Yeah, I decided to go out of my way and do this one-shot. Why? Because I wanted to, that's why! Sure, I have three other stories that I'm busy with, but whatever. I'm taking a small break from "Deranged Crack Tales" and the next chapter of "Tormented Soul" is being done by my co-author. So in all reality, I only have "Losing Control" to really worry about, which I will work on whenever I have the chance.

Anyway, please enjoy this one-shot parody that is completely pointless but I felt like doing anyway. ^_^ Oh, and I'm a bit sick, so I might've missed more mistakes than usual. I tried my best, though.

How to Get a Date

We all know that love is in the air for this upcoming autumn season. Or maybe it's pollution... Anyway, now that school is back in session, this might be the right time to ask out that special someone whom you have been obsessing about all summer with.

In sixteen year-old Takuya Kanbara's case, that special someone happens to be Zoe Orimoto-

"The blond hottie I'm in love with!" Takuya loudly proclaimed.

...Right... Anyway, this following guide has ideas on how to snag that person of your dreams for that dream date that you have always wanted. Hence of the overuse of the term 'dream'. You have only been on a date with that person in your dreams.

Takuya scratched the back of his head, with a rather confused expression on his face. "Will I get Zoe by the end of this story?"

In your dreams, buddy. Oh, look, there's that wonderful term again! But anyway, I'm just kidding, so we'll see what happens. So please read the following guide on how to finally earn that coveted date you've obsessed about. There are several different tactics, so at least one of them should work. Now you don't have to kneel and worship that little shrine in your closet containing stolen clothes, items, and sometimes locks of hair that came from your object of affection.

Takuya quickly slammed his closet door shut and barricaded it, an extremely suspicious expression on his face. "Nothing to see here, people! Move along and ignore my non-existent Zoe shrine!"

1. Flat out asking the person for a date.

The best possible way to ask someone out is to be upfront about it. No beating around the bush, just go up to them and ask them if they would like to go out on a date with y-

Takuya suddenly cut the authoress off. "No! I can't just go up to Zoe and ask her out! She'll shoot me down in a heartbeat! Can't we do any other ways instead of me having to ask her in person?"

Well...it would be very entertaining to see this idiot make a fool of himself numerous times, so...okay! Let's just cross out what was written for #1 on the list and replace it with something new... Alright, let's begin!

1. Give your lusted one a written request for a date.

When a person is feeling too shy to ask up front, a tactic that can be used is a note. Simply write down your request for a date and give it to the person.

Takuya stared at Zoe in the classroom, cursing the fact that she was not only at the front of the room as oppose to the back where he was, but also opposite to him.

"Dammit, how am I supposed to give her a note from here?" he mumbled.

His best friend, Kouji Minamoto, rolled his eyes. "Throw it to her, you dope. You know, scrunch it up into a ball and toss it to her."

Takuya grinned, then began to scribble something down on a blank piece of paper. "Kouji, you're a genius!"

"The emos usually are," Kouichi Kimura, Kouji's twin brother, quipped. "So quiet, so smart, so evil..."

Kouji snorted. "Oh, shut up..."

"Okay, how's this?" Takuya held up his paper and began to read his message just loud enough for the twins to hear. "Will you go out with me?"

"Is that it?" Kouichi asked.

The brunette nodded, balling the paper up. "Well, I wrote my name on the bottom so that she knows it's from me."

With that, he waited for the teacher to turn his back, then flung the balled up note across the room. To his dismay, it landed on Mari's desk, which was located directly behind Zoe's.

Mari opened the piece of paper, read it, then looked back at Takuya. She then smiled, nodded, and flashed him a wink before resuming her work.

Kouichi and Kouji struggled to keep their laughter at bay while Takuya feverishly wrote a second note. He glared daggers at them, then crumpled the piece of paper into a ball in his second attempt. Taking careful aim, he threw the note across the room again, this time landing on Ayako's desk, which was to the left of Zoe's.

"Dammit," he muttered in annoyance as Ayako read the note. "My aim sucks today..."

