The Inspirational Music Contest
FFNet Account Name: JasperLuver48
Title: Point of View
Song Prompt: POV by McFly
Disclaimer/Author's Notes: I own nothing to do with Twilight; I just really enjoy playing around with the characters. I owe the fact that this fic is even finished to my two wonderful friends: Tiffaninichole for pre-reading and helping me cut out the wordiness and Coachlady1 for beta-ing and talking me off of the ledge more than once :) They both listened to me whine and complain about the fic, they helped me fix plot issues, and if it weren't for them, I probably would have given up on it. They pushed me to keep going and I love them so much for it! I know the pairing may not be your cup of tea but when I heard my song I couldn't help it and this was the fic that I knew needed to be written! :) WARNING: This fic is slash and therefore contains boy on boy love, but it's Jasper/Edward and who doesn't love that?
To read more entries in the contest:
www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net (slash) community (slash) The_Inspirational_Music_Contest (slash) 84328 (slash)
Point Of View
As I stood there at the big window watching the man who owned my heart and soul taxi down the runway, my world officially came crashing to a halt.
His last words before he stepped onto that plane were still running through my head and I wasn't sure if I'd ever recover from his leaving me. Our final conversation replayed in my head as my heart broke into a million separate pieces.
"I love you, but it's just too much, Jasper. I can't do this; I have to go," he whispered harshly into my ear before letting me go from the bone crushing hug he had captured me in.
"Please... don't go. I love you, too. We're meant to be together, love. Don't do this to me; don't hurt me like this," I begged, grasping at his body, trying to pull him back to me but knowing in my heart there was nothing I could say to make him stay. If he wanted to leave, he was going to leave. He was the most stubborn person I had ever met, which was part of the reason I fell in love with him.
"Jasper, I just can't do this anymore." His voice was hard and bitter. "It kills me every day, knowing you love me, but it's hidden away because you're ashamed... I can't be with someone who's ashamed of being with me."
I knew I'd hurt him. "Goddamn it, you know it's my family. We've been through this, Edward, they'd disown me if they knew." I was holding him with all my strength, not willing to let him go. "I love you, but I can't lose my family. Let me come with you; we can start over together." I was a selfish fucking person and I didn't want him to go.
"No, you're just ashamed of who you are. You can't come with me and run away from your family; that's the whole reason we can't be together. You've made it clear that you can't live without them."
"I can't live without you, Edward. You mean more to me than any of them. I can change, I promise. I'll be better for you," I confessed, hoping it would make him stay. "Please, baby, don't go. Don't leave me."
"It doesn't matter, I can't do this anymore. My plane is boarding, I have to go, Jas. I can't stay here and see you every day, knowing you'll never accept me... us. I love you." The tears that escaped his eyes crushed my heart. He placed one last meaningful kiss on my forehead before he turned to walk away―from me, from our love, from our future.
I watched his plane take off into the twilight sky and disappear into the horizon. Before I knew what was happening, tears were streaming down my face and the sobs in my chest were threatening to escape loudly. I knew I had to get out of the airport quickly, but I also knew that the moment I stepped out those doors and back into the real world, I'd be admitting defeat. I would be acknowledging the fact that he was gone forever and there was nothing I could do to make him come back.
Well, there was one thing I could do to salvage this, but I knew I didn't have that kind of strength. If I told my family, effectively outing myself, it could possibly be enough to make him come back, but I'd tried so many times and I was never able get the words out.
I'd stood in front of the mirror rehearsing countless times, I'd had my whole speech memorized and I'd gone to their house to talk to them. As soon as I saw my mother's eyes filled with love for me and my father's face radiating how proud he was of me, his only son, I knew I couldn't crush their world like that.
They were extremely religious people, born and raised by the laws of the church. The church firmly believed that loving someone of the same sex was a crime against the Lord and, as such, those who did not follow would be banished. If I did that to my parents, it would defile them in the eyes of the church. They would feel as though they had failed as parents, when, in reality, they'd raised me to be a good man.
They were never going to get the things they expect from me—a daughter-in-law, grandchildren to carry on the family name, the perfect image of the perfect life. I couldn't give that to them, so in essence, I had failed them, just as I'd failed Edward.
The tears burned as they seeped from my eyes, making my escape from this horrible place blurry and difficult. A very nice older woman put her hand on my shoulder and asked me if I was okay. I just mumbled something about being a failure and having to get out of there and she pointed me toward the exit with a sympathetic look on her face.
Once I made it to my car, I climbed in and made the trip back home. I knew that I had lost Edward forever and once I'd had time to calm down, I just got angry. How could he do this to me? I gave him every fucking part of me and he'd just dismissed me like I was nothing.
