**CHARACTERS BELONG TO SEINFEILD STORYLINE BELONGS TO ME AND ROY**

^Monks Restaurant^

[Jerry and Elane are sitting at their table talking as Kramer walks in.]

Kramer: Hey Jerry, guess what!

Jerry: Oh no! what now Kramer?

Kramer: Well, you'll never believe this. I've needed a new computer for a long time, so I finally decided to do something about it. (Elane chuckles to herself) My mom told me about this great web site called e-bay, so I decided to check it out. I found two computers just like the one I wanted to buy, and put a bid on them.

Elane: Both of them?

Kramer: Yeah, Both of them, I only bid $100 on each! What a deal.

Jerry: Kramer, you can't bid on two identical things at the same time.

Kramer: Well why not Jerry?

Jerry: What if you win them both? Then what are you goona do with them?

Kramer: Come on Jerry, that's not going to happen, someone will bid more than $100. Besides, there are five days left on the auction.

[George walks in and sits next to Elane]

Jerry: Fine Kramer whatever you want.

George: what does he want?

Elane: He's bidding on two identical computer's on ebay.

George: That's great. [Pulls out two baseball tickets] Not a good choice Kramer, I put in a bid for these tickets right here thinking that I would only win one of them. As it turns out not one more person bid in the five days left in the auction. Hey, by the way Jerry, do you wanna come? Its this Friday.

Jerry: See Kramer, I told you, not all auctions have multiple bids in them. You might have to buy both of them.

Kramer: No.

George: What do you mean no?

Kramer: I couldn't buy both of them even if I wanted to I don't have enough money right now.

George: haha buddy, I found out the hard way that you are obligated to take it once you bid. Do you think I wanted both of these? There's still a hole in my pocket from them, they're right behind the dugout you know.

Jerry: Sure, I'll go just tell me when George.

Elane: Well, I hafta get going.

Kramer: why so early?

Elane: I think I'm getting a cold, I'm just gonna go to the store and buy some cough drops, then I'm going home and going to bed.

Jerry: oooohhhh, the big bad common cold. [Elane walks out ignoring him.] I hate to say it, but I think I'm going to go home too. Night everyone.

Kramer and George: bye Jerry.

^N.Y. Drug Store^

[Elane is walking up and down the isles looking for cough drops. She is getting frustrated. Finally she finds a worker.]

Elane: Excuse me, where are your cough drops

Employee: 2nd isle. [mutters to himself "I wish some people would just read the dumb isle signs"]

Elane: Excuse me, did you just say something?

Employee: Yeah, I said there in the 2nd isle, what more do you want lady? [shoots her a weird look]

Elane to herself: I wish some employees would have more respect for the customers

[Elane gets to isle 2 and cannot find the cough drops. She starts back towards the employee, but sees some laying in a cart that seems not to be in use.]

[She takes the cough drops and walks to the front of the store. When she turns the package over to look at the price she notices that they are the "gooey" kind]

Elane: I looked everywhere for these cough drops and they are not even the kind I like!

Cashier: M'am do you want them or not? We have to keep the line moving.

Elane: There's not even anyone in line. What do you mean.

Cashier: I'm going to ask you again, either buy the cough drops or please leave the line, it has to keep moving.

Elane: Listen, there isn't even anyone in the line, but that's beside the point. Could you please tell me if you have any other cough drops?

Cashier: We have what we have lady. This is it, do you want them or not, if you want to hold up the line I'm going to hafta call the manager.

Elane: [Gets frustrated] Fine, just ring them up.

Customer to cashier: Could you please tell me where I could find cough drops? Mine have disappeared from my cart and they were the last pack.

[Elane puts down a five and runs out of the store]

-next day-

^Jerry's Appartment^

[Jerry and Elain are talking about their nights]

Elain: ...and THEN I got in line to pay for them and [phone rings] wait, what am i saying, there WASNT a line. This lady though, she kept [phone rings] telling me that i was holding up the line! [phone rings]

Jerry: Let me get that. [picks up phone (conversation with George) ] Hello, this is Jerry Seinfeild.

George: Hi Jerry, its me, George. That baseball game that you wanted to go to with me...its tonight. Can you come?

Jerry: Yeah, great george I'll come.

George: Oh thanx buddy, I really owe you one now. I thought I was going to be stuck with kramer!

Jerry: Ok, I'll see you tonight then. What time does the game start?

George: 6:00

Jerry: Great. Talk to you later. [hangs up the phone]

Elain: So, anyway, I'm standing in the line and this lady comes up from the back of the store and complains that someone stole her cough drops.

Jerry: Was that you?

Elain: I think so...she said they were the last pack. But they are GOOEY, I hate gooey.

