Title: Sinestro Disapproves Of Your Mixtape.
Series: Big Bang Theory
Character/Pairing: Leonard/Penny, Howard/Raj sort of snuck in.
Rating: PG-13, as per the show's usual manner.
Author's note: multi-fandom drabble-a-thon, Leonard/Penny, save me from myself.
Warning for uh, YMMV musical discussion? (for the record, I actually like Katy Perry's tits - I mean, music.)
Whenever Leonard and Penny fight, she storms off and the marathon begins. It's gotten so much that if Wolowitz is over, he will give an ominous so it begins in the same sort of voice one would use to say it was a dark and stormy night...
It starts with Alanis Morrisette's You Oughta Know blasting out, as if she's pointed the speaker right at the door. Old Mrs. Morris on the second floor actually won't complain about this, because she and Penny are tight, and she thinks Penny can do better.
"Ah, the 'I-hate-men-and-should've-been-a-lesbian mixtape. A classic," Raj says.
"I wish I had a lesbian girlfriend," Wolowitz says.
"You wish you were a lesbian," Raj says, and they launch into an impromtu humming match of I Wish I Was A Lesbian, complete with finger snaps.
From there, it segues to a lot of Evanescence. A whole lot of Evanescence. More Evanescence than a teenage wannabe goth kid who has a hard-on for Amy Lee.
"I'd save her from herself, if you know what I mean," Raj says. Leonard gives him a That's my girlfriend you dick. look.
"I was referring to Amy Lee," Raj says.
"Dude, she looks like a man. I think she has some extra equipment hidden somewhere under that corset," Wolowitz says.
"She's still hot," Raj says.
"Hot if you like men," Wolowitz says. And then there's this awkward pause, sort of like when men are at the urinals and the farthest stalls are taking, so it's almost like dicks are touching. This is a dicks-are-touching moment. Wolowitz and Raj have a lot of these moments, and usually they aren't actually awkward or realized until someone actually points out that they're acting like an old married gay couple again.
Of course, it isn't uncommon for Wolowitz to judge singers via their cup size either. Last summer he brought home a Katy Perry CD. When Sheldon argued that the lyrics while catchy, were shallow and vapid, Wolowitz argued yeah, but have you seen the breasts on her? Oh, I'd invite her to meet Wolowitz jr. any day of the week, even during the high holy days.
Raj and Wolowitz have this thing where Wolowitz teases him about being just like Mark Cohen from Rent, because that is apparently the only Jewish person he can think of. He'll go Wow, Howard, even during the high holy days? They totally geek out over Rent and Wicked together. Leonard doesn't even bother with the look then, because there's a line of gayness crossed when you're geeking out about broadway – even if they contain hot lesbians.
Next up in the Amy-Lee-Athon, is the sound of a familiar piano solo.
"Oh boy, My Immortal," Wolowitz says dryly.
"Howard, how many times do I have to inform you that we do not speak of that abomination in this apartment?" Sheldon says sternly.
"I'm talking about the song, not the Harry Potter fanfic!" Wolowitz protests.
"They are inexorably linked," Sheldon says. "Like an ancient evil which only The Green Lantern can defeat. Also, I'll expect your essay by Monday."
Wolowitz curses some Yiddish curse under his breath. That's the third time Sheldon has forced him to do the makeup class on their friendship.
"You really should go buy her flowers before Sinestro appears and mercy kills us for our pitiful taste in music," Wolowitz says.
Leonard lets out a long sigh. "Yeah, I better. I wouldn't want the world to be destroyed just because my girlfriend went on an Evanescence marathon."
"Not with a bang, but a whoooooaaaaa," Raj says.
He and Wolowitz exchange a high five as Leonard closes the door behind him. Tourniquet comes on again, and they both groan. Sheldon comes out in his The Flash suit. There's a chance he might have even imbibed coffee.
"Someone has to stop her, for the sake of our sanities," Sheldon says. He charges forth towards the door, and the ominous music coming from the apartment across them.
"He was a brave man, and he shall be well remembered," Raj says.
"I call dibs on his comic book collection," Wolowitz says.
"Hey, no fair!" Raj protests.
"Dibs is dibs, buddy," Wolowitz says.
"Well, if we get married, we can share it—"
"If you cook me some more of that awesome Sweet And Sour Raisin Chutney and share your Bollywood and porn stash, we just might have a deal," Wolowitz says. "Y ou're still wearing the dress, though."
"Pfft, like you could pull off Vera Wang," Raj says.