What happened to us? I thought we were happy. I mean, I knew how much it hurt him that I couldn't tell my family, but he said he would wait forever if he had to. He had promised to be patient with me and let things play out naturally. Now I had to wonder if I ever really made him happy, because if you loved someone, you didn't just walk out on them.
I hadn't walked out on him when I caught him in that compromising situation with Riley. Was I pissed? Of course I was, who wouldn't be if you walked into the home you shared with the person you loved to find him naked on the couch with his half-naked ex-boyfriend passed out on the floor next to him?
It took me a few days of angry silence and Edward's sleeping on the couch before I was calm enough to listen to his explanation, but when he was finally allowed to tell his side and I'd understood, we spent the next twenty-four hours in bed making up with each other.
I was beginning to think that it was all a lie. Everything I thought about the man he was and how much he loved me seemed to be pretty inaccurate at this point in time.
He'd taken the best part of my life and turned it into the worst thing. This was the first time I was truly happy in a relationship with anyone and he'd just... left.
We'd met when I'd posted an ad at the college about needing a roommate for my off-campus apartment. Edward's was the only response I got. From the first moment he came to meet me, I knew there was something special about him. He stirred something inside of me; I craved his presence at all times. That was when I began to realize who I really was. It was also when the self-hatred began, because if I'd never made this realization, my life would have been much less difficult. Having Edward by my side made it easier to accept, though. Being so completely in love with someone who was so wonderful made it simple to forget the disdain I had for myself.
He'd brightened up my life, filled me with hope. And all of that left with him when he stepped onto that plane. I never wanted it to end this way and I blamed myself for not being strong enough to be the man that Edward deserved. I was pathetic and a failure to everyone who meant anything to me, whether they knew about it or not.
The stress of my emotional state had taken a toll on me and suddenly I was very tired. I lay down in our bed with the phone next to my ear, snuggled up to his pillow, which still smelled very much of Edward, and cried until I passed out.
Exactly one week had passed and I'd barely made it out of bed except to eat and piss, which I couldn't do from the bed, of course. I'd been completely content with wallowing in my own self pity and even I could distinguish that I was a mess, but I honestly had absolutely no desire to remedy the situation.
I hadn't heard a word from Edward, despite my many attempts to contact him and my desperate pleas filling up his voicemail. Every time my phone did ring, my heart skipped a beat and then began rapidly pounding, but it was always either my mother or my sister who were freaking out because they hadn't heard from me for so long. The final message I received was from my mother; she'd threatened to come visit me if I didn't call her back.
When I'd heard the last message, I realized that things were getting bad for me and I had to get out of my place. I showered for the first time since he'd left me, put on fresh clothes, and left the confinement of my own self-imposed prison.
At first, I drove aimlessly around Seattle, with no destination in mind. As I wandered, my train of thought began to clear a path through the destruction that Edward had caused in the wake of his leaving. I started to ask myself all the questions that I really needed answers to. When the hell did I turn into such a pussy that would let a guy ruin my life? Why the hell am I so afraid of who I really am? And, Jesus fuck, when did I start letting everyone else run my fucking life?
It's like I had an epiphany, and I decided that I was sick of not being in control of my own life, of my destiny. The time had come for me to grab my life by the balls and take charge once again.
I made the closest U-turn I could find and headed south, straight to Forks. It was about an hour and a half drive to my parents' place, but by the time I arrived, I'd made the decision that would free me from the situation at hand and there was nothing that anyone could do to stop me from doing it this time.
I parked my car in the driveway and forced myself to walk confidently up the path leading to the front door. I used my key to get in and as I opened the door and walked into the foyer, I hollered out, "Mom? Dad? Rose? Is anyone here?"
My mother came bustling out of the kitchen wearing a ridiculous looking apron. "Jasper? Oh, my God! What are you doing here? Oh, never mind that... I'm so happy to see you!" She pulled me to her and wrapped her arms around my neck, hugging me tightly.
"Hey, Mom," I replied, hugging her back. I knew she would fuss over me, she always did. "I need to talk to you and Dad. Is he here?"
My mother pulled back and looked at me. "He'll be home soon. Rose is out with Emmett but they should be back before dinner, which it desperately looks like you need. Have you been eating, Jasper? You look like you've lost weight."
I blushed sheepishly. She was always so observant. "Uhm... I've just had a bit of a difficult time lately, that's all. I can't wait for dinner, though. What are you making?"
"Roast beef with all the trimmings. What's going on, honey? You know I'm always here to talk to if you need me, right?"
"That's why I came to talk to you and Dad but I'll wait until after dinner. Do you need any help?" I offered.
