So this is the first thing I could think of to write after my mother passed away. I was working on a story whenever she got suddenly sick, but now I can't seem to get further than one sentence on it. So, I'm trying a new story and starting small for now. I'm having a lot of difficulty writing so I hope this is okay. I realize that somewhere deep down I'm very angry but I'm sad too. Hopefully with the start of this story I'll be able to continue that other one I was working on for Final Fantasy VII.
Do you now what it feels like to hit rock bottom? Worse than experiencing your worse nightmare over and over again. The only difference is you never wake up. Every morning I awoke to the same monotonous surrounds, praying for that ever faithful death that the gods promised me. I kicked the cardboard off my bare legs as best as I could move them only to realize that the deep wounds opened during the night. I rolled on my back and stared at the cloudy sky. It's going to rain. That would make the stench of this alleyway unbearable. I ignore the first few drops and attempt to reach the cardboard, but my broken, bruised body refused to move. I stared through blurry vision as the rain fell faster. The unexpected victims ran for cover in nearby buildings, but none bothered to glance my direction. Not that I cared. I've long since conceded to ever leaving this hellhole after my father went to prison and the state took everything he owned to pay for the lawsuit that the victim's wife charged against my father, leaving me with nothing. She didn't even care what became of me. I don't know if I blame her or my father. Either way, that life changing event left me sealed forever in this alleyway.
Being nineteen, they didn't care about me. In fact the police used to keep a close watch on me incase I turned into my father. It was so incontinent that every job I tried to get, I would be fired within two weeks. Whatever they found on my background was enough proof to keep me away from their business. It did not matter to them that I showed up early, never called off, and worked extremely hard. Nothing matter to the employers once the police black listed me. The first couple months, I was fine. Using the pay, I managed to pay for food and a room at the cheapest most disgusting motel in the area. But as more and more companies shut the doors to me, I had to cancel my lease on the room and spend my free time in various alleyways.
I've tried getting jobs working at rundown places that don't require a background check, but being half Japanese doesn't go well with the American world. I may have blond hair, but my brown eyes were too deep for people and the fact that even though I spoke English, I couldn't lose the Japanese accent, even though I moved here with my father a year ago. I sighed, letting the rain water wash over me. I wondered what my friends were doing now. Yugi might have grown a few more inches. Maybe he was as tall as Atemu. Anzu should have went to New York for the dancing school she was always talking about. I closed my eyes. They must have forgotten about me by now.
Splashes of footsteps through puddles drew my attention from my self loathing. At first I thought it was another person attempting to stay dry, but the pace was slow and began to sound like more than one. I gasped and opened my eyes as four hands reached down and grabbed me. I fought as hard as my tired body could move, but my motions were sluggish and they easily overpowered me not to mention that I had no feeling in my legs. "Thought you could hide you little slut?"
I grunt as they pushed me on my stomach. I heard one of them unzip their pants as one grabbed my hips and held me still. They've long since robbed my of my clothes and my will to fight. One of them entered into me quickly, tearing me apart from the inside. Tears rolled down my cheeks, but no sound exited my lips. I don't even know if I could make noise anymore. My mind pulled me away from the reality and threw me into a wonderful world of flowers and sunshine. I was surrounded by my friends, enjoying the bright sun. I didn't even feel them switch, soiling my whole body with their disgusting semen and sweat. They left me to my misery and delusions, rocking between the rainy reality and the sunny fantasy.
For two weeks they've been coming after me after finding me for the first time in the alleyway by the motel I used to stay at. I fought at first, but all they did was cut my legs deep enough that every time I moved, I reopened the wounds. I was sure they were infected. I can't even put weight on them after some city worker threw stones one my legs, not realizing that I was beneath the cardboard boxes in the alleyway. Over and over again, they tortured my body for their own demented pleasure. I closed my eyes and fell into the unconscious world silently hoping that I would never wake again.
Unfortunately, I was not so lucky. I was awaken by someone shouting something and touching my head. Fighting fatigue, I was curious on who would pay attention to me. "Jou," I heard shouted even though it sounded mumbled and echoed. "Roland, I need the car brought to the side alleyway. There's a person in horrible shape. I think it's Jou."
