Tony was standing behind the stair case with his phone to his ear. They had solved the case, but before he went over to finalise it, there was one more thing he had to do first.

"Hello, Is David there" Tony asked urgently

"It's pronounced Da-VEED"

"No, Is David there, I have to speak to David" Tony said again

"I think you have the wrong number..." The voice on the other end of the line replied

"Sorry, I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing then"

"Tony!" Ziva hissed from behind him, Tony turned around smiling, both of them still having their phones in their hands.

"I'd better get back to work" Tony smiled. Ziva pressed his back into the wall staring at him fiercely before letting him walk off.

Ziva followed him back to his desk, "McGee, don't you find it annoying that Tony can just waste his time, he can do whatever he wants, playing up and he still manages to get everything done in a click of time. It's amazing he gets anything done at all" She finished, sitting down at her desk

"It's Nick" McGee corrected her


"In the nick of time" Tony told Ziva not looking up at her.

"What does a nick have to do with time? Your language is very confusing"

"Maybe you should get yourself a better dictionary or a thesaurus or..." Tony was cut off.

"A Dinosaur!" Ziva exclaimed

"No, it's a book"

"What's a dinosaur got to do with a book?"

"Oh yeah!" Tony said "Cause even its great vocabulary couldn't stop the thesaurus from extinction, annihilation, eradication, extermination and, or even obliteration" He joked


"Never mind" McGee sighed, sick of the bickering

"Ziva, One day you will accept that you did indeed agree to marry me and one day you'll accept that the feeling you get when you hear my name isn't hatred or loathing, it's..."

"Annoyance" Ziva said

"Good, that means I've done my job, but I've got something for you Ziva, and you to McNerd" Tony said, reaching into the filing cabinet behind his desk. Tony pulled out two large pieces of cardboard, when he turned them around to show the two of them, Ziva and McGee gasped.

"I got your picture from Abby Ziva, flattering isn't it?" Tony said, handy the cardboard cut out of Ziva to her, who was staring at it with mouth open.

"You should be overjoyed McGee, yours looks much better than hers, the cut out sums you up completely" Tony smiled; handing McGee's cut-out over as well. "I expect these to be displayed for the rest of the week."

"Where is Gibbs to stop this madness?" McGee asked, looking at the piece of cardboard.

"That's all you're getting McGeek. Now Ziva, I got you a little engagement present"

"What! What did I miss?" McGee asked furiously.

"Nothing, Tony is deluded into thinking that I agreed to marry him" Ziva sighed

McGee raised his eyebrows, "Now he will be unbearable..."

Tony hushed them; "I got you a goldfish, the little guys called 'Sushi' " he smiled

"Can I have him for dinner, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked, walking into the conversation, coffee in hand.

"No way, look at him, he's so cute! But Ziva, I got you a ring"

"Don't you ever give up?"

"Well its nothing much..." Tony replied, taking out a small box out of his pocket and opening it, showing it to everyone

"What is that?"

"Take a look" Tony said, chucking it over.

"This is just a bit of balloon and some metal!"Ziva exclaimed, throwing it in the bin

"Oi don't knock it! I spent a couple of minutes making that!"

"Now get back to work" Gibbs ordered

"Almost everything is wrapped up Boss. You were obviously there when Aaron Wright confessed to planting the drugs. He heard that Ludington was getting a promotion and knew of Coleman's hobby, decided to kill two birds with one stone and frame Ludington for drugs, therefore getting the promotion himself and wiping out any competition. Wright didn't do his research, Coleman miss -over-hears Wright gloating and decides that etcetera, etcetera."

"Well" Tony started "We definitely went the extra mile, that's 1.6 kilometres, to finish this case. We combed every inch, that's 2.5 centimetres, of evidence to solve it and I think we all did very well, give yourselves a pat on the back, in accordance with the prophecy"

"Has he been like this all day?" Jenny asked Gibbs as she walked over

Tony nodded his head, "In accordance with the prophecy"

"Yes" Gibbs replied, taking a sip from his coffee

Jenny raised her eyebrows but gave up on a longer response "Special Agent Gibbs, can I talk to you in my office before you leave?"

"Where do you reckon their off to?" Tony whispered as soon as they were gone

"To the director's office?" McGee suggested, tony gave him 'that look'

"The white rabbit is running late, giant turtles live for ages; evolution is about survival of the fittest."

"What are you talking about Tony?" Ziva asked

"The grey African elephant is the largest mouse in the southern hemisphere and comes in six different shades of pink"

"I'm leaving" Ziva declared "The case is closed, it's late and I frankly can't stand you anymore Tony"

"Bye Tony, you better listen to Gibbs" McGee said, following her out.

Tony was almost the only one left in the Squad room. Tony pulled the bowl with Sushi the fish closed to him and put his feet up on the desk, his hands behind his head and relaxed, watching the fish swim slowly around the bowl. Gibbs wanted him to stop his quest for irritation, which was probably a good idea, what with the serious injuries that can be sustained from blows to the head.

Tony remembered a case that they had worked on not too long ago. They had used McGee, Thom E. Gemcity, to get into the one club. Tony had told himself that he had to write a book and Gibbs had told him he would have to read one first. But what if his point still stood, what if Tony could write a book about the past few days and annoyance and irritation. It would be as annoying as everyone found Deep Six. No, not a book, just a story, he would call it,

Anthony DiNozzo's Guide to

Being Annoying

The basics: in the Squad room

Prank call

Make carboard cutouts of your friends with funny photos

Buy them a fish (this belive it or not is why I have a fish)

Persist with the idea of an imaginary wedding

Convert Idioms from metric to imperial or imperial to metric

Say random, unrelated gibberish

Write a story with your friends in it.

Some more fun ones to do include...

Like... speak um... kinda like this, and um...

Talk in different voices, accents

Speak in text lan

Page yourself over intercom

Explain what you should and shouldn't do on the moon

Ask the same person the same question on the hour every hour

Think out loud

Arange a group of people to start danceing, singing, to fall of their chair or even sneeze at the same time.

Wear a cape that says 'Magnificent one'


! last chapter, thanks to everyone who reviewed... Fictionnare, DS2010 and davb82, 1363797, Darlin24, Invierna, VeryVerySpecialAgentMarriiaa, Evanjalin64,Pink Wolf Princess, Lilliana1981, tegan-loves-ncis-TIVA, WildBerrySmoothii , TomBoyGal and Cheether, if I forgot you I am really sorry. Thanks a heap to everyone for reading this story, almost 2,000 of you. So, whats next? Ziva Davids guide to Ninja-ness, Gibbs's guide to communicating without words, Abby's Guide to Happiness? Who am I kidding, I have to study. Thanks again