A/N: It's not romantic. It's not fluffy. It's just plain stupid. But a request is a request.
Warning: The farther you read, the stupider it gets.
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts. Or TWEWY. Or Bad Romance.
"Gueeess what!" Roxas exclaimed as he burst into the house grinning like a madman.
"You went straight and got a date with Kairi?" drawled Riku lazily from where he was laying on the couch with his Nintendo DS.
"Riku!" Roxas gasped, placing a hand above his heart. "Are you implying that I would cheat on you?"
"Pretty much, yes."
Shaking his head sorrowfully, Roxas said, "That hurts, you know. That you would doubt my unwavering faith." He paused expectantly.
Riku glanced up at his boyfriend curiously, then returned his attention to his game without offering a response.
"And you could at least act like you care!" Roxas huffed angrily. "Honestly, sometimes I wonder why I'm still dating you—"
"Then dump me," Riku interjected calmly.
"—but then I remember it's because I actually do like you."
"Oh. That's nice of you." Fighting back a grin, Riku watched as Roxas's expression changed from shocked to hurt to angry in the span of five seconds.
"Sorry," said Riku, though he didn't really sound apologetic. "Now, as I recall, you came bouncing in here excited about something just a minute ago."
Roxas brightened up immediately as he remembered. "Oh! Right! Guess what—actually, I'm not going to ask you to guess," he said quickly. He fished into his pockets and pulled out a couple of slips of paper. "Ta-daaah!"
Riku stared at the slips blankly. "And those are...?"
"No way," Riku answered immediately.
"But why not?" whined Roxas. "I've never been to one before!"
"Then be grateful that you haven't," replied Riku, "First of all, going to a concert means I would have to dress up. In a suit."
Roxas smirked. "But you look good in a suit."
Riku ignored him. "Secondly, I'd have to listen to hours of classical music. Hours. Do you know how boring that is?"
"You just have no appreciation for music."
"Yes, I do. Just not classical music."
"No appreciation for good music."
"I'm not going," Riku insisted.
"You have to."
"You can't make me."
"Yes, I can."
"Just try to," challenged Riku.
"If you don't come..." Roxas hesitated, searching his mental 'Riku Blackmail' folder. "If you don't come, I'll tell everyone you sing in the shower," he said triumphantly.
For just a brief moment, Riku looked surprised, but he quickly reverted to his usual deadpan face. "No one would believe you."
"I have a recording."
"You wh—" Riku sat bolt upright on the couch, shooting his most deadly glare at Roxas. "I hate you so much. I hope you know that, Roxas."
Grinning smugly, Roxas replied, "Love you, too," before opening the door to leave again. "I'm going to change. And then I am going to come back here. When I come back, I expect to see you dressed up in a suit." The door closed, then opened again. "And I'm driving."
"I fear for our lives," Riku said sarcastically.
"Ha ha, very funny." The door slammed shut again.
Riku turned off his game with a groan and dragged himself unenthusiastically to his room. He made a mental note to never sing in the shower when Roxas was in his house in the future.
As he followed Riku to their seats, Roxas looked around the large concert room in awe, one hand latched onto Riku's jacket sleeve so they wouldn't get separated, the other holding a concert program, a listing of all the songs that were going to be played. He couldn't see why Riku wouldn't like this. It all looked so nice.
"You got us box seating," Riku observed appreciatively.
"Yep," Roxas replied, pleased with himself. "I'm glad you like it."
"Of course I like it. Now I can sleep through the concert without offending anyone."
"Hey! You'd be offending me!" Roxas protested.
"And then I'll apologize, you'll forgive me, and everyone will be happy." Riku sat down and leaned back against the seat, shifting around a bit to find a comfortable position.
Roxas pouted, but he sat down without protesting further, deciding that he would just have to keep Riku awake.
Which he did, by casually punching Riku in the arm every five minutes. The latter did not appreciate this.
"I'm not sleeping!" hissed Riku angrily. "So stop hitting me already!"
"Okay, just making sure!" Roxas whispered back. Reluctantly, he ceased in whacking Riku, but he glanced suspiciously at his platinum-haired boyfriend a few minutes later. Riku was awake, though obviously bored, as he was fidgeting around and twiddling his thumbs. But at least he wasn't sleeping. Maybe I shouldn't have doubted him so much...wait.
Roxas stiffened as he spotted something through Riku's hair. Immediately, his hand shot out and snatched the earbud by the cord, yanking it out of Riku's ear. "What. Is. This?" he demanded.
"As if you didn't know," snorted Riku, trying to reclaim his earphones. "Did you honestly expect me to sit through five hours of classical music?" He pulled his iPod out of his pocket, having no reason to hide it anymore.
"It's only three hours!" Roxas shot back.
"Big freaking difference. I'm leaving during the intermission."
"You can't do that!" wailed Roxas.
"Just watch me."
"I paid good money for these tickets; the least you could do is stay until the end," Roxas pointed out sourly.
Riku clenched his hands into fists, then opened them again. "But if I don't get my hands on my DS soon, I'm going to explode!" he fairly screeched, wearing a manic expression on his face.