Roland? I glanced up and looked into the concerned blue eyes of my ex-rival. I had to be dreaming, but I could feel the pain of my body as he touched my legs. I frowned and reached up to touch him. "Jou?" He reached for my hand and held it gently. I mouthed his name still unable to form words. He took his jacket off and placed it over my nude body as headlights bathed the alleyway in light. Gently picking me up, Kaiba walked over to the car. I remained conscious until I felt the warmth of the car, but I couldn't hold on much longer.
I awoke again to a new environment. The bed below me felt like fluffy pillows and formed to my body encasing me in comfort I've never felt in my life. I tried to move, but my strength hadn't returned to me. I attempted to move my legs, but they felt like weights were pulling down to the mattress below me. I sighed and moved my right arm and hit something solid. Confused, I moved my head to the side and saw messy brown hair. His white shirt looked wrinkled as if he has been sitting there for days. I moved my fingers through the soft hair as the head began to move. The blue eyes blinked a few times before he realized that I was watching him. "Jou? How are you feeling?"
I moved my lips but no sound came out. I've tried several times before Kaiba placed his finger over my lips. "It's okay. The doctor said that you might not be able to speak for a few days. Your throat has scabs from obvious scratches." I tried to sit up again, but he just moved his hand over to my shoulder. He got up and sat on the edge of the mattress. "Let me tell you what happened. Please don't try to move. Both of your legs are broken and you have severe infections in them. That's only the start. They have you on an IV in for the first few days until you can move to a liquid diet. I know you don't want to hear all of this right now. I wish I knew what happened to you. How did you get there? I thought you left with your dad to start over again. I thought your life was finally getting better."
I lifted my hand and moved my fingers in such a way that it looked like I was writing. Kaiba stared at it for a few seconds before reaching over and grabbing a pad and pen. "You really should be resting, but I guess my curiosity is taking over."
I placed the pad against my chest as Kaiba held it there while I tried to scribble some words. "Where am I?" I wrote.
"My mansion in Japan. You've been unconscious for three days." I frowned. I never expected to be back in Japan much less in Kaiba's mansion. I didn't understand why I was there and not at some hospital rotting there by myself. Why did he care? Why did he look so tried?
"How did you find me?"
Kaiba read upside down and sighed. "Long story. I guess it comes down to I was looking for a new building in Chicago to sell my gaming consoles and games. I just happened to be walking into the alleyway completing the purchase call when I found you under the cardboard. At first I thought you were a cat because I could only see your hair, but then I noticed it was you. I thought you were dead at first. I couldn't believe it was you. On the fly back to Japan, I had my emergency doctor start working on you. By the time we got you here, you were slightly more stable. Thankfully we were able to save you. Jou, in a few days when you can talk, I want to hear your story. I understand that there are some parts that you won't want to talk about, but I'll be here if you need to."
I frowned. The doctor must have told him all the damage done to my body. It felt strange that he was treating me with respect and attempting to ease my suffering. Two things I would have never guessed that the ice queen would have any knowledge about. I guess he changed. It made me feel comfortable enough to let the pen slide out of my hand, and my weary eyes to close. Kaiba took the hint and moved the pad to the side of my bed. He put what felt like a remote control in my hand. "If you need anything push that button. It'll send a signal to my cellphone. Good night, Jou."
Kaiba flipped the light switch off and engulfed me in darkness with only the light from the hallway shining in. My heart raced, and I pushed the button. I heard his ring tone and watched him turn back around. "I'm standing right here," he whispered, returning to my bedside. I gripped him as tightly as my weakened state could. He turned the small lamp on beside the bed and sat down. "You don't want me to leave?" I shook my head and stared up at him. For some strange reason, I felt protected with his presence in the room. I moved my hand around until I picked the pad up, and he handed me the pen.
I scribbled the words at an angle as my hand shook. "It's too dark."
Kaiba's eyes widened as he walked around to the other lamp on the other side of the bed. "Would this be enough light? I could leave the door open as well."
I nodded and mouthed, "Please."
He ran his soft fingers through my hair and put the control back in my hand. "Try to get some sleep. I won't be far." I desperately wanted him to stay, but I was unable to voice it. I watched him disappear through the doorway. It took several hours for me to relax, but once the medication kicked in, I was sleeping as peacefully as my uneasy mind would allow me.