"Who are you kidding?" Kouji quipped. "Your aim is always off..."

Ayako turned around and nodded happily to Takuya, indicating that she had accepted his request. The corner of Takuya's mouth twitched slightly, and he decided to give it one last try.

"This would be so much easier if the piece of paper was a soccer ball," he grumbled, writing his third and final note. "If that were the case, I could just kick it over to Zoe without a problem."

"Good luck, Romeo," Kouichi said with a smirk. "Go get your Juliet."

"Friggen Shakespeare," Kouji muttered. "The only good thing that he wrote was Romeo and Juliet and that's because the two idiots committed suicide at the end."

"Hey, Shakespeare was a great writer," his brother quietly argued, watching as the teacher, Mr. Kurushima, sat down at his desk. "But now's Takuya's chance to throw the note."

Takuya took a deep breath and carefully tossed the note across the room. He grinned as it neared Zoe's desk, the blond not noticing the incoming balled-up piece of paper heading her way. Unfortunately, the note veered off course at the last minute and landed right on Mr. Kurushima's desk.

"Shit," Takuya hissed, nervously running his hands through his thick chestnut hair.

"You just earned yourself detention, dude," Kouji whispered with a chuckle.

The teacher opened up the note and skimmed over it, then looked over at Takuya while the rest of the class continued their assignment. Takuya winced, expecting Mr. Kurushima to embarrass him right in front of everyone.

Instead, the man slowly took of his glasses, stared at Takuya, then nodded with a huge smile on his face. Takuya's eye twitched, realizing that his teacher had just accepted his request for a date.

The twins snorted loudly as they struggled to contain their laughter, while Takuya banged his head on his desk.

"Next time, make sure you write Zoe's name at the top of the note," Kouichi pointed out. "Hope you enjoy your date with Kurushima..."

2. Ask a person out by sending them a text message.

When the written note fails to work, as it often does, an alternative is a text message. It's just like a written note, only electronic! So that way, as long as you have the person's correct phone number, you can easily ask them out via a text message.

"This will work for sure," Takuya mumbled, quickly typing his message in his cell phone. "Zoe's right down the hall, so she'll see me and give me an answer!"

"Are you sure this is gonna work?" Kouichi questioned skeptically. "Why don't you just ask her upfront?"

The brunette rolled his eyes. "Because! That's why! Now shut up while I send this!"

He sent the text message to Zoe's phone, then peered at her down the hallway. The blond pulled her phone out of her purse a moment later, flipping it open to read the message.

Takuya sauntered down the corridor to join her, followed by the twins, each of them secretly betting on how many times it would take Takuya to ask Zoe out before being successful.

"Hey, Zoe." He stopped right in front of her, leaning against the wall. "Did you get my message?"

"Uh, yeah. I did," she replied, though she had a rather confused expression on her face.

Takuya grinned. "So, what do you say?"

Zoe raised an eyebrow. "Well, I don't know what to say, to be honest with you."

His smiled faltered. "What do you mean?"

"Well, your message didn't make any sense," she told him, holding out her phone so that he could read the message. "See?"

Takuya read the message he sent her out loud. "Zoe, will you in nut with me? Wait, what?"

Kouichi and Kouji burst out into laughter, all the while Takuya fumed at his godforsaken phone. The brunette began to pound on the lockers, kicking hard enough to leave large dents.

"Stupid spelling options!" he exclaimed angrily. "It fucked up my message!"

"Well...I gotta get to my next class," Zoe said after a moment. "I'll see you later, okay?"

She rushed down the hallway as Takuya began to bang his head into the lockers. "Dammit, dammit, dammit!"

"What the hell did you mean by 'in nut'?" Kouji teased.

"It was supposed to be 'go out'! The message was supposed to be 'Zoe, will you go out with me?', not 'Zoe, will you in nut with me?'. That makes no fucking sense! Stupid phone and its stupid spelling options!"

"Second attempt ends in an epic fail," Kouichi murmured, amused.

