Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.
8:15 am, May 27th 2009.
My knuckles were white as I clenched the straps of my backpack; I took a deep breath and cautiously walked into the school grounds. I could feel my heart rate accelerating at the thought of what I was about to do. I had decided last night that today was the day to finally tell Rosalie what I was feeling. These last few months had been the worst moments of my life – well so far, anyway – and it was all because of what she had done to me.
As I arrived at my locker I saw Rosalie in the midst of a large group of girls. She was laughing and enjoying herself, while I stood here awkwardly with no one around me even glancing my way. All I had was the pain she had created.
I sucked in a stifled, deep breath and stormed towards her. When she noticed me, her smile faded into what seemed like concern, not for me, for herself. I motioned for her to join me and she backed away from her new friends and met me half way.
"What do you want?" she questioned in a tone that me feel as though I was as worthless as a grain of dirt.
I gazed at her, and remembered that she used to look so natural and now she was hidden behind a thick mask of make-up. The thought brought a lump in my throat, I bit my lower lip to fight the tears, but my sore red eyes spilled the last of an inexplicable amount of tears.
After a short moment I somehow found the courage to spill everything out. I told her about the heart wrenching moments she had caused me and about all the nights I had cried myself to sleep because of her.
I emptied myself before her, exposing the remnants of my very being. It was crucial that she understood. I finished my speech and wiped away the tears that had crept down the contours of my face...aching for a reply.
The piercing ring of her mobile phone was the only answer I would ever get. Her face portrayed an indifferent smirk at my vulnerability as she answered the call and turned on her heel, walking away from me...again.
8:14 am, January 27th 2009.
As I entered the school grounds, a grin appeared at the corners of my lips, my heartbeat began to quicken as my excitement grew. It was the first day of year 10, and the first day at my new school. I searched the crowds of people swarming around the new lockers, in search of my best friend, Rosalie, as she was the only one I knew here. She was waiting by my brand new locker, her cheeks rose as her perfect teeth appeared in the form of a smile. Her blue eyes sparkled with excitement and I assumed that mine probably had the same glow. I picked up my pace so I could wrap my arms around her sooner.
4:08 pm, May 27th, 2009.
I ran into the bathroom and locked the door; tears were escaping from my eyes beneath my control. I knew this was it, the final straw. My heart began to ache and my right hand clenched the left side of my chest. I took a deep breath and forced my limbs towards the sink where I splashed some cool water along the contours of my face. I patted along the bench in search of a towel, but instead my fingers curled around something different, something better.
I opened my eyes to find the scissors my mother uses to cut her hair. For one moment I almost laughed at the thought of what I was about to do, but that laugh was battled and beaten by the hole in my chest. The tears streamed past my cheeks as I positioned the scissors along my wrist, I closed my eyes and dug deep. The pain came and I welcomed it.
1:06 pm, February 16th, 2009.
The crowds that formed at lunch had become ridiculous. I always had to weave through everyone just to get to the lunch cafeteria and even then it was a hassle to find an empty table.
I walked through the main doors and began my search for Rosalie. She wasn't sitting in our normal spot by the big pot plant next to the main window, and I figured that she was probably running late from class so I headed to the table alone. I shot a few glances towards one of the larger tables in the back corner. I could see Edward from here; his perfectly shaped lips were in the form of the most-breath taking smile in the world. His gaze caught mine and I quickly looked away, embarrassed to be caught staring.
After 15 minutes had passed, the loneliness of sitting by myself was finally starting to sink in. I decided that I would just go to the library and return one of my overdue books. As I headed towards the bin to put my food scraps away, I heard Rosalie laughing and she was not alone.
I shot a glimpse towards the noise and was stunned at what I saw. How could she have done this to me, she knew exactly how I felt!
0:59 After Life.
There's really no shame in dying, I mean, it's going to happen to everyone one day. For my experience, it was rather peaceful in a way, leaving my old human body and entering into the new reality of my afterlife. There are really no words to describe the new world I live in, and I don't really know what I expected when the thought of dying occurred to me earlier, I know I didn't expect the big golden gates with God standing out the front, but… well I didn't really think this far ahead.
12:34 pm, March 28th, 2009.
As my present life flashed before my eyes, my mind had a little trouble trying to grasp what reality to hold onto, everything was just too quick. I had barely even realized that today was Saturday; usually Rosalie and I would hang out at Victorian Garden's shopping centre or somewhere like that, but she seemed to have better things to do with her time these days.
My mother, of course knew nothing of what Rosalie had done to me. I would be surprised if she even realized that I hadn't smiled in weeks. She had better things to do with her time than to take notice of her pathetic, depressed child.
Even though I rarely spent time with the person I was unfortunately forced to call 'mum', today was my only exception. She had dragged me to the shops with her to go shopping, but my translation of that word was her ditching me in the clothing department after five minutes.
As routine, the moment we entered Myer my mother disappeared and I slumped around the store in search of a chair to lounge on. After a few moments I was bored with the game I was playing on my phone so I decided to clean out my bag. I found something that almost made my heart rip into two, it was a photo of Rosalie and myself months ago. We had found a photo booth and decided to take a million pictures together. I thought I had thrown all of them away, obviously not. In the photo we looked so happy together. That only made me feel worse and I grabbed a pen from my bag and began writing what I wished I could tell her.
'I used to have dreams where I could see you in the distance and after running for miles, I could almost feel you close to me, but before I could even move, you would disappear and the loneliness of the last month would cripple back into my reality and I would cry.'
I looked down at the words I had just written and my hands began to tremble. Crying was so natural to me lately that I was almost getting used to it. I demolished the photo in my hands and got up from my chair. I guess it was time to go search for 'mum'.
As I alighted from the escalator on the next level I didn't see my mum instead I saw Rosalie and her boyfriend. I almost ran back down to the lower level but I realized that she had noticed me, Edward had too.
At that moment I felt parched, but my body gave no indication that I needed water. This type of thirst was something more, something completely different. I didn't know what to do, but for one second, I was full, full of life, full of friendship, full of everything and I was done.
0:05 After Life.
In my new reality, nothing happens the way it did when I was human, I wasn't quite in a body, but I wasn't a spirit either. I was also pulled towards places sometimes outside my control.
It was evening on earth and I found myself drawn towards the backyard of Rosalie's house. She was lying on a picnic rug whilst verbalizing towards the night's sky and I could hear her silently weeping.
As gravity pulled me closer, I began to understand her words, "I miss you, why did yo-"
She stopped mid-sentence and glanced down at her phone, which was vibrating; I was pulled closer and saw that it was Edward. Before I could even feel any emotion, she launched the phone away from herself and looked up once again. The tears were obvious now as they streamed past her cheeks. "I'm sorry I put you second to him, I wish I never had, and I wish I could take it all back."
A bright light suddenly blinded me and Rosalie wasn't next to me anymore. I was some place new and I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't feel the heart-wrenching pain from the hole in my chest, I was finally free from everything. It was almost as though I was right at the front of a roller coaster but I didn't have a harness. It wasn't scary; it was beautiful. This was the place I had been searching for. I had found peace.
0:00 Heaven, eternity and forever…
I know this one wasn't long… im not sure if it was even sweet, but let me know was you thought :)