Slowly days went by, Kaiba would come and go at random times. The doctor visited a few times and started me on a liquid diet. In a few days, I'll be able to eat solid food again. My infections were healed, and the only thing left was my broken legs. I knew that he was busy with his company, but I was tired of lying in bed staring at the same ceiling. I sighed and slowly pushed myself up on the bed. Even though my throat felt better, I didn't want to talk. The physical wounds were healing, but I couldn't forget everything that happened. I didn't want to. I knew that once my legs were healed, Kaiba would be pushing me out the door. I had to be prepared for that day. Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I struggled to sit in the wheelchair that Kaiba helped me into whenever I had to bathe or go to the bathroom.
I groaned in pain and squeezed my eyes shut as I took a few deep breathes, allowing my body to adjust to the new position. Suddenly, the idea of moving seemed like a horrible one. By the time I managed to get myself to the door, Kaiba walked in, holding a tray with two mugs wearing nothing but loose fitting gray slacks and a black short-sleeve shirt. I've grown used to his casual clothes even though I thought he looked much more handsome in that trench coat and tight pants "I don't know what to ask first. How did you get in the chair without help? Or, where are you going?"
I bowed my head as he walked around me and placed the tray on the dresser. He walked back over to me and knelt down in front of me. He lifted my chin gently until my eyes lined with his. The emotions that played behind the once icy gaze astounded me. I pointed towards the pad and pen sitting on the nightstand. He gave a heavy sigh before walking over and grabbing it. I quickly scribbled "Out" on the paper before breaking my gaze.
"I wish you would talk to me. The doctor said that your throat healed nicely. The only thing preventing you from speaking is yourself." I knew he was right. I wanted to talk to Kaiba, but something inside of me prevented my voice from surfacing. The last time I used my voice was to scream at those men. I pleaded for them to stop and that didn't work. It seemed like my words had no affect on people. Kaiba didn't press me any further as he handed me the tray to place on my lap and began to push me down the hallway. The wheelchair silently glided on the maroon carpeted hallway until we reached Kaiba's room. The room was huge with large bed in the center and various desks and dressers around the room. I've been in there before so I didn't pay too much attention to the blue and white décor. He pushed me out onto the balcony. The cold wind blew through my hair as I stared up at the sunset. The orange and red glow comforted my soul and I began to calm down.
Several quiet minutes went by while Kaiba stood next to me sipping the tea or coffee. I wasn't sure what he made, but it didn't smell like strong coffee. I didn't want to drink anything. "When will I have to leave?" I asked. My voice was scratching and barely made it louder than a whisper.
Kaiba stood silently for a few minutes before he sat down on the ground beside me. "I never said you had to. Is that what you're worried about?" I nodded. "I'm sorry. I should have explained everything to you. I didn't plan on you leaving here if you didn't wish to. I know your father is in prison for murder. I also found a record on your background. Is that why you were in the alleyway? You couldn't get a job?" I nodded, placing my hands around the cup and letting the tray fall with a loud crash. Kaiba ignored it and held my hand. "Why didn't you call? One of your friends would have wired you some money to get you back to Japan. Your American recorded wouldn't have followed you. You could have started over again here."
"No one would let me use long distance to call Japan. I ran out of jobs I could apply for. I ran out of money."
Kaiba wrapped his arms around me and lifted me out of the chair until we sat comfortably on the ground. I felt oddly safe and at ease in his arms. It felt like all the pain that I went through was nothing but an odd ache from a wound long forgotten. He didn't say anything more. He didn't have to. The mere warmth of his arms was more than words could speak. Unfortunately, I felt a growing disgust deep in my soul. Something was wrong. I wanted the comfort of my ex-rival's arms, but I felt plagued with disease and dirt. Moving myself carefully out of Kaiba's arms, I avoided his gaze. "It's a little cold, and my legs hurt. I want to go back to my bed," I whispered to him. It was a pure lie, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings or dirty his soul with my filth.
He didn't question, but he helped me back into the wheelchair. After I was carefully placed in my bed, Kaiba sat beside me in a chair that he brought over from the desk. "What is on your mind?"
I glanced over at him. His head was lowered as if he knew something. As if he knew my secret. I felt silly for not telling him anything. I was sure that he knew what happened. In fact, he probably knew every one of my wounds. It made me feel sick and like some science project. I didn't want to talk about what was really on my mind. I wished for no one to know the nightmares that I had to live through, but somewhere deep down I knew that Kaiba would understand. I don't know what made me start talking, but to this day I don't regret opening up to him. "How much do you know about my wounds?"