Roxas stared disbelievingly at Riku, and then was hit by the magical anvil of understanding. Riku was suffering from DS-withdrawal. And also possibly classical music-overload (despite the fact that the concert was only about fifteen minutes in). Well, too bad for him. He needed to learn how to go by for more than half an hour without his precious DS anyways.
"Just deal with it," he grumbled. "And put away your iPod."
"Nope, I'm leaving during the intermission and there's nothing you can do about it," declared Riku. He took his earphone back from Roxas and turned up the volume of his music. He attempted to pass the time by playing Solitaire, but it was pretty boring. When the intermission was finally announced, Riku leaped up gleefully.
"I'm going home now," he informed Roxas.
"Fine," muttered Roxas, then added something quietly under his breath.
"Hm? What was that?"
"I said, 'You'd better not regret it tomorrow.'"
"Regret what? Ditching you because I can't stand classical music? Not gonna happen, buddy. Sorry."
"Hey, I'll take you out to dinner or something tomorrow if you want," Riku suggested nonchalantly.
"Hm. Let's see what happens tomorrow."
Riku started to leave, then paused. "Give me your car keys."
"No way! Walk home."
"You're leaving during the intermission, so you're walking home."
Riku scowled. He knew he should have driven tonight! "Fine." He stomped off loudly, leaving Roxas to enjoy the rest of the concert alone.
A loud knocking on his front door woke Riku up. Groaning, he dragged himself out of bed and opened the door without bothering to look through the peephole. There were only three people who would knock incessantly for however long it took for Riku to open the door, and one of them had keys, which meant it could only be one of two people (or both).
"What?" he asked, not at all surprised to see Sora and Kairi standing on his porch.
"Oh, nothing," Sora said innocently.
"B freaking S," grouched Riku. (He was not a morning person, if you couldn't tell.) "You didn't come to my house at the crack of dawn—"
"It's ten o' clock, Riku," Kairi put in mildly.
"—for nothing," Riku finished.
"Well, we just wanted to say..." Sora began.
"You have very impressive singing skills," Kairi finished, grinning.
Riku blinked. "Huh?"
"A very lovely singing voice, really. I don't know why you didn't tell us sooner that you were a singer. Have you ever written any songs?" she continued pleasantly.
"Um, I don't sing. Ever." There was a thought in the back of Riku's mind that was trying to surface, but Riku was still too sleepy to try and figure out what the nagging feeling was.
Sora and Kairi gazed at him expectantly. Something about their knowing grins was unsettling, but Riku brushed it off.
"Oh, really?" Sora asked. "You don't sing, do you?"
"I really don't," Riku yawned. "Look, I don't know what you're playing at, but can you save until later? I crashed right after coming home last night, and my fingers are itching to go play some The World Ends With You. DS-withdrawal and all that." He turned around, about to plod to the kitchen to get himself a nice cup of coffee, when a noise stopped him.
It was the pitter-patter of water that sounded a bit like rain, but not quite. He realized that it sounded just like a shower running. Suddenly, another noise joined the ceaseless drum of water. It was a voice, singing. Riku's voice.
"I want your love, and I want your revenge. You and me could write a bad romance... Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooooh, I want your love and all your lover's revenge, you and me could write a bad romance!..."
Riku paled considerably. But who could have been in his house to record him while he was in the show—Roxas.
With a look completely void of emotion, Riku knocked the recorder out of Sora's hand and smashed it with his foot. Except he forgot that he had just gotten up and was barefoot. Smashing it didn't really have the effect he had intended. So he kicked it away instead.
Slamming the door shut on Sora and Kairi's evil grinning faces, Riku stomped over to his phone, picked it up, and dialed Roxas's number.
Ring... Ring... Ring...
"Oh, hi, Riku!" Roxas chirped cheerfully. "Sorry for being all grumpy last night. I know how important your DS is to you. That being said, I completely and totally forgive you for ditching me."
"Yeah? Well, I don't forgive you."
Feigning innocence, Roxas asked, "Whatever do you mean? What don't you forgive me for?"
"Oh, you know very well what I mean," Riku snarled into the phone. "You sneaky little traitor."
"Hey, if this is about the walking home thing, it was my car, you know."
"I'm not talking about the car!" Riku yelled. "I'm talking about how you told Sora and Kairi that I sing in the shower!"
"Excuse me?" Roxas sounded slightly affronted. "I said if you didn't come, I'd tell everyone you sing in the shower. I hope you didn't destroy the recorder, by the way. There are still a bunch of people I have to show the recording to."
"I did go; I just didn't stay for the entirety of the concert."
"Hm, makes no difference to me. Anyways, you still taking me out to dinner tonight?"
"...Are you seriously asking me that?"
"Is that a yes?"
"No! I am not taking you to dinner tonight, you traitor!"
"Oh, okay. I'll be busy this evening, anyways. I wanted to show the others your adorable yearbook photo," Roxas replied uncaringly. Riku could almost see his smug grin as he listened to him speak.
But, wait, did Roxas just threaten him with his super-dorky yearbook photo?
...Riku hated being backed into corners.
"I'm taking you out to dinner tonight."
A/N: The Riku singing Bad Romance in the shower thing is an idea I got from my friend. The one I wrote this fic for, as a matter of fact. Ahahaha.