3. Jump out of the person's locker and ask them out.

Another way to ask someone out is to hide in their locker and jump out as they open it. Not only will it surprise them and possibly give them a heart attack, but we all know how attractive a stalker can be. Hiding in a locker just screams 'I love you!'. So hide, jump out, and pop the question. No, not a marriage proposal... Unless, of course, you're that in love with them.

"Okay, as soon as Zoe opens up her locker, I'll jump out and ask her out," Takuya schemed as he crammed himself into the large locker. "There's no way I can fuck this up! It's a good thing that I brought this crowbar to break open the stupid thing..."

"So let me get this straight," Kouichi began, "You'll jump out of a locker and give her a freaking heart attack, but you won't just ask her out normally? Where the hell is your logic on that one?"

Kouji smirked. "Takuya's logic doesn't come from his head, it comes from his-"

"Hey!" Takuya glared at his bandana-wearing friend. "I do not think with my cock!"

The emo boy sweatdropped. "I was gonna say stomach since you just ate the package of cookies in her locker, but okay..."

"Oh." The brunette shrugged after a moment, then slid all the way into the locker. "Close the locker. Zoe should be coming soon since she always goes to her locker on the way to History class. This will be my perfect chance to ask her out!"

"Whatever." Kouji rudely slammed the door shut, closing the idiotic teenager inside. "Try not to have an epic fail this time around."

Takuya snorted. "I know you can't see this, but I'm flipping you off right now."

The raven-haired brothers shrugged and walked away, glancing over their shoulders to see what would happen. Kouichi had grabbed onto the crowbar and was spinning it in his hands.

"Hopefully Zoe won't die of a heart attack," he mumbled as he and Kouji stopped to watch Takuya's attempt from afar.

Kouji crossed his arms casually. "So, do you think he's going to fuck this attempt up, too?"

"Without a doubt," Kouichi replied. "But, look. Zoe's coming."

Sure enough, the blond girl was walking down the hallway, making her way towards her locker. She shifted her books in her arms, a tired expression on her face.

From inside the locker, Takuya rubbed his hands together excitedly. "She's coming soon, I know it..."

Just then, he heard the lock being worked from the outside, and he prepared to jump out to surprise Zoe. There was an audible click, followed by the locker door being opened.

"WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?" Takuya exclaimed, popping out of the locker like a maniac.

However, he bumped into a large, heavy person as he exited the metal contraption. To his shock and horror, standing in front of him was Hajime, a senior and linebacker on the school's football team. Hajime was a very intimidating person with his towering build and seemingly brutal strength, causing many of the youngers students to fear him.

"H-H-Hajime," Takuya stammered, hearing his friends' obnoxious laughter down the corridor. "I, uh..."

"You were in my locker," Hajime growled, his deep voice booming.

The brunette rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Well, um...you see...I..."

"Yes," the linebacker suddenly said.

"Wait, what?" Takuya blinked in confusion.

Hajime smirked. "I accept your request for a date. Pick me up Friday night at eight."

With that, he stuffed his books into his locker, slammed it shut, then walked away to leave behind a very dumbfounded Takuya.

"Wha-what just happened?" he muttered, his eye twitching so spastically that people thought he was having a seizure.

Kouichi and Kouji walked over to him, laughing their asses off. They had witnessed Zoe approaching her locker, which in reality, was a few lockers away from the one Takuya had hidden in. She had since left the area, having missed Takuya's little mishap with Hajime.

"I can't believe you forgot Zoe's locker number!" Kouji laughed. "You're such a dumbass!"

"Oh, shut the fuck up!" Takuya growled. "I could've sworn that was the right one. Dammit!"

Kouichi finally subdued his laughter. "So, how many dates do you have so far?"

The brunette sighed. "Let's see...I have four dates as of right now. Mari, Ayako, Mr. Kurushima, and now Hajime...what the fuck did I get myself into?"

"Four dates, yet none of them are with Zoe," Kouji mused as they wandered down the hallway. "This is a new record of stupidity for you."

