Well, to be honest, I'm not sure why I made this. But anyway, it was fun. It's find of short; it's suppose to kind of be an ad in the magazine. Anyway, enjoy! Oh, and if you feel like filling out the random resume, go ahead! I'll fill one out myself!
CALLING ALL EVIL VILLAINS!
Have you ever felt like being on the big screen? Did you ever feel like taking over the world? Is your dream to be defeated by a boy in a green dress and tights?
If so, then come on down to Nintendo Studios! This is your one chance to become apart of the great legend, Legend of Zelda! Here, you will get the great opportunity to take over the world, have evil mindless minions, and have an excuse to destroy cities for no reason!
"Lately, we have been running out of arch enemies for Link," stated the director of Nintendo. "Link has constantly killed them off. We have decided to open our doors to every possibility. Ever since Ganondorf has finally been defeated, we were only able to hire amateurs; we hope to help fix this."
"This was really a life changing experience!" former cast member Vaati had said, "I'll never have another one like it!"
Everyone is invited! However, there is a list of supplies we ask that you bring!
1. Have a really evil sounding name- We suggest something along the lines of Malcus or the Crusher. We are sorry to say that the name Cuddle Bears will not do.
2. a weakness- How else can Link defeat you? Anything will do, whether it is an attraction to shiny objects or an allergy to nuts.
3. a symbol of your power- Please make it appropriate. (Imagination inserted here)
4. a stupid looking outfit- We ask that anything pink and fluffy should not be included.
5. a perfectly evil plan with flaws- Once again, how will Link defeat you? Suggestions would be to not kill anyone who could bring your demise, or not burning down every one of those stupid temples to the ground.
6. something to do- You can't be expected to battle all the time. Please note that sometimes your hobbies will be displayed on screen once in a while, so avoid playing Barbie or Polly Pockets. Suggestions would be to play an instrument or to make a children's book.
We also require a resume. We ask that you have every one of your defeats listed, and whether you have been in jail before or not. A copy of the resume is attached below.
This is a limited time offer. The opening of this great event will close on September 3, 2010. Stop by before the doors close on you! Call this number for information! 888-urs-tu
That's 888- You Are Stupid!
Evil Villain Name:
The Age You Wished You Were:
Number of Defeats:
Number of Humiliating Defeats:
Power/ Strengths You Wished You Had:
If you have ever been in jail, this could effect the position you desire. We are not interested in past criminals. Please check the boxes that indicate whether you have ever been arrested or not. Please note that is anyone is caught lying we will have you shunned from all society.
If Yes, explain.
Why do you want the position? Explain.
Here is my resume! Please note that you do NOT have to use real information. Just putting that out there.
Evil Villain Name: Obsidian Shadow
Age: The number of years since I was born
The Age You Wished You Were: The age I'm not.
Number of Defeats: One
Number of Humiliating Defeats: One. Tingle is a clever boy, he is.
Experience: Stole the cookies from the cookie jar. Yes, it was me.
Education: I have taken many weapon training courses, watched Youtube videos, and studied on Wikipedia.
Strengths/ Power: Blend with the shadows ninja style, stare into your soul, play the spoons
Powers/ Strengths You Wished You Had: Eat a whole two cakes in one sitting.
Weakness(s): Shiny objects. Darn those sparkly fishing hooks!
I want this position. That's why.