"No, I've got it all under control. Go watch television or something; your father should be home any minute."
"Great, thanks, Mom." I turned and walked down the hall, headed toward the den.
I plopped down in my father's oversized, comfy recliner, grabbed the remote and aimlessly flipped through the channels, settling on a football game, but, honestly, I didn't really pay attention to it. My stomach was in knots and my hands were shaking.
I was hyperaware of the fact that in less than an hour, I would be destroying my parents and possibly being disowned by them. The nervousness was unsettling and there was only one thing I could think of to calm myself down― liquid courage.
I got up and walked over to my dad's liquor cabinet, pulled down a glass, and poured myself a shot of tequila. The burn as it slid down my throat was a sort of symbol of the oncoming fight about to take place, where I was going to make sure it ended victoriously for me, of a sort.
I stood there relishing the warming sensation coursing through my veins as the tequila did its job. I was almost instantly less nervous and a little more confident in my decision. It couldn't have come at a better moment because just as I set the shot glass back on the bar, my mother walked in and announced that dinner was ready.
Slowly, I made my way to the dining room to find that Rosalie and Emmett were already there. Perfect, I thought to myself, just two more witnesses to the outing that's about to happen.
My father took his spot at the head of the table with my mother to his right and Rose to his left. I took the seat next to my mother and began to eat. The food was delicious as always and I savored every single bite, because I wasn't sure when I would be allowed back in my parents' house again.
We were all having a good time conversating with each other and I found it strange that neither Rose nor my mother had mentioned my lack of communication this past week although I knew they really wanted to ask. I was almost certain that they knew the reason I was there was to explain that, because Rosalie kept giving me pointed looks and my mother kept patting my knee when she didn't think anyone else was looking.
As dinner came to an end, I knew my father was about to suggest that we guys retreat to the den for cigars and brandy. Instead, I took a deep breath and cleared my throat, trying to force my nerves back into submission. "Mom, Dad, Rose, I have something I need to talk to you guys about." I clasped my hands together tightly, trying to stop them from shaking and showing how nervous I was.
Everyone's eyes snapped in my direction, including Emmett's, whom I hadn't addressed seeing how this was a family matter. "Jasper, what is it?" my father asked with concern and curiosity in his voice.
I stood up next to my chair. "I know this is going to be really difficult for you all to accept, but first I need to say that I can't hide this from you anymore and I refuse to apologize for being who I am." I steadied myself and took a shaky breath. "I realize that you may not even want me to be a part of this family anymore after this but it's a risk I'm willing to take..."
My mother cut me off quickly. "Jasper, honey, what's going on? Is everything okay? Are you in trouble?"
That just fucking annoyed me. I mean, it was hard enough standing there trying to tell them without passing out from my nerves, but now she was interrupting me. "Mom, I'm trying to tell you what's going on. Everything will be better for me after I get it out and, no, I'm not in trouble, I'm just sick of pretending to be something I'm not."
"Jasper, spit it out. You're scaring me, son," my father ordered in his very authoritative voice.
Here goes everything. "I'm gay."
My mother gasped but said nothing as her eyes filled with tears. I looked at my father whose face was stoic. And Rose had buried her face in her boyfriend's massive chest.
It definitely wasn't what I was expecting. I was expecting a big blow up or some sort of fight but this was even worse. I felt the need to go on and offer them some sort of explanation, "I... uhm... figured it out in college, although even before then, dating girls never felt right. I've been in a relationship for the past four years with Edward, my roommate. Or at least I was, but that's a different story."
I stood there for several painfully long minutes, all vulnerable and out there, and they wouldn't say a damn thing. The silence was deafening and it felt as if a bomb had just exploded in my chest where my heart used to be.
"Damn it, somebody say something..." I demanded, a sob choking up my words. I slowly looked at each member of my family and not a damn one of them had the balls to even look me in the eyes.
"Well, I guess your silence says everything. I love you all so much, and I guess I just wished you could say the same for me..."
There was no way I was going to stand there one minute longer and subject myself to their inability to say anything. They were flat out proving that all my fears were real and they truly didn't want me as a part of their family anymore.
I took off out of the house as fast as I could and jumped into my car. Why was I so upset about their reaction? I knew it was going to be like that, that they weren't going to love me after they found out, and that I was essentially going to disappoint them, but I couldn't help it, that shit still hurt.
As I backed out of the driveway and headed back to Seattle, I felt like one weight had been lifted off of my chest only to be replaced with a weight of an entirely different nature.
As soon as I made it back to my apartment, I grabbed my cell phone and made the call that needed to be made.
