Disclaimer: I do not own the Bleach characters, manga, anime, movies, etc. They belong by copyright laws to Tite Kubo et al.
A Little Revenge
The Plans of Shinigami and Quincy
To say that Ichigo was bored would have been an understatement. As a captain of the Gotei Thirteen he was getting used to the copious amounts of paperwork heaped on his desk daily courtesy of his lieutenant and two third seats. Most of the forms and reports were for him to simply sign but there were some that he actually had to fill out. He had come to the conclusion months ago that this was worse than high school and he often had the wish to go sit in class for a little while just to relieve the monotony. And he might have been tempted to take off for the World of the Living if it weren't for two things. One, his girlfriend would loudly object and two, his lieutenant would object. Being that the two were the same person, Rukia Kuchiki, he knew better than to think he could get away with it without her finding out within moments of him slipping through the gates.
That wasn't his only complaint of the day, or of the month for that matter. Ever since he and Toushiro had made a crack at the SWA, he had been living with a montage of Chappy plastered on every wall in his office. And while he couldn't see the attraction of a cartoon rabbit, he usually didn't mind Rukia having one or two of the stuffed characters hanging around. After all, it was her office too and he wanted her to be comfortable. She had deserved to be a lieutenant for a long time and only her brother's edict had kept her from being one until the end of the war with Aizen. However, that didn't mean he wanted to stare at the blasted thing night and day.
As much as he loved the midget, he was getting sick and tired of turning his head to gaze off into space only to be met with Chappy. Sighing, he was contemplating going for a stroll when his cell rang. The phone had been modified, by Urahara no less, to work both in the Soul Society and in the Living World so he was never out of touch with either his friends or his family in either dimension. Blinking in incomprehension for a moment at Ishida's number, he quickly answered it before Rukia questioned why he was staring stupidly at his phone.
"Kurosaki," he answered, hoping the sound of his last name on his lips would have her ignoring his conversation. She looked up from her desk but went back to her work almost immediately without comment.
"Are you free to talk, Kurosaki?"
"Give me a minute." Getting up and slipping on his captain's haori, he waved Rukia back down when she noticed his "look official" stance. He only wore the haori outside of the barracks unless he went to train. The white over coat too often got blasted away by his reiatsu if he left it on. "Another meeting," he said by way of explanation and left Rukia to man the office. Since captains tended to meet frequently, he didn't think that she'd get suspicious. And she couldn't accuse him of lying if he didn't say who he was meeting with.
"Okay," he said, once he was well away from Seireitei.
"Rukia was right there, wasn't she?" Ishida asked, having heard the wind blow by the phone for several seconds before Ichigo spoke.
"Yes, what can I do for you?"
"You assumed that I was calling because I had some sort of idea about the topic we discussed the last time I was there."
"Yeah, since you don't call me otherwise. At least you take my phone calls now. So, what have you got in mind?"
"I was discussing the squads with Orihime last night and she happened to mention that Yachiru likes sweets."
"Likes? She's obsessed. She'll raid any and all barracks, not to mention Byakuya's looking for the stuff. And having her on a sugar high is not a pretty sight. You thought she was fast when we came here the first time? That's nothing compared to the hyperactive pinball she becomes after consuming sugary sweets. Even Kenpachi limits her intake."
"Perfect. If Zaraki even has a problem with her, then this may work out better than anticipated."
"How does getting her higher than a kite co-inside with getting our revenge on her? If we give her sweets, it'll be like rewarding her."
"But we won't be giving them to her," Ishida's voice was smug on the other end of the cell. "We're going to kill two birds with one stone. I have a score to settle with Kurotsuchi and since neither Captains Kuchiki, nor Hitsugaya, nor you like the man, he's the perfect fall guy. It works even better because he's known to have a sweet tooth himself."
Ichigo gazed out over Seireitei from his spot on the hill and thought over what his friend was suggesting. "You want us to take every sweet there is in the Seireitei and hide them in Squad Twelve."
"Not the barracks, just the research portion. I want her to create a disaster trying to find the confections. And the more she consumes…"
"The more damage she'll do. I'll have to talk it over with Byakuya and Toushiro. It might not be feasible with all the security the mad man has in the Institute. And I don't want her to destroy all the stuff there; he does have some pretty useful information."
"I'm sure a genius like him has backup drives to all his computers. Let me know what you find out."
"Sure. Don't go sharing this with Inoue, though. She talks to Rukia regularly and if it gets back to the midget, I'll never hear the end of it."
"Chappy still gracing your walls, Kurosaki?"
"Shut up," Ichigo said in lieu of goodbye and shut his phone. Now to go find the others and see what they thought. The orange haired captain was half way to the Kuchiki estate when he realized he really did have a meeting at the First Squad.
The senior captains gave him a dirty look when he entered late and he shrugged as if to say he'd forgotten, and he had. Rukia usually reminded him but as he had left on the pretext of a meeting, she had probably assumed he'd actually remembered this one and hadn't said anything.
"Is everything all right, Kurosaki-kun? It's not like you to be late." Shunsui tipped his hat backwards so he could get a better look at the young captain.
"No, sir, I just got a report in from the Living World. A friend called and let me know how things were." Ichigo glanced meaningfully at Toushiro.
"Ah, so all is well, that is good." The captain in charge smiled, knowing there was more to it than Ichigo was letting on.
"I apologize for being late. Did I miss anything important?"
"Everything is important, you heathen," the twelfth division captain scoffed, his long fingernail having put up a display screen of some kind. It was kind of creepy in Ichigo's opinion and he was more than willing to have Kurotsuchi get his comeuppance. The trick would be to do so without the clown figuring it out. Ishida was right in one respect, the man, no matter how insane, was a genius.
"Of course, proceed," Ichigo said, trying to sound serious. Oh, yes, he would enjoy making the number twelve captain pay for all his slights. Genius or no, there was a way to trick him and together with the other resident genius, Ichigo would find a way to put Ishida's plan into action.