A/N: I was reading Abandon again, just to check on some things. I'm going to do some re-writes and fix some mistakes, but as I was going through, I realized that Sam never got to explain himself for the things he did to Bella and Jacob. So for the first time, I'm giving Sam his voice. This might encourage me to finally do the sequel to Abandon, after all this time.
Special thanks to my friends, betas and all around awesome people from Team Fire and Ice: CereuleanBlue, KennedyMommy3, fangbanger06, poochi_mama (aka JenniP) and HanFauxLo. I would also like to thank you, the readers of Abandon who've made my hits finally reach 50,000+ since October of 2009. I love you all and thank you so much for helping make this story the best thing I've ever done.
Seeing her for the first time was like taking a breath of fresh air and it getting deep in your lungs. It was the kind of beauty that radiated from her that made me jealous of Jacob. He had something so beautiful, so perfect right in front of him and he would always find ways of making her angry, screwing up their friendship and I vowed to step in at the right moment.
Bella wouldn't have it though. She thought of me as a monster, a man who couldn't love anyone else but himself and in a way she was right. I wanted her though and I fought to make her mine. If she only knew the amount of times I watched her from afar, and wanted to be with her but I couldn't make myself do it. I couldn't make myself get closer to her.
Jacob – that mother fucker wouldn't do anything about his feelings for her. He had confided in Quil that he was in love with her a long time ago but recently he couldn't deal with her attitude. I wanted to tell him to shut the hell up and just tell her how he felt or else I would step in and take over but I knew if I did that it would ruin our friendship. Bros before hoes – well that was originally our motto – until Jacob finally found a way to fuck that agreement up.
She stood in the dark corner of the rec center by herself one afternoon. She'd been in a huge fight with her father and came down to the center to blow of some steam, and play pool with the guys from the reservation. Jacob and Bella were getting along okay and it was that kind of off again, on again shit that I wasn't going to take a part in. She looked as though she could cry and I wanted to confront her, tell her how I felt and that I wouldn't do anything to hurt her. I walked up to her and she said, "What the hell do you want Sam Uley?"
She stared at me, deep into my eyes. I felt an electricity flow from my body as I felt myself get closer to her. I reached out, put my arms on her shoulders and pulled her close to me. My lips pressed hard against hers, and I fought her lips against mine, trying to show her that I wanted to be with her, that I wanted her to be mine. I pulled back, searching her face for some type of agreement, that she wanted me the same way I wanted her.
She had a look of shock on her face, almost as if she couldn't believe that I just kissed her. Then the sting of a slap rang across my face and it echoed across the rec center. Jacob all but jumped across the table and pushed me to the floor.
"What the fuck are you doing?" he asked me as he stood over my defeated body. "Bella, what did he do?" he asked looking up at her.
"He fucking kissed me," she screamed.
Jacob lunged on top of me and began punching me as hard as he could. I didn't fight back though. As much as I wanted to kick his ass back I felt like I deserved this ass kicking. He finally realized I wasn't about to fight back and he stopped and stood up. Bella looked down at me, disgusted. I felt my heart break into a million pieces and they walked away, leaving my bleeding heart and body on the cement floor.
I stood up slowly, dusting myself off and looked around. All the kids from the reservation stood, staring at me. I walked out and wanted to kick my own ass for making such a huge mistake. I couldn't help it though. The feeling of electricity was too much for me to avoid. I thought it would end up differently but I guess I was wrong.
So from that point on, I gave Jacob so much hell about Bella. I may have gone overboard on so many occasions but I couldn't help it. I was in love with the girl he wanted to be with and he was too pussy to do anything about it.
The day that I saw them on the beach was too much for me. I wanted to find Bella and apologize for the way I treated her in the past. I wanted to tell her everything that was bugging me about her and Jacob's relationship and I couldn't find it in me to do it.
Then I saw the two of them lip-locked in passion and it did me in. I wanted to scream and yell and tell them to stop, that Jacob was stealing my love from me. Rage filled my heart unlike anything I've ever felt and then, before I realized what I was doing, I ran up to Billy, blabbing to him what was really going on between his son and adopted daughter. I wanted them to suffer like I was suffering and it worked. It really worked.
Then I realized how big I fucked up. I not only lost the woman of my dreams, but in the process I lost my best friend.
To this day, Bella won't talk to me and Jacob barely speaks to me. We've been trying to work on our friendship but it's hard.
I have made myself a solemn vow though. I would do anything it took to at least get my friendship back with Jacob.
Even if he doesn't believe it, I feel awful for the things I did to them.