I dialed Edward's number and hoped that there was enough room left on his voicemail for me to leave the message that might resolve this whole issue.
He must have had his phone off because it never rang, and then I heard his sexy voice which still made my heart skip a beat tell me to leave a message after the beep.
I took another deep breath and when I heard the small noise indicating that I should begin speaking, I did. "Edward, I know you don't want to hear from me anymore but this is big and I needed to tell someone who would understand how huge this is. I told my family tonight at dinner; I finally did it! Also, I'm sorry that the man I am wasn't enough to make you stay. I miss you and I still love you. Good-bye, E."
By the time I hung up the phone, the enormity of the decisions I'd made hit me like a ton of bricks and the tears began streaming down my face.
I needed Edward to be there for me during this and he wasn't. It was just one more blow and I was still torn. I wanted him back so badly because I missed his smile, his laugh, his face, and that sexy body of his, but then again I was so scared that, if he ever did come back, I might never be able to fully trust him again. It was a horrible place to be in.
I couldn't continue the internal debate any longer. I was too fucking tired and needed to sleep. I slipped out of my clothes and crawled into my bed. I suppose it wouldn't be considered "our" bed any longer because he didn't live there anymore, even if there were memories and pieces of him scattered everywhere for me to see. He'd made sure that I wouldn't be able to forget about him and I wasn't sure that I even wanted to. I couldn't do anything but stare at the ceiling until sleep overtook my body.
The next four weeks flew by as I did nothing but go through the motions of living like a zombie. It went something like wake up, eat, watch television, drink half a bottle of tequila, check the phone obsessively for messages from Edward or my family, eat again, watch more mindless television, drink the other half of the bottle, pass out till morning and repeat. Somewhere in there I'd have to go out and buy more tequila.
One morning I woke up, my head pounding, indicating it was time for another fix of tequila to keep me in the constant state of drunkenness I'd been aiming for. It was the only thing that kept me from freaking the fuck out on myself and any poor motherfucker who crossed my path or looked at me the wrong way.
Something was different that morning, though. My brain finally snapped and I realized it was time to stop living isolated from the world. It was my goddamn life and I was so sick and tired of not living it. I'd been on such an emotional roller coaster, and I wasn't about to spend the rest of my life pining for a man who so obviously didn't want me anymore.
The decision that I was finally going to go out and try to move on came easily that day. It'd been nearly six weeks and Edward hadn't returned any of my phone calls or text messages. I'd stopped sending them two weeks prior because I'm not pathetic. Yeah, right.
I hadn't been returning any phone calls or text messages myself, although the only people who messaged me were Alice and Riley. I already knew Alice was the one who'd been banging on my door twice a day for the past three weeks and fuck if I gave a shit what Riley had to say to me.
Bang. Bang. Bang.
As if right on cue, the pounding on my door began again. "Jasper, so help me God, if you don't open this fucking door right this instant I'm calling the police and filing a missing person's report!"
Pound. Pound. Pound.
I was fully intending on opening the door but it was kind of entertaining to hear the tiny girl's threats.
"I'm not fucking kidding. Open this damn door now..."
"Hey, Alice..." I greeted her with the biggest fucking smirk I could manage.
She hurried her ass inside the door as if I was going to close it in her face any second. I turned to her, heard a loud smack and then suddenly my face was stinging.
She fucking slapped me? "Did you just slap me?" I asked incredulously.
"Yeah, and if you ever worry me like that again, I'll do far worse," she threatened. "Why didn't you answer your door or phone calls?"
She started looking around the apartment and I noticed the appalled look on her face.
I just shrugged my shoulders. "I've been busy..."
"I know what's been going on, Jasper. Edward filled me in and asked me to look after you but apparently I haven't done a great job. Jesus, this place is a mess," she commented as she started picking up the numerous takeout containers and empty tequila bottles.
Who the fuck does he think he is? I'm a grown man...
"Alice, don't pick up after me, damn it. I'm fine," I assured her. "Hey, I'm going to the club tonight, wanna go with me?"
"You're going to The Q?" She moved toward the trash can with her arms full.
I decided I might as well help too. "Yeah, where else?"
"I just figured you may not wanna go to the club that you two always went to."
"I'm not hiding anymore, Alice. He doesn't want me anymore, he's made that clear. I gotta move on now, so do you wanna go or not?" I dumped a load into the garbage can that was rapidly filling up.
She hesitated for a moment and looked at me as if she were sizing me up. "I'll go but only to keep an eye on you, Jasper. I don't want you doing something foolish."
A few hours later, we arrived at the club and the music assaulted my ears as soon as we walked in. The club was dark except for the multicolored lights that were flashing around.
