Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is owned by CBS. I own nothing but my imagination.
This story was written in response to Kavi Leighanna and Sienna27's Novels and Short Story Titles #4-Lawrence Block.
Prompt: Telling Lies for Fun & Profit
The team was heading back to Quantico from a small town in Utah. The case they had worked hadn't been particularly brutal or hard to solve, but it had been boring. Called in as a special favor to the Utah Governor, the team had been sent to profile some state employees who were thought to be embezzling state funds. After many tedious interviews, and pouring through state records, the team determined that no one was stealing the money; it was simply a result of shoddy record keeping. Once the team made the determination, they had to explain it to numerous bureaucrats, and by the end of the week, they were all ready to put themselves out of their miseries.
As a result of working such a boring case, most of them had some pent up energy. Garcia, who had come along in order to comb through the computer records, finally suggested a game about an hour into their flight.
"Sounds fun," Emily said, "But what game? It's not like the government stocks the jet with Monopoly or Scrabble."
JJ scrunched her head in thought, "What about truth or dare?"
Derek snorted, "What, are we thirteen? Why not just play spin the bottle?"
JJ glared at him as she moved closer to the core group sitting around the table and on the settee. "Well what do you suggest, Derek?" JJ asked tensely.
Hoping to defuse a fight between her two best friends, Garcia interjected, "I don't think there would be enough room on the jet for some of the dares I would issue," she told her blonde friend.
"What do you suggest Rossi?" Emily asked, knowing the older agent must have played some pretty wild games in his time.
"Leave me out of this," he said, not looking up from his newspaper.
Emily rolled her eyes at him, "Fine, how about you Hotch, any suggestions?"
He shook his head, still reading the case file in front of him, "I'm with Rossi, leave me out of it."
"I've got it!" Garcia shrieked suddenly. "We'll play Two Truths and a Lie."
"What's that?" Reid asked, also moving closer to the group.
"We played it at the sexual harassment training that Derek and I had to attend last week-"
That got Dave's attention, "You and Morgan were forced to attend a sexual harassment seminar? Get out of town!" His words were dripping with both amusement and sarcasm.
"Hey! Glass houses, Agent Rossi," Garcia said. "You were used as an example of what NOT to do no less than twenty-seven times!"
Dave looked rather proud of himself as he resumed reading his newspaper.
"How do you play?" JJ asked, not as well versed in the activities that take place during the seminars as her colleagues apparently were.
"It's easy," Penelope told her, "You tell us two truthful things about yourself and one lie and the rest of us have to figure out what the lie is."
"Sounds fun, I'm in," Emily said enthusiastically from her seat next to Hotch.
"Me too," JJ said.
"Yeah, I'll play," Derek said. "Reid?"
Thinking about it for a second, the genius nodded, "Sure."
Tapping his newspaper, JJ asked, "What about you, Rossi?"
To everyone's surprise, he nodded. "Sure, I'm game." Seeing their surprised faces, he grinned. "We played it at the sexual harassment seminar I had to attend two weeks ago and it was fun."
From his seat, Hotch muttered, "I just love the fact that nearly half of my team has been ordered to attend sexual harassment training in the last month."
Grinning, Emily asked, "What about you Hotch?"
Looking around at his teammates, he knew he should play, if only to be a good sport. "Fine," he said and everyone smiled.
The various team members took a couple of minutes to think of what they would say and then the game began with Garcia.
"Okay, here's my stuff," she said. "One, I'm not a natural blonde. Two, I wanted to be a corporate lawyer when I grew up. Three, I didn't get my first computer until I moved away to college."
There was a minute or two of silence before Derek piped up, "I'm gonna say the corporate lawyer thing is the lie. No offense Baby Girl, but I can't really see you putting on a suit and defending large companies."
Reid nodded, "I'm going to go with that one as well."
JJ shook her head, "The not being a natural blonde is the lie," she said confidently and Emily agreed with her.
Hotch, who had been studying Garcia, said, "No, I think it's the not having a computer until she was eighteen. I can see Garcia effectively arguing anything, and that's essentially what a good lawyer does."