"I'm more shocked at the fact that today we found out that both Mr. Kurushima and Hajime are gay," Kouichi chuckled. "I had my suspicions about the teacher, but that revelation about Hajime just blew me away..."

"If you want a date with him, you'll have to wait until after Takuya has his date with him," Kouji teased.

Takuya and Kouichi glared at him. "Fuck you..."

4. Send roses with a note attached.

Another way to ask out that special someone is to send them some flowers or a small gift, along with a note that asks them out on a date. This is a good way to request a date if you're too shy in person, but it'll make you come off as sweet so the person may feel a bit more willing to accept the date. Avoid gifts such as condoms, edible underwear, sex toys, hentai, or pictures of their house. The first four gifts indicate pervertedness while the fifth one signals a red flag since it'll make you look like a stalker.

"Okay, this is the last class of the day, so I can't screw this one up," Takuya murmured as he scribbled a message down onto a note.

He had snuck out of class to use the 'bathroom' so that he could set up his little surprise for Zoe. It took him ten minutes to leave the school and go to the nearby flower shop to purchase a dozen red roses, and he had not been caught for once in his life.

J.P. Shibayama, who had run into him in the hallway, watched with mild amusement. "Are you going to give these flowers to her yourself?"

"Are you crazy?" Takuya finished his note, then tucked it into the bouquet. "I'm going to send some other kid to do it for me."

As if on cue, a freshman boy began to walk in their direction, on his way to his own class. Takuya stepped out in front of him, holding out the flowers.

The boy blinked. "Uh...I'm flattered and all...but-"

"They're not for you!" he interrupted. "But I need you to do something for me. It'll only take a minute."

"Oh, okay. What is it?" he asked,

"I need you to take this bouquet, go up to that classroom, and call over Zoe Orimoto. Just give them to her and say that it's a delivery from someone. Don't mess it up." Takuya handed him the roses.

The freshman shrugged, taking them. "Whatever you say."

As he made his way to the classroom, Takuya and J.P. discreetly followed him, hoping to get a look at Zoe's reaction once she saw the gift.

"Zoe Orimoto?" the boy called out, stepping into the doorway. "You've got a special delivery."

The girl stood up, surprised, and walked over to him. "For me?"

"Yup," he replied, handing them to her. "I was sent to give these to you, so enjoy."

With that, he took off down the corridor, while Zoe went back to her seat, a smile on her face. All of the girls surrounded her, eager to find out who her secret admirer was. Takuya grinned in anticipation as she read the little card he had put with the bouquet.

"I think you finally did it," J.P. said quietly.

"Who's it from?" a girl excitedly asked. "That's so romantic!"

"This is it." Takuya waited, hardly able to contain himself.

However, Zoe frowned after a moment. "I don't know... The person didn't sign his name. It just says 'Zoe, will you go out with me?'. He didn't leave his name."

Takuya's mouth dropped to the floor, not believing what had just happened. J.P. facepalmed and sighed, shaking his head at his friend's stupidity.

"Just when I thought you finally succeeded...you fucked this attempt up, too. You're hopeless..."

"I hate my life!" The brunette banged his head on the wall.

5. Approach the person and just request the date.

Although this was originally #1 on the list, Takuya decided to be a wimp and make me change it. Well, no more beating around the bush, dammit! It's time for Takuya to get off his ass and ask the girl out already!

So, you already failed four times, huh?" fourteen year-old Tommy Himi asked.

Takuya had joined Tommy, J.P., and the twins outside the school once the day had ended, wallowing in his self pity.

"Not only did he fail at asking Zoe out, but he ended up with four unwanted dates," Kouji snickered.

"Kouji, I'm gonna wring your neck in a minute!" Takuya threatened, foaming at the mouth slightly. "I tried and I tried and I still fucked things up! Don't piss me off even more!"

Kouichi scratched his head. "Takuya, why don't you just ask Zoe out the normal way? It's the most fool-proof way of asking someone out, so just do it already!"