I grabbed Alice's hand and pulled her to the bar. "I'm gonna need a drink if I plan to get through this night with my sanity intact."
As I walked up, I noticed that Paul was the bartender tonight. "Hey, Paul, I need a whiskey and make it a double."
He flashed me a big smile. "Cosmo for Alice?" he asked.
"Yes, please. She insists on the girly drinks." I chuckled.
As he set the drinks down in front of me, he asked, "No Edward tonight?"
At the mention of Edward's name, I picked up the glass, downed the alcohol in one gulp and set it down, motioning for another. "Nope."
He must have noticed something in my voice because he didn't press the question. After he set me up with another, he leaned in and whispered, "This one's on me; come see me later if you feel like having some fun."
I smiled and nodded then turned to find a small booth. There were a lot of really good-looking guys in the bar and I took my time looking around to see if anyone would catch my eye.
I noticed Alice was already out on the dance floor surrounded by a sea of gorgeous men and even some women. There's something about that girl that no one could resist, making them want to know her, gay or not.
The alcohol was starting to affect me; I could feel it burning its way through my veins.
"Hey there, sexy." I heard a familiar voice say, but I couldn't quite place it. "Can I sit down?"
My heart started beating rapidly because I wasn't sure if I wanted someone to sit down yet, but my fears were useless because the man sat down before I could answer. It was extremely dark in the corner and I couldn't quite focus on who it was.
"Can I help you?" I asked. I figured I might as well give this guy a chance to talk.
"I thought maybe I could I help you, Jasper," he replied huskily, lowering his hand to my thigh and squeezing lightly.
I gasped suddenly because it had been way too long since I'd been touched like that and it felt damn good. "H-H-How do you know my name?"
He scooted over closer to me and I inhaled deeply; he smelled really good. "It's not important," he whispered and suddenly his lips were on my neck.
I leaned my head back so he had better access to my neck and I couldn't stop the moans that were escaping my lips. "Fuck... that feels so good."
Mystery Man moved his lips up my neck and began sucking on my ear lobe. I didn't know how he knew what that did to me, but fuck it if I didn't want him to stop.
His hand slid further up my leg until he was cupping my cock, which was now rock hard and throbbing. With this man touching me in all the right places and my heart rate at an all-time high, the alcohol seemed to be intensifying and I knew I was way past drunk, but I couldn't give a shit right then.
He placed his free hand on my cheek and turned my face, capturing my lips with his. I noticed his lips were soft and they molded easily to mine. I liked kissing him, but he wasn't Edward; that fact sobered me up a bit and brought me back to reality. This was only the second boy I'd ever kissed and it just didn't feel right.
I pulled away from him because I noticed a commotion headed our way. I had no idea what was happening, so I tried like hell to focus my eyes, and then I was pretty sure my eyes were playing tricks on me.
"What in the HELL is going on over here? Riley, what the fuck are you doing to him?"
Edward? Couldn't be.
Wait, Riley? I snapped my head toward him and my eyes finally focused since the lights had been turned up. "What the fuck?" I asked him. "Riley?"
I was so confused. Why was Riley sitting where the mystery man had been? Why was there an Edward look-alike standing in front of me? Oh, holy fuck, if Riley was the dude I was just full-on making out with then...
"Edward?" I asked, still extremely confused.
He reached out and grabbed my hand, effectively pulling me out of the booth, and crushed me to his body. "Jasper, I'm here. I'm so sorry I left..." he barely whispered into my ear and kissed my neck. "But why the fuck were you just kissing Riley?"
I couldn't answer him, though; my throat felt like it was closing up. I was in shock at the fact that Edward was there holding me in his arms, and I didn't know why he was there.
At that moment, Riley stood up and came at Edward. "What the hell, dude? We were having a good time."
Edward grabbed him by the front of his shirt while he held me closely to his side. "You listen to me, you no good bastard. Jasper is, and always will be, mine. Take your desperate ass and get the fuck out of here." He was practically growling and Riley pulled his arm back like he was about to hit Edward, when Edward swung out of nowhere and connected with Riley's nose.
Blood started to gush out of Riley's nose as he doubled over in pain and I quickly realized I was being pulled through the club. I caught sight of Alice as we headed out and her face was lit up like a Christmas tree and she was jumping up and down, clapping her hands.
When we got to the car, Edward practically shoved me on top of the hood. His lips were on mine immediately and he was grinding himself into me hard. My body couldn't help but respond and my hands automatically made their way to his hair, pulling his face harder against mine.
It wasn't a gentle kiss; it was passionate, urgent, and full of teeth clashing. Edward forced his tongue into my mouth and I opened up, allowing him access to every single crevice. I'd missed kissing him so much and this was exactly the reason why—our bodies fit together like a glove.
