A peek into the mind of the confusing and interesting Hotaru Imai! I made this into a oneshot! It was part of my series Life, From a Certain Perspective, but I thought this one was better than the other one. Please enjoy!


A Peek Into The Mind of a Genius:

Hotaru's Only Fear

'My name...? Imai Hotaru... This cursed name I am chained to, tied to, forever. My endless agony, my living hell; it all rests in this name, Imai Hotaru. The sound rings over and over in my head, as if taunting me, constantly reminding me I will never be freed.

I knew it was right. People talk about me so cruelly, not thinking at all of how I would feel. They think I have a cold stone heart. They think I have for my entire existence, well what do you think caused it? The answer...? My fear, my one fear.

It made me distance myself, not wanting to be with others, not wanting to be seen by others, not heard of, not existing. This fear? My only fear is... people. I am afraid of people.

Of being hated, told I'm unwanted, unneeded. I never want to be hated, not ever. People are so complex; we change our minds every so often, on a regular basis.

One day, this person loves you, the next they hate you. What is this? This is the reason I shy away from others, being strange; different. I could not be ordinary I decided to become extraordinary.

I thought this would pique their interest and they would befriend me, though it did not work. They only shunned me.

I thought that if ignoring me was their wish, I will respect them; I thought they would like that and maybe they would begin to like me.

No, it did not work either, they thought I was arrogant and self centered, avoiding them because in my mind I was better than them.

I thought that maybe I could act differently, eating different things, saying different things, doing different things.

I ate crab brains, talked about money, took embarrassing pictures of people, pretending I was money obsessed.

This only caused them to think I was a weirdo that should be avoided.

No one wanted to be seen with me, up to the point that even my own mother was avoiding me. Coming home from work very late, leaving early, taking unnecessary vacations, she did not want to hurt me so she did not mention the reasons though I knew that she was just like the others.

I hid away, not wanting to face my fear. I took an interest in inventing. Wild and bizarre ideas came to me, I studied science and engineering in my free time to be able to realise my dreams. I created many things I was praised for by my teachers, but not often. They thought a child like me should've never been born into this world.

I cried tears of angst and fear every time no one was around. I hated myself more and more for being weak, letting tears spill freely. I cried more and more. And then, things became clearer in my clouded mind one day.

I cried silently in the rain under a sakura tree, fresh tears running down my face, hair wet by the rain, my clothes soaked. I sat under the tree, huddled up as they ran down in silence. I closed my eyes, trying to make all the pain go away. Then, I heard a voice.

"Hello! Why are you crying?" the voice asked. Thinking it was only my imagination, I replied, but making it short and not offering details.

Then the voice asked me: "What's your name? I'm Sakura Mikan, but you can just call me Mikan!" Surprised, I opened my eyes and looked up at the girl, the voice. Soft brown locks and warm chocolate eyes, so amazing compared to myself, short choppy coal coloured hair and disgusting egg plant eyes.

"I'm... Imai Hotaru." I answered, not knowing why I was speaking to a complete stranger.

"Hota-chan, you think too much!" she said as she giggled. She held out her hand for me to take.

I took her hand and got up.

My eyes widened. No one has ever wanted to help me; no one has ever told me I was not weird or unwanted, not like her. I took her hand and got up.

"I'm sure it's only your imagination, no one thinks that way about you, I'm sure!" she told me as she smiled.

It was like my world was brightened. I was so happy, for the first time. And so, she and I became friends.

I always called her an idiot and shooed her away from me, but what I meant was exactly the opposite. I knew she liked me but not as much as I liked her, as I needed her to help me, but I still didn't want her to leave me.

I continued to shy away from everyone, if I became normal, I would have more friends and Mikan would drift away. I kept her dear to me and would not get closer to anyone else. I followed all her plans and participated in various activities with her, slowly beginning to have fun. I loved her; she was closer to me than anyone in this twisted world.

We were like sisters.

Then, I received the letter saying I would be attending Alice Academy whether I wanted to or not. I was devastated and left. I lived days of grey there.

And then, I heard that voice again. "HOTARUUUU!~" it was her, she came for me, then I knew she was my only best friend for the rest of my life. The person who would be with me always, cheering me on, helping me; it was her.

After that light entered my dark world, I didn't dare ask for another one, fearing she would leave. Though somehow, he entered anyway. Nogi Ruka.

He entered into my world of grey and became my other light. Yes, I fell in love with him.

I chased after him with pictures of blackmail, trying to capture his attention, turning it away from others. Even if I had to sell his beautiful pictures to others who, like me, love him and who were much more fit to be with him. I felt that pain again, the same pain before Mikan.

I consoled myself saying that I still have Mikan, but even her, she fell in love with Hyuuga Natsume. And so, I despise him.

I chased after Ruka day after day, trying to capture his heart, though I knew it would never work. I still hoped. Maybe it was empty hope? Even so, I did not give up.

After we entered high school, he told me he loved me. I was so happy and so scared that he would begin to hate me after seeing my true ugly self. I ran far away. I shied away from him and stopped chasing him. Even I, myself, thought it was stupid, being in love with what you're afraid of most.

I can still remember though, how he caught me one day running out from the cafeteria.

"IMAI! Stop running away! I love you, that's all; I love you! Why are you torturing me? Running from me, avoiding me as if I were some monster! Why? Do you really hate me that much?" he asked me, tears could be seen in his eyes even if he tried to hide them. I looked up, crystal tears sliding down. He looked at me.

"No. I don't hate you at all. It's the contrary, I'm also in love with you." I started. He gaped at me.

"I'm so afraid... Of being hated by you, by Mikan. I'm afraid..." I broke down crying in his arms. He patted my head and looked into my eyes.

"Don't worry, I won't ever hate you, I'll wait until you're ready for me. I want you to know, though. You think too much, it's only your imagination. No one thinks of you that way." He said, the exact same words as Mikan, he smiled.

I smiled back and kissed him on his cheek. "Thank you."

Here we are now, finishing high school and moving on, we are all going to the same university-Mikan, Ruka, (bleh) Natsume and I. I couldn't be happier. And here I am now, thinking about my life so far, how things were like before Ruka, Mikan, everybody.

I can't imagine myself being apart from them, ever. Maybe, if I try, I'll find a third light. A child. Yes, that would be nice... 'I thought as I smiled, looking at the sunset with my loved ones, Mikan, Ruka, my thoughts and whoever graced me with my two lights.

(Natsume's here too, but he doesn't count as a person. Stupid Natsume...)


Hotaru reminds me of someone who has asperger's syndrome… I love her! ^^

Hope you liked it! Please review! Review! PLEASE! Ice cream to whoever reviews!