I Ain't Playin' Your Game: Chapter Seven
AN: Yes, I know it's been a while on all my fics. RL has been... unpleasant lately. This chapter probably isn't as funny for that reason.
Characters belong to SM
Lookin' away, uncertain what to say to that, I finally settle on, "I'm sorry for punchin' you."
"Don't worry about it, dude. Now that I've made you jealous, my work here is done," he grins at me. "He can only take so much of you rejecting him before he decides to drop your sorry ass," he warns and gets back on the bike. I wait until the roar of the engine is gone before I walk up to Edward's door.
Takin' a few deep breaths, I know whatever I do now will alter our relationship one way or another. Which way I want to go is the question.
Rappin' on the door I wait impatiently. I'll apologize, and then see what happens. Noddin' to myself, I like that plan, if only I can stick to it.
Edward opens the door carefully, a cool mask in place. The absinthe green eyes are now just pale green and appear indifferent, as if I'm a stranger. Fuckin' hell. He doesn't say a word to me, just waits for me to say somethin'.
Sighin' to myself, I take a deep breath and start to apologize, I think. No, wait, those aren't the words of I'm sorry. Fuck, what did I just say? Oh, now I remember. The first thing that falls from my mouth is, "Why'd you punch me?"
Edward, if possible, looks even colder and slams the door in my face. I guess I should have expected that. Angry with myself for sayin' such a dumb ass thing, I kick the door. Unsurprisingly, no one opens it again.
Standin' on his porch, I think back to what happened. Wasn't this what he wanted? Well, wasn't it? I'm sure he's playin' me, again. The fuckin' bastard. I don't care what Jacob says. Surely this was staged, right? Jacob kisses him, I get jealous, and Edward and I live happily ever after. Right... no one lives happily ever after and if they think they do they need a reality check.
Yesterday Edward was possessive of me and today this? My anger at Cullen and his games bubbles up and I shout, "Fuck you, Cullen. You made your point and made me jealous. Go play your games on someone else and leave me the fuck alone, like I've asked you to a million times."
Stormin' back to my house I open and slam the door shut. Of course it's far less satisfyin' when no one is there to hear your anger.
Decidin' it would do me good to go a few rounds with a punchin' bag, I find my way upstairs. Lookin' around, it reminds me of the time I was here and punched Edward in the nose. Sighin' I remove my shirt and start hittin' the punchin' bag. We are both crazy if we think it's normal or healthy to be that violent towards each other. Although, technically I hated him. Yes, keep tellin' yourself that.
As my fists land, I think of Cullen, and I think of Jacob. Then I think of them kissin'. My mind wants to skitter way from that image, but won't let it go. The two of them together were a beautiful pair and if I hadn't started to have some feelin' for Cullen, I probably would have been turned on, instead of pissed off. The memory of them kissin' turns my stomach. Jacob, with his lips on Cullen's. Cullen with... well, he didn't do anythin'. If my memory is right, he didn't kiss Jacob back, but he sure as hell didn't push him away either. However, he seemed a bit shocked that Jacob kissed him at all. Fuckin' hell, I need to stop bein' stupid teenager and think with my brain. I know I have one, somewhere. Or I did have one before Edward started fuckin' with it.
Tomorrow, I tell myself, I'll go and apologize correctly. By then I should have come up with an appropriate one and Cullen will have calmed down, or at least maybe I will.
The next day, after nearly no sleep, I knock on his door. His mom answers the door and smiles sadly at me. "Is Cu... I mean, is Edward home?" I stutter out.
She shakes her head, and says, "No, he won't be here for a few days." I frown at her. Is he really gone? Or did he tell her to say that? In no time we were together did he ever tell me he was leaving before school started.
"Oh... okay," I mumble and stumble back to my house. Thinkin' about things, didn't his mom tell me I could come over whenever I wanted? Feelin' dejected I go upstairs to my room.
My step-mom finds me on my bed later doin' absolutely nothin'. I hadn't moved all damn day. Sittin' on the side of my bed she smooths my hair back and asks, "Are you okay?"
"Fine," I mutter. What am I supposed to say? That the guy that I wanted to go away finally did and now I'm upset about it? No, thanks.
"Okay, sweetie. If you need me for anything I'll be around," my step-mom says and leaves the room.
If Cullen didn't want to see me then I wasn't goin' to try knockin' on his door again, so I do nothin'. Day after day I continue not livin', not getting out of bed, not eatin'. After a while I come to the conclusion that I'm sulkin' and depressed. What's worse is that I'm depressed over Cullen, apparently I miss him. Who knew that would happen? Certainly not me.
The doorbell rings a few days later and I move and groan at the stiffness of my muscles. If my parents were home I'd make them answer the door, but they aren't. The ringin' begins again and I yell, "I'm comin', I'm comin'. Don't get your panties in a twist," to whomever is on the other side, as I descend the stairs.
Openin' the door, Cullen stands there with a piece of paper in his hands and an icy expression. Shit, he's still pissed. "Why are you here?" I ask carefully.
"Roommate stuff," he answers frostily and waves the paper in my face.
"Come inside then," I say and open the door a little wider, unsure if I actually want this Edward in my home.