Kaiba sat back against the chair and crossed his one leg over the other and folding his arms down on his lap like he was some psychiatrist examining his patient. It made me feel a little intimidated. "The doctor informed me about all the damage. Talk about whatever you feel comfortable about. I'll listen."
"Can you sit next to me and not in that chair? It makes it feel like I'm talking to some doctor." Kaiba didn't even hesitate to move into my bed. I moved far over to the side and gave him enough room to sit comfortably without touching me. As if sensing my uneasiness, Kaiba didn't even try to touch me. He pulled the blankets up and sat there like best friends watching a moving during a sleepover. I took a deep breath and sighed deeply. This was the hardest part ever. I didn't know where to begin. Finally coming to the decision to start back in high school, I began the long tale. "I hope you have all night. After graduation from high school," I began, not giving Kaiba a chance to respond to anything, "My father managed to get mechanic job. He started to bring his life around, and I was happy. I got a day job working at a café and a night job working at a bar. I wanted to help get us out of debt as fast as possible. I knew that once we had enough money, I would be able to go to college and begin my dream life."
I smiled, remembering my promise to myself not to tell anyone about wanting to becoming a pastry chef. I always thought that they would call me silly for having such a childish dream. I played with my fingers, remembering all the different types of cookies and cakes I would create at home. "In a half of year, we managed to get him credit card free, and we were starting on the loans. Then, his job was moved to America. Since Dad was American, it wasn't too difficult for him to accept the change. I, on the other hand, wanted to stay in Japan. I was happy there, and I already picked out the college I wanted to go to. He didn't like that idea. That was our first fight since he started to turn his life around. Eventually he won that battle, and I moved along with him to Chicago. I was so angry that I spent all my time in my room. I refused to find a job. I wasn't going to help him any longer. He told me that he wasn't going to feed me unless I found a job. I found ways of sneaking food while he wasn't looking." I remembered all the arguments we had, but I figured Kaiba didn't want me to get into all of that. He could get the just of it with just knowing that my father and I were at each other's necks.
"Six months after moving, my father killed a man in a bar. Apparently he was drunk, and the man said something that upset him. I don't know. I don't care. The evidence was against him, and he was found guilt on all charges and sent to jail. I don't even know for how long. I never made it to the trial. The state came and took the house and everything he owned. They didn't care that I had no job and without the house had no place to live. They left me with nothing. I got a job quickly at a local gas station. I lived with a co-worker until they fired me two weeks later without giving me a reason, but I managed to save enough money to sign a lease with a sleazy motel close by. I went from job to job, but I would end up getting fired after two weeks whenever my background check came back. Every job I lost became worse for me. I couldn't even save enough to buy a ticket back to Japan. I knew I needed to get out of America, but I couldn't. I couldn't even spare money to make a long distance call to Yugi, and I didn't even think to call you."
I glanced over at Kaiba for a second. He wasn't looking at me. In fact, he stared at the wall in front of us. I was grateful that he was letting me to talk this all out at my own pace. It was the easy part of everything. "After a few months," I continued, "I couldn't hold down any jobs. The places that didn't do background checks didn't hire me because I was half Japanese. I could manage to get in to an interview, but the second they asked me any questions, they heard my accent. An accent I couldn't seem to rid myself of no matter how long I listened to Americans talk. I guess they didn't care what nationality I was. I couldn't speak clear English and that bothered a lot of people. Once I used up all the jobs, I had to cancel my lease at the motel and lived in alleyways. I used my money slowly so I could eat once a day and go for as long possible. I would wash myself in public bathrooms early in the morning when hardly anyone was around. It was a horrible life, but I could keep going. I wasn't going to give up. I still had my pride. That was until I was rob of everything one night." I stopped. I had trouble continuing. I sat there for several minutes. Kaiba didn't move or say anything to me. It was like he knew what was coming next and politely let me have my silence. I knew that I would never heal if I kept it bottled up inside. He saved me. He deserved to know my story, but I still had a horrible time putting those events into words. I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat and shakily began again.
My voice was harsh, and my words were stuttered. "A group of two men came staggering down the alleyway I called my home. They were drunk, and I was hidden in the darkest part. I ignored them like I did every other person that walked down the alleyway. I don't know how they found me. In their drunken state, I don't even know how they found the alleyway. At first they beat the shit out of me and stole everything that I could have used to buy food. They even took the clothes off my back leaving me with just boxers. They started to walk away, leaving me bleeding there in the alleyway, but they turned around and decided that they weren't done with me. I don't know what I did to them. Why they did that to me? Right now I don't care. I was probably in the wrong place at the wrong time."
