Disclaimer: I don't own. We all know this. If I did that scene in Eclipse with Jasper telling Bella of his past on the cliff edge would have been so different. In my version he'd of shoved Alice off and Bella would have offered her a Zippo to light her way down.

Okay here it is guys. My new one. For those of you who don't know this will be a short story. At only eight chapters plus an epilogue. It will also all be in Jasper's POV.

I hope you all enjoy it.

Also each chapter title will be a song. It may not make sense at first but once you read the chapter hopefully it will. I'll also be making a playlist for this story and put it in the end.


June 2010

My name is Jasper Whitlock and I am, for lack of a better word, a broken man.

Just a few short years ago I was happy, having everything I could possibly want and thinking I always would. I had a beautiful girlfriend who was not only my best friend, but my other half. I had a career that made me tons of money. I had friends every where I turned and screaming fans behind them.

My life was perfect as far as I knew, but in reality I was blind to the fact that, while I may have been happy, the most important person in my life wasn't and I didn't realize it until it was to late.

What I realized after she was gone was that having her by my side was what made my life perfect, but without her nothing else mattered and so I did the only thing I could.

I let almost everything else go, the money and two friends being the only things that remained. I'd give those up too if meant she'd once again walk through my door.

But it's wishful thinking. I know I've lost her for good and while people tell me to move on and find some one else; I can't. She is it for me and always will be. She came into my life when I least expected her too and changed it for the better, no matter what it is now.

The ache I feel is a constant reminder of what I let slip away and I embrace it everyday. I think about her on a daily basis, wondering if she's happy and hoping she is because it's the only way I can function day to day.

And tonight, just like every other Saturday night that has gone by, with the help of a shoebox of memories, a tequila bottle, and music playing I go back to the very beginning.

Settling myself on the hardwood floor in front of my couch I open the box, taking a long pull from the liquor bottle as I did so.

Reaching inside I let my hand close around what I wanted first, pulling it out. I couldn't help the smile that flitted across my face as I thumb through the small book and lose myself in the day I met her.


February 14, 1995

"Have you seen her?"

"Has she talked to anybody?"

"She didn't look that special to me."

I shook my head as I passed the many conversations going on.

Bella Swan, Chief Swan's daughter, had moved to town and started school today. The topic of her had started weeks ago when it came to every one's attention that she'd be moving here and had only escalated the closer it got to today. After all I had been the last new student and that was seven years ago.

I didn't really care to listen since I figured she'd be like all the other teenagers in this godforsaken town, shallow and annoying.

I should be used to their ways by now, but they all still drove me crazy.

When I first moved here I had been talked about the same way and it only got worse when the kids realized how different I was with my tan skin, southern accent, cowboy boots, and single parent home. It probably didn't help that I shunned every one either and was happier playing my guitar than going to the playground.

Over the years they just got worse as they got into more sports and shopping, nothing I found even remotely interesting, so I continued to hang out with myself and I was fine.

Things changed at the beginning of this school year though and the bubble I'd built up around myself was tested everyday by those shallow and annoying people.

I'd gone back to Houston, Texas for the whole summer. My uncle had passed away the day after I finished 8th grade. My mom and I had gone back for the funeral and I had stayed to help my aunt on the farm she was now in charge of.

I spent the days working from sunup to sundown and my nights sitting on the front porch, playing my guitar while my body decided it wanted to go through puberty.

By the time I returned to Forks I was tan, toned, my voice was deeper, and my hair was blond from the sun. The last one I hated so I dyed my hair back to brown, shaved the sides, and wore the top in a ponytail.

Unfortunately every girl seemed to love the change in me and started invading my personal space frequently. I could only hope that the ones I'd turned down would clue Bella in on that I just wanted to be left alone.

While I didn't see Bella throughout the morning; I did have to hear once again all about her from Jessica, I wear to much makeup, Stanley and Lauren, I'm just a bitch, Mallory in my fourth period class. She was in all advanced classes which meant that I would have History with her 7th period; she was also supposedly really talented at like art and stuff. She was here because her mother remarried and didn't want to be saddled with a kid anymore. Yada, yada, yada.

The one new thing I did learn was apparently Bella Swan was not a talker and hadn't spoken a word to anybody but the teachers. She'd, in fact, shunned any and all who'd come up to her. I found that pretty fucking funny and couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face. Maybe she wouldn't be so bad after all.