As he kissed me, I couldn't help but feel like something was wrong, something needed to be said... but I was so fucking drunk and Edward was kissing me and I'd missed him so fucking much.
He broke away first, breathing in deeply and peppered my jaw line with kisses mixed with little nips at my skin. A low moan escaped my previously closed throat as his lips made their way to my neck. He lapped at it with his tongue in just the right spot and I ground even harder into him.
"Baby, unless you wanna fuck me right here in the parking lot, I suggest we leave now. I can't wait much longer; I need you, now!" I growled at him, grabbing his hand and using it to cup my junk, which was hard as fuck and throbbing painfully.
"Then let's get the hell outta here," he suggested, as he opened the passenger door, motioning for me to get in.
As soon as we were both safely in the car, he sped off in the direction of our apartment.
Wait... was it our apartment again or not? Shit... I didn't know.
"Edward, what are you doing back? I thought you were gone for good..."
He reached over and took my hand in his. "Jas, I am so sorry for everything I put you through. We'll talk about it when we get home."
He never let go of my hand the entire ride home and once we finally made it into the apartment, he pulled me harder into him and kissed me again. I needed him immediately, so I grabbed his hand and dragged him back toward my... our... room. Shit, I still didn't know.
As soon as we stepped into the room, his hands were all over me again. He ripped my shirt off of my body and then whipped his over his head as well. I leaned into him, deeply inhaling his scent; it was exactly as I remembered it. I looked up at him and he leaned down to kiss me, this time much slower and more gently.
Our lips moved together, unhurried, but with just as much passion as before. Slowly, he guided me to the bed, and when I felt my legs hit the edge, he lowered me onto my back and unsnapped my jeans. I lifted my ass up to help as he pulled them down to the floor.
An audible gasp echoed throughout the room when Edward realized I'd been going commando the whole time. Before I could comprehend what was going on, Edward's lips were on my cock. He licked his way up the underside before flicking my head with the tip of his tongue.
I began panting. "Oh, fuck, E. That's it, don't stop..."
"I won't, baby. I promise." My dick shivered in anticipation when I felt his warm breath waft over the sensitive skin.
He quickly took my entire length into his mouth and began sucking vigorously. He knew exactly what I wanted, what I needed. I didn't want slow and gentle. I needed to fuck his mouth.
Our rhythm quickly became synchronized and he met every one of my thrusts with fervor. Our grunts and groans were loud and every time I felt myself hit the back of his throat, I came closer to my release.
I could feel the tension building and it was just like Edward to know when I was about to come because the man relaxed his throat and took me in deeper than he ever had before. I pulsed hard and felt myself begin shooting down his throat.
"FUCK, E., God... yes!" I cried as he swallowed around me, drinking every last drop I had to give.
I was so worn out from the intensity of my climax but I managed to pull him up to me, and kiss him shoving my tongue in his mouth. There was nothing I loved more than tasting myself from the mouth of the man who owned my soul. His tongue pushed back against mine letting me have every remaining drop he had to offer.
"God, Jas, that was amazing," he whispered softly to me, before trailing his tongue lightly around the shell of my left ear. "I can't wait to be buried inside that tight ass of yours tonight; I've missed you so much."
"Don't wait, Edward. I want to feel you now, baby," I begged.
Edward reached into what used to be his nightstand and pulled out a small bottle of lube. He set it down beside him so that it would be readily available and stood up, lowering his jeans to the floor.
"Get on your hands and knees, baby," he instructed in his sexiest voice. "I wanna see that ass I've been missing so much."
I didn't waste any time complying to his wishes, and as soon as I was in position, he sank his teeth into each one of my cheeks before I felt his warm breath caress the crack of my ass. His tongue darted out and circled the puckered flesh of my hole, causing me to grip the sheets with each hand as an uncontrollable moan slipped from my lips.
I could feel the smile form on his lips as he worked my skin with his tongue. He'd make three semi-quick strokes around the circle before he'd flatten his tongue and drag it as slowly as possible up the crack of my ass.
I never remembered his tongue feeling nearly as good as that, but it could be the copious amounts of alcohol I'd consumed recently that was working in my favor.
"E... stop... teasing me..." I grunted, "Fingers... need... now..." It was incoherent but there was no way my brain was functioning normally at the moment. The sensory overload was amazing.
I heard the lid of the lube bottle click open and before I had even a second to comprehend, he plunged one finger deep inside of me. He worked it in and out and quickly added a second finger and then a third. It took a little longer than normal to prepare me since it had been so long, but soon I felt the tip of his huge cock at my entrance.