"I'm with Hotch," Dave said, "Besides; she would have needed many years to study that computer crap."
"So how about it Princess, who's right?" Morgan asked.
Garcia grinned, "JJ and Emily guessed it."
"Pfft," JJ said, waving her hand, "That was no guess! It's pretty hard to hide your blond roots, Pen. They contrast heavily with your newly dyed red hair."
"You really wanted to be a corporate lawyer?" Derek asked in shock.
Garcia nodded, "Yeah, I aspired to it in order to rebel from my hippie parents. They were…interesting. It's also why I never had a computer until I bought my own in college. My parents saw it as a way for the government to track them."
"You really learned all of that computer mumbo jumbo in the last ten years?" Dave was shocked; it would take him a lifetime to learn how to do half of the things their computer goddess could do in minutes.
"Ten years? Just how young do you think I am, sir? And I could teach you a lot if you would just give me a weekend of your time."
"Not gonna happen Garcia, I can use email, surf the interweb and use my Word program, that's all I need." Dave told her resolutely.
Garcia snorted at his use of the word 'interweb.' What was this, 1994? Shaking her head, she asked, "Who's next?"
"I'll go," Derek volunteered. "Here are my items. One, I call my mother every Sunday. Two, I was once winged by a bullet because my lover's husband came home early. Three, I preemptively shave my head because male pattern baldness runs in my family."
"Number two is a lie," Dave said immediately. "You may be a hound dog, but I can't believe you'd sleep with a married woman." Emily, JJ, Reid and Hotch all agreed with Rossi, while Garcia was torn.
"I don't want to believe you'd sleep with a married woman," she said, biting her lip, "But I also don't want to imagine you slowly going bald and trying to cover it up with a toupee or a comb over." She thought for a minute, "I'm going to say number three is the lie."
Derek shook his head, "Sorry Garcia, the others are right."
"So if you didn't shave your head, you would be some bald loser?" She screeched.
"I don't know; that's why I shave my head…I don't want to find out!" He told her and then looked around at the team. "I'm glad you all think I'd never sleep with a married woman, but none of you questioned me calling my mother every Sunday?"
Emily shook her head, "Nope, you're a mama's boy."
"Well thanks Prentiss," he said sarcastically. "How about you go next?"
"Okay," she agreed. "One, I can tie a knot in a cherry stem with my tongue. Two, I was once trying on a teddy at Victoria's Secret when I stepped out of the dressing room to get my friend's opinion and I got locked out. Three, I once kicked a Saudi Prince in the crotch because he put the moves on me at one of my mother's galas."
There was dead silence as everyone on the plane processed everything Emily had said.
"It scares me that two of those stories are true," Reid said quietly.
Everyone laughed at his reaction. "I'm going to say that number one is the lie." Derek said. "Because if it isn't, I don't know how I'll ever be able to watch you eat a sundae again." One of Emily's guilty pleasures was a good ice cream sundae, and she usually had one at the end of each case.
"I'm going to agree with Morgan on this one, for the same reason," Dave said.
JJ shook her head, "No, number three has to be the lie. Can you see Emily losing her cool at one of her mother's functions?" Garcia agreed with her friend, while Reid and Hotch thought number two was the lie.
"Who would ever tell that story if it was true?" Reid asked and Hotch agreed.
"Sorry Reid, JJ was right, number three is the lie. Although in all honesty JJ, the only lie in there was that I didn't kick him in the crotch, I punched him in the face."
"Really?" JJ laughed.
Prentiss nodded, "Yup, broke his nose. My mother was so pleased."
"Wait, you really got locked out of your dressing room at Vickie's Secret?" Garcia asked incredulously.
Both Emily and JJ laughed, "Yeah," JJ said, "Who do you think the friend was?"
While JJ regaled the team by telling them about their shopping trip, Hotch leaned in towards Emily. "You'll have to show me that tongue trick later tonight," he whispered in her ear.
She smiled back at him, "If you play your cards right, I'll show you a whole lot more than that. Who do you think I was buying the teddy for?"
A/N 2- This will be a two-part story. Look for the second part in the next day or two.