Fifty minutes later I finally see Bella as I'm walking to the cafeteria and every thought on how I think she will be changes.

While everyone is trying to get into the warm lunchroom, she's sitting under the only tree in the courtyard. Her head is down as her hand moves across the pad sitting on her drawn up knees. She doesn't seem to notice the 38 degree temperature or the rain that makes it through the thin branches. It's amazing to me and I can't help but stand there watching her.

I don't know how long it is before she looks up but when she does her eyes fall on me immediately and I see the look.

It's not something most would pick up on and the only reason I do is because I've seen the same one in the mirror every morning since I moved here. .

It's the look that clearly says 'I hate this place and it will never be my home.'

While I don't care if I see it on myself, on her it bothers me. Maybe it's because I know why she's here, maybe it's because I know it doesn't go away, or maybe it's just something in the air. Whatever the reason I want to make it go away.

I'm not about to go up and start talking to her because I'm pretty sure that I'll just be ignored like everyone else. I need an in first and I have no clue how to go about getting one.

My brain shuffles through different ideas. It's not until she finally looks back down and starts drawing on her pad that one comes to me-her art.

Now the only question is what about her art because stick figures are about all I can accomplish, so there's not hope of holding a conversation there. Plus I haven't seen anything of hers so I can't really say it's good.

With a sigh I finally turn to go into the cafeteria, thinking. I had until 7th period to figure something out.

It's not until halfway through 6th period Literature when something comes to mind and I get right to work.

While my teacher drones on and on about something I carefully tear two pieces of notebook paper into twenty even squares. Once that is done I start drawing. One stick figure on the first one, one starting to walk up on the next one, and on it goes, with the one stick figure walking up and waving until the end where both stick figures are beside each other and one has a little bubble over it's head that says 'Hi I'm Jasper.'

When all that is done I put them in order and wait until the end of class. With five minutes left Ms. Smith lets us do whatever and I walk up to her desk to use the stapler.

Once back in my seat I quickly flip the pieces of paper, grinning when I see that the book works.

When the bell rings I rush to my last class of the day and then play musical chairs if someone sits beside me.

Bella is the last one to come in the room and thanks to my constant movement the chair next to me is empty and it's the only one left.

She slides into the seat after handing over her slip to the teacher and pulls out her pad, not bothering to acknowledge anyone else. I wait until the teacher is engrossed in discussing the Vietnam War before I slowly pull the book from my pocket and toss it onto the middle of her desk.

Her head snaps up immediately as her hand reaches for it. I watch out the corner of my eye as her thumb flips the pages, inwardly groaning and dropping my head onto my desk at the stupid idea I had when she doesn't show any outward sign. I mean it was an immature little flip book. The kind you do in elementary school so of course someone who can draw wouldn't like it.

A few seconds later I feel something smack into my arm and I raise my head, finding the book sitting on my desk. I look over at Bella and she mimes flipping through it. Doing so I can't help but grin when I find a new bubble at the end over the other figure that says, 'Hi I'm Bella.'


I pull myself from the memory there. She'd thanked me once class was over, I'd walked her home, and we'd talked. It was easy with her and we soon became best friends. It wasn't long before one of us were always at the other's house, she with her sketch pad and me with my guitar. We talked and laughed a lot. We discussed what we wanted to do when we got older. Hers was simple she wanted to own her own gallery to sell her drawings and paintings; something she'd have no problem doing since she was extremely talented. I wanted to do something with music of course, maybe a teacher or something along those lines.

As the school year had passed and the summer started things started to change for us. I started noticing 'the look' was almost gone from both of our faces and it opened up a whole new line of thinking when I looked at her. Now I could see what I'd missed with it being there. She was absolutely, without a doubt, fucking beautiful. She was all light and dark with her pale skin and dark hair. Her green eyes that used to be cloudy with emotion in the beginning now sparkled with laughter. Her petite little body was flawless and it got to the point that all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around her and just kiss the shit out of her. I'd ignored that feeling though, not wanting to ruin our friendship and we continued on into our sophomore year.

It wasn't until the middle of October when I found out that she'd been thinking the same thing about me.

Setting the flip book down by my side I reached into the box again and pulled out the next thing I wanted. A handmade school flier for the night our just friends status was no more.



Now the next chapter will pick up in the past followed by Jasper's thoughts on it in the present. I hope I don't confuse anybody.