WARNING: This story may contain explicit adult material. Extreme graphic violence. Overly sexual dialogue. Strong profanity/language. Nudity and/or sexual content. Rape. Child abuse. PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION. OVER 18 ONLY.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter song: Trading Yesterday - Shattered
~ What appears to be the end may really be a new beginning. ~ Unknown
It was cold. I could tell that much because my skin was covered in goose-bumps but to me it felt like my skin was on fire. I had no idea for how long I was sitting there, watching the waves crashing with one another and the breeze around me. All I was thinking was my next move; my next destination. The one that would change my whole life and then some…
I tried to recall when I made this decision, but I couldn't. Was it the moment I found out? Was it the moment I got the call? Was it the moment he told me what my case was? Was it the moment I told him what my plans were? Was it the moment I saw the love in her eyes; the one I was supposed to have but couldn't find the strength in me to have? Was it when I realized what was right and what was wrong?
I couldn't tell.
All I knew was that this was the right thing to do, for me. For it.
I loved it, I knew that much. It wasn't enough, though; not for my case. Because right or wrong, love wasn't always enough to overcome a challenge. Especially not a challenge like this.
The sun felt hot on my left arm as I watched the deep blue of the sea combine with the blue of the sky. This place was my sanctuary; the place I found out. The place I cried for what had happened. The place I knew I might never see again.
I chose to take a cab, because I knew if I rode with one of them it would be harder to say goodbye and have a peace of mind for a little while. They would question me, like always. They only wanted to make me feel better, comfortable even, and relaxed but it felt unfair. It all felt unfair to me. They should not have to be nice to me .The deal was closed by now, but still they all were. Was it a trick or just kind-hearted people around me for once?
Is this what it feels to be loved? Is it?
I never knew. Would I ever find out? I never knew…
I climbed off the rock I was sitting on, and smoothed out my pretty dress; courtesy of her.
My old wardrobe was given away and my new clothes were expensive and smooth, like silk and cotton, and they fit me perfectly.
I only had a small purse with me, because all my suitcases -all my new clothes were already there-. At their place.
Their place. It would always be their place, and the fact that I will be staying there for almost a year was insignificant to me.
I didn't want to be ungrateful, I was far from it, but it felt wrong to put them in such a difficult position and to move there with them.
Who am I kidding?
Their place was that big that probably no one would even notice me around there.
It was the one thing I couldn't provide for myself; the luxury of a home like that. Hell even the smallest room in there was something I couldn't afford.
That was my problem.
In the cab all I saw was a blur of green trees and little houses here and there, but other than that my thoughts were occupied to the maximum.
How could I live with so many people for so long? I never had a brother or a sister; it was always me and Charlie and sometimes Renee, when she could visit us.
Other than that my knowledge and experiences were limited. I had a pretty good idea that I could be a pain in the ass some times and be little annoying -especially when Charlie ignored me. But, I was as just a kid.
Charlie, my dad. I never called him that, well… not as much as I should have. What would he have thought of me now? If he saw me like this? If he knew what I was about to do? Would he agree?
I knew the answer to that one. Of course he wouldn't. He would never agree to that. I was the living proof.
Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I gazed at the blur again.
From all my options was this was the most … mortal one? The one that would make me feel better? The one that would put me at ease at last?
I wasn't a coldblooded murderer; I knew that. That was not even an option for me. So yes, this was the right one.
But, if this is the right one, why? Why doesn't it feel right?
Because you'll always know!
I hated my subconscious sometimes! But it was true, I'd always know; the house, the faces, everything. And it would kill me to leave it all behind, but I knew I had to, all along. There was no escape, no turning back. It was too late and I had to fix some of the mess I'd created.
Her face when I told her. Her tight hug and the hot tears of happiness streaming down her face. I'd created that. I'd made her happy and I was partially proud of it, but only partially. What would make her happy would be the death of me. What would make her happy would make me miserable, but there was no other choice.
I should've considered myself lucky, though. My mind was protecting me and for that I was eternally grateful. I longed for oblivion, instead of memories. I welcomed it.
I knew it wouldn't last, but I hoped for time; time to heal and time to be free. Whatever that meant in my case.
The cab stopped while the gate opened and my blood ran cold in my veins. It was time.
Time to face the music.
My destination had come to an end and I still felt unresolved. But it didn't matter. This wasn't about me anymore; not anymore.
The cab stopped in front of the big white door. The house was marvellous, like the ones you usually vision in a fairytale; like a medieval castle, but more modern and welcoming, somehow.
No witches and dragons in there, Bella. You're safe here.
The door opened and she walked out smiling and beaming at me, like a child would on Christmas; waiting for the present.
She paid the cab driver and I stepped out.
"Bella, you're finally here. Welcome." She hugged me tightly again and it felt nice, just like the last time she hugged me. Her happiness was radiant and it touched me somehow. I was making her happy; I was the reason. And that made me happy too. At least, I could change her life instead of mine.
"Thank you, Rosalie." I smiled back and it wasn't forced.
"Come inside, are you cold? Do you want anything? Your room is ready. Maybe a hot bubble bath would be great, what do you think?" She forced a smile this time trying to hide the nervousness.
I wanted to laugh. She was the one that was nervous? What was I suppose to be?
"It's okay. I'm fine, but thanks."
She nodded and her blond hair fell off her shoulders. She looked at me expectantly and sighed. "Are you sure you're okay, Bella? Have you… um… have you changed your mind?" Panic washed her features and at once her skin paled.
"No, of course not, Rosalie!" The words were out of my mouth before I even had a chance to register them in my mind.
That's it—of course that was it! How could I change my mind, especially when she was here and I could see the love in her eyes; even now?
She took a deep breath and visibly relaxed. "Good, that's um… good! Great! Thank you, Bella. Thank you for doing this." She smiled and I could almost see the tears behind her blue eyes.
"I should the one to thank you, you are the best for this and I know it. I trust you." And it wasn't a lie.
She hugged me again and this time, my arms went around her as well. "It means the world to me. You have no idea what you are doing for me, Bella. It's like you are giving me my life back." Her voice cracked at the end and I knew there were tears on her cheeks.
A figure stood by the door nervously watching the two of us.
"Rose? Everything okay?" he glanced at Rosalie with sad eyes and then me, "Bella, welcome." He smiled. He had dimples.
Rosalie released me and turned to Emmett. "Everything is perfect. Get Bella's bag while I show her to her room." She took my hand and we were inside the house. The house that would be my home for the next 8 months; the house where I'd leave a piece of me behind, and never come back.
A/N: So this is the prologue and the first chapter is coming soon. Leave some love while you wait….
Special thanks to my beta Feral and Ferla for improving this story!
And my twi-sis vampireprincess1918 for pre-reading!