J.P. nodded in agreement. "She's right over there, so take your chance and just go for it."

Sure enough, Zoe was walking away from the building, making her way towards her house, which was only a ten minute walk from the school.

"You know what? I'm gonna do it! Wish me luck!" Takuya took off after her, running as fast as he could to catch up.

His friends stared at him for a few seconds, then exchanged incredulous glances.

"We better follow him," J.P. said after a moment.

He and the other three piled up into his SUV, a vehicle he normally hated. However, it was large enough to fit everyone at once, so he dealt with it for the time being. At least until he parents realized that he looked like a soccer mom with such a vehicle.

Within a few seconds, Takuya had almost caught up to the blond. He drew closer and closer, his heart racing with adreneline and anticipation.

"Hey, Zoe!" he called up, only a few feet away from her.

Just as Zoe whirled around to face him, Takuya tripped over a rock named Howard and pitched forward. He crashed right into Zoe, sending them both to the pavement.

"Shit!" J.P. drove the van up to them, pulling over.

Takuya groaned, lying directly on top of Zoe on the sidewalk. "Stupid...rock..."

"Howard!" A little boy grabbed the rock, then kicked Takuya in the shin. "You hurt my rock, you jerk!"

"Ow!" The brunette winced as the boy ran away with Howard, then realized that Zoe was underneath him, unmoving. "Oh, fuck."

Kouji stormed over to him. "What did you do, you idiot?"

"I-It was an accident! I swear!" Takuya heaved himself off the unconscious girl, then lifted her. "Uh...Zoe?"

"And we now have epic fail number five," Kouichi quipped with a smirk. "Well, you sure know how to sweep a girl off her feet, Takuya. Right into the sidewalk to be more exact."

Takuya's eye twitched for the millionth time that day. "I'll kill you... I really will..."

Tommy knelt down next to Takuya, tilting his head slightly. "Is she dead?"

"No, she's breathing," he replied after a moment. "But she'll probably have a concussion after this... Dammit!"

J.P. sighed. "Put her in the van and we'll bring her to her house."

Cursing himself and his bad luck, Takuya scooped Zoe up in his arms and carried her into the SUV, ignoring the snide remarks from his friends. Well, he mostly ignored them, for he had mule-kicked Kouji as while climbing into the vehicle with the blond.

"Owwww...dumb bastard," Kouji muttered as he rubbed his leg. "I should cut you for that one..."

6. Ask the person out over the phone.

This is one of the most popular methods of asking a person out on a date, so Takuya should resort to trying this method. Just call up the object of your lust and ask them out on a date over the phone. Simple. Quick. Usually painless. Just make sure you not only have the correct phone number, but make sure the right person answers the call. It would be awkward if the person's parents or grandparents answered, especially if you have a tendency of making lewd comments.

Takuya laid on his bed, feeling more frustrated than ever. He had failed five times in asking out Zoe, the last one being the worst fuck-up of all. On top of that he had four unwanted dates with two female classmates, a linebacker, and his crazy teacher. Life was officially sucking for him.

This other four guys had joined him, all of them gathered in his room. J.P. was rifling through a few of Takuya's hentai magazines, Tommy was playing an internet video game, Kouichi was playing I Spy, and Kouji was stealing things that Takuya had originally stolen from him.

"This is mine," he muttered, stuffing a little plush bear into his jacket. "Nobody takes my Mr. Huggles..."

"What am I gonna do now?" Takuya asked in a defeated tone. "I already blew my chances five times, and I gave Zoe a small concussion."

Kouichi shrugged. "Hey, at least you didn't give her permanant brain damage. Though she might want to invest in a helmet sometime in the near future if she plans on hanging out with you."

"Not helping," Takuya mumbled. "I need to ask her out and not screw up! But I don't know if I should go to her house just yet."

"Why don't you just call her?" Tommy suggested. "Ask her out over the phone."

"That's not a bad idea," J.P. agreed. "She might still be knocked out, but give it a try."

