'Let it go, Raj. I told you Leonard's mom is just a little strange.'
'Yes. I understand that. She's a psychologist and the female version of Sheldon. She's extremely strange. But...'
'I...I can't help but think she's right.'
'About us. About the gay couple thing. We do spend an awful lot of time together.'
'Yeah, but most of that time is spent trying to pick up the ladies.'
'But have you noticed that you have never once scored a girl when you have been with me?'
'That doesn't mean we're gay. It just means you're a crap wingman.'
'I am not a crap wingman! How dare you!'
'Well, how else do you explain me never scoring when I'm with you but when I'm alone I get laid a hell of a lot?'
'Because when you're alone you're not too embarrassed to pay for a hooker.'
'That's so not the point.'
'Then what is the point?'
'The point is that we can't be together like that!'
'Leonard's mom thinks that we can...'
'But we don't.'
'But you just - you do?'
'Yes. That is what this whole conversation has been centered around, duh.'
'Yeah, but what you're saying is that...you think that we should be together.'
'I...I can't believe this.'
'That's because you're Jewish.'
'It was nothing to do with my being Jewish.'
'You guys will you give it a rest. We're trying to listen to Sheldon's speech!'
'Penny, you don't care about Sheldon's speech and you know it.'
'No, I don't. But I do care about Sheldon getting the attention that he deserves for this. And I also don't want to have to kick both of your asses in the same minute.'
'I wasn't asking you, Leonard. You have no input in this...Penny?'
'Do you think that me and Howard would make a good couple?'
'I told you it's not going to happen.'
'Well...it would be quite cute if it did happen.'
'I can't believe you're taking his side in this!'
'I'm sorry but you two make a good couple...and I've been wanting a gay friend for soo long, and now two have come along at the same time!'
'What, Leonard, what?'
'Can you please stop trying to make Howard gay against his own free will? I'm pretty sure that's bad...'
'Nobody asked for your view on things, Leonard. Now go back to watching Sheldon's speech!'
'But I've gotten involved in this conversation now.'
'Soo, you know I can't get uninvolved in a conversation as quickly as I got involved!'
'Remind again why I'm dating you?'
'Because I'm cute?'
'Can we please get back to the matter at hand?'
'Whether me and Howard would make a good couple of not! Shall we take a vote?'
'I vote yes.'
'I vote yes...but that you shouldn't make Howard gay if he's not.'
'That is a pile of crap, Leonard, we need a proper answer!'
'Ugh...okay, I guess I vote yes then.'
'Look, how about a compromise?'
'I'll take you out to dinner and then you can see how disasterous a couple we would make.'
'Like a date?'
'Say that you are taking me out on a date.'
'I...do I have to?'
'Yes. So it is a bond you cannot get out of.'
'You're taking pleasure out of this, aren't you?'
'Yes indeedy, sir.'
'Fine. I will take you on a...a d-date.'
'Sorry, I can't help but shout when something out of the ordinary happens!'
'So, how was my speech?'
'Oh...I - I really liked your suit.'
'...it's okay I could never really expect Penny to come up with intellectual answers. What did you three think? Leonard? Raj? Wolowitz?'
'Oh my is that the time? I need to call my mom-'
'I need to pee-'
'I need to, er...yeah...'
'...did I do something?'