"Are you ready, baby?" he asked me as he placed his hands on my hips.
"Yes... God please, Edward."
He thrust gently and gripped my hips as he made his way inside of me, pulling me back toward him as he continued to press further into me. Once he was fully sheathed inside me, he stilled for a moment to allow me to adjust to the wonderful intrusion. Finally, I felt whole again, being connected to Edward in the most intimate way possible.
I wiggled my ass as soon as the slightly uncomfortable feeling passed and he slowly began to move inside of me. He leaned over my back and kissed my neck gently once and then began to thrust faster and breathe harder, gripping my hips tighter.
He pulled almost all the way out before he slammed back into me and repeated this motion over and over, making me scream his name. "Fuck, Jas, I've missed this so much... your ass is made for me, baby."
"Yes, E... all yours..." I groaned, too much going on to speak much.
I felt Edward reach around and pull me up so that my back was flush against his chest. His hand ghosted down until it grabbed my cock, stroking my length to match the same rhythm he was pounding into me with. His mouth was on my neck, licking, biting, whispering, and I couldn't keep my eyes open as every one of my senses heightened, bringing me closer to the edge.
Edward thrust harder and faster, losing himself to the pleasure and I knew he was close by the delicious sounds that were pouring out of his lips.
"Jesus fuck, Jas..." he cried out as he bit down on my shoulder.
The bit of pain mixed with the pleasure of feeling his release inside of me was just enough to push me over the edge and I came hard again, my seed shooting onto the bed.
We collapsed onto the bed as Edward softened and slipped out of me. He pulled the covers up over us and wrapped his arms around me, holding me close to him. He sighed contentedly and whispered, "I love you so much, Jasper."
I didn't know how to respond to that at the time, so I just mumbled, "Mmm-hmmm..."
"Get some sleep, love. I'm not going anywhere, ever again."
It was too much and not enough all at once. The fact that Edward was finally there made me so happy, but as I sobered up, it pissed me off too.
I decided to just relish in the fact that right then he was back and holding me against him once again.
My body was thoroughly exhausted from the amazing fucking it had just endured, so I fell asleep easily.
The next morning when I woke up, I looked over and Edward wasn't there. An angry growl built up in my throat and I knew I shouldn't have believed it.
I walked out of the bedroom, honestly ready to kick my own ass for being so stupid when I looked up and saw Edward standing in the kitchen in nothing but a pair of my boxers. He was mixing something up in a bowl and a smile played across my lips instantly.
Edward's body was a vision no matter what state of undress he was in. I stood there, leaning against the wall, watching his graceful movements as he began to cook breakfast.
Several moments passed before he turned around and noticed me standing there.
"Good morning, lover." The smile that crossed his face was one I never wanted to see leave it again.
"Mornin'," I answered, walking into the kitchen. "E, as great as last night was, there's a lot of talking we need to do this morning."
"I know, baby. Let's eat breakfast first, I have a feeling we're both going to need our strength for this."
He finished preparing the food, pancakes, scrambled eggs, and toast. I was starving so I pretty much inhaled the food within minutes of his placing it in front of me.
Edward ate quickly also and soon we were sitting on the couch in the living room.
"Edward, what are you doing back here now? I thought you weren't coming back..." I asked straight out.
"Jas, I came back because I missed you so much. I tried to move on but I couldn't get you out of my head. I love you and I was really hoping you would consider forgiving me."
"You love me and you want me to forgive you?" I asked, anger growing inside of me. "You left me knowing how much I loved you. I swore to you that I would do my best to change, but you said it didn't matter. I'm looking at you from another point of view now. I don't know how the hell I fell in love with you! I'd never wish for anyone to feel the way I do."
"I'm so sorry, baby. I can't apologize enough for what I did, but please don't say you don't know why you loved me. I know you remember. I just know it. Please remember," he pleaded, looking deep into my eyes.
"Jesus Christ, Edward, do you know what I went through for you? They won't even talk to me anymore. All of those fears I had are my reality now and I never thought I'd have to go through that alone."
"I'm so proud of you for finally telling your family, baby. You don't know how much it means to me that you did that," he told me, taking my hand in his.
I yanked my hand back from his. "Edward, I called you so many times it filled your damn voicemail up. I don't understand. If you loved me and missed me so much, why didn't you ever answer your fucking phone?"
"I couldn't do it, Jasper. I knew that the second I heard your voice on the other end of that phone I would be back in a heartbeat. I thought it was for the best if I left. I knew you loved me but I thought if I was out of the picture, you might be able to move on and have a normal life without me," he explained, his voice choking up.