I took another break and curled my fingers around the blanket across my legs. "They took the last thing that I cherished more than anything, leaving me hollow." I gripped my hair as the memories came back and tears fell down my cheeks. "Four rounds. I wanted to die. My soul became filthy, and I hated myself. I wanted to die. After they finally left, I lied there. I didn't care for what happened. I was trapped in a place I didn't want to be in. At least with my pride, I had a chance and a will to get back to Japan. They came back three nights later and everything started all over again. By that time, my body was too weak to move or fight back. The lack of food was eating away at my body. After the second time, I couldn't take them doing it again. Fear took over all my senses as I finally moved my body. I walked for several blocks until I collapsed in the alleyway you found me in. I covered myself with cardboard and hid from the world. The only food I found was in the dumpster behind me. The only problem with hiding there was that no one saw me. The alleyway was obviously more busy than my last one and one afternoon someone threw some bricks on my legs. I fought back the tears of agony and bit my lips until they left."
I moved over and stared at Kaiba. "It hurt horribly. I couldn't move anymore. I knew that it was the end. I only hoped for a fast death, but the gods hated me. They sent those men again, and they managed to have their way again. After they were done, I felt my skin chilling, and the blood leaving my body. I closed my eyes and waited for death. When I first saw you, I thought I was in heaven. I felt warm, safe, and protected. When I realized I was still alive, I couldn't believe my luck. You were there, and I was able to see someone I knew for the last time. The only thing I didn't know was you weren't planning on letting me go. I'm grateful, but I can't help feeling like I'm an inconvenience to you. My legs will take a long time to heal not to mention when everything will start to click in with my mind. I can get a job once my legs are healed and move back into my old apartment. Maybe I can get my old job back even though it's been over a year."
"Jou," Kaiba whispered and wrapped his hand around mine. "You're not leaving. I will not kick you out. You're not bothering me. Since you shared your story. Let me tell you the truth that I was afraid to tell you when you first woke here and a little of my past."
I was confused. I didn't want him to feel obligated to share if he didn't want to, but he squeezed my hand, and I closed my mouth without saying anything. "Gozaburo took advantage of me at least five times a month for two years. You are not an incontinence because I know what you're going through. I know what your mind must be doing to you. I'll help you through this. I promised this young man that I would help the next person who was sexually assaulted or raped that came into my life. He told me that the best person to help someone like us is another victim. Please don't think I'm using you as the means to end my promise. I'd help you even if I knew nothing about what was going on inside of your mind. I'm going to confess something to you tonight. You can take it however you want, but promise me that you'll think about it. I was searching for you. I wasn't in Chicago looking for a new building. I didn't know you moved to America until your father's trial when I spotted his name on a website I happened to be on. I was looking for new real-estate in various large cities in America, and I was searching the newspapers."
Kaiba turned and looked at me right in the eyes. "I needed to find you. I tried to get the police involved, but they didn't care for finding you. They kept telling me that you were going to turn into your father, and they were waiting for you to murder next. Nothing I told them would get them to help me. Roland and I searched every alleyway and street. We found the motel you were living at, but you had already moved out. I found you too late. I'm sorry, Jou. I should have hired my own men and found you faster, but I didn't expect you to be in that bad of shape."
My thoughts were jumbled. I couldn't comprehend what he was saying. I was torn between shock that Kaiba went through the same experience I did but worse and that he was looking for me. "Why?" I whispered.
"I finally conceded to my inner thoughts and realized the true reason why I teased you all the time. Jou, I fell in love with you at first sight when we entered high school together after I took over the company. I never realized it until you were gone."
Kaiba stared down at his hands and twirled his fingers. My shock began to wear off as I reached and grabbed his hand, intertwining our fingers. He cared for me and I never knew it. I felt his heat radiating from his fingers and moved closer. I trusted him and knew that he would never do anything to hurt me, but the mistrust in our past and the fear of being abused won and I pushed him away. "I appreciate your concern and care while you nursed me back to health, but…" I took a deep breath and let it out. I hated not being able to use my legs. I wanted to walk out of that house and disappear into the night. I was torn between waiting his help and finding my way through this darkness on my own. My mind was unstable and it was becoming more and more difficult to keep my emotions in check. I didn't know how to continue this conversation.