Jerry: well they work.

Elain: I know I know.

Jerry: Whats that in your mouth?

Elain: Oh, Its just a...just a cough drop! I dont want this, i didnt even know i had it in my mouth. Discusting. When did i put it in?

Jerry: While i was on the phone with George.

[Kramer walks in worried]

Elain: [spits cough drop into garbage] Hey kramer, whats wrong?

Jerry: Yeah, whats wrong kramer?

Kramer: I dont know about this ebay thing, no one has even looked at either of the two computers scince i bid.

Jerry: I told you it would happen Kramer.

Elain: [chuckles]

Kramer: Yeah Jerry, we'll see, its STILL got 4 more days you know.

^George and Jerry driving to the game^

Jerry: Hey George, let me buy my ticket from you.

George: Really? haha...will you do that for me?

Jerry: Sure! where did you say the seats were agian?

George: Oh, they're right behind the home teams dugout. Great seats. The guy on ebay said that they had a $200 dollar value, and guess what I got them for.

Jerry: $200?

George: Nope, $150!

Jerry: there's no way they had a $200 value. Why would the guy buy tickets to sell them for cheaper than they were worth? You were scammed George, let me see the ticket.

George: [reaches in pocket and pulls out two tickets] Here ya go.

Jerry: George, these are on the upper deck.

George: Why that ebay man, I'll get him.

Jerry: You cant george. These ARE behind the dugout. Just 100 rows back. I'm not paying for my ticket anymore.

George: Woah! you cant to that Jerry.

Jerry: Why not? Its my money. I'm not goona pay $150 for a $20 bleacher seat.

George: well, you'll see after the game, you'll see.

^N.Y. Drug Store^

[Elain walks in the store to get milk, subconsceinsly picks up a pack of gooey cough drops and continues down the isle. She meets the same employee that was working the day before]

Employee: Whats the matter ma'am? Did you run out of cough drops that fast?

Elain: Shut up...I'm actually not even here for cough drops! Where is the milk at?

Employee: 3rd isle [laughs]

Elain: excuse me, are you laughing at me?

Employee: no ma'am [ Mumbles to himself how people should read the dumb signs]

Elain: Oh, now you want to be rude about it! Let me talk to the manager.

Employee: ok, go to the front of the store.

Elain: [grabs milk on the way to the front of the store. When she gets there she sees the same clerk that checked her out last night.] Here you go, I would like to purchase this milk.

Casheer: [Rings up the milk and notices the cough drops in the bag.] Do you want these too lady?

Elain: [reading a magazine, not paying attention.] uuhhh...sure

Casheer: That would be $4.50 please.

Elain: [hands her a $5 bill] Can I speak to a manager please? I have a complaint about one of your employees.

Casheer: You'll have to go to the end of the line ma'am.

Elain: Oh, dont even start this again. There is NO line.

Casheer: We have rules, you must go to the end of the line after making a purchase.

Elain: There IS no line.

Casheer: Lady, step behind the line or I will be forced to call the police.

Elain: [very mad grabs the bag with "milk" and runs out] THESE PEOPLE DRIVE ME CRAZY! the last time i ever shop there!

^George and Jerry at park^

Jerry: NO, George, I will NOT pay for my ticket.

George: Fine, then i hope a bird poops on your head.

Jerry: Come on George, we arent in third grade anymore, there's no reason for that comment.

George: well there is no reason [arrives at front of admision line] ...

Ticket man: Sir, may I have your tickets?

George: oh sorry, here you go sir [hands the two tickets over]

Ticket man: That would be up the stairs on the left, thank you have a nice day. [Jerry starts laughing]

George: Jerry, wait here, I have to go to the bathroom.

^Bathroom^

[Bathroom is full, every stall has a head in it and the urinals are all taken. A little kid gets done peeing and walks away from the urinal. As soon as George walks up to use it another little kid jumps in front of him.]

George: Hey kid, I was goona use that, what do you think your doing?

Kids dad: Hey sir, leave my kid alone or i'll shove your head through the wall. [shoots an intimidating glance at George.]

George: Yeah, anything you say sir. [Goes to the end of the line and whispers to the man next to him] Some people in here are just too irritable. [Just then the handycap stall flushes and a man walks out. A man is about to go in when George pushes him into the wall and runs inside the stall. Just then a police security gaurd enters the bathroom.]

Security gaurd: [Walks over to the line and waits patiently. George gets done and walks out of the stall with a refreshing feeling.] Hey you!

George: [points at himself and looks behind him] Me?

Security gaurd: yeah, you. Are you handicapped?

George: No, why?

Security gaurd: You were in the handicapped stall.

George: Yeah, I know, is there a problem with that sir?