"Why the fuck didn't you let me decide what was best for me, Edward? I don't even know what to do right now. My life has been fucking miserable for the past six weeks. I mean, you don't even know..."
"Alice called me, J. she told me how you'd been and that you refused to leave the apartment. As soon as she told me what was happening, I couldn't take it anymore. I hopped on the first flight back here and came straight to the apartment. You weren't here and then I found out from Alice where you were and I got there as fast as I could."
The look on his face was sincere but I was just getting angrier. "You destroyed me, Edward. My heart still hasn't recovered but I started to move on. I don't know that I can ever trust you again. How do I know that you won't leave me again? Do you know how that would kill me?" I shouted.
"The only way you can know that is if you give me the chance to prove it to you every single day for the rest of our lives together. I want to spend forever making it up to you, Jasper. I want the whole world to know how much I love you and how much you mean to me. I'm not giving up on you, even if you don't want me right now. I'll always be there for you no matter what you need, because I don't want anyone else."
"Edward, I don't know if I can do it anymore. You shattered every piece of me..." My voice got quiet as I trailed off.
"Then let me help you pick up the pieces and put them back together. I love you, Jasper, always and forever. If you can look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me anymore and you want me gone, then I'll leave the apartment now, but I'm never going to be out of your life. We belong together, I think you know that." He searched my face frantically for any sign one way or the other.
I didn't know what to do. I knew he was my soul mate and I would never find anyone as perfect for me as he was. We complemented each other in every way but I also wasn't sure if I could ever look at him the same again.
"Edward, I can't tell you I don't love you because I do and I always will. I think we need to spend some time reconnecting before I let you back in. You're going to have to prove yourself to me. One slip-up and I'm done because I couldn't take that again."
A single tear slipped down my cheek and Edward gently wiped it away with the pad of his thumb against my cheek. "I won't let you down again, Jas, I swear. I know I can be the man who deserves your love again, I promise."
He pulled me in and held me to his chest. I wanted to believe him but it was going to take a lot of convincing on his part.
Alice agreed to let Edward stay with her until he either proved himself to me and I let him move back in or he screwed up and it was finally over between us.
So, that afternoon he left and we spent several weeks "dating" each other again. I wouldn't let him get past first base with me, but Edward was amazing about it and had truly put a lot of effort into showing me how much he loved me. I found that he was quickly making his way back into my heart and he never disappointed me.
When I was finally ready to take him back, I planned a special dinner and asked him to come over. I let Alice in on the secret, and after he left her place, she packed all of his things so they would be ready for him to bring home.
Once we finished dinner, I asked him if he could help me with something in the bedroom. He, of course, agreed and when we got to the bedroom, I led him to the bed.
"What did you need me to help you with, Jasper?" he asked, thoroughly intrigued.
I took his hand and placed in on my crotch, which had been in desperate need of attention recently. "This..." I answered him.
He looked surprised, since this was the closest to my cock he'd been allowed since the first night he came back. "I-I-I don't understand."
"I want you to come home, E. Will you?" I asked, almost shyly.
"Yes!" he cried and then kissed me hard. "I've been waiting for you to ask me. I love you, Jasper."
"I love you, too, Edward."
We spent the rest of the night making love to each other in every possible way.
It was one of the most perfect nights I'd ever had with him. We fell asleep tangled in each other's arms.
The next morning, my phone rang, waking me. I picked it up and seeing it was my father's number, my heart raced. If he was calling, something must be wrong.
"Dad?" I answered in a panicked voice. "What's going on? What's wrong?"
Edward perked up when he heard it was my father. He held on to me tightly, making me feel as secure as he could.
"Jasper, you're my son and I love you. Nothing will ever change that. Your mother and I want you and Edward to come home for dinner tonight." I heard my dad's voice but I almost couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth.
Tears began to well up in my eyes. "I love you, too, Dad. We'll be there."
I rolled over and buried my head into Edward's chest. "I knew he'd come around, Jas," Edward assured me as he rubbed my back soothingly. "You're too amazing for anyone to shut out of their life."
Edward reached over into his nightstand and pulled out a small box. He opened it up and inside was a pair of matching silver rings. "Jasper, I never want to have to worry about spending another day without you for the rest of my life. You are my life, my love, and my best friend; will you be mine forever?" he asked as he held out one of the rings to me.
"Yes, Edward, I will," I answered him as he slid the ring on my left hand. I then took the other ring out of the box and slid it on his left hand with a smile on my face.
He kissed me tenderly and held me tightly, reassuring me that he wasn't going anywhere, and this time, I believed him.
My point of view on life and love had been drastically altered in the past several months, but in that moment, knowing that I had Edward forever and my parents were coming around, life was pretty perfect.