Chapter 5 - Epilogue
Kurt was happily wondering down the school hallway Monday morning in his cheer leading outfit when suddenly the crowd of students parted like the red sea and Sue Sylvester appeared in his path.
"Now listen here you ungrateful, conceited little snot—
"Please let me stop you there Couch Sylvester - " Kurt interjected, while he raising his hand to halt Sue in mid-sentence " - and let me humbly apologize for maligning your good name and program 'Sue's Corner'. I took your diatribe way too personally and actually did not understand your true intention. I see now that telling me to 'swish it up' you were allowing me to expose my inner diva, my kinky side. Of course people are going to judge me and ridicule me, but what does it matter? There are also some people out there that will champion me and love me for who I am. And aren't they the ones that matter? How will I find those people if I don't throw myself out there and be out and proud. Because of you coach, and your encouragement I found the man of my dreams right here in McKinley High. When I swished it up and got suspended he came to support me and I had three days of the most glorious, kinky, raunchy sex that was hotter than any wet dream a sixteen year old could ever have. Thank you so much!" Kurt gushed.
Sue just stood there flabbergasted, her mouth working but unable to say anything.
Puck walked up behind Kurt and threw his arm around his neck.
"Hey Kurt" he murmured
"Hey yourself, Puck" Kurt simpered.
"Look, if anybody WANTS me," Puck smiled suggestively," I'll be in the nurse's room. I feel a headache coming on."
"Ooh Boo! That's terrible! Maybe I should walk you to the nurse's office if you're feeling that bad." Kurt closed his hands around Puck's waist and gave him a quick squeeze.
Kurt looked to Sue Sylvester, "Coach are you okay, yourself? You're looking a bit green about the gills."
"The intense nausea should pass once you two get out of my sight." Sue managed to spit out.
"See you at practice Coach!"
Sue scowled after the pair as they headed down the hall. She was unfortunate that she didn't turn her head fast enough away from the gruesome sight of Kurt playfully pinching Puck's ass. Sue charged and pushed through the throngs of hormonal short deviants and budding psychopaths that bleeding heart pinko liberals laughingly call typical American teens and headed back to her office. She was on a mission, she had a TV spot she had to write for…
On TV that night….
"To my wonderful listeners of Western Ohio" Sue began as she looked unflinchingly into the camera. "I sit before you a changed and dare I say it, a contrite and apologetic woman. As you know last week I went on a rant about sneaky gays and how they should swish up just like Adam Lambert. My reasoning back then was to bring them out into the glare of sunlight, expose them and their "lifestyle choice" (her fingers flashing air quotes) so that we could judge them. It is hard for me to admit this, (even harder than the time I caught an insidious bacterial infection in my bladder while wading across the Ariguaní River in Colombia and peed blood for a week) but I was so wrong! I had an epiphany this week after encountering a young man who made me realize how misguided I truly was and now - I would like to make amends. So to all you closeted gays out there trying to desperately fit in by pretending to be straight, playing the pronoun game and keeping very quiet about your private lives - who perhaps listened to my diatribe and vowed to follow my advise, using it as a battle cry to come out proud and loud; sashaying into the lime light with drag queen makeup and sequined heels, carrying the torch, and screaming to be heard – PLEASE for the love God! STAY IN THE CLOSET! Please don't swish it up, don't flaunt your stuff about. Please stay sneaky! WE STRAIGHT PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO KNOW! And that is how Sue C's it.