Kaiba sensed the terminal in my mind, or he knew what I was going to do. He stood up and walked over to the bathroom and brought out a wet cloth. I stared at it. "We're going to have a little trust game. I know you don't like to be touched right now. I know that you are probably feeling frustrated with not being able to move. You can't even go to the bathroom without help it must make you feel weak. It's been two days since you taking a bath. I'm going to make you a deal. I'll help you take a bath, and you'll tell me if I make any motion that you are uncomfortable with and I'll stop. Deal?" I stared up at his eyes. He really wanted to help me trust him more. He was serious. I'm sure there could have been a better way of showing trust than a bath. I nodded my head slowly, and he placed the cloth down on my forehead.
Gently he patted my face and slowly moved the cloth around it, cleaning the dried tears. It felt peaceful and my senses tingled with each touch as if trying to tell me that I wanted this even though fear clouded my mind. Kaiba moved the cloth down my neck and along my collarbone. I felt my pulse quicken, either from fear or anticipation. He removed the cloth from my skin and held out his hand. My body didn't even hesitate. I took his hand, and he helped me into the chair so we could go to the bathroom. The doctor said I couldn't get my casts wet, making it difficult to take baths on my own. In previous times, Kaiba would help me into that large tub of his and then politely wait outside. I tried my best to wash myself, but I could never get my hair fully clean or my back.
We moved into the bathroom where he helped me to sit on the edge of the tub. He moved the wheelchair out of the way and knelt down beside me. "I'm going to take everything off but your boxers, okay?" I nodded again. Even though I wanted to hide behind those loose fitting clothes, I knew that Kaiba had seen my wounds. He saw the damage those men did to me. I looked up at him, and he gave me a small smile. I've never seen him smile before. It was beautiful. It made his whole face light up. A smile graced my lips for a few seconds before Kaiba reached for my shirt.
Fear exploded in all my senses, and I began to tremble. Kaiba whispered soothing words in my ear. Words that I cannot remember, but that were enough to calm me down so that he could removed everything but my boxers. I felt cold and exposed, sitting on the tub in front of the man I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would be trusting my soul with. He turned the faucet on and within seconds I could feel the warm moisture rising from the water forming in the white ceramic tub. Kaiba lifted one of my feet and very gently cleaned each toe that wasn't encased in that horrible cast. Once he was finished he wrapped my leg up in the plastic bag, securing it as tight as possible to prevent any water from leaking in. He repeated the same process with my other foot. "Are you ready?" he whispered. I nodded again, still not wanting to form any words. I didn't know what to say.
He took my right arm and placed it behind my neck as I immediately wrapped my left around the front of his neck. Placing one arm underneath my knees and the other behind my back, he gently set me down in the water. The warm liquid wrapped around me like a warm soothing blanket. I shut my eyes and leaned back against the top of the tub. I was relaxing. A sensation I haven't felt since leaving Japan. I watched as Kaiba turned the middle faucet and switched the water to the shower. The gentle sprinkle, collided with my chest and cascaded down into the water. Kaiba rolled up his sleeves and knelt beside me. It couldn't have been comfortable, considering that the rug was thin and the edge of the tub came halfway up his chest. "Lean your head forward and get your hair wet." I did as he said and let the shower wet my hair. I felt soft fingers gliding through my wetting hair. It was a subtle sensation like a gentle breeze. It felt wonderful, and I began to crave more. The second his hands were gone from my hair, my eyes shot open, and I gripped his retreating wrist. "What's the matter?" he asked quickly.
"Please," I begged. I didn't know how to ask for what I wanted. I didn't even know what emotions that were running rampant in my mind. All I knew was that I wanted him close to me. Could this be me became attached to the man that saved my life? Probably, but I knew that I wanted him close. I knew that he was awaking cravings in my body that I haven't felt in years. I always knew he was handsome and brave. His intelligence and money dulled in comparison to the glow of his beauty and confidence. That was something that I wanted to tell him. I wanted to scream at the top of every mountain that this man. This once poor, abused child recovered from a traumatic event much worse than mine to become this man kneeling beside me, winning my heart with every gentle caress of my body. Everything he did wiped away what they did. I pulled his arm closer to me and moved as best as I could forward.
