Ok, so I got sick of writing angst, so I decided to try some Humor/Fluff stuff. It's terrible, I know, but I'm preparing for a much larger fic, so I decided to write a little warm up fic. This will be a short one, but should be riddled with misbehavior, slash, and condoms.
Plotline is simple enough, Harry and Draco wake up with switched bodies in their 6th year, and have to deal with it. They agree to stay in each other's body for one week, but they don't count on falling in love. Pairing is obviously HP/DM, other characters don't really have a part in this. Also, this fic basically ignores HBP and DH plotlines.
Simple, cute, and just asking for some laughs.
ON WITH THE FIC!
Harry woke up in his Hogwarts bed easily enough. He rubbed his eyes and noticed that for a September morning, it was strangely cold. He slid out of bed and stumbled to the door. He noticed that the other occupants of the room were still dead asleep. While hand-combing his hair, he approached the stairs. Still half conscious, he walked into the bathroom. Somehow, he made it to the urinal and relieved himself. Finally, he walked to the sink and began washing his face. A flicker of blonde suddenly came into his perspective. He looked around the bathroom, trying to figure out who it was coming from, as none of the boys in his dorm had blonde hair. Not seeing anyone, he shrugged and turned back to the sink, this time glancing in the mirror.
What he saw in the reflection caused him to accidentally magick all of the showers and sink faucets to come on.
Tears streamed down Harry's face as he patted down every inch of Draco Malfoy's face staring back at him in the reflection. "Wha-wha-" he sputtered.
He stared as Malfoy's face was contorting the way he was telling his face to move. This wasn't a trick. He was in Draco Malfoy's body.
Across Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy woke up in the Gryffindor Tower. Unaware of this, he opened his four poster, to find brightly shining light next to a window. Trying to figure out if he had gotten particularly drunk that night and went to bed with a Gryffindor, he checked the bed he was laying in for a mess. Nope, no stains there. Being Draco Malfoy, he felt a twinge of disappointment. Nailing a Griffindor had always been a personal goal of his.
"Morning, mate." Ron Weasley's voice said coming from the four poster next to his.
Draco leaped out of bed. "What?" he asked.
Neville and Seamus opened up their four posters. "Morning Harry. Sleep well?"
Draco looked around wildly. Was he in a BOY'S room? Was he in POTTER'S bed? Surely, he didn't have THAT bad of taste, even if he was drunk.
He looked down and noticed a faint, "I must not tell lies" on the back of his hand. Oh how he had laughed about that in the Slytherin Common room his fifth year after he saw Potter with his bleeding hand. Now that hand was his. He realized he had extremely poor vision, looked to the left, and quickly put Potter's glasses on. Draco decided that it was probably better to BE Harry Potter than to DO Harry Potter.
Trying to stay calm in the increasingly stressful situation, Draco muttered a salutation to the other Gryffindors and slipped out of the dorm.
Harry threw on some robes and ran out of the Slytherin Common Room. This couldn't be happening. Why was he trapped in Malfoy's body? What caused this terrible, terrible thing to happen? His stomach gave a rumble. He figured he might as well grab some breakfast before everyone else saw him as Draco fucking Malfoy.
Walking down to the Great Hall, he veered to the left, joining the Slytherin table. Some fourth year girls stared at him and motioned for him to join them. Oh great, Harry thought. I'm stuck with Draco's little girlfriends.
"Morning, Draco!" one of them said brightly.
"Hullo," Harry replied dully.
The girls glanced at each other nervously. "I was wondering," the first one began. "If you understand what the term, 'follow up' means."
Harry looked at her blankly.
"It means," she continued, beginning to gain some confidence in her voice. "That you at least tell the girl who gave you 5 blowjobs in one day you aren't interested in them before running off and hooking up with Darla in the Common Room."
"Oh fuck," Harry said. "Look, I don't want to know where this body has been. Whatever happened, I'm sorry, but I think I have to throw up now."
As he rushed out of the Great Hall, he happened to run into…himself?
"Potter," his own voice hissed at him. "Just what do you think you're doing in my body?"
"I could have asked you the same question, Malfoy." Harry replied hotly.
"Don't just stand there like a prat, let's go somewhere no body can see us like this." Draco said, grabbing Harry's arm and dragging him to a nearby classroom.
"So do you mind telling me what's going on?" Harry asked.
"You think I know anything about – bloody hell, I really am an attractive man, aren't I? You know, I've always known that I'm attractive, but looking at myself from another perspective that isn't a mirror really helps me – "
"Right. Well, Potter, your guess is as good as mine. I woke up with a bunch of bright-faced Gryffin-fags this morning."
"Yes, and I woke up to seeing your face in the mirror."
"Well then, that must have been an improvement from THIS." Draco responded, pointing at his face.
Harry rolled his eyes. "Well, I suppose we should go find Dumbledore and get this sorted out."
Draco stared at him in shock. "Why the bloody eff would you do that? I fully intend on getting proper use out of this body before I get put back."
Harry took his wand out and held it to his now blonde hair. "I swear, Malfoy, I will CUT your hair if you don't go with me to Dumbledore right now."
"Hang on now, no need to get rash. Potter, don't do it." Draco said, raising his hands in the air as if to show a peace offering.
"Let's go now." Harry said, his wand still against the blonde hair.
"Potter, don't you see the possibilities? You can fuck as many girls as you'd like and no one would think you're any less for it? I, on the other hand, will be a perfectly behaved Gryffindor and valiant in every way."
"Why would I want to fuck a bunch of girls?" Harry asked.
"Or blokes, if that's what you're into." Draco added.
"I- that's – completely missed the point." Harry stuttered. "You seriously want to pretend to be me while I pretend to be you? How on earth is that productive?"
"It's a learning opportunity. You can learn what it's like to be a Slytherin, and I can learn all about love and bravery and all of that stuff."
"This doesn't seem to be a good idea." Harry continued. "Someone obviously did this on purpose – what if it was Voldemort?"
It was funny to watch Harry's face twitch uncomfortably at the name. "Potter, why would the Dark Lord switch our bodies? Does that give him any benefit at all?"
"Hmm, I dunno, maybe when your body goes home for the holidays, he'll Avada Kedavra my ass? Then, you'll be in my body and everyone can think –"
"Potter, you are way too complicated. Don't worry so much, we're not going to get caught, because we are both excellent actors."
"How do you know I'm a good actor?"
"Because you can't be nearly as saintly as you pretend you are." Draco replied.
"Oh." Harry blushed.
"Ok, so today, I have Transfiguration and Double Potions with the Gryffin-fails. Can you manage simple Switching Spells yet?" Draco asked.
Harry sighed. "I'm getting there."
"Potter, you need to know how to do a Switching Spell before the end of the year."
"Why are you telling me what to do?" Harry asked.
"Well someone CLEARLY has to, as you can't even do a simple Switching Sp-"
"Look, if you want to do this, then let's have one week in these bodies. Then we go talk to Dumbledore."
Draco sighed. "Fine. One week."
Harry held out Draco's long, elegant fingers. "Deal?"
Draco grasped his hand, shaking it. "Deal."