Summary: The Doctor really shouldn't complain about annoying time travellers showing up from the future and proclaiming spoilers left and right, acting all sassy and smug – he really shouldn't. Wibbly-wobbly smug. Future doctor (Rivers Doctor)/River
A/N: I love River smugness and Doctor smugness. Smugness united =)
Stupid, stupid, stupid…
He should know better. He should know that this was bound to happen.
"What did you call me?"
Oh she was furious.
"Oh – nothing," he tried to disarm the volatile situation but somehow his voice only made it worse.
"I distinctly heard you."
He tried to smile at her, fixing her with giving her an friendly, cheerful look.
"I said hello sweetie," he told her in a low voice, mesmerised on one hand by her blue eyes that didn't recognise him while he on the other hand contemplated an escape plan.
"That's the lamest pick up line, pretty boy – and I've heard the lot of them."
Oh well. He would just leave the 'hello sweetie' up to her then. It didn't really suit him anyway.
"River, darling" he told her as he gave her a smile and locked her in a warm gaze, "I have no need for pick up lines"
"How do you know my name?" she sounded suspicious, her eyes wary.
"Oh, I know a lot more than your name, River Song"
She stood up with a bolt, the green alcoholic beverage nearly unbalanced in her hand as she regarded him with disdain.
"Mister, you've got some nerve – you watch yourself"
"River, River, River," he sang, "You are quite the charmer this young, aren't you?"
And he was covered in the green drink, watching the back of her disappear; her steps angry and her hair bopping up and down in a rage, the curls delightfully familiar to him.
Oh this was absolutely wonderful, he thought gleefully.
He licked his lips, and caught the taste of the exotic drink, the flavour of something distinctly banana-ish mixed with the sharp tang of Ra'vodka, and he grinned even louder.
He should really just shut his mouth – keep it neutral.
"Riiii-veehr" he called out to her and she turned around, annoyed.
He should really, really just stop it. But he couldn't help himself.
"It unlocks the other way," he commented as he stood leaned against the concrete wall, arms crossed and taking a devilish delight in her annoyance, her frustration with him so palpable.
She turned the doorknob the other way and stormed out.
"See you later," he called after her in a knowingly, infuriatingly voice, half laugh.
She spun around in the corridor, glared at him,
"I don't think so," she told him, angry and riled.
He only laughed; gave her a wave and a large amused smile.
She was too easy to aggravate, this young.
"Spoilers, darling," he spoke absently as he moved around the console panel, flying the Tardis, occupied with the co-ordinates and bouncing around.
"I haven't said a thing," River huffed, her glare becoming more and more pronounced.
"Oh – but whatever you were going to ask me, I know it's a spoiler – cannot possibly tell you"
"I wasn't going to ask you a bloody thing"
"Oh I beg to differ – I know the small nuances of your face; it has this 'curious' glint to it – and that's when you usually ask spoiler-ish questions"
"Well – you know what I mean"
"No I don't – I hardly ever know what you mean, Doctor – you make absolutely no sense!"
"Darling," he told her as he stopped momentarily in his ministrations and turned his eyes on her, "I make all kinds of sense. Now, will you do the honour of ending our little timey-wimey-journey?"
"Land her, darling, land her – Oh my mind, you are slow today"
She didn't move.
"I control the Tardis in the future, you mean?" she asked him, her eyes alight with wonder and he felt like hitting himself on the head with something heavy. He'd forgotten he hadn't taught her yet. Damn.
"Spoilers" he told her with a glint as he took her hand and pushed the lever with it, pulling her along with him to press down various contraptions, his hand covering hers.
"What does it say?" he yelled, feeling pressured by the small nuclear-acronic bomb adhered to his darling machine. Thankfully he had a new and improved manual – written by himself – so they should be able to get rid of the bomb before they all exploded. The only problem was, it was a very long instruction manual, and he couldn't remember what he'd written on the section about the superficial network of his Tardis and how to connect the damn wires and cables to avoid the overflow of radiation and heat from the sure blast of the acronic explosion about to happen any second now.
"I don't know" River screamed down to him, her voice sounding panicky as well.
"River, get a grip. We have little time left – now what does the bloody instruction say?"
"I don't know – it's all foreign, scribbly-scrawly"
"Damn it River, there's no time for shenanigans; will you just read the bloody Old High Gallifreyan on page 1010; I need the bloody procession of the anti-tyngde rete," he yelled again, wondering why she chose now of all times to play around. The damn woman was going to the death of him.
"I don't read Gallifreyan!" she hissed, angry.
"Of course you do," he shouted – now she was just being plain silly.
"No, I don't" she bellowed, her head suddenly visible in between the narrow furrow that led to the under-Tardis, eyes dark and sending daggers at him.
"Of course you do – I taught you!" he hollered as he fixed her with a glare, fiddling with power wires and other weird contraptions in his hands, sonic screwdriver in the nook of his arm.
"You do," she sounded suddenly excited amidst the yelling; too thrilled when they were about to be blown to damn smithereens. Oh drat – not again.
"Sorry, spoilers" he told her, yet again, trying to hold back his wide smile when he saw her eyebrows knit together. She despised the word – as much as he had – did.
"– just hand me the damn manual"
And she did, her eyes glittering with hidden mischief beneath the frown.
"Doctor!" she was surprised, as was he. What a delightful surprise. Her companion – not so much. Hmm – but he had a plan for that.
"Hjeeelllo there – just the time-complicated anomaly I was looking for" he caught her around the waist, his fingers warm on the thin cloth of her dress as he ignored the male companion on her left who looked slightly put out.
"There's a small fissure in the space-time continuum here, somewhere, and I need your help," he told her in a husky voice as he kept his hands on her; and enjoyed the small signs of jealousy on the other male's face as he narrowed his eyes and frowned. Oh how delightful indeed.
"Doctor, I'm in the middle of-"
"No matter – restoring time is much much more important", he interrupted her again, giving the bloke a sassy smirk as he swept his hands lower, brushing across the swell of her hips, standing closer to her than an acquaintance would, even by 51th standards.
River pouted, crossed her arms and gave him an indignant glare but nonetheless leaned into his touch, even if it were subconscious. He poked her small nose with his index finger and said in a cheerful voice, "No time to loose, darling – come along"
Draping his arm around her waist again, before she could utter disagreement, he guided her towards the exit of the Xelonian neon bar. Before exiting he turned his head and shouted to the confused bloke,
"Sorry mate – this one already taken" and he left with a bounce and an infuriated River - she hated being manhandled, for that's what she would call it. He, on the other hand, saw it as his prerogative.
Life was wonderful.
"Who are you?" she asked in half wonder, half annoyance.
He just smiled, stroking his thumb down her jaw, tilting her head up. He watched her eyes lit up, irritation gone, as she regarded him from beneath her long dark lashes, her smile playful.
"Well, that answers it all, doesn't it," she spoke, her voice low and flirtatious and beneath it he knew she still wanted to know, desperately.
He kissed the tip of her nose in response, slow and teasing.
"Not much of a talker, are you"
He kissed the corner of her lips, running his tongue out and tasting her skin.
"Mmm – I can live with that"
And he kissed her full on the lips, tender and fiery.
A/N: Ny-ahaha… Poor Doctor, the cause himself for his own misery in the past/future/presence.