Cullen walks to the kitchen table and sits down, at home here. My parents must have made him feel that way, it wasn't me. Takin' a chair beside him I waited for him to speak.
He just pushed the paper at me. On it was a list of things we should take to our dorm and it appeared he checked off things he had to bring already. Frownin' at it and not talkin' to him I found a pen and checked off the things I'm bringing. The other things we would have to figure out together.
Slidin' the paper back at him, he glanced at what is left to get. Foldin' it up he puts it away and starts to stand, very pointedly ignoring the elephant in the room. Fuck.
To keep him here a bit longer and not wantin' him to leave again after how awful the week had been I place my hand over his. He glances at it, but says nothin'. He does, however, sit back down. "Where have you been?" I inquire. Cullen's lips press together and I know I won't get an answer to the question.
"I'm sorry," I whisper. Cullen only nods his head.
Lookin' around to come up with somethin' else to say, I notice a thick leather bracelet on his wrist. Narrowin' my eyes, I point at it and ask, "When did you start wearin' jewelry?" Cullen shrugs his shoulder at me, still not a word and now I'm getting angry. Reinin' it in, I say, "You've never worn any before, not even masculine stuff, since I moved here." There is a brief flicker of satisfaction in his eyes when he realizes I noticed anythin' about him, but his eyes turn cold again. Shit, how do I fix this? We can't live together if we remain this way.
Reachin' a hand out I pick up his left hand in mine and trace the bracelet there. My fingers slip underneath the leather and I feel what feels like scar tissue, and Cullen's entire body stiffens. "What?" I ask quietly, more to myself. Pushin' the bracelet up, I see a long scar there.
Cullen snaps out of his daze and quickly removes his hand from mine. "What did you do? Why did you do it?"
Angry green eyes narrow at me, and he snaps, "Not you, too."
"Huh?" I ask in confusion.
"It was an accident, nothing more. I was angry and careless, the knife I was holding slipped," he stops himself from sayin' anthin' else.
"You... you," I swallow hard and continue, "You didn't try to kill yourself?"
Edward scoffs at me, "Are you fucking serious? No, I didn't." Then I heard him mumble, "My parents didn't believe me."
"Why didn't they? If you were tellin' the truth," I ask him gently.
"Look, my dad's a doctor. After they saw me and I was still upset over fighting with you they thought I tried to commit suicide. So, they sent me to a... place for a few days." He didn't have to tell me what place, I'm sure it was a psychiatric hospital. The Cullen I knew surely loved that.
"So... you didn't try to kill yourself. Okay, I'll believe you, this time," I concede and gave him a hard stare.
Blowin' out his breath, Cullen counters, "I wouldn't kill myself over someone, especially over something that stupid. What would that accomplish? So don't worry about your roommate being mentally unstable." I keep the snort to myself at that.
"Okay, so it was stupid, but I still want to know what the fuck happened?" I demanded. Cullen immediately closed up after that. No, not this time. We were goin' to talk about this like the adults we are supposed to be. "I said I'm sorry, but I'm not sure I'm sorry for everything that happened when I don't even know why you reacted like that."
"What? Punching you?" he asks with a wistful smile on his face. He should not look that happy over punchin' me.
"Yes. What the fuck, man?" I ask and cross my arms over my chest.
"Jasper, I wanted you to want me because you did, not because you were jealous. The way you acted... it was like we were kids and I was the toy that you didn't want until Jacob had it, then you had to snatch it back. I want you to want me, no matter who does or doesn't want me, not because someone made you realize I could be taken," he explains. When he did, everything made sense. Although I don't think I could have come up with that explanation on my own no matter how hard I tried.
"Okay. If I tell you that I want you now will that make a difference?" I ask him, and he shrugs at me. Shit, I'm no flowery romantic guy, so I had no idea what to do now.
Comin' up with nothin' else, I kneel in front of him and lay my head on his thigh, beggin', "Please."
He doesn't say a word for a few minutes and I'm startin' to get uncomfortable, but he hasn't shoved me away either. Finally I feel his hands in my hair and he turns my face upward to look at him as he agrees, "Okay."
Inhalin' sharply first I lunge myself at him and nearly topple us both over and kiss his face all everywhere. Laughin' at me, Edward pushes me away and I finally catch the sight of his absinthe eyes again. I missed them.
My parents walk in on us and we are both startled. They had matching grins and relief on their faces. "Thank god you two made up. I don't think I could stand one more day of teenage angst in this house," my father told Edward while I glare at dear old dad.
Getting the conversation off me or even his few days I'm sure he didn't want my parents to know anyhin' about, he takes the folded paper out again, and says, "We have shopping to do."
"That's right," I say, agreein' with him. I need to get away from my parents happy faces and out of my house. Of course, finally bein' able to see the person you missed the most the last several days doesn't hurt either.
"Have fun," my parents call after us. We wave and mumble our goodbyes. I'm wonderin' now what I'm supposed to do with Edward and if we'll fuck it up again.
AN: I hope you guys are reading Big Gay Story, by The Slashtastics. I haven't gotten around to it yet, but that is only because I'm the 24th author on the list and don't want to get ahead of myself.