Kouji grabbed onto a black pencil with a red eraser and put it in his jacket pocket. "This is my special pencil...I use it to write my angsty poetry..."

"Well, I might as well give it a shot." Takuya picked up his cell phone and called Zoe's phone, waiting as it rung.

"Hello?" a voice answered from the other end.

It did not sound like Zoe, so Takuya nervously cleared his throat. "Um, is Zoe there?"

"Zoe? There ain't nobody by the name of Zoe! Don't call back or I'll track you down and mount you on my wall!" the person exclaimed. "Ya hear me? I'll mount you on the wall with my other moose heads!"

The brunette hung up quickly, confused. "What the fuck...?"

"Who the hell was that?" Kouichi asked.

"I have no idea. Let me try again." Takuya called Zoe's number a second time.

It was answered a moment later by someone with an odd voice. "Hello?"

"Is Zoe there?" Takuya asked.

"...Yancy? Yancy, is that you?" the answerer asked.

Takuya sweatdropped. "Uh, no-"

"Yancy! My long lost love! You have finally found me! I have waited months and months for your phone call!" The person giggled crazily. "I want you, I need you, I HAVE TO HAVE YOU, YANCY! Elope with me! We can both be the grooms, but I'll wear the wedding dress just in case! I promise to shave both my face and butt for our honeymoon night!"

Takuya immediately hung up, his chocolate eyes wide with shock. He dropped the phone onto the bed, letting it bounce slightly.

"What just happened?" Kouji asked, stealing a small plastic dinosaur. "And don't steal Fitzgerald! That's my special friend who I recite my angsty poetry to!"

"I don't know," he replied vacantly. "I just...don't know..."

"Give it one last try," J.P. suggested. "Make sure you have the right number."

Takuya nodded, then called Zoe's cell phone one last time. "I hope it works."

The call was answered a brief second later.

"DON'T HANG UP ON ME, YANCY! WE WERE MEANT TO BE!" the same person cried out. "Destiny has brought us together and-"

"Aaaahh!" The brunette flipped his phone closed, then stuffed it under his pillow. "I'm going insane!"

"I could've told you that," Kouji muttered.

Meanwhile, at Zoe's house, the blond remained unconscious in her bed. Her visiting eight year-old cousin, Tadashi, had grabbed her cell phone, enjoying the torment he had put the caller through.

"Come on, Yancy," he joked. "Let me freak you out again..."

7. Go to the person's house and ask them.

This can't really count as #7 seeing how it's basically just a repeat of #5 but at a different location. And #5 was originally #1, but once again, Takuya had to bitch. So this is his last freaking chance to make things right and ask Zoe out. He's going to march his ass to her house and asking her out on a date once and for all!

"If it makes you feel any better, Kouji and I could take Mari and Ayako off your hands," Kouichi offered. "Two less unwanted dates to worry about."

"Now you just need to get rid of Hajime and Mr. Kurushima," Kouji quipped. "I'm not helping you on that one."

Takuya rolled his eyes. "Oh, be quiet. I'll worry about them later. Right now I need to think of a way to ask Zoe out."

"Go to her house and ask her," Tommy suggested. "Apologize for knocking her out, and ask her out. Bring her a gift, too, seeing how you pummeled her into the pavement."

"Gee, thanks for the advice," he remarked dryly. "I'll see you later, okay? I don't want anyone tagging along with me when I ask her."

The others sulked. "Awww..."

Twenty minutes later, Takuya was at Zoe's house with a box of chocolates and a single pink rose. He was a bit strapped for cash, but he figured that those gifts would get the job done. Knocking on the door, he waited for Zoe to answer.

Instead, her mother opened the door. "Hi, Takuya. Zoe's still upstairs in her bed, but she might be waking up soon."

Takuya had lied and told Mrs. Orimoto that her daughter had tripped and fallen, accidentally knocking herself out in the process. He had then told her that he wanted to make sure she got home safetly, so he went out of his way to bring her there. Sure, the little lie might've made Zoe come off as clumsy, but it spared Takuya of a beating from her mother.