Security gaurd: You knew?

George: Yeah, so what?

Security gaurd: thats it, I'm going to have to ticket you. Please step outside the bathroom, and keep your hands where I can see them.

George: Whats the big deal sir? I was going to the bathroom. Haven't you ever seen a healthy person use a handicapped stall?

Security gaurd: SIR, Step outside NOW. [pulls out pepper spray]

George: Yes sir, whatever you say. [he walks outside and stands against the wall while the security gaurd writes his ticket.]

Security gaurd: Here is your ticket, now go.

George: This is crap, I'm not paying this! $500 dollars for using a handicapped stall! I dont know whats wrong with you officer.

Security gaurd: Come here sir.

George: No, I will not let you shove me around like this, I have the right to releave myself wherever I want to! [proud of himself walks away from the security gaurd]

Security gaurd: Hey! Come back here. [runs after george]

Jerry: HAHAHAHAHAHA [sitting on a bench laughing at george]

[Security gaurd catches george and handcuffs him, then escorts George out of the ballpark and into his patrol car.]

George: Officer, what are you doing to me?

Security gaurd: I'm taking you in.

George: Under what charges?

Security gaurd: Disrespect to the handicapped population and running from the police.

George: What are you talking about? Are you aloud to do this? You're not even a REAL police man your a security gaurd...A security gaurd.

[car drives away]

Jerry: Looks like i'm watching the game alone. [ :) ]

-two days later-

^Elains appartment^

[Jerry and Elain are talking about the events of the week]

Jerry: So then, I'm sitting on the bench waiting for George and he comes running out of the bathroom chased by a cop.

Elain: That would be a funny sight

Jerry: It was! I've never seen George run that fast before.

Elain: Haha, I bet it didn't take long for the police to catch him!

Jerry: Oh no. They were on him in two steps.

[Kramer walks in]

Kramer: Geuss what Jerry.

Jerry: what now Kramer

Kramer: You know those computers on ebay?

Jerry: Let me guess, your still winning with one day left in the auction and your starting to get worried.

Kramer: Actually one of the auctions is over. The seller decided he wanted to end it early and now I won the computer! Isn't that great.

Elain: How come your not upset about the other computer anymore?

Kramer: Well lets just say I was "outbid" [snickers to himself]

Jerry: Outbid? By who.

Kramer: [Looks at watch] Hey guys got to go. I'll be at monks tonight, see you there.

Jerry: Kramer! Answer my question [door slams] Aww man, it always scares me when kramer wont tell me whats going on.

Elain: Somehow it scares me too. [Elain reaches into her purse and pulls out a box of cough drops only to find that they are all gone. She throws the cough drop box into a pile of similar boxes by the garbage can.]

Jerry: Elain! What are you doing with all those cough drop boxes?

Elain: They're empty

Jerry: Yeah I noticed that. [Picks up a box] Sick, they're the gooey kind. I thought you didn't like these.

Elain: I thought so too, but ever sence that one pack I cant stop eating them.

Jerry: You should see a doctor, this is getting out of controll. You've got at least a dozen empty boxes laying here.

Elain: Its medacine, It can't be bad for me.

Jerry: You never know what they put in that gooey stuff, I'm sure its alot more than goo. What kind of medacine is gooey in the middle?

Elain: It tastes good.

Jerry: So did the "lowfat" yogurt. Remember that?

Elain: Yeah, I guess you could be right.

^monks^

George: Kramer, I dont think Jerry even wants a computer! Ooooh wait neeeevermind. This could get back at him for sitting there and laughing while I was being arrested.

Kramer: Yeah George, and no one will ever know its me. All I had to do was put in his adress and that he would pay with cash. Thats it.

George: You are a genius Kramer, a genius. [Elain walks in sucking on a cough drop]

Kramer: Hey Elain, whats that your eating.

Elain: Whats what I'm not...[realizes she has a cough drop] I thought I ran out of these cough drops...How do I keep buying them without noticing?

Elain: What are you talking about guys?

George: Kramer decided to buy Jerry a [kramer interupts]

Kramer: Nothing we just finished ordering our meal.

Elain: Oh man now the watress will forget to ask for my order. Oh well, if she comes just get me some coffee. I have to go to the bathroom.

George: [shouting after her with an annoyed tone] Just remember not to use the handicaped stall!

Kramer: What do you think you're doing?

George: Warning her not to use the...

Kramer: No No NO, you were goona tell her my plan werent you?

George: Yeah, So?

Kramer: I don't want them to know it was me George.

George: Jerry will find out as soon as he notices that he got a computer from ebay that he didnt order.

Kramer: Hmmm, I never thought of that. I'll just have to get there before the dilivery man gives it to jerry and peel the ebay sticker off.