"You want me to get in there with you? Are you sure?" I nodded and continued to pull on his arm. "Okay give me a second to take my slippers off." I let go of his hand and watched as he sat down on the ground and pulled his slippers and socks off. He didn't even move to take any of his clothes off, but instantly stepped into the tub. I knew that we could both fit comfortable. The tub was the biggest one that I've seen. He slowly moved his long legs down and pulled me in-between them so that I was leaning against his chest. I could feel the rapid beat of his heart through that thin shirt. He was nervous or scared or even both. I felt guilty for doing that do him, but I wanted him close to me.
"It's okay, Kaiba. I'm okay," I whispered, patting his knee. He leaned forward, pressing his entire body into mine and reached for the body wash and the shampoo that he obviously forgot to move to the back of the tub. The clothes felt uncomfortable against my bare back. "Take that shirt off. It's irritating my back." Kaiba chuckled and did as I said. The shirt collided with the tile floor with a splash before his hands were back in my hair. I leaned against his bare chest, enjoying his warmth. I could smell a strange floral odor and it took a few seconds to realize that it was the shampoo. His soft fingers were back in my hair and glided easier now that there was something other than water and grime. I was too focused on the fingers touching my body that I didn't even notice what they were affecting.
I felt horrified. How could I feel pleasure from those touches that were innocently washing me. I placed my hands over the obvious bulge in my boxers. I was disgusted with myself. I didn't understand how this could happen so soon after I was raped by those men. My head bowed as Kaiba wrapped his arms around my chest. It was as if he knew something was wrong without me before I even showed it. "What's the matter?" He voice was deep and soft in the ear. I shuttered in his arms. I couldn't fight the tears from falling.
"I'm so disgusting."
"I don't understand. Why would you say that?"
I slowly moved my hands away from lap. I don't know if he looked down or even put two and two together. All I know is he tightened his hold on me. "It's okay. We can stop."
I felt him move, and I gripped his wrist again. "Tell me why. Why does every time you gently touch me I feel fire building under my skin? Why now am I being turned on by those same touches? I'm a whore. Even while they roughly slammed into me, I felt an erection forming. I'm so dirty. How can you stand touching me? Even now I want you to sleep with me, but I didn't understand what is going on.. I shouldn't even be feeling this way. You should go before I lose control." Kaiba got out from behind me with an uneasy sense of relief. He helped me out of the tub and set me on the edge. I tried to move so he wouldn't see the still obvious erection.
He leaned down and kissed me cheek. "You cannot help a bodily response like that. I don't ever want to hear you call yourself a whore again. You didn't ask those men to do that to you. Your body responded naturally. It can't know when you want something like this or not. The only way to make it pleasurable like your living on Heaven is your mind. The second you say you want this intimate touch the second it will turn to pleasure. You say you don't want it, you'll only find disgust and pain. When I touch you, do you feel relaxed?"
I nodded and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. It was confession time, and I knew I couldn't hold it in much longer. I loved this man in front of me. I've loved him all along. I knew there was a reason why I didn't want to leave Japan, and it wasn't for my pastry dream. I wanted to prove myself to Kaiba and someday earn the love that I held deep inside. Here I sat in his bathroom being tended to and nursed back to health. I couldn't deny my feelings. I looked up into his eyes. "I want you, Kaiba. I love the way your fingers feel dancing across my skin and gliding through my hair. Your voice is soft and deep when you whisper by my ear. You have an aura around you that makes me feel so protected. I want to remain by your side for as long as you'll let me." It took a few seconds to realize what I truly wanted. Finally I voiced it, "Please kiss me."
Kaiba caressed the side of my cheek before moving in closer. Our lips met, and I melted into him. The kiss was slow and soft, not pushing and not going any faster than the pace I wanted it. He let me control the kiss. I reached up and placed my hands on his arms. I deepened the kiss and only broke when I needed air. A shiver ran down my spine. I was cold and excited. I also knew that there was nothing I could do about it with two broken legs. "Take me to bed and get these damn wet boxers off me. Those pants look uncomfortable too." It felt strange acting like my old self, but it made Kaiba happy.