He went upstairs to where her bedroom was, walking past her bratty cousin. Sitting on the edge of her bed, he brushed a lock of hair off her forehead. Zoe groaned, slowly opening her eyes as she finally regained her consciousness. Convenient timing, huh?

"Takuya? What are you doing here?" she asked. "And how did I get here anyway? I just remember turning around and then suddenly getting plowed over by someone."

"Uh, did you see who it was?" Takuya asked nervously.

Zoe thought for a moment. "No, but I heard you calling my name, so you were probably trying to warn me about that person about to run into me."

"Yup, that's what happened," the brunette lied, chuckling sheepishly. "But I, uh...brought you these."

He handed her the chocolates and flower, causing her to beam happily. "Aww, thank you, Takuya. You didn't have to bring me presents."

"I know, but I wanted to." He gently took one of her hands into his. "I uh, was wondering...Um..."

"What is it?" Zoe asked.

Takuya took a deep breath. "Would you like to go out with me? I've wanted to ask you out for awhile now, and-"

Before he could finish, Zoe pulled his head down to hers and planted a soft kiss on his lips. "Does that answer your question?"

"I don't know, I think I need to be told a second time," he joked.

Zoe rolled her eyes but smiled. "Well, the answer is yes."

Outside, the guys had secretly followed Takuya and had set off fireworks to celebrate the joyous occasion. However, since it was still bright out, the fireworks couldn't be seen very well. Then the cops showed up and arrested the four of them because fireworks are illegal. At least, they're illegal in this story. From outside the bedroom, Tadashi, the little monster known as Zoe's cousin, was making kissing noises. Takuya threw his cell phone at his head, knocking the brat out.

The following night, Takuya picked Zoe up for their date. Just as they were about to get into Takuya's car, an ugly woman in a tight red dress and high heels sauntered over.

"I'm ready for our date, Takuya," the woman said.

The brunette gaped. "Who the hell are you?"

Zoe glanced at Takuya questioningly, too surprised to say anything. After a moment, Takuya's eyes grew wide and he nearly shit himself once he realized who the person was.

"Mr. Kurushima, is that you?" he asked, forcing the dreaded words out.

The woman who was actually his male teacher nodded, his dark wig falling over his shoulders. "Yes, but for our date, you may call me Arlene."

And there you have it. The idiot-proof ways of asking somebody out, though Takuya managed to screw things up all the way to the end. It's doubtful that anyone would need as many tries as Takuya, and I personally have never met anyone who jumped out of a locker to ask someone out. Well, except that one time, but we won't get into details about that little incident.

"I got a girlfriend!" Takuya exclaimed triumphantly.

"Aw, that's so sweet of you," Mr. Kurushima aka Arlene said. "I'm so happy about our newfound relationship!"

He nearly threw up in his mouth. "Not you! Go to Hajime's house and take him out for a date!"

The dress-clad man shrugged nonchalantly. "Okay."

All's well that ends well. The twins took Mari and Ayako off Takuya's hands, and Hajime had a date with 'Arlene'. And, of course, our favorite little couple known as Takumi ended up with each other.

Kouji stared at his dinosaur, reciting his emo poetry that lacked sense. "My wrists bleed and I crave weed. I want death so I do meth. I hate hugs but I love drugs."

"You're just adding words that rhyme," Kouichi said dryly. "That poem doesn't really make sense and lacks consistency."

"Don't insult my beautiful poetry!" Kouji grabbed onto the plastic toy. "C'mon, Fitzgerald! Not everyone appreciates art!"

With that he ran off, leaving behind his confused brother.

Oh, and Kouji lived happily ever with Fitzgerald. The dinosaur is the only one who understands his poetry according to him, so yeah... Don't ask...

Okay, that was my stupid one-shot which consisted of Takuya being stupid and failing miserably in his attempts of asking Zoe out. But the bastard did it, so that's all that matters. Please review or flame. Either is welcome.