Title: Confessions: II
Characters: Rachel Berry, Finn Hudson, Quinn Fabray and Noah Puckerman.
Pairing: References to Finn/Rachel and Puck/Quinn.
Summary: She doesn't love him. She doesn't hate him either, but she doesn't love him. Actually, she doesn't even think she likes him, not in the way he wants her too. – A series of ficlet confessions.
Spoilers: Season 1
Word Count: 797
Disclaimer: These characters belong to Ryan Murphy. I am not him.
Author's Note: Yes the title says this is Part 2, but Part 1 is not for the Glee fandom (actually it's for The Vampire Diaries, so if you're interested…), so you haven't missed anything. I just wanted to use "Confessions" as the title for both stories, but there were posting issues, so I've just gone with Parts 1 and 2. :) Thanks!
- o – o – o -
It's a real credit to her acting ability that no one ever knows when she's been completely struck down by terror.
Granted, it wasn't all that long ago that no one other than her dads cared enough to notice, but these days she has Finn for a boyfriend and the rest of the gleeks as friends, and they all know each other well enough now to know when something's not right.
Except, that is, when she's feeling the fear eat away at her stomach, when her hands are shaky and her steps just a little less certain than usual. When this happens, and if time and her schedule permit, she'll dash into the nearest bathroom, lock herself in a stall, and try to breathe.
And it works…for a while.
There's just no way to keep the fear at bay, the thought of following in Shelby's footsteps and getting to New York but never to Broadway, or becoming another Mr Schue, stuck in Lima coaching a high school Glee Club.
She doesn't know which she'd prefer.
Then there's the fear that trumps them all, the one that haunts her dreams and taunts her whenever she looks in a mirror: that, no matter how far she runs or how much she accomplishes or how much she makes people love her, she'll always be a Lima Loser.
- o – o – o -
He knows it's creepy but sometimes he just has to go see her. Beth, that is.
The visits, if they can be called that, are never planned. He'll just be playing his Xbox, or practising choreography, or doing his Math homework, and the urge will come over him. So he'll get in his car and drive to Shelby's house, hope that he'll get to see them.
It's probably not the smartest idea, sitting in a car watching a house that isn't his, but no one has said anything yet, if they've even noticed.
And he's tried to stop, he really has, but he can't help it. This is the closest he'll ever come to the child that was almost his.
- o – o – o -
She doesn't love him. She doesn't hate him either, but she doesn't love him. Actually, she doesn't even think she likes him, not in the way he wants her too.
Mostly she feels gratitude, which is really screwed up because he's the one who knocked her up in the first place. But he didn't abandon her. Even after she pushed him away, he would always still be there, lingering on the sidelines, watching, waiting.
If she thinks about it, it's what he's done for as long as she's known him.
She decides to go out with him, as a sign of her appreciation, but just over the summer. Once they return to school everything will go back to the way it was.
Except it doesn't work that way.
Yes, she's back on the Cheerios, but she's part of Glee too, and there's no way they'd let her back into the Celibacy Club. And, of course, Finn and Rachel are together now.
So she and Puck are stuck in this groove and with every day that passes the sides get steeper and steeper, and harder to climb. Maybe she could end it, but she's never really been on her own before, and what kind of Head Cheerleader doesn't have a guy on the football team for a boyfriend?
He's happy, actually happy, for once not coming in second to Finn. It has to count for something.
So she does what she always swore she wouldn't: she settles.
- o – o – o -
There are days he still hopes, wishes, dreams, that his dad will come home, just walk through the door and never, ever leave.
And then he's assaulted by a wave of guilt because that man left them, him and his mom and his baby sister. He doesn't have the right to come back here.
He tells himself he only wants him back so he can punch the guy, make him hurt for all those tears his mom cried. Then in his brief moments of honesty, he'll know it's really so they can talk, so he can ask all the questions he's always wanted to.
Question like: Why did you leave? Was it easy? What did we do wrong? Didn't you love us enough?
He wonders if he'd be any different, if his dad had stuck around. Would he still be the douche that he is? Would he have knocked up his best friend's girlfriend? Would he still have his guitar and his music? Would he need to get out of Lima as much as he does?
Would he be as much his father's son as he is now?