He smiled and kissed my cheek. Slowly he took the bags off my legs and pulled the boxers down off me. He dried my body off before wrapping me in a warm, fluffy white robe. He did the same with himself before pulling the wheelchair over and pushing me back towards the bed. After I was comfortably on the bed again, Kaiba slid under the blankets with me. He pulled me close, and I rested my body against him. The small cuddling wasn't enough to get me to ignore my erection. I slid my hand into his robe and glided my fingers along his soft skin. He was warm and allowed me to explore his body. I moved my fingers across every muscle in his chest and arms. I felt brave and at ease with my exploration. My fingers moved down to his navel and ran circles around it. He gave a soft moan. The sound sent shivers down my spine and awaked my erection further. I opened the robe completely and kissed his shoulder. I couldn't stop my body any more. My instincts where taking over.
I wrapped my fingers along his pulsing erection. I couldn't stop. "Please, Kaiba. I need you to touch me."
Kaiba smiled and gently pushed me on my back. He loosened the tie and moved the robe off me until it was underneath me like a sheet. He slid his fingers along my body and went right for my member. He moved his hand quickly up and down, taking the semen and using it as lubricate. I moaned and gripped his shoulders. I knew I wasn't going to last long, but I didn't want to be the only one enjoying this. I slipped my fingers down until I gripped him. I mimicked his motions. He were both panting and moaning. I couldn't stop myself from releasing all over his hand and my chest. It wasn't long until he followed me. Cleaning his hand on his robe, he did the same with me before throwing it on the ground beside the bed. He pulled me into his arms as I rested my head against his chest.
"Will our relationship change?" I whispered.
"It changed the second I realized that I loved you. Our relationship will go wherever you feel comfortable with. You lead, and I'll follow."
"I don't want a relationship like that. I want you to lead when you wish and follow when you wish. Why can't we have something like that?"
Kaiba ran his fingers through my hair. "If that is what you want."
I growled and pushed on his chest. "Stop that. I'm not a fragile princess. If you want something from me all you have to do is ask. If this relationship is to work, we have to work together. I don't want you doing something you don't want to do nor change your lifestyle. Why don't we start over again from the beginning? My name is Jou, and I'd love to go on a date with you once my legs are healed."
Kaiba chuckled and pulled me back into his chest. "We can go on a date anytime you want. I'll push you wherever you want to go. I apologize. I never realized that everyone deals with everything their own way. Your inner strength was always stronger than mine. What I want more than anything is you. I want your love. I want anything and everything that wish to share with me. I want to feel your body and give you pleasure that you've only dreamed of. I want to share my life with you and tell the world that you and I are both off the market. I want to protect you from all the darkness that threatens to steal you away from me whether it's physically, mentally, or emotional."
A tear rolled down my cheek as I stared up into his eyes. He truly loved me for who I am regardless of what I've went through. I felt special and protected. I wanted nothing more than to remain next to him for the rest of my life. "I want to feel you body with mine. I want to know what this pleasure you speak of. I want to share my life with you. I love you, Seto, more than I could ever love anyone else. I only ask you to help me through this. My emotions jump from one extreme to the next. I go from feeling guilty for loving you so quickly to loving you undyingly, but I can't help myself."
Kaiba kissed me gently. "I love you, too. It's okay to love me. I'll help you. Don't worry. If I don't have the answers, then I'll find someone that does. Rest, Jou. You look exhausted."
I smiled and cuddled closer. For the first time since this whole thing began I felt like I could truly be happy. "Seto, is it okay that I call you that?" Kaiba nodded. "One more question before we go to sleep."
"What is it?"
"Do you like cherries and apples?" He stared confused at me. I laughed. "I want to be a pastry chef, and I was thinking of making you something as a thank you once I get out of this bed. I wanted to make sure you liked those two fruits."
"I love them."
"Good. I'll make you a surprise soon. Good night, Seto."
"Good night, Jou." He kissed my cheek before closing his eyes. It was instantly that he was sleeping. I smiled, knowing that he was exhausting himself taking care of me. I watched him sleep for a few minutes before drifting off to sleep, vowing that I'll make him something extraordinary in gratitude for all that he did for me. That was just the beginning of the love and joy that we shared with each other. To this day, we still act like we just declared our love to each other. I never thought I'd recover from rock bottom, but I know I'm stronger than I was. Stronger with Seto by my side.
I know this is a very long oneshot but I didn't want to make it into two chapters. This took me several days, and I know it's not up to the standards that I normally right. I'm still trying to come to grips with my life. Eventually I will continue that FFVII story and get that uploaded, but until then this was a start. Thank you for reading this story and I hope it wasn't too horrible.