-next day- (FROM HERE TO THE END IS WRITTEN BY ROY. TY ROY I APRICIATE THE HELP.)

*Kramer & George are sitting outside Jerry's Building*

George: Why did I have to be included in this? Can't you peel off the stupid sticker by yourself?

Kramer: Well I can do that, but I needed you to identify the delivery guy.

George: & couldn't you do that by yourself also?

Kramer: Well I suppose I could, but you just seem to have a better sense for delivery guys.

George: What's that's supposed to mean?

Kramer: Just what I said.

George: Well it sounds insulting!

Kramer: Why so?

George: Because it indicates that I have no life whatsoever! Oh wait a second... Forget it.

Kramer: No problemo.

(Jerry comes up to them)

Jerry: Hey guys, what's up?

George: JERRY? What are you doing here?

Jerry: Well I was getting worried because Kramer didn't showup my apartment to use some of food today so I decided to see what's going on.

George: Oh great, now he's gonna know all about the...

Kramer: GEORGE!

George: Oh right. Sorry.

(A delivery guy comes up to them)

DG: Hello there. Could you tell me where I can find Jerry Seinfeld?

Jerry: I'm Jerry Seinfeld. Why you're asking?

DG: Well the wheelchair you bought on Ebay is here.

Jerry, George & Kramer: WHEELCHAIR?

*The next day Monk's. Jerry & George are sitting in their table*

Jerry: So you're really gonna use the wheelchair I accidentally got from Ebay in attempt to sue that securityguard?

George: Sure am buddy!

Jerry: But you've already told him that you're not handicapped so how's that gonna work?

George: Simple! I'm gonna tell him that the incident he put me thru has traumatised me to the extent of being handicapped for real!

Jerry: Oh boy... Didn't you learn anything from what happened to you in that toychainstore?

George: Guess not.

*Elaine walks in limping, her left leg in plaster*

Jerry: Elaine, what happened?

Elaine: Well I was walking down the street & all of a sudden this eccentric old lady comes up to me & claims that I stole her last coughdrops package or something, then she pushed me over... Guess I'm gonna need a wheelchair for a couple of days now.

Jerry: Well...

George: Don't you dare think about that!

Jerry: Oh comeon George, I'll get Elaine to pay half the price of the wheelchair & I'll give you $40 for both the tickets 'cos you didn't get to watch the game.

George: It's $300!

*The end*
*Kramer & George are sitting outside Jerry's Building*

George: Why did I have to be included in this? Can't you peel off the stupid sticker by yourself?

Kramer: Well I can do that, but I needed you to identify the delivery guy.

George: & couldn't you do that by yourself also?

Kramer: Well I suppose I could, but you just seem to have a better sense for delivery guys.

George: What's that's supposed to mean?

Kramer: Just what I said.

George: Well it sounds insulting!

Kramer: Why so?

George: Because it indicates that I have no life whatsoever! Oh wait a second... Forget it.

Kramer: No problemo.

(Jerry comes up to them)

Jerry: Hey guys, what's up?

George: JERRY? What are you doing here?

Jerry: Well I was getting worried because Kramer didn't showup my apartment to use some of food today so I decided to see what's going on.

George: Oh great, now he's gonna know all about the...

Kramer: GEORGE!

George: Oh right. Sorry.

(A delivery guy comes up to them)

DG: Hello there. Could you tell me where I can find Jerry Seinfeld?

Jerry: I'm Jerry Seinfeld. Why you're asking?

DG: Well the wheelchair you bought on Ebay is here.

Jerry, George & Kramer: WHEELCHAIR?

*The next day Monk's. Jerry & George are sitting in their table*

Jerry: So you're really gonna use the wheelchair I accidentally got from Ebay in attempt to sue that securityguard?

George: Sure am buddy!

Jerry: But you've already told him that you're not handicapped so how's that gonna work?

George: Simple! I'm gonna tell him that the incident he put me thru has traumatised me to the extent of being handicapped for real!

Jerry: Oh boy... Didn't you learn anything from what happened to you in that toychainstore?

George: Guess not.

*Elaine walks in limping, her left leg in plaster*

Jerry: Elaine, what happened?

Elaine: Well I was walking down the street & all of a sudden this eccentric old lady comes up to me & claims that I stole her last coughdrops package or something, then she pushed me over... Guess I'm gonna need a wheelchair for a couple of days now.

Jerry: Well...

George: Don't you dare think about that!

Jerry: Oh comeon George, I'll get Elaine to pay half the price of the wheelchair & I'll give you $40 for both the tickets 'cos you didn't get to watch the game.

George: It's $300!

*The end*

ENDING BELONGS TO ROY