job for Google.
Brat. Like Br-Ah-t. Mmkay. I looked at the manual again, so I have to… stand near the box and shout that. At the top of my lungs… okay. I stood about three feet away from the box and opened my mouth.
"Брат!" I yelled, feeling like a complete idiot, but better safe then sorry I suppose.
Out of nowhere I heard sobbing coming from the box, as my cat looked down the stairs and meowed loudly at me.
"What?" I asked her. She just meowed louder. "Frickin psycho." I muttered as I turned toward the box bracing myself, and unlocked it.
It was Russia alright, standing there in his usual outfit.
"Ah," He said, upon seeing me, in all my just-woken-up glory, "You are not Natalya." Thank God. But I didn't say that out loud.
"No… call me Deli."
"Ah… привет, Deli."
I gave him a look, "Um… huh?"
"It means hello." He told me, his smile growing bigger.
"Oh, erm… hello then. Are you hungry?" I asked, feeling slightly nervous, Ivan could probably crush me without a second thought. Or bludgeon me to death with his lead pipe. Oh yeah. Where was that?
"Okay, just give me a minute…" I looked at the box, and stared at the top… there was a slightly smaller box up there. "Erm, Ivan?"
"Can you get that box on top of the, um… bigger box, for me? It has the rest of your things in it."
"Da." I blinked, he sure did use that word a lot. He handed me the box.
"Thank you, um… I don't have any Russian food, but would you like some pasta?" Oh shut up, I ate pasta all he time before Hetalia, I'm Italian, and it's in my blood. Sue me! Actually… don't.
"Da." Um… will he ever say anything else? I looked at the number at the bottom of the page as I turned away. Maybe he was broken, should I call customer support?
"Kolkolkolkolkolkolkolkol…" Never mind. He was fine. I needed to get some traditional Russian food soon. I walked into the kitchen where my water was boiling and set his box on the table. I carried the manual with me and set it on the counter, near the microwave, and got to work making spaghetti.
"The box is for you Ivan." I told him, cheerfully making the spaghetti. Thank God for pasta. I would sing praises in its name but my singing voice sucks. So I'll spare everyone that, just because I'm so nice, and no, that's not sarcasm. What makes you think that?
"Thank you, da. You seem nice."
"Why thank you." I told him, stirring the spaghetti in a huge pot. I looked over the manual again, well… it was a good thing that my sister was overage. I'd call customer support later and see if I could get him an I.D. that said he was over 21 though. I did not want to answer any awkward question my sister would ask if I told her I needed a bunch of vodka. That probably wouldn't end well. "There are some sunflowers in the backyard, if you want to pick any. Just don't pick the giant mutant one. I want to see how tall that one gets."
"Da. Thank you." I heard him get up and head over to the back door. As he left I felt a slight sense of relief. Why did I get the feeling he had just been sitting there staring at me?
…Oh well. I finished making the spaghetti as he came back in.
"Food's done. Take as much as you want. I'll see if I can make something you like tomorrow, okay?" I told him, as I stole a small plate of spaghetti for myself.
"Da." Well, sometimes it's good to be a man of few words. Meanwhile I was stressing over whether or not I should feel safer with Ivan in the house, or more afraid. I pondered it for a small moment as I set my plate down and turned to the fridge to get a glass of milk, before deciding that right now was not the time to deal with it. It's a good thing that summer had started only about five days ago. Otherwise I'd be screwed. We ate our pasta in silence. I finished quickly… well as quickly as I can, which meant he was about halfway done with his even though he'd gotten three times as much as I did.
"When you're done do you want me to show you your room?" Because even though my older sister went to college in town, she opted to stay in the dorms. So I was all alone… oh well. Now I had Ivan though. So I suppose that was a good thing. I think.
"Da. Thank you."
I cleaned off my plate, grimacing the whole time, I despise dishes.
"I'm done, da." I heard a voice behind me say; I jumped about three feet in the air. I had forgotten about him! Too busy thinking about how I wish we had a dish washer. A mechanical one, not a human one.
"Okay, just put the dish in the sink and I'll show you your room." I told him. He nodded and set the plate in the sink.
How the hell could I have forgotten about him? His presence was… intimidating. To say the least. I showed him up the stairs to a yellow room with a nice view of the garden.
"Thank you, da."
"Like I said, no problem. I'll be in my room if you need me; it's just down the hall." With a view of the woods. Stupid woods, as a kid I always thought someone was watching me in them. Thus the reason I had thick curtains and blinds.
If you can't tell, I'm completely and utterly spastic in a paranoid sense. Always have been.
"Da Thank you."
I gave him a smile and left the room. When I got to mine I sighed and flopped onto the bed. My cat meowed at me again, as she crawled out from under the bed.
"You're an insane cat, you know that. What the hell's wrong with you?" I asked her as she jumped onto the bed and shoved her face into mine, meowing some more. "Yeah, yeah. You're such a psychotic cat." I patted her on the head. Well… everything was going to get complicated now. I swore in my head.
Too fucking troublesome.
Author's note: I'm baaaaack! Hello everyone and sorry for disappearing forever! This is my first Hetalia fanfic, and the there will be more.
It was inspired by LolliDictator's Manual's she makes. They will be going in an established order, and it will help everyone who reads this if they read those. Just because I may use the manuals as a forewarning as some kind, so go read her fics! The name of the Manual in here is the name of the fic, if you have trouble finding it ask me and I can send you the link.
On a different hand, please tell me if you saw any mistakes in my writing. Or just feedback of any kind.
I have no clue if there will be any pairings in this. Just warning you if you're looking for romance.
Does anyone know who Deli was acting like when the delivery man was there? Guess!
Her nickname is pronounced "Del-EE" like where you get meat from.
Thank you all for reading! Please, leave your reviews on the way out!
EDIT: DISCLAIMER: Cause I forgot, and this will be the only one. I do not own the characters. I also do not even own the concept really, all I own is Deli, her pyscho cat, and the deliveryman. Flying Mint Bunny Express Shipping was invented when my little sister asked "If we had a delivery service like in Kiki's Delivery Service, what would we call it?" and I referenced the FUNimation dub of Hetalia by saying "Flying Mint Bunny Express Shipping o' course." Then we debated who would win in a fight, Flying Mint Bunny or The Log (from Naruto Abridged).